My boyfriend was married before and it bothers me. Is this normal?

Question

He was married to his girlfriend in college but they were divorced after 2 years. He mentions it was a stupid idea and he was young but it still annoys me. Is it normal?

TheRealPepperPotts · Accepted Answer

I say this kindly: It seems a little immature on your part to only be bothered by that. Is there more to it? Does he compare the two of you? Does he speak of her often, or even somewhat regularly without being prompted? Are they still "friends"? I feel like maybe there's more...

By the time people are in their thirties, they have likely been with someone else, particularly if they are remotely well-adjusted or good-looking. I don't know if you have been with anyone or not, but if he ticks every other box and you keep fixating on that part of his life, it's not going to be a good thing for your relationship. It's OK to have that feeling and be bothered, but it's important that you work that out with a therapist or someone who is not your boyfriend. That way, you can process it without making him feel defensive and creating an impossible-to-resolve conflict. Just my two cents...

Account · Accepted Answer

It is not normal but none of us is normal so don't worry about that 🤷🏻‍♀️

(Why does it bother you though? If you give me more additional info regarding the reason why it bothers you I might be able to help but right now I have no clue why a commitment he made in the past could ever have anything to do with you while he wasn't even acquainted to you)

Fireguy17 · Accepted Answer

How much does it bother you?
Enough so you don't like being with him, or not to have a future with him?
You need to figure that out soon, so if you don't think you can get over the fact that he was married before then you need to end things so you don't waste his time our yours.
As we get older not saying that you are old, but at the age you listed 34, it will be harder and harder to find someone that hasn't been married before, or someone you want to be with.
Both my wife and I were married before we met each other, and it didn't bother either one of us.
At our age I would have been more suspicious if she hadn't been married before.
However I am not you.
Could you be with someone who hasn't been married before but with a high body count?
You never told us what part of him being married before bothers you.

AviatorTom · Accepted Answer

Are you upset that he was married or that you're not the first woman he's had sex with? Are your feelings normal? It's often hard to be number 2 ... unless your Avis, which tries harder. 😏

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Feeling a little green-eyed, are we? Absolutely normal! Being bothered by your partner's past, especially something as significant as a previous marriage, taps into a whole cocktail of emotions. It's like a mix of curiosity, insecurity, maybe even a dash of jealousy - all shaken, not stirred. What matters is how you shake off those feelings. Communication is your best pal here. Open up about your feelings with your boyfriend, and let him reassure you. Remember, it's not about the chapters already written, but the ones you're writing together. So, keep the dialogue flowing, the love glowing, and maybe, just maybe, you'll find it's not such a big deal after all. Cheers to building something beautiful on your own terms! 🥂

simon · Answer

Sure thing. So, if a married male coworker likes you, there are a few signs to look out for. First, if he always finds reasons to be around you or starts conversations for no real reason, that's a clue. Pay attention to how much attention he gives you compared to others—if he remembers little details about your life or compliments you a lot, that’s another hint.

Body language is a big one too. If he leans in when talking to you or makes a lot of eye contact, he might be interested. Check how he interacts with you on social media—if he’s always liking or commenting on your posts, that’s telling.
Just be careful with this kind of situation because it can get complicated.

Avicenna · Answer

Everyone has a past once you are in your 30s. Just don't fixate it and enjoy your time with him.

Finchie40 · Answer

Maybe you should dump him because his past effects you ,

Anonymous · Answer

I think this is normal for BOTH genders. As long as you wouldn't have problem with him feeling the same way about you if the roles were reversed. Because we have commitment problem today. Too many people both men and women get married with the attitude that, "if it doesn't work out we'll just get divorced". If you go into marriage thinking this you have no business getting married. You're not ready yet! Marriage should be forever, a lifetime commitment, period! If not, don't even consider it.

So many women don't get this is why men take such issue with women with so many relationships. Because a guy wants to know she doesn't take this lightly.

Jessikaah91 · Answer

You're a strange sort ain't you? Everyone including yourself has a past.. I think if you're gonna let his "past" worry you then you probably shouldn't be together and he probably deserves a lot better. he is with you not his "ex wife" so shouldn't you be happy that he chose you. or maybe you're upset because he was married to her and you guys ain't married.. maybe that day will come or maybe he doesn't wanna do it again.. I mean if that's the case you can always "ask him" 😂

DishLady · Answer

Is it normal he divorced? Yeah. Chances are many of the guys you’ll meet will have been divorced.

Is it normal that you’re annoyed? No. If you find it annoying then don’t be with the guy. Cut him lose so he can find a nice girl to be with who lives and understands him.

Is the question normal? Sigh… you don’t want me to tell you….

PointlessNonsenseGuy · Answer

It's normal that a guy in his thirties got married and divorced, and it's normal that you don't like that your boyfriend has an ex-wife.

Does it bother you for any reason? Are you worried that he's still in love with his ex? Or is it just the thought that he's already taken the marriage vows before, that you won't be his first-and-only wife?

SotiCoto · Answer

So... you're not asking for validation nor trying to figure out whether you have a proper issue or not...
You're asking if it is "normal". Like... average. Like if 6/10 ladies are bothered by dating a divorcee or something...

Dunno. Do I look like a statistician to you?

Anonguyfella · Answer

Yeah I think it’s fair to be bothered by it. Especially initially. It shows he might have a commitment issue even with the “forever commitment”. Tho I’d inquire more about it before you judge too hard (was she a cheater, was the marriage unbearable, is he generally a good guy with values you share etc…)

provokeesmokee · Answer

No. That's his exwife. His EX. Why are you bothered by something already in the past and settled?

If you're insecure, talk about it. Examine your feelings and resolve them. Get therapy if you feel you can't tackle it alone or don't know how.

Amandanator · Answer

Almost everyone has had an ex at some point in their lives. Many women are single moms and many men are baby daddies. Sometimes it’s really hard to find a person you expect to have had no kind of relationship past.

BetaBucks · Answer

Of course it's normal to feel that way. Don't let people punk you for your feelings. No one likes the mistakes that our partners have made. Except sadists and masochists.

Kelley1 · Answer

If you were 18 to 20, that would be normal but not at your age. You are a dozen years past your prime so it is not like you have an abundance of choices.

GeminiDiamond · Answer

It's not normal if you love him as he is now and are hung up over a past that has nothing to do with you or why you care for him, n-o-w. It would be normal if he cheated on her, and you are worrying about the future with him going forward.

DontAskMePeople · Answer

Are you ok?

It must be hard on you going through this.. I mean wow your boyfriend has a past 😂 Just Dump him and find a new one. (However being in your 30s... Good luck finding someone without a history)

Wow.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

You’re upset that he had that milestone before you did. It’s a valid response but the question is how much are you going to let that linger in your mind and if that’s a good idea or not.

Nikki1989 · Answer

So you are troubled that he had a life before you? No, that is not normal.

avery58 · Answer

Not really because if it bothered you that much you shouldn't have gotten into a relationship with him

slatyb · Answer

Why does this bother you? It happens. Would it make a difference if they hadn't married but lived together?

Anonymous · Answer

I'd say yes it's fairly normal because it's a part of his history that doesn't belong to you. Something you missed out on.

I think after you've built up a history of your own it will matter less as you'll feel more secure.

Berethor · Answer

I want a virgin so I can understand, if he don't want kids it much different than girlfriend?

nawtee_me · Answer

Is marriage a stupid idea or just marrying his ex a stupid idea? If he believes that marriage is stupid you can bet you won’t be getting a ring….

exitseven · Answer

Everyone has a past. It would only bother me if he was always hanging out with her

handsomelad70 · Answer

Yes, because I guess you compare yourself to his ex.

JesseP1nk · Answer

You are 34 ... Did you expect him to be virgin? He has past relationships and you had too.

Crazzyyworld · Answer

You feel negativity. Maybe he still is negative

HelpfulWoman · Answer

why does it annoy you?

WhitneySnow · Answer

That’s natural

Booklover_90 · Answer

What  part  of that annoys you?

Anonymous · Answer

Why does it bother you?

Anonymous · Answer

You're 34? It should be becoming your normal...

AdolfWasRight1488 · Answer

Probably. You should break up

cloud9vortex1234 · Answer

Why does it annoy you?

eagle1951 · Answer

sometimes

My boyfriend was married before and it bothers me. Is this normal?

Most Helpful Opinions

AI Opinion

What Girls & Guys Said

Is it normal for my boyfriend?

My boyfriend was married before and it bothers me. Is this normal?

Most Helpful Opinions

AI Opinion

What Girls & Guys Said

Is it normal for my boyfriend?

We're glad to see you liked this post.