Do you ever say the three little words that can save a relationship?

[OlderAndWiser]

"I love you" is nice to hear when it is said spontaneously and with sincerity, but those are not the three little words to which I refer.

And no, ladies, the three little words are not "Let's go shopping" either.

The three little words are "I was wrong." I was previously married to a woman who was NEVER wrong. . . even when she WAS wrong. Trying to keep the relationship alive was a Herculean task, because the defensiveness made me feel that the relationship was very one-sided. . . and it was!

You don't need to be perfect for your partner, and admitting that you are sometimes wrong will not make them respect you less. It will make your partner see you as a human, as someone who cares enough about the relationship to expose some vulnerability and admit mistakes. It may sound stupid but, when I have done that in the past, it has actually made me feel much better about my partner and our relationship, so the question is. . .

When's the last time you told your partner "I was wrong?" What were the consequences of making that statement; how did it work out for you?

Updates

1 y

If you actually read the post, "I love you" is not the three little words to which I am referring.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Every day, multiple times.

My wife takes it further, especially after arguments, she has the habit of saying "I'm still very pissed off at you, but I love you".

[OlderAndWiser]

But that's not the same thing as admitting that you are wrong.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

She says it indirectly most of the time, very rarely directly.

[AviatorTom]

Those three words are not little, they're very big... and important. I occasionally say them, but I prefer the old adage... Actions speak better than words.

[AviatorTom]

Thanks for MHO

[AI Opinion]

Setting relationship goals, huh? I'm all about diving into that! 🎣 Admitting you were wrong can be more potent than a dozen "I love you's"! 🤓 My wife and I have those moments, and while gulping down my pride isn’t my favorite task, it’s like that secret ingredient that makes the recipe work. Consequences? More like rewards! Her smile and our deeper connection are worth every syllable. Embrace the humility, and your partner will fall head over heels for reals! 💞

[OlderAndWiser]

WHAT wife? Univac I?

[spartan55]

I wasn't aware Love Doctor Brad got married.

[OlderAndWiser]

@spartan55 These bots are so damned stupid!

[Massageman]

Short Circuit here (it was the title of a cute movie).

[Bricealan]

Are we done?

[HawkPerception]

I do probably more than I should. It probably desensitizes my partner to the words and makes them less impactful. But I make sure to not mess around with words of affirmation and always share my thoughts with my partner.

[mandyfire98]

I say I'm wrong if I'm wrong. Anytime I'm wrong.

[nolabels]

I can't recall my wife ever offering those three words to me, or to anyone.

I voice them freely when I realize that I'm wrong.

As you indicated, it makes me feel better, regardless of the effect that they may have on the relationship.

Regarding the other three words, "I love you", I recently heard Rabbi Manus Friedman on YouTube say that by altering those three words to, "You are loved by me", transfers the focus from being a statement about myself, with it then being focused on the person hearing it.

I liked that observation by him.

Cheers.

[Miristheiss]

I was wrong.

I am sorry.

Would probably go further than I love you.

"I love you" is an actions based thing more than a word/phrase thing. Many people spout "I love you" but their actions show they really don't.

[OlderAndWiser]

Right. Say "I love you" every day like a habit and it becomes meaningless. And many people utter the words solely for effect without really feeling the love. I always say, "If you want to know how someone feels about you, don't listen to their words, but just look at the way they treat you."

[midnightmoon05]

I wasn’t very good with my first marriage… since we never had disagreements or arguments… we just played house… once we had a disagreement… neither of us was mature enough to fix the marriage.

now I am an expert … you know like I am perfectly okay saying sorry and I love you and thank you when appropriate..: I think I grew up a little according to my mom.

[IslaTheWitch]

I do, I say I'm sorry I did you wrong or I was wrong... but I say those words only to men who will hear them as apologies not a way to boost their ego...

[lightbulb27]

I love you means reassurance of value and priority. yes.

[OlderAndWiser]

The three little words are "I was wrong."

[spartan55]

I think we have the same ex wife. Ten years and she never apologized once.

[OlderAndWiser]

Probably. If it's the same girl. . . sorry to tell you but Debby died last year.

[spartan55]

I was only joking, my apologies.

[OlderAndWiser]

No apologies necessary. I realized it was a joke, I had not seen her in 20 years, and had no residual feelings for her. We're good!

[spartan55]

👍...

[midnightmoon05]

You never know spartan55 😂
Was her name Debbie? If not she may have changed her name 😂

[spartan55]

@midnightmoon05
No, her name is Angela. There was a husband #1 prior to me, but he is from Texas. @OlderAndWiser is in Florida... 😂 😂

[midnightmoon05]

I was just goofing around.

[spartan55]

@midnightmoon05
All good, I was joking too. 😜

[midnightmoon05]

😂👍

[Unit1]

Consider also the possibilities of knowing some things so well, that you can't be wrong. Then what?

[OlderAndWiser]

Are you always right about EVERYTHING? Not me.

[Unit1]

No, i'm generally not doing things, that'll result in me having to say that.

[MrOracle]

"Want some nuggets?"

Works every time.

[Ms_Facesitter]

" I have money",
I couldn't resist.😅
I don't know about saying I love you. Because at the end it's words, if you don't mean it, don't say it. And we don't always have the same love language, so using those words might mean little to your partner if that's not how he wants to receive affection.

[OlderAndWiser]

"I don't know about saying I love you." Okay, but , , , that isn't what this question is about. Read it..

[Laciejordan]

I never say "I was wrong". I say, "you were right, THIS TIME"! 😜 It sounds better to me.

[Laciejordan]

The last time I said it is when I used his truck and left the passenger window open and it rained! It's southern California, it never rains. He was mad and I got mad because he was mad. In the end, I realized he had every right to be mad, because it's HIS truck that he let me use. I apologized and said he was right to be mad. Of course, he said he shouldn't have blown it that much out of proportion, it was an accident. Most guys are like that. You apologize and they'll take some blame also. I appreciated that.

[spartan55]

You got mad because HE was (legitimately) mad? That makes zero sense, and all that did was escalate the matter. He blew it out of proportion because it took you far too long to admit you were wrong.

[Laciejordan]

@spartan55 Um, yeah, that's kinda what I just said.

[saraupstairs]

Sharp cookie.

[spartan55]

@laciejordan
No, that's not what you really said. You said you appreciated he took the blame, which is wild considering he had none.

[Laciejordan]

@spartan55 I didn't tell him to take blame. I didn't expect him to take blame. I clearly said he had every right to be mad and I apologized. I have no control over what he feels like saying.

[Slingblade1126]

@spartan55 It seems your anger is misdirected. You have an issue with her boyfriend for apologizing when he had no reason to, Lacie didn't ask for one or expect one. Although, in reality, all couples do that. They will both usually take some blame, that's what making up after an argument is all about.

[spartan55]

@slingblade1126
Thanks for your input, but no one is angry. My issue isn't with the boyfriend apologizing. My point was it didn't need to be needlessly escalated on her part to begin with.

[Laciejordan]

@spartan55 I thought I already established that when I said I "apologized" to him and said "he had every right to be mad".

[spartan55]

@laciejordan
I will guess that you've never lost an argument ever

[Laciejordan]

@spartan55 I'm not trying to be difficult, I'm really not. I admitted I was wrong for escalating the situation. I apologized to him and told him he had every right to be pissed at me. That's all I can do! He accepted my apology and we went on like nothing happened. It was a stupid argument (like most), that yes, I probably could have handled better but he got over it.

[spartan55]

Fair enough.

[Laciejordan]

@spartan55 Thank you! 👍

[Laciejordan]

Are you a third shifter or something? I fell asleep at midnight and was up at 4:30 wide awake.

[Slingblade1126]

@spartan55 You changed your argument THREE times! First it was for her escalating the argument, which she clearly said that's what she apologized for: "I apologized and said he had every right to be mad". Then YOU said: "That's not what you really said... you appreciated he took the blame, which is wild, considering he had none". She said, "I didn't tell him to take blame. I didn't expect him to take blame".
Enter me: "It seems your anger is misdirected. You have an issue with her boyfriend apologizing when he had no reason to..."
You: "... my issue isn't with the boyfriend apologizing. My point was it didn't need to be needlessly escalated on her part to begin with".

That's what she APOLOGIZED for! You made a classic circular argument!

[spartan55]

That's great. Anything else?

[spartan55]

No, I'm not an overnight worker. I can't make sense of these time stamps.

[Laciejordan]

@spartan55 I also live in California, so, I forget there can be up to a three hr time difference. I have out of state friends and relatives calling me at 4,5 in the morning sometimes. lol

[spartan55]

@laciejordan I'm in Texas which is +2 hours from Pacific time I think. I work first shift starting at 6am M-F so sometimes I'm up as early as 4:45am.

[Laciejordan]

@spartan55 So you have noon football games?

[Laciejordan]

I'm jealous! 😂

[spartan55]

@Laciejordan
We do indeed. You a Rams fan? Niners? Chargers?

[Laciejordan]

@spartan55 Chargers fan. I actually like Green bay too, my aunt lives in WI and took me to a Chargers game when Green bay played them in LA (I live in San Diego). They actually beat Green bay! It was a lot of fun.

[spartan55]

I still feel weird calling them the LA Chargers. Los Angeles doesn't have an NFL team for 20 years and now they have two... Chargers needed a new stadium though.

[exitseven]

After being married for so long it is just assumed that I am wrong. I skip right over that part and on to the groveling.

[andreasderjuengere]

I find the statement to be schmaltzy when there's no additional context.
But when we are (rarely) about to quarrel, these words do magic :)

[worldscolide]

There are several sets of those. I love you. You matter to me. You're important to me. I'm sorry. I was wrong. I need you.

There are several.

[saraupstairs]

You should try the five-word variation. It's golden.
"It's not you, it's me."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uAj4wBIU-8

[worldscolide]

@OlderAndWiser I did read your post, it's why I included them in my comment. It's a good post by the way.

[NathanDavis]

a day hardly would go by... without it

but also the other three words

"here's some cheesecake"

[OlderAndWiser]

I had a "relationship" in which the three little words actually were "let's go shopping."

[NathanDavis]

if it is the Home Depot, I am all for it... lol

[OlderAndWiser]

Yeah, that's not the way that went down!

[Massageman]

Three other words that are rather important- I'm so sorry!

[Sadia26]

I have no hesitation in admitting I am wrong if I am actually wrong or if you can logically prove I am wrong. If I know for sure I am right though I can be pretty stubborn.

[Billlewis]

My choice for a three word phrase would be, 'I'll pay for...'

[Laciejordan]

You'll pay for a mani/Pedi? 😀

[Billlewis]

@Laciejordan Oh God, yes😘👣

[Anonymous]

I would say those words if I were in a relationship.

[RageBabe]

I do and I try to show it with action.

[WhitneySnow]

Yes. I say them. And I agree with you.

[paledreams]

"I'll stop tanning" - ♀️

[Dongie]

I'll take your advice owl man.