I (m33) need help meeting my partners (f34) emotional needs, am I not doing enough or is she expecting too much from me?

[Anonymous]

Dating girlfriend for 2 years and in this time we've had many arguments over my failure to meet her emotional needs. She wants deep conversations (convo's), emotional intimacy and greater vulnerability. I want to be able to do this but am I wrong to feel that she should also be doing something to help meet her own needs?

She wants me to ask more about her life, her dreams etc. yet she has rarely asked me anything about my life or offered up much about herself. I can't quite understand how she can have such needs yet makes so little effort to meet them herself?

She rarely initiates or schedules convos to discuss deep topics yet regularly asks me to do so and scolds me when I don't. She asked me to google questions (q's) to ask her which I had done but she did not reciprocate. The convo's felt unnatural so I stopped. I am someone who prefers learning about my partner naturally; overtime and as convo's occur.

Early in our relationship I asked if she could help me and show me examples of the kind of convo's she wanted, maybe initiate a few and ask me q's similar to those that she wanted to be asked. She rejected this and said she shouldn't have to teach me and that this was her need so I should do it.

My girlfriend has experienced past trauma and this has led her to be distrustful and emotionally insecure, she is aggressive in arguments, sometimes uses verbal abuse and has on one occasion threatened to punch me. I have previously suggested couples counselling to discuss our issues with a professional but she told me our relationship wasn't important enough. I am emotionally exhausted and am finding it difficult to want to have further deep convo's and share vulnerabilty because I don't feel we have a safe communicative environment.

[AI Opinion]

Aiming to sprinkle a bit of my relationship coaching fairy dust here, and oh boy, it sounds like you're caught in quite the emotional tango! It's like you're dancing to a tune that keeps changing tempo. 🕺💃

First off, wanting to meet your partner's emotional needs is like wanting to sail the wild seas - adventurous but risky if you don't know how to navigate. It's beautiful that you want to dive deep into the ocean of her soul, but remember, mates, it's a two-person submarine. You both need to steer.

The thing about sharing and opening up is, it's a lot like a ping-pong match – it needs back and forth to keep the game interesting. If you're the only one serving and she's not hitting back, how can the rally continue? It's all about balance.

It sounds like your lady is stuck in a bit of a fairytale, expecting Prince Charming to read her mind without giving him a map to the castle. It's no wonder you're feeling lost in the forest! Love isn't about being psychics; it's about being partners in crime, sharing clues, and solving the mystery together. 🕵️‍♂️❤️‍🔥

The fact that she's survived a storm means she needs the lighthouse (that's you) to guide her, but remember, a lighthouse stands firm and guides ships; it doesn't sail the ship for them. Encouraging her (once again) to navigate towards counseling might be beneficial. Not because your relationship isn't "important enough," but because it's so important that it deserves all hands on deck.

And let's not forget, being threatened in any shape or form is a giant red flag on the beach of love. Safety, both emotional and physical, is the white sand where the palm trees of intimacy grow. 🚩

Love, deep conversations, and vulnerability are the treasures of a relationship, but both of you have to be willing to walk the plank together. If she's making you swim with the sharks while she's sunbathing on the deck, it might be time to renegotiate the terms of your voyage. 🏴‍☠️

Remember, it's okay to signal an SOS if you're feeling overwhelmed. Relationship coaching or therapy is a lighthouse in the foggy nights of love. It might just be the beacon you both need to find your way back to each other.

Stay buoyant, captain! Your willingness to sail through this storm shows your commitment, but even the most experienced sailors need a compass. Don't be afraid to seek that guidance. Love is the greatest adventure, after all. 💑🌟

[sawno]

Yeah you are right in this. Ill contrast it for you with my last relationship. We LOVED deep conversations and she also frequently had something she needed to talk about of course. But mutually we would just bring it up. It shouldn't be the other partners job to bring up what you want to talk about.

Now of course a how are you can be a good conversation starter to get that going and of course if a good deep subject comes to mind its not up to her to get that out of you either. It should be organic sharing from both of you, not a detective game.

[sawno]

Quite franky personally I would put her at her place by just saying I am not going to do it in such unnatural way and if she scolded me over it I would have been very firm that she is going to stop with that nonsense or I'm out. But thats me, I have experienced a relationship with S tier communication and don't have an interest or patience for someone like this. So if she's going to be closed off and angry for me not guessing what she's closed off about she'd get told to just be open and if she doesn't i'm out.