I regret buying a house with my boyfriend. What should I do now?

Question

I'm on the fence about my boyfriend after we bought a house together. I did most of the work to secure the mortgage, paid 90% of the down payment and closing costs, and handle the renovations, including dealing with mold, which made me sick. My mom and sister live with us, and I offered him less than 50% ownership since they take up more space, but he wanted 50%. After we moved in, he regretted the purchase, saying there's not enough space for him. He then claimed his friends thought he was being taken advantage of, though he later admitted they didn't say that. His lack of support and doubts about my efforts have created serious trust issues. Now, I'm considering buying him out and redoing the mortgage, but I'm unsure if I can trust him or move forward. What should I do?

LifeHitMeandRan · Accepted Answer

This is what happens when girlfriends and boyfriends make wife and husband decisions. If he does not agree to be bought out, then your only recourses are to live with your decision or go to court. Also, even though you said you provided 90% of the funds, that implies he did 10% and thus implies his income was considered. The bank would then have to reevaluate if you would've qualified on your own, and if so, at what rates. Basically, if you buy him out, you are refinancing the house, and not on terms in your favor since the refinancing would be based on LOWER income and, possibly, HIGHER value of the home.

What surprises me is the bank allowing you two to go in on a mortgage without being a married couple. MOST banks see it as too risky for a girlfriend/boyfriend couple to go in together on a mortgage EXACTLY for reasons like what you are describing. Also, couples that are not married are a risk to a bank because, if the couple breaks up, it is very unclear legally what would happen to the ownership of the house as each case is case by case. Also, when the bank needs to foreclose due to not receiving payment, things can be delayed while judges decide who is liable for what.

At least, with a married couple, the decision on what happens to the house is part of the divorce arrangements, making things clearer on how the bank should proceed.

As a mere couple, you shouldn't have even been able to go in on a mortgage together.

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

You really only have one option and that's to buy him out. And if he wants to play games then have him buy you out and move on yeah that's a move that is something we all want to believe in but even when you're married and things don't work out it's 50/50 no matter how much work and time and money you put into it not unless you can prove it... ..

But we both know no matter what in life all it takes is one person to be a liar even in court and not unless you have absolutely 100% proof of what is going on or what is said or done the liar will win most of the time at the moment but in time it's always found out no matter what but you want that outcome to happen right then in there but it's hard to make it happen. Yes I feel bad for you.. this is a hard lesson.. . I wish you didn't have to go through it but you'll get through it okay just be smart about it don't let anger get in your way and clouds your judgment

Kelley1 · Accepted Answer

When you are not satisfied with a situation do what you can to solve the problem. In this case, if you can buy him out, that is what you should do. Then if you want to live with him, you can charge him rent.

electromagnetic · Accepted Answer

There really isn’t much you can honestly do other than buy him out. Hopefully you have all the paperwork together in the event y’all need to escalate the situation.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Ah, love and real estate, a mix as tricky as a cocktail with too much spirit and not enough mixer. Your story reads like a drama with a plot twist around every corner. But here's the deal: Buying a house with a partner is as much about trust and communication as it is about finances. It sounds like the scales of partnership and financial contribution are as unbalanced as a seesaw with an elephant on one end and a mouse on the other.

Since you've done the lion's share of the work and investment, it’s like you're dancing a tango solo while your boyfriend is unsure if he even wants to be in the dance hall. If his change of heart and the trust issues that followed are dancing on your last nerve, it might be time to consider a solo performance. Buying him out could give you peace of mind and full control over your space, allowing you to do the renovation cha-cha without stepping on each other's toes.

Still, it's worth remembering relationships and homes both require a solid foundation. If there's a chance to repair that foundation with your boyfriend through open communication and maybe couples counseling, it could be worth exploring. If not, moving forward with the buyout could be your ticket to a happier home and heart. Love might be blind, but homeownership has its eyes wide open. Before making any moves, maybe consult a financial adviser or a lawyer to ensure your next steps are on solid ground.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Incredibilmente!

DishLady · Answer

Best thing to do is keep the itemized list of what you invested, sell the house to recoup your expenses and split whatever's left 50/50.

WindAtMyBack · Answer

I don't see anything about a binding written contract between the two of you. If you don't have that, then it could become a real problem if the two of you are in disagreement. If it ends up in court, it could potentially turn into a case of "he said, she said".

I would like to hear his side.

Judging only by what you say, I think you should offer to buy him out. If he resists, or tries to get more than what you think it's worth, then you have a choice of whether to hold a hard line, or simply do it the easiest and fastest way to get out of it and move on.

Maybe his friends didn't really say he was being taken advantage of, but maybe he thinks that himself. Why? Is it mainly because your mother and sister are living there? Maybe he feels like an outsider, which is understandable.

blunty · Answer

Talk to him, lay it all out—what’s bugging you. Maybe it’s the house, maybe it’s the relationship. Either way, get on the same page. If things are complicated legally, get some advice on how to handle it. If selling isn't an option right now, maybe you can rent it out or find a way to make it work until you figure things out. It’s a messy situation, but you’ve got options—just don’t ignore the feeling.

young · Answer

Regretting buying a house with your boyfriend is tough, but you're not stuck. First, talk to him honestly about how you’re feeling and what’s causing the regret. Whether it’s the relationship or the house itself, be clear. If selling isn’t possible, you might need legal advice to sort out ownership and responsibilities. You could also think about renting it out if living there no longer feels right. The key is to figure out what works best for both of you while protecting your future and mental well-being. It’s a hard spot, but there are ways forward.

melnc · Answer

Instead of listening to his friends, he should be grateful for what you have done for him. It's not about who has more, it's about family. You offered him the choice to be part of the family and he didn't appreciate it, and wants more than that. He's an ungrateful person.

WhitneySnow · Answer

If you paid 90% of the down payment it’s mostly your house. (I think.) You should have a long talk with him about your relationship. If you guys decide to break up you should buy him out and keep the house for yourself.

Caroline91 · Answer

What’s the trust issue if you buy him out? Do you realize that in a lot of states, even if the house is 100% yours, you could end up having to evict him? You might need to consult an attorney.

JesseP1nk · Answer

Dont do anything before you talk to your lawyer. You need legal advice who knows the law in your jurisdiction. And then move from there. Meantime i suggest you keep the checks and bank statements so you can prove later how much you have invested in the the house.

BadApple69 · Answer

Sorry to say this is the worst thing you can do… honestly the only thing you can do is live with your regrets. Dump him and sell the house or keep him and deal with it.

Staximus · Answer

You sound like a person who doesn't think about future consequences of your actions, regarding buying a house with a guy you're not married to and the mold cleanup.

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

I'm so scared of this. I don't want to rush into anything. I hope you have papers where you both signed what you two are to have of the mortgage.

luvstoned4him · Answer

Hope you are keeping all your bills and in your name so that you can go to a lawyer and try to buy it out from him

Anonymous · Answer

Foreclose on the house and force him to buy your half or force a sale and pay off the mortgage.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Ugh. Id pray for wisdom.  He is not being supportive and that needs fixed. Lying … blech

BetaBucks · Answer

Sounds like you're better off away from each other.

jackieistired · Answer

Say you wanna sell the house because you don’t like it and get 90% back

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Kick his ass out and let me move in with you! I don't mind working.

Ladsin2 · Answer

Go back in time, be raised right, and get married before buying a home with your partner.

Empery · Answer

Follow your instincts. Did you both have a written agreement in place before buying the house?

Pete671 · Answer

So basically he's subsidising your mom and sister?

Mad836362738 · Answer

Become a vixen

jahaims · Answer

Terrible choice. Try to buy his part.

noohair · Answer

I think you know that you have to buy him out.

Anonymous · Answer

Buy him out then kick him to the curb

I regret buying a house with my boyfriend. What should I do now?

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