Men, what are the best things a wife can do for you?

[Vesuvius87]

I'm a fiancee for the first time and so I'm new to this journey. The wedding will be non-religious. My parents aren't really the best role models. Their marriage has been in ruins for so many years. Both of them stress each other too much and as a result, both are having health issues. What are the best things a wife can do for you? Enough to keep you happy even if you might be having a stressful day?

I might not be an extremely wealthy professional but I'm financially secure. I tend to be drama-free, don't like watching people fighting, hate endless arguments but neither would I tolerate getting blatantly disrespected. I'm new to this. So men, what are the best things a wife can do for you, to keep you happy? What do you like the most? If you're a woman, what are the best things to keep a man happy in the marriage?

[MrOracle]

1. If there is an issue, ask yourself if it's something you need to bring up immediately (like a safety issue) or whether it can wait a bit. Many things are best discussed privately and with a bit of time having passed so that it can be discussed calmly. One of the most corrosive things people in a relationship can do is criticize publicly - you should always praise publicly and criticize privately. To the public, you should be a team, and you should never publicly put down the team or allow others to do so.

2. Few men are malicious or passive aggressive. If your guy does something you don't like, it's unlikely that he's doing it BECAUSE you don't like it or because he wants to upset you - it's likely that he has a logical reason to do it. You may have different priorities, sure, and he may change his behavior if you explain your priorities to him, but do not assume that his priorities are WRONG just because they are different from yours. Also don't assume that your priorities are SO obvious that he should just know them, because men and women think differently, and we don't "just know" unless it's a straightforward moral issue. It's NOT just "something everyone knows" that towels should be folded in thirds or whatever.

3. Being married doesn't mean, and isn't supposed to mean, that you will be happy every day, or in love with him every day. No marriage ever meant that - that's a fairy tale. It simply means that you have a team member to fight off the stresses and trials of life with. It doesn't mean you will never have defeats - no one wins every day. But a good team battles, wins, and loses TOGETHER.

Men don't need very much from women - the list is short, but each item is VERY important. Men need RESPECT (more than love, even), they need to feel wanted and needed (in and out of the bedroom), and they need some quiet time to themselves in order to relax and recharge to be able to face the world again. Some guys go fishing, some tinker in the garage or a home project, some watch TV or play video games, and some just sit and do literally nothing for a few hours. But without that time to recharge, we will get overwhelmed and will become useless, so respect the down time.

[Vesuvius87]

You make excellent points and it's very easy to be accomplished. Our ages are 37 (me) and 50 (him) so we're at the point of having stability and work through the daily functions as a team. By this point, both of us are way past the infatuation stage where it isn't just butterflies in the stomach and love but communication, respect and trust.

[OlderAndWiser]

1. Make sure that you listen as much as you talk. Don't just listen so you know when you can talk again. Actually listen to what he says.

2. Never complain about his family. That puts him in the middle; if ANYONE does that, don't let it be you.

3. Don't play that game of "everything is fine" when something is bothering you. He shouldn't need to extract a story from you like a dentist pulling a tooth. If something is bothering you, just tell him.

4. Remember that men and women think, feel, and perceive in fundamentally different ways. You may walk into a room and immediately notice things that are out of place, things that need to be dusted, etc. He is BLIND to those things. If there is something that needs to be done and he isn't doing it, let him know and ASK him to do something rather than complaining that he never does anything.

5. If he wants to give you a gift, LET HIM! And be gracious. Nothings hurts like offering a gift to your beloved and having it refused.

6. Remember that if you are concerned about how often you win and lose disagreements. . . keeping score NEVER solved a relationship problem.

7. The needs of the relationship are more important than your individual needs.

8. When you have a disagreement that does not quickly resolve, do not sleep in separate beds to make a show of how angry you are or to punish him. Instead, get in bed, put your arms around him, tell him that you love him even when you disagree, and you hope everything is resolved soon.

9. NEVER do anything to test his love, dedication, loyalty, or faithfulness. If you have any doubts about those things, talk to him.

10. Regardless of how long you are together, you can and should maintain some privacy. Its not really intimate for him to see you on the toilet.

I hope this helps!

[Vesuvius87]

Those are all great points indeed.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

You are way ahead of the game by even asking. Props to you!

Marriage is an active relationship, which means that some things change and grow and adjust over time. Maybe that seems obvious, but many people marry and expect nothing to ever change, which isn't reality or the way that life works. That is one of the things that can make it hard. You won't be the same person in ten years, and neither will he. The key is to stay in tune as you grow and learn and change together.

Here's a few things I've learned from my marriage:

1. Don't use your husband as your therapist. Not everything needs to be said or talked about with him. That doesn't mean you don't talk, or that you keep secrets. It just means sometimes a chat with a therapist is all that's needed and whatever "it" is doesn't need to be a massive conversation. It can help you to see where you might be overreacting in a safe environment where there's less at stake.

2. Have things you do on your own. A hobby, an activity, volunteering, working out, walking, gardening, whatever... just do something that is fulfilling to you and gets that seratonin production going.

3. Never use sex as a weapon or a tool to manipulate. Just don't go there. It's setting the stage for disaster and it's unfair. Have sex or some kind of alternative to sex regularly (I mean at least 4 to 5 times a week, depending on his drive). I cannot emphasize the importance of this enough. I never did that and never would, but we knew about some situations and it was not good.

There's more I could say, but this will be easier to remember and I feel like these are the most important.

I wish you the absolute best! Congratulations! :D

[TheRealPepperPotts]

*I never used sex as a weapon or to manipulate... Golly, I so wish we could petition for an edit!

[Vesuvius87]

Thank you very much and I agree, esp with the hobbies part. I like walking in the park sometimes, going to movies, bookstores, historical museums, etc.

[DishLady]

Active listening and a kind word at the end of a long day.

[Vesuvius87]

Great

[AI Opinion]

Diving into the ocean of marriage, aren't we? Let's swim together to find those treasures that make a spouse feel loved and cherished. 🏊‍♂️💖 The key to a happy hubby begins with the simple acts of love and respect. Think about creating a supportive environment where you both feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings. A little empathy goes a long way, especially after a stressful day. A surprise dinner, a heartfelt note, or even a warm hug can reignite love's spark. 💌🍽️

But let's not forget about having fun together! Exploring new hobbies, planning spontaneous dates, or just laughing over a silly movie can strengthen your bond beyond imagination. Remember, it's also about giving each other space to grow individually, because personal happiness contributes to a happy marriage. 💑✨

Being the drama-free queen that you are and having a zero tolerance for disrespect sets a solid foundation for mutual respect and understanding. Being patient, kind, and always willing to work as a team on the ups and downs that life throws your way will make your partner not just happy but truly blessed to have you. 🌟

[BoopBoopBeep]

Yes Brad. Let's swim in the ocean together Brad. What does it feel like, Brad?

[Apple1996]

My husband just wants cuddles from me. That's it lol

[Vesuvius87]

Great. Men don't ask too much. Simple creatures.

[AviatorTom]

She cooks me dinner, I rub her feet and massage her neck. Perfection!

[ChinaGrove]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBpeK9yaONQ

[Vesuvius87]

Cool

[Angelo75]

Well congratulations in advance.

Wishing you the best over here.

Keep in mind that marriage is about "giving" and not about what you "get".
That being said, it's also important that you talk about your "boundaries" with your soon-to-be-husband. This should happen BEFOOOOORE you get in the marriage boat.

There are a couple of really good questions you can talk about:
1. Where will you live? (city/country)
2. Kids or not? How many?
3. Are you going to bring em up religious? If so? Which?
4. Whats both your expectations about work? Hubby/Wife both work or only one of them?
5. How much will you let your parents talk or decide about things happening in your marriage?
6. The more sensitive question you gotta "feel" is going to be about what he/you expect from sex. Every day or once a month? (might be the last question but it causes a LOT of problems)

What are the things that he does at this moment that works on your nerves? Find them out and also try to find out what YOU do that works on his nerves. (trust me... we all have).

The sooner you discuss these points, the sooner you get possible future headaches out of the way.

[Vesuvius87]

You make many great point and I have the answer to most of them at the time.
1. Where will you live? (city/country)
I'm planning to move to either California or Texas, US. Though he's a truck driver and carries loads to several other different states so we'll be moving many times. We'll coordinate on how that'll work.
2. Kids or not? How many?
We would like to have a child and one would be ok. Though it would be awesome if I had twins in one pregnancy. So either 1 child or 2 children means suitable.
3. Are you going to bring em up religious? If so? Which?
That's easy. Both of us are atheist so there won't be any religious affiliation whatsoever. Our wedding will be non-religious.
4. Whats both your expectations about work? Hubby/Wife both work or only one of them?
We'll need to discuss this further at some point. He'll continue working as a truck driver and I'm planning to apply to jobs relating to my major, which is culinary arts. If we have kids then I might have to dedicate my time on the child. I don't like daycares (I hear too much bad news about them) because they don't take care of the child like the mother does.
5. How much will you let your parents talk or decide about things happening in your marriage?
It would depend on what areas within our marriage. For instance if it's about home decoration then I can use some advice from my mother. My father can advice me on helping him keep in track of the bills. If he had to work a lot and might forget some important dates, I can be like his secretary to him. There is a limit up to what point my parents can get involved. If we have a trivial disagreement, then that's between us, not my parents.

[Vesuvius87]

6. The more sensitive question you gotta "feel" is going to be about what he/you expect from sex. Every day or once a month? (might be the last question but it causes a LOT of problems)
As much as he wants. If neither of us are too tired, I suppose it can be many times in the month. I don't have an exact number in mind yet.
What are the things that he does at this moment that works on your nerves? Find them out and also try to find out what YOU do that works on his nerves. (trust me... we all have).
- None that I can think of at this moment but I suppose I'll get at that point eventually.

[Angelo75]

Oh nice that you have the answer to most of those questions. That can really help to avoid arguments later on about "i really thought you would want THIS or THAT"... etc...
Well apart from all the above just keep in mind that there are no perfect humans or perfect marriages.
So when difficulties arise, you tackle the problem together as a team.

Best of wishes. /hugs

[OtterMan68]

not be clingy.

Be honest

If your mad, don't assume your husband knows why. Men are not mind readers.

Both husband and wife need to know marriage is a partnership, and they are equals. Sure it's good for men to be the dominant one in the bedroom, but other than that, they are equals.

Both husbands and wives should stay healthy - not just for physical appearances but for health, so one won't have to deal with health issues caused by poor diet and lifestyle down the road

[Vesuvius87]

Indeed. Respect and trust are actually even more important than love itself. Thank you for pointing out that you men aren't mind readers. I've learned from my parents (esp my mother) what not to do at all. In regards to the bedroom, I still consider myself more on the submissive side. Well I guess it's natural but yes we're equals. One's own health is important too. Homemade meals are much better than eating outside and relying on delivery all the times.

[HighValue]

She can initiate long tight hugs, don't make new opposite gender friends, don't post provocative/revealing pictures online for attention, realize that special occasions/holidays are for BOTH people in the relationship, and if things are going well and you are both happy together, don't take anyone's advice to make changes in the relationship. (If it isn't broke, don't try to fix it.)

[Vesuvius87]

I agree and I have this. If there is one day we don't really care much about is Valentine's Day. That one sounds super overrated and people are too focused on how much was spent that day than actually spending time with their loved ones.

[hahahmm]

Ideally you discuss with your fiance and get on the same page as much as possible instead of leaving things to guessing & randomness, in my opinion. Yes, that requires thinking about what one truly wants and talking about it.

My thoughts on the ideal woman:

Characteristics of a Lady

And the ideal man:

Can a Guy Be the Prize in a Relationship?

Being A Better Man

Being a Better Man, Part 2

[Vesuvius87]

Thank you for sharing about the characteristics of a lady and yes I agree. I don't want to compete with men, never did. Men and women are different and so should be glad with their differences and complementing each other. I find it sad when certain women want to act like men, come out all tough but then freak out when he treats her like a man. In those cases, I think they bite more than they can chew.

[Unit1]

You know? you are already several steps ahead when you asked this question (make sure you ask this your soon to be husband) AND your distaste for dramatic domestic life, watching people fighting, and endless disharmony (arguments as you called it). Good on you. Keep it up.

[Vesuvius87]

Thank you. Yeah he knows I'm a drama-free, down-to-earth person.

[Unit1]

I'd love a girl like that too.

[es20490446e]

After being with a few women, this is what I concluded is the most important:

- Embrace the differences

- Communicate.

- Don't be a consumer, but a creator.

[Vesuvius87]

Exactly. I don't like competing with men. Both men and women are different creatures. Instead of competing with each other, we need to complement each other. For example, at the lunch table, you need a fork and knife to cut your steak. The fork isn't competing with the knife. They're complementing each other. Same thing with the genders.

[es20490446e]

Yeah, it sounds quite straightforward.

Yet there are people to struggle to perceive this at an emotional level.

They feel like life is competition.

[BoopBoopBeep]

No drama. Be respectful. That's 90% of it right there. If you can make an awesome sandwich that's a nice surprise from time to time.

[Vesuvius87]

yeah, no need for stress at all.

[tfan1]

Congratulations! 👍🙂 As for your question - Cook, have sex, suck his penis, be open go all things sexual - And most important of all Trust and communication

[Vesuvius87]

Thank you and the list is cool and simple. Many of you men are simple creatures. I'm impressed.

[tfan1]

Well my wife hit early menopause - so sex doesn’t even come into her mind much anymore. 😞. If I want release - i have to resort to masturbation. But I will use a bullet sized vibrator on her clitoris which gives her 1-3 orgasms.

[Vesuvius87]

I'm sorry to hear that. It must be tough for her having to deal with the effects of menopause, a natural process in every single one of us. I don't know how I would be like when I get menopause. At the same time, it's good you found a solution with the vibrator.

[tfan1]

Well let’s see. She gets angry easily, won’t turn loose of a point already met, if she wins being right she won’t let you forget it, if anyone is wrong especially me, she will keep bringing it up.

[HawkPerception]

Give me quality time, physical touch, and words of affirmation, listen to rants if I ever feel like ranting... that's all I'd ever need from a girl... time with me which has physical and emotional intimacy

[Nice222]

Lots of sex. Many married couples seem to forget about sex and then start to seek sex in other places. I know this is controversial but just look at how many marriages fail due to infidelity.

[Vesuvius87]

wow that sucks. I would have no problem on the sex part. I can have several moments of an elevated drive.

[HotManPlayboy]

Remember, bed and kitchen are the backbone of marriage. Always make your man happy in bed

[Vesuvius87]

Cool

[Yannae]

Make me feel at home. There have been times that I felt more at home with my friends than at home. A sad reality. The right person can make you feel at home no matter where you are.

[Vesuvius87]

Yes indeed. If he already had a stressful day at work for instance, he needs comfort and peace at home.

[Yannae]

Agreed!

[Yannae]

Other things is respecting your man, understanding him, accepting him, supporting him.

[strangeatcircleK]

I think just knowing you in general. Your habits and your goto's. I'd say overall, communication and patience are two big ones. But also finding ways you can do what he likes but also find things you both like doing.

[Vesuvius87]

yeah that's the whole point of commitment

[Juxtapose]

If he tells you his vulnerabilities or insecurities, don't throw them in his face next time you have an argument even if you are losing.

[Vesuvius87]

Great. Thank you. Will keep that in mind. Definitely. After all, he's only human like me.

[Juxtapose]

You're welcome and I wish you luck. If you two treat each other well it should hopefully be fine.

[DishLady]

AMEN @Juxtapose. It's a very toxic behavior folks use in arguments. I personally don't care for it. :(

[Juxtapose]

🤜🤛 👍

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Don't cause me trouble nor any type of stress.
Amazing sex.
And cook amazing food if she can cook.

[Vesuvius87]

Then I'll keep him happy all the time. That's easy.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

I'm speaking for myself. Your man has his own personality.

[Vesuvius87]

True but we can agree that it can be a general obvious rule that men don't want nor need more stress.

[electromagnetic]

I’m taking notes.
thank you to all the men for sharing!

[eds99]

Always have his back and walk beside him not in front of or behind him

[eagle1951]

she did it for 37 years , HHeaven got a good one

[Vesuvius87]

I'm glad to hear she made you happy for 37 years. Great.

[jahaims]

Just be honest and loving.

[Vesuvius87]

Thanks. Many of you are simple creatures, not asking for much.

[msc545]

Promote peace and quiet, and cook.

[Vesuvius87]

Awesome. Men are simple creatures after all.

[Ms_Facesitter]

Totally not here to take notes and stuff...

[MrFrenchFry]

Not complaining is a huge thing

[Vesuvius87]

True

[jamesgoldman]

Tax breaks and a gold ring , only perks I know of

[Twalli]

For my girlfriend and I it's just close cuddling

[NathanDavis]

love

[QuietRunner]

sex with pussy muscles

[Vesuvius87]

Many of you men are very simple creatures aren't you?

[QuietRunner]

it is the simple things in life

[andy530]

Blow jobs… if one being honest

[abc3643]

Be away.

[Anonymous]

Nothing