My boyfriend and parents dont get along, how do I navigate this?

[Anonymous]

So, both my boyfriend and my dad think each other is controlling. They dont get along and dont trust each other. I, however, see it from both sides. I can see how one thinks the other is controlling, and I understand their frustration. The problem, is that they both mean the world to me, and I dont want to lose either of them. Im currently trying to schedule my upcoming holidays, and its beginning to stress me out. Im new to the dating world, and I have a hard time recognizing what is right/wrong. For instance, I spent Thanksgiving with my boyfriend and his family this year, and my dad was more than ok with that, but asked if he could have me for Christmas this year. I thought that was reasonable so I said yes. However, now there is some tension between them, and they dont want my boyfriend to come over for dinner (which I think is ridiculous, but its their house/invitation). I could see this really upsetting my boyfriend, and I know he'll respond by saying "you shouldn't go and be with them if Im not invited" which makes me feel bad, because I would love to spend some time with my family. Am I in the wrong for spending the holidays (the night of the 24th and dinner on the 25th) with them? What is the right thing to do in this situation, because I dont know what it is. Is my boyfriend in the right for feeling this way? Also, would you address this now? Or is it better to leave this be, and if he asks what Im doing for Christmas, to say Im spending it with my family?

Im on the spectrum, and sometimes feel like I lack empathy or dont recognize social cues. I just dont want to feel like I did something wrong.

[ohsheeT]

Just because your boyfriend sees that and I do understand I've been there before but he needs to let that guard down and respect that is your father and maybe try to get to know him don't just pretend then yeah yeah yeah and think that he's better than your dad or he thinks that he has your dad figured out because he doesn't your dad does what he does to protect you and because that's the only thing he knows are the only way he knows how to do it so he's not a bad guy for probably doing it it's just he doesn't in the wrong way and your boyfriend's exactly the same way but probably more controlling you'll find out in the long run especially if he's talking s*** about your dad because he needs to make your dad look bad so you only trust in him and that's that's sick right there that's manipulation and controlling your dad will always be there for you your boyfriend won't

[AviatorTom]

If you really like your boyfriend, then have a sit-down discussion with your parents. Tell them how you feel about your boyfriend, and that you appreciate accepting him as you do.

My father once told my sister, talking about her fiancé... "I don't have to like him, you do."

[TrueConfection]

As a parent in a similar situation with my daughter, I have a few questions before I can make a judgement.

1. Do you live with your boyfriend?

2. What occurred that escalated the situation from your parents not liking your boyfriend to him no longer welcomed in their home?

3. Can you spend a few hours for dinner with your family on either the 24th or the 25th (instead of both days)?

[Gwendoline]

Depends how serious it is with your boyfriend. Maybe it needs to get more serious b4 they consider having him over 4 Christmas, if your relationship can't survive this maybe it's not meant to be. Just be honest with him. Tell him that as you aren't in a fully committed relationship they aren't ready to have him over for Christmas.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating choppy waters alert! 🚤 As your friendly relationship coach, I'm here to sprinkle some wisdom on this holiday mix-up. You have every right to spend time with your family—it’s your prerogative! Communication is key here. Transparency reduces drama, so let your boyfriend know about your Christmas plans gently and with honesty. Highlight how important your family time is to you, just as his was during Thanksgiving. Balance and compromise are the names of the game! 🏓

As for the tension between your boyfriend and dad, it’s important to set boundaries for the sake of your own emotional health. You can’t control how they feel about each other, but you can ensure they know how it affects you. You got this! 😎💕

[Twalli]

PM me for talking more in depth about stuff like this. I am also on the spectrum, but I've held onto my girlfriend for almost 6.5 years.
Your parents have your best interests at heart. They see problems with your boyfriend. Adress this. They see things you do not see and may never see. My best advice is to have a family meeting. Talk to your parents seriously about him. If your dad says he's controlling, ask in what ways does your boyfriend come off as controlling. Focus on the issues they have with him to understand why they might not like him.
He may not be a good fit or person for you. The most important thing is to get your family and friends to offer their honest opinion on how the person you are dating is for you.

[Lynx122]

I think your dad is being a dick in wanting you at home but not allowing your boyfriend to come that's just rude and stubborn and selfish. Even if you don't get along your dad should be the bigger person. But I also don't agree with your boyfriend that you shouldn't go to your family if he can't come. He should also put your wellbeing first. But I think what your dad is doing is worse, because he's creating this situation he seems immature.

[MoonFace2]

Both your boyfriend and your dad want everything their own way and I’d say your dad is having problems with letting go of control over you. Tell your parents that you’ll have dinner with them, if they change their mind and invite your boyfriend too.

[noohair]

Your family is trying to control you. They are testing you. If he was your husband, what would you do? My mother tried this on me after I got married. I told her that I will not accept her interfering in my marriage. Granted you are not married yet. But if this might be your future husband, not standing up for him could be a deal breaker for him. Good Luck.

[WhitneySnow]

I think they’re both being really controlling, but if your parents refuse to let you bring your boyfriend for Christmas dinner, then you should spend Christmas with your boyfriend.

[DrPepper12]

Address your concerns with both of them directly and ask them to be the mature adults that you know they can be. Shame still has utility despite our thoughts and observations on our modern society...

[kaucky1]

Set boyfriend up for failure especially if not goes down on you first.. not your fault if something falls off gets stuck it's volo since bunch of girls growing beards not satisfied they wanted guys be gals for a month or til when seems fit to man up

[DaBiggestBird]

I think you should spend it with your parents this time. What if this was your last Christmas with them?

[Anonymous]

You'll have to choose - family or boyfriend - unless you sort this out. It may be that you can fix the relationship between the two but what happens if you cannot?
Deal with it now.

[Smegskull]

Don't tell him he isn't invited. Turn up to Christmas together anyway.

[the29thhuman]

It’s their job to navigate.