My boyfriend cheated on me and is now asking me to stay with him. Should I stay with him?

[Anonymous]

I caught my boyfriend watching porn in his phone while i was checking. now he is begging me to stay with him he said loves me, and crying for me because of what he to our relationship. And i feel awful, insecure, he broke my trust but i love him, i want to stay with him but I can’t my body is not allowing me to stay with because of the insecurity when I caught him watching those. I thought i am his everything but when i saw all those thing. It hurts i am totally broken my heart hurt and he is crying for what he did but i can’t stay with him even if i want to he lied to me everything he said about me thats how i feel I don’t know what to believe i am confused

Updates

1 mo

*Should i stay with him

Updates

30 d

Okay so I would like to clarify. My boyfriend he has no physical interest in me but he says he love me he just want someone to talk but no physical attraction towards me. And that’s why i said he was cheating on me watching porn and now no interest in me 🤷🏾‍♀️ but i love him and his this behaviour towards me make me feel insecure that’s all

[ohsheeT]

Well I guess we all look at things different to me that's not cheating now if he was touching those girls or something that's cheating but let me try to explain something

Your dating somebody that somebody might be at work and you're hornier than f*** but you have things you have to do but you're horny and you want to cum.
The quickest way is to turn on a porn. . masturbate.

As he's watching it he could be thinking I can't wait till my girlfriend gets home I'm going to fuck her just like that blah blah blah blah blah. He's not thinking about that girl or maybe his I don't know but it's to get himself off because his girlfriend's not around and he's horny he walks outside he sees 20 30 other girls he could care less about them he has a girlfriend he turned on the porn because he wanted to cum... . But anyway now as for you if you're insecure about yourself then you need to do something about it because if he looks at a billboard I live in the 24-hour City in Reno Nevada where there's half naked girls up on billboards if he looks up with that girl on the billboard he's going to be in trouble because you're insecure that's wrong to treat him that way you need to find your strength your security who you truly want to be and do something about it... If you are insecure.
... I'll give you a challenge if you want him to stop watching p*** we'll give him something good to look at them even though he loves you and probably nothing wrong with you right now make sure of it I give you a challenge for 30 days.
You take 30 minutes out of each day and walk as fast as you possibly can for 30 minutes for 30 days and everything on your body will change I guarantee it it will tone right up all the way to your pinky toe to the tip of your nose everything will quit drinking soda water eat more fruits and vegetables and smile more but if you do that for 30 days I guarantee he will look at you and love you and hold on you all the time... So if you want him to do something you have to do something. Yes get back with him he didn't do anything wrong he was just trying to do something quickly and fast and that's a quick avenue you can't tell me that in your single life that you didn't watch it to get off or haven't thought about something to get off it's the same thing but I say good luck and let me know if you take my challenge how serious are you about all this

[Asker]

We been together for last one and half year. Last 3months his behaviour was weird and
Then I thought to check his phone then I found out he is been into porns a lot. I know guys watch porn but admiring their body and losing touch with me that doesn’t seem right to me. Okay i am like average girl I don’t have huge boobs or ass. And I know guy like bigs but I don’t mind it until when i get to know that my guy now he is no interested in physical and recently he go for clubbing a lot. And i talked him about it but he says he love me so i am confused he says he love me and i love him but he have no physical connection with me. I don’t mean physical by sex i mean i would be happy if we some cuddles like we use to or just a hug

[ohsheeT]

Do you guys live in the same city and the no physical touch is kind of weird. Because watching porn is not going to make him distant from you he's going to be fantasizing about you when he's watching the porn and he would want to touch you more I would think

[Anonymous]

So then move on. Bottom line is a majority of men are like this. Whether that’s actually cheating or checking out other women in public. I don’t think watching porn is cheating but that’s me. You feel it’s. That is your right to feel that way. But what I’m trying to say is more than likely your next boyfriend will probably do the same. Even the ones who say I don’t do that. That’s usually a tactic to get you to talk to them more, like he’s a shining white night. You also have to understand that watching things like this is never about how he feels about you or you not being enough. It’s a male thing that you will never understand. Just the same as men never understand some things women do. I don’t think he cheated. I know you’d prefer brighter but would you rather him be out there actually engaging w other women sexually or at home watching porn? If you can’t deal w his “infidelity” then move on. Not sure why this is so hard. Taking him back could work or backfire. He may say ok I’m not going to do it again, which could work. But he might do it again knowing that you’ll take him back since you took him back the first time. A man could easily say if my girl is read romance novels she’s cheating. Yes it’s not a video like porn but in her mind she’s imagining these things.

[Damaged00]

Porn isn't cheating. Most men watch porn, so you're going to have a hard time finding someone who doesn't. And I feel like you went checking through his phone because you believed he was cheating or to find a reason to break up with him and porn was all you could find. I believe if you truly loved him and wanted this relationship to work that you would've asked a different question like am I being unreasonable to think that porn is cheating. You're looking for justification to break up with him. Just do it. You said you can't stay with him anyways.

[Daniela1982]

@Damaged00 Porn IS cheating if he denies his SO sex by getting off to other women. It is what is on his mind when he does it, not in his hand.

[Damaged00]

@Daniela1982 She didn't say anything about him denying her sex. And if that were the case, then that's an entirely different issue. But porn still wouldn't be considered cheating. If we go by what you're saying, then men and women cheat every day.

[Daniela1982]

You know what it says, if you look at a woman to lust after her, then you have already committed adultery with her in your heart.

[Asker]

We been together for last one and half year. Last 3months his behaviour was weird and
Then I thought to check his phone then I found out he is been into porns a lot. I know guys watch porn but admiring their body and losing touch with me that doesn’t seem right to me. Okay i am like average girl I don’t have huge boobs or ass. And I know guy like bigs but I don’t mind it until when i get to know that my guy now he is no interested in physical and recently he go for clubbing a lot. And i talked him about it but he says he love me so i am confused he says he love me and i love him but he have no physical connection with me. I don’t mean physical by sex i mean i would be happy if we some cuddles like we use to or just a hug

[Damaged00]

If he isn't showing interest in you in any way, then maybe it is time to move on. And you shouldn't worry if you're good enough. Love yourself first and you will never feel this way and it would be easier to know your worth. I know he says he loves you but words are just words. Always pay attention to his actions and those are just not matching up to his words.

[kylee2437]

Have you ever told him you consider this cheating, or did you decide on the spot that you didn’t like what you saw and determined this? Just because you didn’t like what you saw, doesn’t mean it’s direct cheating and it sounds like this is more of a subject where you need to directly communicate your boundaries before you determine this cheating. If I caught my boyfriend watching porn for example, I would say anything of which you have said.

[Apple1996]

Move on and find a man who doesn't watch porn. Its not worth being with a loser like that

[Finchie40]

He watches porn and has no physical interest in you? Dump him

[Asker]

I love him we been together for one and half years and I can’t leave him like that and he said to me he love me but we not gonna have any kind of physical relation. physical relations I don’t mean sex i mean cuddles or just hugs

[Finchie40]

Still do you want to be with someone that doesn’t want to hug you or kiss you?

[Lliam]

If you think watching porn is the same as cheating, you have serious issues.

You probably think that if a guy really loves you, he won't notice other women's bouncy boobs or sexy asses in public, either. Boobs and asses are cute. Guys notice. It doesn't mean that he wants to hit on those women. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. It doesn't mean that he doesn't want you and only you.

Porn is just a movie. Haven't you ever thought a male actor in a movie was sexy? If so, then shame on you! LOL

But now you're playing the coercion game. You're gas lighting him to make him feel guilty. You are a controller.

I honestly couldn't be with a partner who was so delusional and insecure. I wouldn't put up with demands or threats.

And if you are willing to dump him or even hold a grudge over this, you are not partner material. You don't really love him. You don't know what love is.

But hey, it's up to you. Maybe you can find a guy who is an obedient puppy.

Your boyfriend should see the writing on the wall and say "It was nice knowing ya. Bye."

If you don't want that to happen, you should grow up and sincerely apologize for temporarily losing your common sense.

Realize that he loved you for more than your body. You are not an image on a screen or a random stranger. But now you are wrecking what made you special and lovable.

[Asker]

We been together for last one and half year. Last 3months his behaviour was weird and
Then I thought to check his phone then I found out he is been into porns a lot. I know guys watch porn but admiring their body and losing touch with me that doesn’t seem right to me. Okay i am like average girl I don’t have huge boobs or ass. And I know guy like bigs but I don’t mind it until when i get to know that my guy now he is no interested in physical and recently he go for clubbing a lot. And i talked him about it but he says he love me so i am confused he says he love me and i love him but he have no physical connection with me. I don’t mean physical by sex i mean i would be happy if we some cuddles like we use to or just a hug

[Drackusdredge]

You think Porn is cheating on the basis of a dude finding women hypothetically attractive? You literally are just admitting to being hyper insecure and mentally unbalanced on the topic, I could never date a woman like that myself and perhaps you will be tormenting to this poor man to remain with him I don't know it seems like a bubble ready to burst if that is the dynamics because he will have to fight between his normal habits and what he thinks is ok vs your unreasonable standards.

There are men who dont look at porn usually its because they had issues with self control / porn addictions or are the types who stress about any sexual thought as potentially sending them to hell. But they do so out of general sexual control, not for the women first never heard of a man who stops looking at porn only because dating - you either don't watch it or watch it and relationship status is not important.

If you disliked porn for other reasons and it was just a values question I could comprehend but "cheating" is unimportant for why men use or don't use porn.

[Drackusdredge]

My comment was in reply to non-updated version. If he shows no physical attraction that is weirder on his part.

[Katyalov]

Never stay with someone that has porn addiction or watches porn on a regular basis. Studies have shown that regular use of pornography makes unrealistic expectations in the bedroom, also men who watch porn are more likely to be unfaithful and be toxic.

[itsannalee]

He cheated on u or just watch porn?


Personally for me watching porn isn’t cheat, like if we aren’t around and he wants something turn him on. But if we are around and he didn’t touch us instead he was busy with porn. I will walk away.


But I don’t know it’s just my personal opinion.
Everything is on you, if u will feel better after leave him. Just leave.

[BetaBucks]

Cheating has to involve human interaction. Just like you can't cheat with your vibrator. This is just a boundary, and he violated it. It's up to you to decide if that boundary is maintainable and if the violation of it is enough to end a relationship. Would you find it maintainable if he set a boundary against you masturbating? Do you feel that he would be reasonable to end the relationship if you crossed that boundary?

[BetaBucks]

Update: do you guys have sex? If no, then what are you doing together? Of course he's gonna jerk off. Do you try to initiate?

[Asker]

Yep we had many time but not for last three months

[BetaBucks]

This is an even bigger red flag. Something is really off here.

[EmmaMary]

Congratulations on winning a Troll of the day award.

Do you honestly mean to say that if you caught your (poor suffering) boyfriend watching a film with some nudity in it, you would accuse him of "cheating"?

For fuck's sake Grow Up and try starting acting your age. smh

[IslaTheWitch]

we can't decide about your life because you will be the one to bear the consequences of this decision... so the decision should be yours

I can share my perspective; for me, cheating is a breach of trust... and it ends the relationship because there can't be a relationship without trust... but it's me... how you see and feel it is your work to do and decide

[FreyaRed]

"Should i stay with him "

Don't be a fool and don't do that. Cheaters will always cheat not necessarily only sexually. It's not really smart to invest time in your prime to someone like that.

[Serkee]

Porn isn't cheating. Have you set that boundary, or asked him to come to you instead of watching porn if he's in the mood? If not, then he didn't do anything wrong and it's a failure on your end to communicate.

[Alwayreckles93]

Break it off with him. He isn't worth your time. Good thing he showed his true colors becoreits to late. Choose wisely. You want a Christian men you will find him at church not in the world.

[Sian_Blower060203]

Watching porn isn't cheating at all, in fact my boyfriend encourages me to watch it and i encourage him. As long as he is respectful and is thinking of me when he is and he remembers that my body isn't as good as them. Then whats the problem. He has the same requirements for me as i do him. That's perfectly fine. I definitely wouldn't be leaving him over watching porn especially if he's making it clear to you that he wants you. Its not a big deal.

[Katyalov]

You are foolish to think that porn isn't going to affect your relationship in any way.

[Sian_Blower060203]

Not really. If you are in a good healthy relationship, you're both loyal and trust each other. Whats the problem. My boyfriend always says that porn is good for us to learn new techniques and rhings to try so whats the problem. Its insecure people like you that struggle to actually use porn to your advantage

[HelpfulWoman]

you what? its just porn you wet cabbage.
leave him, so he can find someone with some sense

[Kelley1]

Assuming you are not the troll that almost certainly you are, if that bothers you, my advice is to seek therapy.

[Staximus]

Cheating is when a person you are in a monogamous relationship with has sex with somebody else. Your boyfriend watching porn is not cheating on you. You're making a big deal about nothing and being a drama queen. Welcome to real life.

[WhitneySnow]

I don’t think watching porn is cheating so you probably don’t want my opinion

[Mad836362738]

Yes. You need to do more for him to keep him from cheating

[Starrrboy]

...

[noohair]

Porn? Goood luck finding a guy that does not watch porn.

[avery58]

Porn isn't cheating...

[avery58]

Well if that's what you want to consider cheating, fair enough I guess. But it will be hard for you to find a guy who doesn't watch it

[avery58]

If he has no physical interest in you why are you with him?

[Asker]

he says he love me and i love him but he have no physical connection with me. I don’t mean physical by sex i mean i would be happy if we some cuddles like we use to or just a hug

[Asker]

We been together for one and half years

[Anonymous]

I watch porn with my wife so means group sex to you 😂🤣😋

[Anonymous]

watching porn is not cheating, all guys do this

[DishLady]

Nope.

[smurfwrangler]

you are a retard. it's just porn

[Asker]

Its not just a porn. Its like you partner admiring his/her body. Even in relationships if your partner does something like that it is considered as cheating. I just love him but we can’t be together as we used to

[Luckycharms12]

Watching porn isn't cheating

[dudegreat91]

Nah kick him to the curb

[Anonymous]

I don't think it really matters.

[jjj101010]

I wouldn’t consider that cheating