Why is it ok for men to make us wait for commitment but frustrating if we make a man wait for sex?

[Anonymous]

If we want commitment after 2-3 years in the relationship, if he's not ready yet we're suppose to be all patience, not nag him and let him take his time. All this while ignoring the fact that we have a biological clock and can't wait too much if we want a family and have healthy kids. Our concern is very valid. Having healthy kids is our own health. One of the most ridiculous replies I've ever heard when someone asked how long a woman has to wait once she lives in, a guy replied ''as much time for both to be stable and happy''. When he got asked what if she wants to be a mother and he really thought it was a pointless discussion. She was making sence. He wasn't.

But if we make a man either wait for many months for sex or wait till marriage, omg it's the end of the world and many can't handle that. We have to suddenly becoming more understanding of his sexual needs and his frustration as a man and person because that's how he expresses his love and all of the sudden he's going to feel unwanted and unloved. A man can make some women waste their years, make them wait too much for them to commit but we make them wait even 4 months for sex, it's too much for many of them. They can't make that sacrifice but we have to give in and sacrifice our youthful years.

Same as the man feeling unwanted if he isn't getting sex, a woman would feel unwanted and unloved if she wants commitment and he's making her wait too much for it. Why is it ok for the man to make her wait for commitment but upsetting if we make a man wait for sex?

Updates

+1 y

NamerofStars
You're a freaking coward for answering and then blocking me. I asked the question, not you. And yes I want full commitment, not just boyfriend and girlfriend dating stage.

[MicahRaine]

I don't think it's okay.

As a guy, I am unwilling to date for more than two years without commitment.

Also I think girls should dump guys who've been dating them for more than two years and haven't put a ring on it, unless there's a special scenario like they're in college.

[Asker]

Exactly. In the past, the boyfriend and girlfriend period was a short precursor towards marriage. People that were in real, committed relationship would date for the purpose of marriage. Otherwise those that would date forever, that's not serious, that's casual date, that's like an extended friends with benefits arrangement.

[MicahRaine]

Agreed

[MicahRaine]

Thanks for the MHO :)

[paledreams]

So true adult lady 😀♀️ where are people's 20s maturity anymore sigh or even 30s maturity anymore sigh :( 😞😔

[Asker]

Exactly. The women in those ''we've been together for 8 years, he won't propose'' have valid concerns. We have can only have kids until a certain age and from ages 20-28 is when she's at her best years, the most fertile time.
Meanwhile there is no rush to have sex. Sex has no biological timeframe. You're not going to die from not having sex but our eggs will die if we waste all those years.

[paledreams]

Out of curiousity you're bio says 18-24, curiously are you 18 or 24? Or in between

[Asker]

I'm 22 years old.

[paledreams]

Oh groovy 22 - you really want offspring someday do you? I'm polar opposite I never want to have offspring no matter how many "cute babies" that people hold in their arms I just remind myself the negatives cries, chores, stress, and after all that, they may grow up a delinquent or even life is unpredictable risky "all that time and effort wasted" I'd feel so bummed 😓😔

[Asker]

yes I want to have kids one day

[paledreams]

Oh okay. I hope you find the prince charming

[kylee2437]

@asker that’s false. There’s 40 year old women popping out babies like nothing. If your timeline is 28 years old, it’s very unlikely you will have a marriage and kids. You will most likely just end up with kids without marriage. It’s a huge rarity that people have both marriage and kids before the age of 30 at least

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the classic tug of love and time, where commitment and physical intimacy dance around each other, sometimes stepping on toes, right? Let's unwrap this tangled ribbon!

The situation you're describing highlights a common but frustrating double standard in relationships. It's like we're all playing a game where the rules were made up ages ago, and now we're scratching our heads, wondering who came up with them and why we're still playing.

Here's the deal: it's not okay for one partner to demand patience and understanding for their readiness for commitment while simultaneously not extending the same courtesy regarding physical intimacy. It boils down to mutual respect and understanding. Both people in the relationship have valid needs and timelines, whether it's about taking the plunge into a committed partnership or opening the door to being physically intimate.

Love and relationships should be about negotiation, not about who can hold out the longest on meeting the other's needs. It’s a partnership, not a standoff. Communication is your best ally here. Share your feelings, desires, and fears openly. Remember, a relationship that thrives is one where both partners feel heard, valued, and respected.

It might seem like a tightrope walk at times, but finding that balance where both partners respect each other's needs and timelines is pure relationship gold. And hey, if someone can't or won't meet you halfway, maybe it's time to reconsider if they're the right partner for the journey ahead. Remember, love should feel like a two-player game where both are trying to win for each other, not just for themselves. 😉✨

[kylee2437]

Because both of those are equally different and important to men and women. Men put commitment as a bigger situation than sex, as women put sex a bigger gift than commitment. This is personally why I stopped putting such importance onto sex myself. Letting a man know that sex is off the table until commitment is off putting to a lot of them because it starts to give off inauthentic energy.

[Asker]

but yet many are many the woman wait forever for that proposal. There are several stories of woman staying in a relationship for 5-8 years and he's not progressing things and her fertile years are decreasing. He's making her wait too much.

[kylee2437]

@asker that’s her choice to move on and find someone more serious in that aspect. I think it’s really women putting too much importance on sex bc society tells them to. From my years of dating, I’d much rather move on and find someone that better fits me as a person than fixate on the fact that I had sex with someone that doesn’t want to progress things with me.

[Summeroflove]

The problem is too that so many women defend having sex until marriage. Look…. Dudes there are plenty of whores out there. If that’s what they want. They can find that. Will it end well for tjem? Lol. No probably not. It won’t end well for the whores either.

But. If a man isn’t just wanting sex he will wait

[Summeroflove]

These men wonder why every woman cheats on him…. When the only women thehre with long term are women willing to sleep with them after a few dates, maybe even the first one.

[Asker]

@Summeroflove
Yeah lol. Those that would have sex right after the first date of barely even knowing the person's last name will likely cheat. That's so obvious it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out.

[ZamerZ]

Wild alternative - if you don't wanna wait 5-8 years for a proposal, propose to him yourself. Problem solved. Shocker. The real issue starts when he doesn't want to get married and that's something people should clear up in advance before dating.

[kylee2437]

@summeroflove I agree but for me personally if me and a guy have sex and we don’t end up together, it just is what it is for me. The fact that I’ve came to terms with that has made moving on from people that don’t suit me so much easier. If I feel like I deserve/deserved more, there’s no reason for me to stay anyways

[Summeroflove]

Yeah but when people sleep around. They start chasing away people who have better morals and aren’t like that

[kylee2437]

@summeroflove if a man feels like my sleeping with him has any other intention then he is not the one for me. That simple. I slept with my boyfriend on the third date and he obviously took it the right way, and it’s because he is for me. Any other guy that chose to look at that differently, didn’t like me enough in the first place and that’s okay. I would rather not be with someone that doesn’t like me all the way

[Summeroflove]

Ehhhh….. Good luck to you

[Summeroflove]

Third date is like…. Really early. People who sleep with everyone they go on a third date with that’s a LOT of people. Sure…. Some people are worse

[kylee2437]

@summeroflove and trying to shame my choice as a grown woman does nothing for you, especially because like I said before sex to me Is not that important and this method has worked for me mentally. Can’t say I was used for sex when sex isn’t of importance

[Summeroflove]

I’m not necessarily trying to shame you. I mean if it gets to you that much I’m just a random person online

[Summeroflove]

Seems like you’re taking more offense to things… if you’re not doing anything wrong in your mind. Why do you care what I say?

I’m saying. Sleeping with anyone on a third date is a good way to get a STD, knocked up, and chase people away.

[Summeroflove]

If sex isn’t important. Then why even have it? Especially after a third date. It’s not that important to me either. Because I could sleep around if I really wanted. But that’s not my lifestyle so

[kylee2437]

@summeroflove you are mansplaining my life lmao get a life, have a good day

[Summeroflove]

LMAO…. What a sexist word.

[Summeroflove]

Is there also a such thing as womansplaning? Because you tend to do that a lot. Now that you used such a dumbass word. It tells me all I need to know about you

[kylee2437]

@summeroflove thinking your opinion about someone else’s life is this important is insane. I’m a 26 year old woman, not your 12 year old kid. Go away

[Summeroflove]

You seem really bothered by what someone you don’t even know thinks of you. Maybe you’re triggered because you see something inside yourslef

[Summeroflove]

I’m not gonna be the guy paying child support to 50 different baby mamas. Because I can’t keep my pants zipped.

[Summeroflove]

“Mansplaining” I will never take you seriously again. Especially when you jump on men over stuff yourself.

[kylee2437]

@summeroflove I’m actually more bothered by the fact that you are still breathing. You are a pest

[Summeroflove]

Well I don’t wish death on you. Thanks for showing me who you really are and obviously if you’re so angry you hope that I die. You must be bothered.

This must be why any decent dude looks past you….

[kylee2437]

@summeroflove and any quality man wouldn’t use his time to judge random women on the internet. Go cry somewhere else

[MzAsh]

If he’s not vying for your commitment then his interest isn’t high enough. My husband knew damn well if he didn’t commit with me, it wouldn’t be long before I was gone with someone else.

[Asker]

Good. I'm glad you found him.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah absolutely. People need to know when to move on and find someone else. There are plenty of men…. And plenty of women. No point in wasting time with people

[hahahmm]

From the male pov, there's two categories of women. Those who give up sex easily to lots of dudes, and those who don't. Typically it's the woman who already gave sex to 50+ dudes who treated her like trash, without any requirements at all, who want to pretend to be a nun and tell a guy he needs to wait years until marriage to have sex. This rubs a man the wrong way because at the very least, it's like she's telling him he's not good enough. Worse case she's STILL banging other dudes while pretending to be a nun with the one guy who treats her with respect. This drives men nuts & it's easier to just quit than be a sucker.

Now, on the other hand... if you kept your vag locked up like fort knox and no guy has ever been there, a lot of guys can respect that. He may or may not be interested in being with you forever BUT he can respect it. And if you have the personality the guy wants you could be a keeper worth your weight in gold. But you as a woman... you're likely to be tempted to play the game I mention above because you yourself want sex. So you might start getting sex from some guys and playing the nun with others. It's not good.

This wasn't a problem so much back when women had the self control (or socially imposed reason) to not sleep around. Then the guy knew he could marry you or move on. Not a lot of room for in-between. Sure, premarital sex still happened but not to the degree it does today. Point is that there are consequences to the various freedoms many people demanded, thinking freedom is more important than responsibilities.

[Asker]

I'm still a virging at the age of 22. My stance of waiting till marriage has repulsed certain men already. As soon as they hear this, they said something along the lines of ''You're a hard case. I'm afraid I can't wait that long, I'm sorry.'' and another guy friendzoned me for that reason said he didn't share my views but will keep me as a friend. I felt offended to be friendzoned, agh.

[hahahmm]

Well, part of it is that some of the guys don't believe you. And the other guys just aren't looking for the same thing. All you can do is try and get into places where you meet the right guy. And it's easier to find the right person if you do more listening than talking. They will reveal what they are looking for. The ones with no long term goals would be a waste of your time, in my opinion. Avoid telling a guy too much upfront tho because some will just pretend to be into the same thing you are. Maybe you already know this.. just saying. Checkout my Mytake on being a better man (part 1 and 2) as it may give you ideas on what to look for in a guy also. Good luck.

[HighValue]

I'll explain.

It is fine for the woman to wait until marriage for sex, but ONLY if she is a virgin. If she didn't make others in her past wait, then it is a BS excuse.

If a woman wants marriage, the key to get a good man to marry her isn't waiting until he is "ready." It is offering to sign a prenuptial agreement. Many guys know that a woman will likely get upset if he protects himself with a prenuptial agreement (in effect admitting she intends to steal from him if she refuses), and that is why some guys won't ask for one and instead just make excuses why he wants to wait to get married. If a woman is serious, and has no intentions of ever stealing from the man, she should offer to sign a prenuptial agreement, then watch how quickly after that he wants to get married. If he doesn't soon after that then he is a user and she should leave to find someone more serious.

I'd advise you to live together first though before getting married. Even if you date someone for 20+ years, you will never truly know them or how compatible/incompatible you are together until you live with them.

More useful advice if you want a GOOD man, you can't post any provocative/revealing pictures online for attention, and neither person should be making NEW opposite gender friends after in a relationship. Have high moral expectations of him too. Don't be with any man that has had casual sex in his past because that shows that he doesn't think of it as part of a special bond between two people and it wouldn't be a big deal to him to cheat eventually when he gets bored of repetition. Also, don't date anyone that has a past of drug use. They will have bad morals, not be loyal for long term, and it can have bad health/mental side effects on future children.

I hope all of that helps.

[Asker]

I am a virgin and don't mind signing a prenup. I'm not in any financial needs and my family aren't even one bit poor. We don't need nor want a man's money. For every single excuse he makes, I can easily dispute it.
- But why do you want marriage, why not be happy as just boyfriend and girlfriend
Me: Why not? I'm a virgin, saving till marriage and want to raise kids in marriage. If it's too much, give me those prenup forms and I'll sign them right away.
- But the wedding is expensive
Me: Who told you I wanted an expensive wedding? It can be just the two of us and my parents. If it's too much, I can help with the cost too. It's our day after all, not just my day.
- It takes years to save on an engagement ring
- Me: What a load of BS. Who said it has to be expensive? There are good, cheap ones too. So are you saying I'm marrying you for the price of the ring? Or is this another BS excuse?

Ever after all that (how much easier can I make it?), he still makes excuses then yeah I would assume he's full of BS by then and he can get the hell out of my life.

[HighValue]

According to what you just said, I think he isn't serious and is just stringing you along, wasting your time. You should probably end that relationship. Don't waste your young years on someone that isn't serious about a relationship because you should get a good serious partner so you can be happy in life. After what you wrote, I don't see any valid reason for a delay.

[Bricealan]

I think you are absolutely correct, for the most part about commitment etc. With that said, I don't think it is right for a woman to just arbitrarily make a man wait for sex, if that is in fact what he is "waiting for". If I guy is that desperate, for sex, he should try some other route, or just resort to using his right hand? Sorry to be crude, but men don't have to be or appear to be so desperate for sex that is the end all be all in a relationship.

[Asker]

yeah, none of the recent dates worked out. I'm like an electric eel to men. They hit on me, find me attractive, sweet, family oriented but the ''waiting till marriage'' kills it for them. They can't handle it. A guy friendzoned me for that reason, said that in the past I would've found that more easier but now I'll be struggling. I'm a virgin and it means a lot to me to get commitment first and then sex.

[Anonymous]

I think bcs commitment (as in marriage) is much more complex than sex. It involves a lot of legal paperwork, your and your partner’s entire family, finances, potentially it might require you to own/rent a property big enough for the two of you and it’s a life long contract. It’s a much bigger decision that requires a lot of thoughts and planning behind it.

Whereas sex is pretty much expected within a relationship unless the two of you have made an agreement prior to getting involved with each other. One of the reasons people get into relationships is so that they have consistent access to sex with their partner. I do believe that by year 2-3, a man should already know if he wants to marry the girl he’s with. He might not be ready for marriage yet and that’s okay he might have his reasons, but he should already know whether he’s in it for the long run with her or not and he should let her know as soon as he knows so that he wouldn’t waste her time.

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

Unfortunately in today's climate relationships have become more transactional than supportive and complimentary.

Women have often used sex as a carrot, weapon, or tool to manipulate men and in response men adapted and stated doing the same.

The caveat is men do not have the same biological clock as women and recognized quickly that gives them a decidedly upper hand in the game.

Combine that with the prevalence and social acceptance of the hookup culture and you have the perfect storm to create the situation you've experienced.

[Asker]

yes this very sucks and a couple men have found me undatable for that very reason; waiting till marriage. Sometimes I feel as if I was an electric eel to many men, repulsing them with my stance. I would like to the man that's compatible with my values is out there somewhere. If I find him, that would be like finding the hidden diamond that's been covered up with piles of piles of coals, away from view.

[PeachyPie93]

Life isn't fair and never will be. The only thing we can do is try to find someone on the same page as us, if they don't want the same things as us then we have to move on. Time waits for no one.

[Asker]

Exactly. I'm trying to find a like-minded man that either waits till marriage (I'm a virgin) or till engagement. I'm not moving in unless engaged and with a wedding date set on.

[PeachyPie93]

Yeah men are stupid so it will probably be hard to find. I do hope you find a guy you like that is ready for commitment though.

[SixFootSexy]

If you're a virgin, it's perfectly acceptable to wait until marriage.

Men don't want to feel trapped in a marriage where they're just there to pay the bills and give a woman her babies. Then she's done and gets half of your stuff as well as your house when she leaves. If that sounds like a terrible deal, it is. Most men aren't signing up for that these days. There's very little benefit the way it's set up right now.

If you want to have kids before 30, you have to pick a guy that wants to be a dad to YOUR children. Hint: He's probably not the Chad Thunderstroke that melted you when you first cast your eyes at him. That guy has 14 other women waiting around for him, all younger and prettier than you.

[SarahS98]

Do you think there is a way to remove monetary incentive and it only be used if the person really committed a serious violation (something bad), placing them at 100% fault? I believe I'm the 3rd woman saying this too on this site.
Someone else mentioned how it needs to be reserved for cases of abuse or him having an affair child. If she wants to divorce because he's snores a lot, she's bored in my opinion she deserves nothing.
Just like the OP, I was a virgin too. I'm dealing with my infertile husband (his pain is lesser than when first given the terrible news but once in a while, it still hurts) and still there with him. His ex friend tried to hit on me and was dropping hints of how I should leave him for his infertility. He's blocked and banned from ever coming to our house. I think anyone walking away because they're infertile would obviously have to be a selfish, horrible person.

[SixFootSexy]

@SarahS98 I'm not sure if there's a way to fix the system at this point, we'd have to walk back a lot of laws about divorce.
Sorry to hear about your infertile husband. That is quite unfortunate if you want kids. Seems more and more common these days, chemicals and plastics in our reproductive organs turns out are not great for our swimmers.

[SarahS98]

I don't know much about changing laws but it happened in history before on other things. I think if more people gather up and write some type of petition to have it revised, it might help out.
Thank you. I suppose it must be chemicals that are indeed responsible for these birth mutations. Our only options to form a family are either artificial insemination (I would still give birth, be the bio mother) via sperm donor or through adoption.

[Summeroflove]

@SarahS98 oh my gosh! This happens ALL the time. Usally the problems deeper then he snores too much. Because she doesn’t love him by that point.

A lot of men who refuse to wait until marriage. They get these kind of women… That’s why they marry is women who are easy to sleep with. They kinda get what they deserve. So do those type of women

[SarahS98]

@Summeroflove
Though to get to the point of not loving the person anymore, wouldn't there have to be either lack or communication or horrible communication. To stop loving someone, that has to be a process and things have been going on for a while and yellow flags were likely getting ignored, then red flags ignored until it was too late.
If you can just suddenly stop loving someone for absolutely no reason, just all of the sudden then you were never in love with them from the start and it was just infatuation and lust.

[SarahS98]

@Summeroflove
True, not many wait till marriage. Honestly, I was close to making it a virgin on my wedding but it happened 2-3 months short of the wedding. Both of us got drunk and neither of us could resist anymore. I actually made the first move, oops. Oh well, that was still meaningful too since I was his then fiancee, soon to get married by then.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Well your first problem is entering a relationship that does not START with commitment.

Don't do that.

I'm waiting to have sex until marriage, so your question is just alien to me.

The guys who want sex immediately are not looking for a relationship, they are looking to hump and dump.

When a guy wants a relationship, he's picky, and it takes years to figure out if a woman is a good enough fit to stay with.
So if he wants sex sooner than 3 years after meeting you, either tell him to get lost, or don't complain.

You gotta choose wisely.

[Asker]

Yet entering a new relationship shouldn't start with sex right away on the first day of being boyfriend and girlfriend. Even my best friend that's not a virgin, finds that too soon and weird.
I know commitment is a process but if they've been in a relationship for 3 years and he still doesn't want if he wants to marry her while she's waiting for the proposal, that's a bad sign. A woman shouldn't be waiting 8-10 years to get a proposal. That's too much.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I said 3 years after meeting you, not 3 years into the relationship.
As in the guy meets you, hangs out with you for 3 years, and then you start a relationship together and maybe a year later get engaged and set a marriage date.

Those things should be happening before sex.

[Asker]

Yes indeed. That way, I can bear kids during my good years and they'll be raised with two involved, loving parents.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Yup. Though your health is what determines offspring health, not your age, and there isn't a limit to the number of good years fertility wise, its just that ovarian failure/menopause is common in mid 30s to late 40s. Some women have healthy kids as late as 60 (while looking 20) but its very rare because most people dont take care of themselves.

[TheSpaceGnome]

But basically you might be able to extend your time window.

[Anonymous]

Yeah…. I want to save sex until marriage. But remember marriage is a HUGE thing that BOTH people should be ready for. Would you rather waste time in a relationship that doenst end in marriage OR…. Waste time being married to the wrong person.

I get that people being together for 10 years is excessive. But some people are ready to tie the knot after a few months to a year. Slow down… just a little.

I think a lot of people have double standards. I’m not going to just marry someone for the sake of having sex. You need to find men who aren’t as sex crazed. If someone refuses to wait they probably aren’t the best choice

Also. Yes people will answer and block you. Because they want to have the last word and they don’t want people to see your response.

[Asker]

I was thinking 2 years sounds like a good timeframe. It's not too fast and not too long either.

[Filthy_Immigrant]

they say women are the gatekeepers of sex while we men are the gatekeepers of relationship. anyways not saying you're wrong about your biological clock but damn!

you are 18-24 years old according to your profile so why the fuck are you worrying about having kids? you got years ahead of you before your clock strikes 0:00 and trust me, commitments and motherhood are things you do not want to rush into.

just go out, have fun and date till you find the right one who will do his job as a gatekeeper and you do yours in returns.

PS: dont worry about that loser you mentioned in your update. he is one of the biggest snowflakes in this site. he likes to bitch and whine about everything and then hides behind the block button when shit doesn't go his way cause its the only way he can ever get the rush of dopamine life will never reward him with

[Asker]

I'm 22 and to be honest, time flies fast when you're not expecting it. Let's say a normal relationship takes 3 years at most to lead towards marriage (it shouldn't take 5-10 years to get a proposal), given that an engagement can last 6 months at least, that means I'll likely be 25-26 once married. I can take a 1-2 year of being childfree after the marriage. Getting married doesn't mean having a child right away.

[Filthy_Immigrant]

And I’m 37, trust me you got a lot of time ahead of you. Stop living in the future, it doesn’t EXIST yet and start enjoying the present a little more

[Realsexdolls]

I think Its not be ok
Welcome to our eighth year at CLM ( )! It’s truly remarkable to witness how this industry has evolved and grown over time, especially considering it’s relatively new. With each passing day, more and more individuals are embracing the idea that expressing one’s sexuality in a way that feels right to them is not only acceptable but also essential. At CLM ( ), we take immense pride in celebrating the beauty of both the male and female forms. We are deeply passionate about our work, and nothing brings us greater joy than knowing we play a role in providing a safe, discreet, and fulfilling outlet for people’s emotional and physical needs. Every time we sell a Climax doll, it warms our hearts, as we are aware of the positive impact it has on people’s lives, enabling them to find a sense of release and satisfaction in a supportive environment

[DishLady]

Honestly, I've never had that issue with the guys I've actually been with. They understood I needed commitment... that they could go find someone else if all they wanted from me was physical. If you're honest about it from the beginning you should both be fine.

Does it stop the guy from TRYING to get more out of you before they commit? No, but the attempts are cute. You just have to hold your ground... and also not tease the guy to the point that he's got BB.

[NamerOfStars]

You don't want commitment; you're already getting that- you want marriage. And that's fine- but what does it say about you that you can't admit what you want?

And what does it say about you that you keep spamming the same damn question over and over and over again? What answer are you looking for?

[tzdc21]

It's not quite the same comparison because you're leaving out a big factor here. It's not the fact that you make us wait alone that's frustrating, it's when you make us wait, but you were willing to give it out to other guys way quicker and sooner than us that really make a it frustrating, so unless this guy was willing to give marriage or commitment to other girls much sooner than you, that comparison alone isn't entirely accurate.

[Asker]

What if she's really a virgin and refuses to give in unless you proposed to her with a wedding date?

[tzdc21]

That's basically like asking for a unicorn nowadays, but if she's a virgin, and actually is one not just says she is, then it would be worth the wait because I would know that she wasn't willing to give it easily to other guys beforehand. But if she wasn't a virgin, was willing to give it sooner to other guys, regardless if they had serious intentions with her or not, and refused to be as willing to do it with me... now that's a problem.

[Sugar100]

My fertile years are already gone 😞😭😭 I’m 27 soon & I never had a boyfriend. One guy I dated for many years he was a fuckboy & never met my family or wanted marriage. Since I was young I thought a guy dating you many years was your true love or a guy that’s serious.
I still can’t find a boyfriend , no guy wants marry me as no one is willing meet families & live together with me.
I’ll be 28 end next year & unless I live with a guy now or next year , I have 0 chance have a baby.

[Asker]

Nope, a guy that dates you for many year (you said it 'dates you'') isn't your true love. He's only dating you but isn't marrying you. Honestly a long-term girlfriend at some point is just a friends with benefits, he's still getting dates and sex while you're not getting acces towards marriage.

[Asker]

If you just live with a man (as a girlfriend) and have a baby, it's unlikely he'll ever propose.

[Sugar100]

We’ll I still am not meeting family. I think my true love is a guy that will be first guy ever in my life to meet families & attend family parties with me all year. But I want that happen this year but I don’t hav any boyfriend yet. Just one potential boyfriend but the only good thing I feel he’ll do is accept take pic with me ,& no guy has ever taken a pic with me like all couples do.

But I don't know if in future this guy will ask to meet his family. I need it happen this year. 😞

[Sugar100]

I can’t wait til after Christmas or one year to meet family that’s too long. And wen I show up to the family party it’ll mean I’m single as everyone brings a boyfriend / husband to the party 24/7 & im alone my whole life 😞

[tzdc21]

You're still fertile. Its when you get into the late 30s that you should be having these doubts. 28 is still a very fertile age

[genericname85]

for the same reason it is ok for women to make men wait for sex but frustrating if the man doesn't commit.

men do not get extra value out of commitment. you do. likewise, women do not get extra value from sex cause they can easily have it with many men.

obviously each gender apparently wants the thing harder to get for them.

[Asker]

yeah what benefits men so much (sex) doesn't benefit us. To be honest, it would be cool if both genders benefit from both worlds at the same time, were both are equally happy, if things weren't just one sided.

[genericname85]

well that's never gonna happen cause men don't carry the children.

[genericname85]

i mean as in giving birth and carrying them in their body beforehand.

[Asker]

Nope but they provide us their genes. They place their sperm on us and if they're active in the child's life (not just fathering kids and coming for child support visitations, but no active role), that kid grows up with a healthy family.

[genericname85]

Still the consequences of sex are way different. For men, having a child isn't a major health think

[LazerBean]

Nobody is forcing either of those on either side. If someone isn't happy, they can move on.

[Asker]

I know but it's like a double standard. There was a woman unhappy in her relationship of 7 years and she even had a child with him but he wouldn't propose. And a bunch of men replied to her that she's nagging and that it took him 10 years to propose, to give him time, etc. Wow. She gave him everything and he can't give her a proposal, and raise their child in a marriage.

[BetaBucks]

Because the only thing that marriage means in that scenario is him guaranteeing that he becomes her literal slave and gives half his assets if she decides to leave. That isn't commitment. Living with and supporting each other, while raising kids is the commitment.

[Asker]

@BetaBucks
I don't want kids out of wedlock. I'm not raising little bastards.

[Asker]

and I don't want his things when I got my own things too. I'm not a user nor golddigger. I refused to be used as a live-in maid for years.

[BetaBucks]

Cool, that sounds like a separate conversation. People should align on religious ideology before getting into serious relationships anyway

[BetaBucks]

Imagine if the court could force you to be an actual maid after a marriage because a guy got used to it and didn't learn how to care for himself. That's the system that marriage has created for men now. And that's the entire reason women demand it, outside of religion.

[Asker]

@BetaBucks
It's suppose to be as a public symbol, union of both my family and his, a recognition as his wife.

[LazerBean]

That's her bad for being dumb. Most good IRL know that he wasn't interested in marrying her and that she should have left long ago

[Vesuvius87]

@BetaBucks
I'm a fiancee myself and both of us are atheists. Religion isn't mandatory to get married. Not all marriages are religious. My parents didn't have a religious ceremony. It was through the municipality, at the registrar's office.

[BetaBucks]

Right, then it's specifically as a way to legally force the man to support you for life and give you half of his assets if you choose to leave. If the status was really what mattered, you can just go through all of the motions of marriage without the government's involvement. Why is that so unpalatable?

[Vesuvius87]

@BetaBucks
If you saw my posts about getting scammed by a man myself and my contempt towards users of both genders wasting people's time and resources, you would've figured out who this is. I don't mind signing a prenup and if I have to sign it twice, fine with me.

[BetaBucks]

Fair enough, but my point is still that a government contract isn't the same thing as commitment. Commitment is time, cohabitation, financial support, etc... the contract is just a method of force. Can't sign away alimony either.

[Vesuvius87]

@BetaBucks
I'm probably old-fashioned but I have never lived together with a boyfriend. I would feel weird cohabitating and just being called his girlfriend. As just a girlfriend, I really don't feel motivated to go out of way of sharing bills, cooking for him, cleaning nor doing other things suitable for a life partner publically recognized and our families united. What if I get very sick in the hospital, a boyfriend would have no rights in making medical decisions for me for a husband. So marriage isn't just sharing feelings and living together, it also includes financial support, tax reductions, both includes in your health insurance, both being about to visit you in the hospital as the one in charge of medical decisions, etc. It's commitment at a higher level.
Even without religion, it would be a great honor to be a real wife to as man (not just him saying it verbally) than just being a girl+friend.

[BetaBucks]

You can still use the words "husband and wife" without the government contract. You can still have the ceremony too. Insurance can be bought individually. Taxes can be filed individually. And it's better under some circumstances. You sign a medical PoA to each other. I can keep going on, but the point is that commitment is not what anyone is really talking about. No matter what excuses are being made.

[Vesuvius87]

Why do you think society as a whole never celebrates people becoming boyfriend and girlfriend nor people shacking up and having sex?
Society doesn't recognized that. Society celebrates an engagement, a wedding. Even my former ex boyfriend (the scammer I blocked) sent me a congratulatory text on my engagement. Off course I blocked that number too but I'm just trying to make a point here.

[BetaBucks]

Does "society" ask for a copy of marriage certificates? I've never seen anyone's. Have you? When talking about husbands and wives, do you stop and demand to see their government-issued permission to use the titles?

[Vesuvius87]

@BetaBucks
Society celebrates it as the union of a family. They are officially your family by then. If I were a girlfriend then I wouldn't be ok being call a wife. My ex boyfriend used to lovebombed by calling me ''my beautiful wife'' and it's disgusting. Given that I used to trust in just word without proof in the past, I'm not falling for that again.

[Vesuvius87]

Just living together with a boyfriend isn't a union of a family. At least neither me, nor my parents, nor grandmother finds anything special in that at all.

[BetaBucks]

You clearly don't want to address what I said, or are being disingenuous. No worries. Sorry about what happened with your ex. Have a great day.

[Vesuvius87]

@BetaBucks
Ok thanks bye.

[Summeroflove]

Yup…. Exactly

[Summeroflove]

As for the men. There are plenty of whores. If all they want is sex.

[Asker]

@Summeroflove
Exactly. I'm waiting till marriage whether he likes it or not. If he's so fearful, I'll happily sign a prenup and even help him pay the wedding. I got money too. I don't even want an expensive ring, just his willingness to give me commitment, to have kids in a marriage. If after that, he still gives excuses then he's full of BS and he can get the hell out of my life.

[serious]

This is a very good question. It is never okay to make a woman wait for commitment, it is better to be honest and say yes or no right in the beginning itself.

[Asker]

yeah at least we have a valid reason. We don't have to have kids when we're getting too old. That's bad not just for our health and bodies but for the baby too.

[Juxtapose]

What about guys like me who have no want for marriage or children? I just want a woman to be with me for life without the government getting involved and I don't want to take care of a small human that shits itself.

[Asker]

Find a like-minded woman. Do not look for a virgin that wants to wait till marriage.

[Juxtapose]

I'm not one of these virgin obsessed weirdo dudes. I go for whatever woman will be loyal, compatible and actually put in as much effort as I put in.

[Asker]

You just said the correct word; compatible. You have to find someone compatible to you just like I have to find myself a compatible man that wants to wait till marriage and have kids.

[Jamknot9]

Because you let that fool think it's okay. How long you been in the sheets with him? More than you should of been. A few times.. 3 let's get something straight.. You his down the road 304 or something?

[Asker]

I'm really a virgin. It's just I'm not having luck finding that interested in waiting till engaged or till marriage.

[AnonAndrew]

I think both are probably frustrating for the person who doesn't get what they want.

[Jackblue]

Don't doubt your ability to be a mom later. My mother was 36 when she had me, you are right though that guys shouldn't pressure you into sex if you are uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Nobody said you had to wait. F*** off if you don't like it.😆

[Asker]

Hence why I got my own stance of waiting till marriage and I'm a virgin. If he goes to live together the only compromise I'll ever do is moving in if I'm at least engaged with a wedding date set on. Otherwise I'm not doing years of cohabitation as just a girlfriend.

[BetaBucks]

You're conflating marriage and commitment. A person can commit their lives to someone without setting themselves up for extortion and slavery.

[Asker]

Slavery? I would already be a slavery by serving him for years as a live-in girlfriend, years of free meals, unlimited access to sex and giving him little bastards, all that for nothing.

[BetaBucks]

How does that make you a slave? There is no force or threat of arrest. If you don't like the terms, you can leave. Sounds like you just don't want the guy to be able to leave. But if you offered sooooo much then why would a man ever leave such an amazing deal?

[Asker]

My time is valuable to me. I don't want to be used. I'm signing up for a life commitment full of ups and downs (sunny and rainy days) not something ''lets leave when the going gets tough''. Off course I don't want anyone to leave at trivial things. I want till old age, the real meaning of marriage.

[BetaBucks]

lol I was right

[Asker]

Right about what?
I'm a virgin myself.

[BetaBucks]

About your true motives. We both know. Enjoy your anger. I'm going to avoid giving you anymore reinforcement though.

[Asker]

You're jumping to conclusion. What's wrong with wanting what my parents have and follow their example? They only dated for 18 months and started living together once engaged. They're still married and happy. I was raised that way. My two siblings and I were born within marriage.

[Asker]

That right there is full commitment. It's only natural to want what they have.

[MzAsh]

Asker, don’t be a wife to a wife to a boyfriend. There’s a book by that title that talks about this exact topic. You don’t give up your time and commitment if he’s not putting in his.

[Vesuvius87]

@MzAsh
Exactly. Listen to her OP. You don't own a boyfriend wife duties. Do not prepare meals nor cook for a boyfriend. Do not invest too much on just a boyfriend. A boyfriend isn't your family. People do not ever celebrate those that shack up and play house. Roommates banging each other isn't a celebration in society.

[Asker]

@MzAsh
Thank you. I'm no longer interest in discussing my stance with these ''cohabitation is commitment, why do you want marriage'' losers.

[BetaBucks]

Yeah, thank you MzAsh, I'm also done talking to passive aggressive, gold digging, abusive, controlling, slave-needing scumbags.

[MrJaymoore]

Because most men are stupid for not respecting the women. Most good men would more like give to commiting not only care about sex. They would be willing to wait until your ready if they had any respect for the person they are with.

[nawtee_me]

It is not okay for either to happen. All of these things should be discussed prior to starting a relationship. Set timelines that may change during the course but that is okay. There has to be a starting point that both are okay with.

[Asker]

yeah both need to be on the same page. For instance as a virgin myself, I want to either wait till being engaged with a wedding date or marriage. If he wants to live together, the only compromise I can make is I have to be engaged at least, not as a girlfriend. I guess whoever is ok with my stance will stay and who isn't will leave. He can take it or leave it.

[nawtee_me]

Having a stance that you won’t compromise is a good thing. As you said if he agrees with it then you know you potentially have the right guy and if he doesn’t then he will leave and eliminate himself as not the right guy. I am proud of you for still being a virgin….

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Men put women in one of three categories

date

fuck

rando

[Asker]

dating is the same as fuck. It's still not commitment. What category would I be on then if I refuse to give them sex until marriage? I'm a virgin too. After all, we're the gatekeepers of sex. If I don't agree with living together without getting engaged at least and refuse sex, then he ain't getting sex.

[Asker]

How do you men treat girls that are really adamant about waiting till marriage and no amount of speech or lovebombing nor gifts will make her change her stance? What category do you place that girl on then?

[Telekinetic-Potato]

That would put you in the dating category. Dating still requires commitment. The only real difference between marriage and dating is that you can end the dating relationship easily and there are boundaries which dating starts off with which will no longer be in place once marriage comes.

In your case, sex is one of them.

Personally, I admire people who have that kind of self control. You’re going to have a hard time finding a guy. It’s a certain type who would do that.

At the end of the day dating is all about learning each others vision for what life should be like, how it should be lived, what are the priorities. Your job as the woman/man is to decide if you buy into the other persons vision and you spend that relationship figuring out something that works for both of you.

Personally this is the only thing I think about when dating. Sex is just about the last thing on my mind. I can go sleep around for that, plenty of ways. That’s why me knowing I’m hypersexual and likely won’t be sexually all that compatible with my partner, I already pretty much got that out of my system.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

And just to clarify, I mean that if you were to start getting to know a guy because you think you might want to one day marry him, that would put you in the dating category. I only meant it to say sex isn’t required to be dating

[Asker]

Thank you for pointing that out and yes it's going to be harder finding a compatible man like me but hopefully he's out there somewhere.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Good luck!

[DextroShade]

We have much more to lose by marrying the wrong woman than you do by having sex with the wrong man. Marrying the wrong woman can fuck a man's life up worse than cancer.

[Asker]

If we spend too much time, too much years with the wrong man, it does comes at a consequence too. There is a point we can't have kids of our own anymore or if we do have a child, they can have birth defects or have autism the older we all. Either or that raising a bastard child (out of wedlock) and being at risk of being a single mother because any man can easily get us pregnant but bail or not commit. All this co-parenting thing will screw up a child's life.
I actually would be in favor of removing the monetary incentive thing, making it easier and it being used in an extreme exceptional case such as a terrible, abusive husband that beats her and the kids or he had a long-term affair and got another woman/other women pregnant.

[DextroShade]

Another thing I should mention is that when a girl makes us wait, we as men know that unless she's a legit virgin there is at least one guy out there who didn't have to wait. If Chad didn't have to wait why the hell should I?

[Asker]

That's precisely the reason I'm waiting. I am a 22 year-old virgin. Men lately can't handle that. One described me in a good way, said I was sweet, attractive but the waiting till marriage is what killed it for him so he friendzoned me, said I can still be as a friend to him. It's not easy for us virgin to find a man that'll be ok with waiting till marriage or at least engaged, closer to the wedding date.

[DextroShade]

You need to find traditional, religious men as they are the only ones who will wait.

[Danny_dan92]

Stop pointing fingers. Stop disregarding responsibility.




Everyone does it. But everyone should do it period.

[Asker]

I know everyone is responsible for their own actions. I'm just pointing out the obvious double standard and hypocrisy. I'm actually a virgin that ain't going to give it up to him (much less raise bastard kids) until I get commitment

[Danny_dan92]

Nobody should be a hypocrite

[JonCobretti]

Because buying an expensive ring takes time

[BarryLiverstone]

What do you mean by commitment? A guy can ask you to be his girlfriend after dating for a month.

[Asker]

That's not commitment. That's simply becoming official. I mean an actual proposal if it's been 2-3 years into the relationship and she's ready to form a family, be a mother.

[Asker]

I meant marriage, not just wanting a girlfriend to enjoy your time.

[BarryLiverstone]

Ok marriage. Well you aren’t saying he has to wait 3 years to have intercourse, are you?

[Asker]

Why not? Some men are already in a relationship for 5 years with their girlfriend, the woman already wants marriage and he's still making her wait, wasting her time. Why should she wait in that case?
I'm actually a virgin that's actually going to make him wait till marriage. I believe 2 years should be good enough.

[Asker]

More woman are nowadays waiting many years for commitment. So what's wrong with making him wait 2 years for sex?

[BarryLiverstone]

If he’s making her wait and she doesn’t want to wait, why doesn’t she break up with him? Or ask him to marry her? 5 years is too long to be boyfriend and girlfriend with no engagement in my opinion, regardless of sex. But I don’t know many guys (or girls) who date more than a year and not have intercourse.

[BarryLiverstone]

Because let’s say he waits for 2 years and she says no when he proposes. Why was she not ready to marry him and now he has to start over

[Asker]

Yes it's too much time. I think a compromise that's neither immediate sex nor making him wait till marriage would be having intercourse once engaged and with a wedding date set on. That can be the middle ground.

[BarryLiverstone]

I’m glad you can see a compromise. I think what’s more practical is after like 6 months of dating in an exclusive relationship the couple has shared sex up until intercourse including foreplay and having to stop being mutually turned on. Then just adding alcohol or giving into temptation would occur if they are in love and feel like it could be a lifetime thing, both have sexual desires so they work together to negotiate their boundaries as the relationship goes on

[Anonymous]

This is a problem women have created for all of us. They have made marriage to risky/costly and sex too cheap.

[Asker]

I wouldn't mind if the monetary incentive got removed and it was only granted in an extreme, exceptional case such as a husband becoming abusive and beating both his wife and his children or he cheated and got another woman pregnant.

[Opinion Owner]

Let's talk about why most marriages fail. It's not abuse, and the facts show that women are just as abusive as men anyway. Studies show lack of commitment is the #1 reason for divorce, not abuse or infidelity. Studies also show the difference in the rate of cheating between men and women is small, despite the stereotype. In fact, before age 30, when many divorces happen, it is women who cheat more than men. Yet women file 80% of divorces. So think about that...80% of divorce are filed by women, and lack of commitment is the #1 motive. That's a VERY poor reflection on modern women.

The financial incentives for women to divorce are obviously a big part of the problem. Women benefit from divorce, and men are overwhelmingly harmed by it. But just as significant is the fact that marriage does not benefit men nearly as much as it used to. The fact is, generally speaking, the juice is not worth the squeeze for men anymore. Any man who does a logical and honest cost/risk/benefit analysis of marriage today, removing the emotional influences that drive most men to choose marriage anyway, will inevitably come to the conclusion that marriage is not a wise choice for men anymore.

[Asker]

and at the same time cohabitation isn't really the best choice for us. We've done our separate analysis and it isn't great for our maket value. If a woman spends too much time living together with a boyfriend and they're so madly in love, but she remains childless then she'll come to an age she can't have healthy kids anymore. Off course if I use that argument, any man can then say but why don't they have kids in the relationship. They can but it's a losing position for the woman. It isn't securing her of a lifetime partner, he can still bail and she's left as another single mother, older and with lesser options in the dating pool of suitable men that commit. Not just that but what man is going to want to marry a single mother and raise another man's child.
I really understand your points though. The genders are different indeed. Ideally, it would be good if lifetime commitment aka marriage would benefit both genders, since that's the most suitable way to raise children, like it was in the past.
So it leads me to this... what I'm going to do if I'm a virgin and really want to wait till marriage for the right reasons? What if I want what my parents have. They're still married and me and my siblings were born in marriage, not out of wedlock. Is it wrong I want to follow my parents' beautiful example?
So if living together but avoiding marriage benefits men (but not women) and waiting till marriage benefits us but not men, we're all at a losing war. No one wins in the end. No one since both positions are just one sided. The same amount of how you men talk about marriage seems similar to how more women are advising other women to avoid shacking up, avoiding moving in and being a man's forever girlfriend. No one is winning.

[Asker]

So it's like the genders are playing chess with each other and no one is winning. It's at a stalemate position. What you men want is not the best position for a woman. My own father wouldn't like a man that's keeping me as a girlfriend for years and years. He wouldn't welcome him in the house, lol. I guess it must be different if you men had a female child. He isn't in favor of me living together with a boyfriend.

[Opinion Owner]

I agree with everything you've said here. The current situation is not working for anyone. Healthy marriage is the best scenario for everyone... for women, for men, for children, and for society. But healthy, lasting marriages are increasingly uncommon.

But we can't expect men to just accept the risks and costs of modern marriage. That's not going to happen, nor should it. What needs to change is that marriage needs to become appealing to men again. The only way that will happen is if women change. This is a problem created by women, and only women can fix it.

[Hanrej]

If you can find a man willing to marry you within a week, you should go for that guy. Most men can find another casual fling.

[Jason2469]

There are zero men waiting. for commitment or sex. If you don't provide sex before we start dating we will not date or commit.

[Asker]

So what do you suggest for a real 22 year-old virgin that really want to wait till marriage or at least engaged, close to the wedding date? I'm dating to get married, not to be a girlfriend for 5 years.

[Jason2469]

I suggest you stuck to your plan. It's the only way you will be happy.

[LiamJHayden]

The ones who gets frustrated by the latter are unlikely to ever do the former.

[Anonymous]

Men make you wait for a commitment? I think this is another situation where everybody is different.

Life is a big porno created by women. When are women going to admit that?

[Anonymous]

Spoken like someone who's never experienced blue balls. 🙂

[Billlewis]

You'll get no argument from me about this.

[Asker]

That's fine. I'm just making an obervation and have notice this growing trend. Instead of making the men wait, it's the men that's making us wait.

[Billlewis]

That's because it's gotten too easy for men to get sex.

[Asker]

Indeed. Long ago in the past, this ''my boyfriend and I've been living for 30 years, omg we're in our 30's and we hasn't proposed yet'' was an issue. Many more women would get commitment first and sex second. There is no rush to get sex, there is no timeframe on sex but there is a limited time for us to have kids.

[Anonymous]

It isn't. You should definitely make him wait.

[Asker]

yup. I'm a virgin for that reason. I'll set on either waiting till engaged with a wedding date (and a close date, not a far one) or till marriage

[Opinion Owner]

Good for you

[ChinaGrove]

Take it or leave it.