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I was on this course with this girl, to whom I was a good friend to. She was passionate sparkling and bit dizzy which was charming Over time I developed feelings for her as I saw her in a new light, but was pretty sure despite some mixed signals she only saw me as a friend - "the coolest friend" in her exact words. Eventually she dated my flatmate which lasted about a month which was a pretty rough time for me which I kept hidden as I had no right to interfere it was her choice after all. Eventually they broke up after about a month. After a while I had to get her out of my system and move on. I found out from her circle of friends that she had a list of 10 men she fancied. So one night at a bar I asked her straight "this list of ten men... I'm not on it am I?" She said no. I must have looked really crestfallen because she apologised and said "I'm sorry". I said it was Ok no worries. Chatted a bit more for a bit changing the subject to avoid the awkwardness, licked my wounds and left the bar. I Determined that night that I would move on but keep it civil with her after all she was a friend.
But the next day when I met her and her circle of friends on Campus and said Hi in passing they all ignored me. Eventually her friends got friendly again, but she stayed coldly civil, with no warmth, Never actively engaging. I got a girlfriend moved on and she found a new boyfriend too and I hoped that this would change her attitude, but she still stayed cold. Not spiteful or resentful. Just weirdly guarded. Most of the times girls get annoyed that men don't stay friends after rejection I gave her space but the friendship never resumed. Until now. Uni has finished now and we have moved on with our lives. But now out of the blue she's starting to contact me again after making no effort. Nothing can possibly happen now but I'm annoyed I might be getting mixed signals again. I can't decipher what I have did wrong. Her reaction after my sideways confession is especially puzzling.
What Girls Said
What you did wrong is to ask her if you were part of this group of 10 close friends she fancied. That was a direct indication to her that you had intentions with her. It alerted her that she should take a certain distance with you so as not to give you wrong impressions.
She probably mentioned your approach with other people and that is why they started being rather cold with you. This is only a supposition of course.
Your best attitude now is to totally ignore her since both of you have gone their own way and not let her tempt you again. Make it clear that you do not wish to have anything with her but a cordial but distant friendship.
Social Anxiety or awkwardness. Just move on.
You mean me or her?
This is so confusing. Dizzy?
This obviously isn’t going to work out so just move on.
I'm not looking for it to work out. I'm trying to understand *why* she is acting the way she does.