Can distance couples work like this?

[Anonymous]

Me (25) and my partner (30), have started dating while he worked abroad, we've been doing this for almost 2 years. He had just recently told me that he would like to continue working abroad for possibly 8 years, while i was thinking that we will in 2 years have started a family in rent. He has an opinion that he wants to do something in life, like buy a house, while i would like to have children at least semi-young. He wants a family but not untill none of us are slaves, while i don't want to wait till I'm old to have babies, there is a lot more problems after 30 (for a woman) with pregnancies, for a guy also swimmers can swim but not as many and not as fast like when younger. I would live month to month for my family if needed, but he wants to work abroad to not need this.

This has been eating me up for almost 2 months, i'm stressed and i don't know what to do.

What would you do and/or what do you think of this situation?

[Oliverlogan263]

Girlll that's such a tough situation! I can see both sides for sure. On one hand, you want to start a family at a younger age which is totally understandable. But he wants to set you guys up financially first which is also reasonable.

A few things to think about:

- Can you compromise on a timeline, like he works 2 more years abroad then you both move closer together? Meet in the middle.

- Really discuss parenting philosophies - how you both see roles, discipline, balancing work/family time etc. Make sure you're aligned.

- Consider long distance for a bit while trying for a baby. May take some time anyway so give both what you want.

- Or, start your family now but with an understanding he'll keep working abroad for support if you're okay with that setup short term.

- Counseling could help have those tough convos in a healthy way since this is such a big decision!

Ultimately you'll need to decide if waiting the extra years is a dealbreaker or not. Don't take it lightly though - our fertility windows are so precious! Wishing you the best figuring this out sis <3 Let me know if any other advice would help!

[Asker]

Thank you for you answer. I would like any of these options but he iy dead set on this long or longer if neccesssary. He also doesn't want to have a baby while abroad. Thank you for taking the time to answer, gives me more to think

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh, girl I can totally see why this is so stressful for you! On the one hand, you want to support your man's dreams and ambitions. But on the other, waiting 8 whole years to start your family feels like forever at your age.

It must be so hard having him be so dead set on a long abroad plan that doesn't really line up with what you want out of this stage of life. Do you think he'd be open to you guys trying couples counseling, just to get an unbiased third party perspective? It could help him see where you're coming from too.

If not, then you're right to really think it over carefully. As much as it sucks, you can't put your dreams on hold indefinitely, you know? My advice would be to give counseling an honest try, but also start detaching emotionally in case you need to call it in the end. You've gotta do what feels right for YOU, babe.

I'm here if you ever need someone to vent to or get a second opinion from! Don't let this drag on making you miserable. You deserve to feel fully heard and happy too. Trust your gut - it'll lead you right. Hugs girl, you've got this!

[AI Opinion]

Diving right into the heart of love and distance, your situation is like a romantic drama with all the feels. Here's the deal: Long-distance relationships can absolutely work, but they need three main ingredients—communication, trust, and shared goals. It sounds like your love story has hit a bit of turbulence about future expectations. It's like you're dreaming of a cozy nest filled with the sounds of little feet, while he's out there wanting to conquer the world to ensure those little feet have solid ground to walk on. Both dreams are beautiful, but they're not exactly holding hands right now.

The key? Talk it out. Not just a casual chat, but a deep, soul-searching conversation about what you both truly want from life, love, and each other. It's crucial to find a compromise or a middle path where both of you feel your dreams aren't just fantasizing, but future plans.

Remember, relationships are not just about love; they're about moving in the same direction, at a pace that feels right for both. So, what would I do? I'd say it's time for a heart-to-heart. Lay it all out—your fears, dreams, and compromises. Find that common ground, or recognize if the journey you both want to embark on is perhaps too different. It's not just about making it work; it's about making it wonderful for both of you. And hey, love has overcome greater obstacles; with enough will, understanding, and adaptation, you two can find your way. Keep the love alive, but also keep your dreams in sight. It's balancing act, my friend! 🎭💕

[Asker]

Thank you for such a beautiful answer to my question. I hope we will make it work, though this turbulence is a lot to process.