Was I the asshole?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I had planned to get Taco Bell for lunch tomorrow for ourselves and our son. Today I realized our cleaning lady will be coming tomorrow, likely around lunchtime if the past 6 years are any indication, (she shoots for morning but gets here when she gets here 🤷🏻‍♀️). Anyway, I was just realizing she would be here likely when we are eating TB.

For reference, I hate eating around her. It’s just awkward. Also it feels rude to eat around her and not offer her some. Am I wrong?

Anyway, to make a long story longer, I suggested to him maybe we get TB breakfast instead. I also mentioned our son needs a haircut so I will be taking him to Great clips tomorrow after lunch.

Husband basically had a meltdown and informed me that was too many changes and that no, we wouldn’t be doing any of that and our son and I can fend for ourselves tomorrow.

I tried to backtrack and suggest still lunch at TB but at the store rather than our house.

He was having none of it. Said he could not win and accused me of being insensitive to his plight of “change being hard.”

I told him that if he’s that upset about a change in lunch location (not even type of food) and me adding a haircut for our son that maybe he needs to see a therapist about that.

He said I’m insensitive to an emotional issue he’s having and thinks now that I don’t want to go on our date night tomorrow. Which is not true and had not crossed my mind.

Was I the asshole?

Frankly I’m fed up with him being so rigid.

[avery58]

No, sounds likes he really does need that therapy

[dustybiker2]

Good lord. The man needs therapy.

[dustybiker2]

Keep details like this written down. Get a journal. Date/time stamp each entry.
Control freaks need to be documented. You never know when you will need it.

[Asker]

Yikes. Thank you for that. Truly. 🙏🏼

[dustybiker2]

Good luck

[Asker]

❤️ Thank you

[dustybiker2]

Don't ever let him find it.

[Asker]

I shall bury it in the notes in my phone. I have about 200 lol

[dustybiker2]

Good. 🙂

[dustybiker2]

Thanks for the mho

[Asker]

Of course. Thank you for the good advice. ❤️

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the choppy waters of relationship nuances, huh? Let's dive in. Honestly, it sounds like this situation is more about miscommunication and emotional triggers than right and wrong. Your move to adjust plans due to the cleaner's visit was thoughtful and considerate, aiming to avoid awkwardness for both you and her. It's sweet and shows empathy, a trait more precious than gold in relationships.

However, your husband's reaction, fiery and fueled by resistance to change, hints at deeper issues than just a Taco Bell shuffle. Change can indeed be a monster for some, looming large and unsettling. His meltdown seems less about the specifics and more about feeling overwhelmed by adjustments, no matter how minor they might seem to you.

Calling him out on needing therapy might have felt like downplaying his feelings, turning a spark into a wildfire. While therapy could indeed be beneficial, suggesting it amidst turmoil can sometimes come across as dismissive rather than supportive.

So, were you the asshole? I'd say not intentionally. You were navigating the situation with empathy and practicality, but perhaps a softer, more understanding approach to his resistance could help. Relationships are all about that dance, aren't they? A step forward, a step back. It’s about finding that rhythm together, even if it occasionally means tripping over each other's feet.

Communication and understanding each other's triggers are key. A bit of flexibility and openness to see the world through your partner's lens can turn conflict into an opportunity for growth. And hey, who knows? Maybe a spontaneous Taco Bell breakfast date could become a new favorite. Keep dancing, and let the chips (or should I say tacos?) fall where they may. 😉