Do you believe in the five love languages or do you think they're trash?

Question

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Well it’s a pretty good guideline and sometimes it helps to put labels on things or categorize them. It’s most likely just a generalized concept, humans are very complex after all, but at least it helps people to more easily see how they love and how they want to be loved so that they can communicate that to their partner.

WhitneySnow · Accepted Answer

I believe in them. Makes sense to me.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Here's the thing. As a relationship coach, I aim to help people find what works for *them* in love, and love languages can totally be a useful tool for some! 😉 Understanding how you give and receive affection can be enlightening, but remember it isn't the ultimate rulebook. If quality time with your partner rocks your world, embrace it! If not, no worries, love is as unique as we are. 💖😄

TheRealPepperPotts · Answer

I don't think they are completely trash, but it's kind of like the alphabet; once you know it, it only gets you so far before you need to learn more complicated concepts and go beyond it. It's probably helpful to people who have never had it broken down like that before, but it should be noted that it has no scientific basis and the concept is based on the experience of one pastor, with zero background in professional counseling or psychology.

The issue with things like this is that very few things in life are neatly packaged into a few steps. It appeals to us to believe that if we only do this or that system, we'll get results. But people aren't systems. They are complex, emotional, unreasonable, and dynamic. We have to take risks and make mistakes. These five step systems and ten step programs promise results with little bother and minor risk, but it's a shortcut. Anytime there is the promise of an easy fix, we should check our motives and do some soul-searching about what we are really trying to accomplish in our relationships.

Just my thoughts on it, anyway. :D

Finchie40 · Answer

Not against them , because most of it is kind of true but you shouldn’t base your relationship of it completely , and use them as excuses , the bottom line if your partner doesn’t want to compromise with you and fix what is broken? You are best to just walk away and find someone that you are more compatible with that matches your love language more. My love language is touch , so if she isn’t really into touch , she isn’t the girl for me ,

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I believe it has a lot of truth to it but is too basic and stationary to be a useful guideline for relationships. I can create something far more relevant.

phraseology · Answer

Someone buying me shit (gifts), or complimenting me (words of affirmation) is never going to get me to love them. Sex/Intimacy (physical touch) is part of a loving relationship, but alone it's not going to get me hooked. Acts of service show how reliable, loyal, and selfless/charitable someone is, so that tells you something about their character in relationships. Quality time just encompasses most everything really. Did I have a good time with her? Why? I liked her sense of humor and she's playful, we have compatible interests and have fun doing stuff together, she's intelligent and a good listener/communicator, she's respectful, she's caring and loving, she's confident, she's down to earth, open minded, and a bit spontaneous, so on and so forth. All the stuff I love about a woman is exposed through "quality time" together, but it not the spending of time with a person that makes me love them. So for the most part, love languages are garbage, but if you are vague enough you can fit all the things that catch your interest into a couple of the categories.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

I have seen people with shelves filled up with self-help books. These people were helping themselves so much that they were just talking about themselves, and how they help themselves. It was not very interesting to hear. So, from experience, I would be cautious with people reading books such as five love languages, no offense intended.

I would be cautious because they could try to apply instructions and strategies without the adequate personality, without feeling or understanding anything at all. That is a typical issue with self-help. That makes people interacting in an uncanny way, which is really awkward to look at 😬

Massageman · Answer

I am very aware of Chapman's series on LL. I am "acts of kindness", and my wife is "words of affirmation". (The concept) may not new a strict one-to-one correspondence of definition, but it is a fairly sound basis if husbands and wives are to figure things out. (Yes, I know Chapman wrote various other off-shoot books for various sub-groups. )

genericname85 · Answer

i think they are trash. not cause they're wrong. they're correct. but they're trash cause they're trying to artificially over intellectualize common sense shit everyone knows. like everyone knows people like different things. you don't have to go the extra mile to learn their specific words for it.

DizzyDesii · Answer

I don't know if its much to believe in. I just know that words of affirmation (not the compliments part since I have a hard time believing those) are definitely my preferred method of communication when it comes to expressing my love for someone. Words mean almost as much as actions to me. Like yes actions prove a point, but without the right words to get us to those actions 🤷‍♀️ …Quality time is also important to me

NewWaves · Answer

Not believe entirely but I'm not against them. What I have found for me is that there is a difference between the love languages I like to be on the receiving end of and the love languages I "speak" to people.

Example: I'm not a fan of being given gifts, but I love giving people gifts.

lightbulb27 · Answer

a helpful tool. won't solve all issues. it's like a piece of the pie to understanding you and them.

TheStaleMarshmellow · Answer

Anything we make up probably won't satisfy what we are trying to communicate as something as complex as human feeling. Why we have art I think. Words kinda lack

Unit1 · Answer

They are a good general guideline and not meant to be exhaustive of love languages.

Anonymous · Answer

Kinda yes. Different people do value different things in a relationship and have different needs. Where you get a match in terms of what is given and what is needed or desired, you got a fulfilling relationship.

slatyb · Answer

A vast oversimplification like all attempts to put human behavior or desire into boxes.

MicahRaine · Answer

I 100% believe in them. I've never had a reason not to, and I have reason to believe it.

lorenzomichael · Answer

I’ve been with my share of women and I don’t know what the fuck the five languages of love is. What is that some kind of bullshit you read or had it read to you from a cosmopolitan magazine. “Five languages of love get the fuck out of here.”

luvstoned4him · Answer

There are legit  I've seen them play out in myself and others

Rab1901 · Answer

It's a guideline but it's some bs. Who wouldn't like all those things?

HellGeist · Answer

They're trash if the person you are dating is trash for you.

chilldude33 · Answer

I don't agree that there's a preference of one love language over another in people. I think it's good to do all five.

paledreams · Answer

Sounds like to me, trash 🗑️

Usedandabused88 · Answer

My love language is being deepthroated and then after that being brought a sandwich.

avery58 · Answer

It's all trash in my book

Abbycado · Answer

Don't really believe in that.

Anonymous · Answer

I think it's just tik tok nonsense.

zagor · Answer

No idea what that refers to.

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS

msc545 · Answer

Very sily.

Do you believe in the five love languages or do you think they're trash?

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