My wife just bought a dog while I was away, despite me repeatedly telling her not to. How should I react?

Question

Erica, my daughter, has been begging for a Labrador for two years, calling it her "dream." However, we can't afford it, with 90% of our income going to bills, food, and the mortgage. My wife, a teacher, insists Erica deserves the dog, arguing it’s her dream and she’s well-behaved. Despite discussing our financial limits and the responsibilities of dog ownership, my wife went behind my back and adopted a Labrador, Riley, without buying the necessary supplies. I was furious and told her we couldn’t afford it, but she refuses to return the dog. Erica is devastated at the thought of losing Riley, threatening never to speak to me again. I understand her attachment, but we genuinely can’t afford to care for the dog, especially during this crisis. I’m stuck in an impossible situation and don’t know what to do to best support my family.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Welcome to marriage my friend , Most females’ don’t think like guys’ do when it comes to finances and bills and compromising. Most females’ put the kids first , over their husband and they wonder why their marriages turn to shit. Most females’ don’t understand the word No because they assume they are always right. My ex did the same shit to me with buying dogs and taking in cats we couldn’t afford for the kids , without discussing it with me first , I was so pissed off , considering I was the only one working and paying all the bills and told her to get rid of the animals , or get a job to take care of them , that sadly was a waste of time and energy trying to explain the reasons why , it went in one ear out the other pretty much. Most females’ have selfish mindsets that make them think they do no wrong , everything is pretty much your fault , They never point fingers at themselves first. When my wife and I finally separated and I kicked her out of the house , that was t the reason but definitely part of it , one of the best feelings was having her take the animals out of the house as well. My bank account started to grow again and my home stayed cleaner , because I wasn’t losing money and cleaning up after pets anymore . Don’t get me wrong, I do like dogs and cats, but only if I can afford them and take care of them , without putting myself in a hole. Pets are a lot of work , they are like raising children all over again and a big responsibility. The other thing I forgot to mention , is my wife and kids’ promised to take care of them , that was another lie as well. I honestly started losing respect for my wife when she pulled that shit on me without discussing it with me first.

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

Disrespect but others dont think way you do. My father brought home pets multiple times and my mom throw a fit. Shed warm up to them and took them on as het own. There wasn't financial stress though.

Loving people is hard sometimes… as is respecting limitations.

Id give them options and ket them choose. Daughter needs to get job to pay for food and vet bills and care for dog.
Start there.
Dont let them grt you all mad because then they control you. Go on like nothing happened while they solve problem.

But it may fall on you to make more.

Look… it could be worse… a lot worse.

Lastly dogs are good eatimg leftovers. They will eat roadkill…

Ms_Facesitter · Accepted Answer

I'd sit down with your wife first. Her argument is that the child deserves the dog. Does the dog not deserve a good home? Why is she so selfish to only look after her own self gain? The dog isn't an accessory but a companion. If you can't afford the dog goodluck with the food, litter box, leashes, collars, cages, bags for the poo, shots from the vet, chip plus extra if the dog's unfortunate.

She should maybe get a better job then. And take care of the dog along with the daughter. Yep, have the daughter clean up the dog's poo and everything. Reality will set in real quick that a dog isn't just something that's there to cuddle. Have her walk the dog, Everytime. Movies? Too bad, dog needs walks. Video games? Too bad time to walk dog again. Etc. Teach her responsibility. And if she refuses, the dog can go back from where it came. Your wife already broke your trust, going behind your back. Daughter is threatening you if you take it away. It's up to them to take care of it now, Proper care. And if they can't you take that dog back. That should be, in my opinion, your final straw, if you have it in you.
Maybe have the daughter sit down along with wife after and say you might not go on trips as much anymore because dog costs money. Less presents for daughter because dogs cost money.

IslaTheWitch · Accepted Answer

I would get another job... childhood is only once per life, and kids are not responsible for the hard financial situation of their parents...

if you couldn't afford a child, you shouldn't have one in the beginning...

but I agree your wife did wrong that she BOUGHT the dog. She could easily get one from the shelter. But still, a dog requires regular vet consultations, good food, etc...

talk to your ladies about them also getting additional job to be able to keep the dog. Show them the calculations of your budget ans point where are missing money and that you as a family have to find another source of the income...

"choices have consequences" as Simon "Ghost" Riley once said :D

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Navigating the tricky waters of family dynamics, huh? Love, this is a classic heart vs. wallet dilemma wrapped up in a furry, lovable Labrador package. The key here is communication, but let's dial up the empathy and understanding a notch.

Your wife's intentions were pure gold, aiming to fulfill Erica's dream and sprinkle some joy into your family life. However, it brushed off the practicalities of your situation.

First step: Gather the troops for a family meeting. This isn't about reversing decisions on the spot but laying all cards on the table - feelings, finances, and the furry friend's future.

Express your concerns without villainizing your wife’s decision. Acknowledge Erica's joy and your wife's heart, but highlight the reality of your expenses and ask for collective solutions. Maybe there's creative budgeting, or maybe Erica can contribute with age-appropriate chores to offset some costs?

Love, it's about compromise, finding a middle ground where dreams don't derail the budget. If keeping Riley isn't feasible, consider alternative ways to keep that dream alive, maybe volunteering at a shelter?

Remember, while the situation seems ruff, it's an opportunity to teach valuable life lessons about responsibility, finances, and family teamwork. Let the love for each other guide you more than the frustration of the moment. 💖

DishLady · Answer

So… you can keep it and grumble about it till kingdom come, or return it to the owner/shelter it came from.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

I would sit down with both of them, provide them with a list of things that they don't necessarily need but have, for instance, netflix, prime, etc. and say we have to cut one or both of these to be able to afford the dog, you two choose what's being cut and get back to me. It'll make them both realize the gravity of what they've done.

The TV option or something similar is not bad thing as it will get them outside with the dog so it's properly exercised. It also makes your daughter (and apparently your wife) realize what compromise is in life.

blunty · Answer

It’s understandable to feel frustrated when a significant decision like getting a dog is made without your input, especially after you expressed your concerns. The key here is to approach the situation calmly. Reacting with anger or blame may strain your relationship and make your wife feel defensive. Instead, try to have an open conversation where you express your feelings calmly and listen to her reasons for getting the dog. Maybe she felt strongly about it and saw it as a positive addition to the family. Acknowledge her perspective, but also emphasize the importance of making big decisions together in the future. If the dog is staying, try to find ways to adjust and create boundaries or responsibilities that work for both of you...

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

Being in marriage as such we need to flow along with surprising situations what's done is already done.

Now the dog is part of your life better accept it.
Ask your wife that as she went behind your back that's her responsibility any expenses that is incourred by the dog needs to be taken care by her and the daughter this will make them see your point of view.

Once they get to know the difficulty then you can help them out as you are the part of family.

Women usually don't think about limits they live life to fullest they want to experience more.

So you have to expand your horizon and cut some comforts if nothing is helping.

Maybe lower your childs pocket money 😆

WindAtMyBack · Answer

Having a dog should ALWAYS be something everyone agrees to. Doing it behind your back is totally uncool.

Take the fucking dog away. They got it when they knew you didn't want one. So get rid of it. This should not even be up for discussion. Just get rid of the damn thing.

serious_miss419 · Answer

I pay for my own household, all of it. Single parent without child support over here.
We don’t have cats or dogs or otherwise because of finances.
But at the end of the day, we do our best and adapt to our families needs and lives. Your kids will be young only once so just make the best of it.

RingOfFire · Answer

The love you will get from your wife and daughter and the memory of you generosity if you tell them that it will be difficult but you will make it work because you know how happy it makes them will be worth the risk and extra effort you have to put in to afford it.

Be humble and generous and find a way to earn a couple of thousand extra a year. It will be priceless to them.

noohair · Answer

Ok, cut Netflix and all other things necessary to pay for the dog. No eating out or bringing in prepared food. No movies out, no streaming. Let them understand the responsibility it requires to take care of a living animal. And they walk the dog!

genericname85 · Answer

i would make looking after the dog her obligation financially and not give her a dime for the dog. like if she wants a dog so bad she will just get it despite your explicit disapproval, she can get a job (or a second one if she got one) to feed the dog.

Vegasrunner · Answer

You're going to have to give the dog back living on the streets not going to help. Then take a 48 hour break and get away from her. She's weaponizing your child against you and you need to be careful. When you return don't bring up anything about the dog, or why you left. When she does simply listen to her side, and end the conversation.

Anonymous · Answer

You wife chose her daughter over you, dismissed and disrespected your view, and organised a recurrent cost that you both cannot afford.
Explain to your daughter why it has to go, take that emotional pain, and get rid of it.
Easier said then done though.

Alternatively, is there a financial choice they can choose? You can have the dog if you don't have that.

Daniela1982 · Answer

Tell her to get a job to pay for the dog's keep, and she can keep the dog. Otherwise, I see it winding up at the pound.

Monalisa77 · Answer

How can you not afford it with your wife being a teacher?

HighValue · Answer

Cancel your wife's smartphone service and get her a $15 per month flip phone instead to make up for the expense.

dustybiker2 · Answer

Kid needs to start house sitting snd lowing lawns. Teach her how to earn and pay expenses.

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

Then try not to get involved with the dog and let your wife/daughter be responsible and pay for everything. You already told her no but she's such a hard head. Now all you have to do is just trust her and see what she can do about it.

exitseven · Answer

Give her an ultimatum, either the dog goes or you go. You gotta be prepared to back it up though or else nobody will ever take you seriously.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Her name's not, Karen, is it? Mom told my ex-sister, Karen, not to get any more dogs and the bitch did, anyway.

Anonymous · Answer

Your daughter's happiness should be your main priority.

DrPepper12 · Answer

That was a disgusting disrespectful move on her part. You're fucked and you're the bad guy. This is like marriage counseling bad

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

Impossible situation? It’s a fucking dog , dude. Get a grip. They’re not that expensive. Maybe you shouldn’t be having kids if you struggle financially. Did that thought ever come into your head?

jahaims · Answer

Divorce her. She has zero respect for you and is literally putting a dog before you.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Sounds like you married the wrong woman. Good luck.

Juxtapose · Answer

See how much they want the dog when they start to get hungry. Hunger is a powerful motivator.

Staximus · Answer

Get a better job. It doesn't cost that much to have a dog.

jackieistired · Answer

Tell her to get a job, or to start going to a food bank

Anonymous · Answer

‘Adopt’ is the word you mean. Saving Riley’s life is going to save your family. Just keep him and be thankful that a blessing came into your lives.

smurfwrangler · Answer

looks like you married a dumbass

Anonymous · Answer

Show some compassion and keep that dog.

My wife just bought a dog while I was away, despite me repeatedly telling her not to. How should I react?

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My wife just bought a dog while I was away, despite me repeatedly telling her not to. How should I react?

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