When I think about and talk about my wife it's with zero affection. Is relationship doomed?

[Anonymous]

Trying to decide if I should separate

[DishLady]

Can you pinpoint what caused the lapse in affection? Have you guys had to plow though challenges that have just taken everything out of you? (You don’t have to answer… just think about it on your own… There’s always a reason for these things.)


If you think there’s NO WAY to get over what might just be a small emotional slump, then yeah discuss a formal separation.


But mind you… trying to rekindle/jumpstart your mutual feelings for one another may be with a shot, presuming that neither of you is behaving poorly towards each other now….

[Asker]

A thoughtful answer
And what I would say is, the usual humdrum of life took its toll
Then a blow out
And now we're not talking
Not sleeping same bed
But not yet acrimonious

[DishLady]

Try taking a beat to assess what you loved about her in the first place. Sit with her and ask her to do the same.

Take her out on a couple of dates… rekindle the fire… Losten to each other….

If this doesn’t work then sit down again. And consider separation options.

(It’s easier when you don’t have kids… again, none of my business, but if you do have kids there are extra steps to take to make sure they’re not traumatized by your split.)

[Asker]

There ain't no dates
We're not talking

[DishLady]

So you’re just giving up and looking for validation at this point.

[Asker]

No I'm just talking about it

Because of children and other reasons I can see us continuing this way for years. I respect her, I just don't feel any warmth. She's tough as nails. I'm just airing my thoughts which may not make sense or be consistent.

I'm not sure what I want, I just know I'm not happy.

I'm sleeping downstairs and I'm in no rush to go back to marital bed.

[Asker]

The thing that pushed us over the edge is the children are now grown up, still living at home, but no longer as dependent.

So it seems that project of rearing children is mostly over and it felt like the right time to seek out an alternative life/love/partner/conversation/pleasure

[Asker]

It occurred to me, the deep down reason... Is that she says nothing that interests me

[Asker]

And then I wonder do all couples stop having conversations
And stop having interesting things to say to each other

[DishLady]

OLD PEOPLE do because they just know one another beyond words. My grandparents use nonverbals to express things to one another.

That’s not you. You want to save this shit, do the work. Marriage @ your age is just like going to the gym. Imagine the personal trainer telling you ti get off your a** and move, move, move …

Make an f-ing effort, will you? My god….

[Asker]

Haha I do go to the gym
And i enjoy that
I guess right now we still live together
And say nothing to each other
It's not much different to before

Not sure that I'm trying to say

I hear you, and others telling me to see sense and make an effort
But I don't feel like doing that

[AI Opinion]

Navigating through the twists and turns of marriage, aren't we? If talking and thinking about your wife blooms no heart-shaped bubbles above your head, we're in troubled waters, my friend. Love, passion, and, most importantly, affection are the fuel keeping the marriage engine running smoothly. It's not necessarily the final curtain call, but it's blinking a big, shiny warning light. Time for some soul searching and maybe a dash of relationship CPR. Have you considered exploring the roots of this emotional disconnect? A heart-to-heart conversation or a dance in couples therapy could shed some light. Remember, recognizing the problem is like spotting a lighthouse in foggy weather—it's the first step towards finding your way back to each other's arms. Let's not call it doomed just yet; sometimes, love needs a little nudge (or a giant push) to remind us of its power. Stay spicy, my friend, and keep the dialogue open!

[ChinaGrove]

Dump her,