My boyfriend’s insecurities are ruining our relationship and I'm tired of him. Should I leave him?

[cloudy]

My boyfriend's growing insecurity is starting to strain our relationship. He gets upset if I talk to any other guy, often leading to arguments or giving me the silent treatment for hours. Even at the gym, if a male friend approaches me, it triggers a fight, and we end up leaving. Despite posting about him on social media and constantly reassuring him, he still gets jealous. Sometimes, he even assumes guys are talking to me when I go to the gym alone, making me feel like I have to avoid male interactions to prevent conflict. We've discussed his insecurities, and I’ve tried to be patient and supportive, but it's becoming increasingly frustrating. I’m beginning to think that his jealousy might be something he needs to work on alone. I’m struggling to decide if this is just a phase in young relationships or if it's time to consider that his pace of change is too slow for me.

[Finchie40]

Sadly you are probably best to leave him , usually when someone is overly jealous or insecure over their partner , they are the one that is more than likely up to no good or planning to be up to no good , basically he is projecting his own selfish behavior on to you , by acting like he is the victim , when really he is probably the POS. It would be ok , if he was a little jealous and insecure , that would be normal behavior , and shows that he truly loves you and cares about you , and doesn’t want to lose you , but sadly the way your boyfriend is treating you? is not normal behavior, it pretty much means he doesn’t trust you and let alone trust himself either. Sadly most people have trust issues more these days , mainly because of social media filling peoples’ minds with nonsense that everyone is a cheater , everyone is a backstabber etc.. so that could be a big reason as to why your boyfriend is having a hard time trusting you as well. Have the both of you set boundaries together , when you both got into a relationship with each other in the beginning of your relationship? If you did? and he is still acting this way? You are best to end it with him , because if you choose to stay , it’s just going to get worse and worse for you. And before you know it , you will more than likely find out the truth , that he was cheating on you. Most guys and girls’ have a hard time when their partner is talking to the other sex , or friends with the opposite sex , Most guys’ and girls’ can’t just be friends when they are in a relationship , acquaintances yes , but close friends , No , because the truth is , No opposite sex friend, is going to invest a lot of their time into just having a friendship with you , so If you have a male friend that is investing a lot of his time into you? By calling you or texting you every day or every other day , He more than likely wants more than friendship with you. So be careful , if that is what is happening, even though you think you are just being friendly and not trying to do anything more with that opposite sex friend , they more than likely aren’t thinking the same thing as you , if they are investing a lot of their time into you. So when you are in a relationship with someone , you are best to wear their shoes , the same way you want them wearing yours , So ask yourself how would you feel if some random girl was constantly investing her time into your boyfriend , that he claims is just a friend? If she was calling him and texting him every day? Don’t tell me you wouldn’t feel uncomfortable with that? Every girl I was in a relationship with , got jealous and insecure over my girl friends that were just friends to me , thinking I was having sex with them and cheating on her with them. So instead of pointing fingers , wear your partners shoes and think how you would feel if he was doing that to you? A relationship only works if the both of you wear each others shoes first , before making decisions. It can’t just be your way or no way. We are all selfish people , and have selfish qualities about ourselves. So if you can’t remove those selfish qualities for your partner , don’t expect them to do that for you. A relationship takes 2 people choosing each other over everyone else in this world , if you want it to work and last. It’s ok to admit you are wrong , no one is always right?

[ohsheeT]

People who are that insecure or people that are jealous. Will ruin a relationship faster than anything else I mean if you'd like the guy you have to set him down and talk to him in very brief words short sentences and tell him how you feel about him and tell him what he's doing and what that is going to end up happening and then in that case you're going to end up doing what you're going to do

He needs to stop he needs to understand who he is like himself respect himself and believe in himself because if he doesn't he's not going to believe in anything and everything's going to fall apart

[kylee2437]

Usually men that project this kind of behavior, know for a fact that they are not good enough for you, so they will strip away every possibly thing you find relaxing so you are then at his given level of misery and pity. A man should not be making you going to the gym about him. And this is coming from a gym rat myself, the gym is my sanctuary that keeps my mind balanced and any man that turns that into something about him, does not belong in my life. Men that are like this are very self centered, think everything is about them , and constantly blame others for things they lack.

[Aubrey97]

Assuming he's somewhere in the ballpark of the age your profile says, then you're surely correct. It probably will never end no matter what you do. A therapist probably needs to help him figure out what the cause is. Up to you both if you want to go with him or send him alone and up to you if you want to continue being patient with it in the meantime but his jealousy shouldn't be any more important than how his jealousy affects you and you're not obligated to be unhappy dealing with it. You sound as if you've done all you should be reasonably expected to do.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the choppy waters of a relationship with Mr. Insecurity can be tiring, can't it? Let's sprinkle a little clarity on the situation. Real talk - dealing with constant jealousy and insecurities is more draining than trying to find a parking spot at the mall on a Saturday afternoon. It sounds like you've given this situation your all - lovebombing him with reassurance and painting social media with your commitment. Kudos to you!

But here's the spicy truth: You're his partner, not his personal therapist. Sure, it's great to support each other, but when one person's insecurities become the third wheel in your relationship, it's time to reassess. Is it a phase, you ask? Well, insecurities don't just pack their bags and leave overnight, especially when they're getting all the attention.

It might be time for a serious, heart-to-heart convo with your man. Lay it out – your feelings, your needs, and how his behavior affects you. This isn't about giving ultimatums but setting boundaries for your own mental peace. If he's willing to work on himself, perhaps with professional help, there's hope. But, if he clings to his insecurities like a lifeline, you might need to consider if you're signing up for a marathon you never wanted to run.

In the end, wearing yourself out for someone else's issues is like trying to fill a sieve with water. Focus on what makes you happy and fulfilled, too. Sometimes, love means letting go for both to grow. Keep flirting with life, and remember, you deserve a relationship that's as uplifting as a perfect high-five!

[MzAsh]

Deep down, he knows you can do better than him. And he knows better options for you are close by. Otherwise, it wouldn’t make him so hot headed. If he really believed that he was the best guy you could get, he’d be laughing at the others trying to talk to you. But he’s scared to death you’ll realize what he already knows-he doesn’t deserve you.

[DishLady]

If you’re tired of him then yes, you should. Why stay in a stagnating relationship? His insecurities are something only HE can overcome. There’s no one else who can help him overcome that.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

If he gets upset just by the simplest interaction you have with a guy I can understand your point.

But if you are having conversations that seems to go further than a standard interaction with a man I can see your boyfriend point of view as well because he can easily interpret such as you are potentially going to do something behind his back such as cheating on him.

For the sake of your boyfriend insecurities try to minimize short casual conversations with other guys.

If you can't do that then end the relationship with him.

[HawkPerception]

At around 42 years old, if your boyfriend hasn't gotten past the child-like jealous behaviour, that's an issue. That's not a man. That's a man child and I doubt that he'll change any time soon if he's still that way at around 42 years old.

I'm usually completely supportive and encourage women to communicate with their partners before doing anything rash but in this case, I would completely understand if you got sick of it and left him.

[Drooogie4]

Yes. You should leave him.

Assuming it's been discussed already that it's a LOT. The insecurity won't change. He will just eventually wear your down to a shell of who you are with that behavior.

[serious_miss419]

It’s not worth it. Even when you know they are good deep down or that they want to work things out - if they aren’t doing the work then it’s not worth it. Look at how you’re feeling? You’re allowing it girl! Get! Be free!! 💪💪 don’t talk to him about it, make a plan, pack your I. D and some clothes when he is at work or away, then next time he goes again, that’s your ticket out. He will try to talk you out of it! Go!

[DextroShade]

He's not insecure he's territorial. You shouldn't even be having male friends to begin with! Any masculine guy who is worth a damn won't tolerate it or would just use you for sex and never take you seriously. Either get with some soyboy or ride the cock carousel and die alone.

[Ladsin2]

I find this claim very dubious, but yes it should be broken up either way. Either he's a psychopathic fellow who can't stand you saying hello to someone, or you're flirting with other men in front of him. I presume the latter because you likely don't respect him. Or you're just farming engagement because one of your last questions was, "How can I overcome insecurity within a relationship when my partner has given me no reason to feel insecure?"

[lightbulb27]

Try figuring out what causing this… eg his prior traumas and make efforts to create envirobment to honor him, build trust, while he works on his issues.


If dont want work and pain then let go.

[FreyaRed]

If his behavior is aggressive and impulsive you should leave him, even if I think it won't be that easy.

[Nikki1989]

Male insecurities will wear any woman down. Move on.

[handsomebradybreaker]

Talk out his insecurities (we lads have LOTS of security issues) to see if they can be surmounted. If not, then ponder another chap.

[noohair]

He is the only person that can fix himself. You are right, he needs to address this himself. It looks like you had done the right thing supporting him. I hope that he looks for the therapy that can help him.

[SugarSugarplum]

Why not work on your apparent untrustworthiness instead.

[EmyyWolf]

Ew, how pathetic and annoying.

I would loose interest so fast. 🥱

[serious]

Considering your circumstances I think it would be wise for you to leave him.

[WhitneySnow]

If he’s 42 and still this jealous that doesn’t sound like a good sign to me

[DtMe89]

If you're tired of them, tell him. Tell him he needs to be more secure with himself, and that it's kind of turning you off. If he can't handle it, then you need to think about leaving

[Anonymous]

What a unnurturing woman you are. Yes leave for his own good so he can find someone whose wife material. Also mother material.

[Ms_Facesitter]

Maybe couple counseling might be the last bit of hope you have left

[Alex-Snow]

He needs to get over it and grow up. Is it messing with your sex life with him also? Maybe he should see a therapist?

[DrPepper12]

It's NOT going to get any better. You know what to do with mommy issues little boy.

[JHAYES317]

Well let me ask you this…would you get mad if he was talking to other girls in public?

[Anonymous]

Since only he can get over his fears, it could be best if you do end up parting ways with him.

[MyBrainsInsaneReign]

This doesn't seem like something a 42 year old should be dealing with no offense.

Your boyfriend seems like an immature high school guy.

Dump him and move on.

[Anonymous]

No wonder relationships don’t last people always want to throw in the towel the moment something goes wrong instead of working and fighting for it to fix it fighting for your partner

[aquamarine321]

That decision is up to to decide, because we don’t know anything about you two and your insecurities

[katiesmuff]

Sure sounds like you should

[Anonymous]

How about give him no reason to doubt you.

[PrettyCrumblBb]

He sounds crazy.

[MasterKS]

yes, leave him instantly!

[LiamJHayden]

Yes.

[Starrrboy]

Run!..