Are men's view of women largely shaped by what they see at home growing up?

Question

This question is inspired by @Apple1996 question Is it possible to have reverse daddy issues?, which I answered yesterday.

I spent a good deal of my early and formative years living with my mother and one of my sisters, with no male figure in the picture. They weren't positive figures - my mother would go from being absolutely cold and detached with me to acting like she was my best friend; while my sister would often bully me to do what she wanted. While my sister mostly relied on threats (physical and emotional), my mother was a much more refined manipulator who used promises and flattery and avoided conflict unless absolutely necessary (unlike my sister who would look for any pretext to start a fight).

They also hated each other and often fought even violently, and while I did my best to not end up in the crossfire, often they tried to get me to pick sides, my sister with the usual threats and superficial charm, my mother with promises and guilt-tripping. This ended when my sister left to live on her own and I stayed, which is a whole other can of worms on how my mother started behaving with me once she felt secure enough that I no longer could be influenced by my sister, which I later ended up being codependent on once my mother decided I wasn't worth her time anymore. Still, in hindsight my mother was the lesser of two evils.

I walked out of that home somewhat scared all women could be like them, and had a hard time believing a woman could be 100% honest with me and not looking to manipulate me. Thankfully with time, therapy and experience I learned that there are many many good women out there, one of whom became my wife.

Updates

28 d

Someone wrote that my sister was a victim of bad/neglectful parenting and I should have stuck up for her, and I agree to some degree - but she was two years older than me, and she was an absolute terror on me. Nothing I did was ever good for her.

While my mom as cold and neglectful she could be was easier to get along with and when she was in a good mood she could be genuinely nice.

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

When you have a child you have to understand up in the brain there's nothing there except for energy and electrons and neutrons and they are a sponge and they watch your every movement your every facial expression you're everybody expression your tone of your voice your words everything and really put it together they just study and steady and as a child gets older and older if the parents argue and if he's loud and boisterous and mean these children they don't understand they only see and feel and hear what's coming out of his mouth and if it's a boy the only thing he knows is what he's learning right there in that moment the outside world doesn't count because he's not out there he's just learning from his parents if a woman and mother is being abused that's what a daughter learns and understands she thinks it's the norm for men to be little her to yell and scream at her so when she gets a boyfriend she thinks it's okay for this to happen a boy gets a girlfriend he knows no better so he gets mad upset and he treats her like the wicked witch and screams and yells calls her names whatever his father did because he doesn't know any better he only knows what he's learned in that bubble of a home

And then turning 18 and they move away from the house and they get in their relationships if they cannot think beyond themselves and what they have learned and understand that it's wrong that's who they become and it's just wrong if you are a parent and you are that selfish to argue in front of your kids you are totally wrong and you do not deserve to have kids if you cannot teach your children how to act towards the opposite sex in moments of grief or madness don't do it in front of them I mean stop think

When I got divorced my ex-wife did everything in her power to f****** up and I would take it depending on the situation and where it was all happening and my son was there no I would keep my mouth shut and I would take it when my son was 17 his mother called me up and said hey I need you to come and get him he's calling me names he's doing this doing that and I said okay when I got him back to my house I said what's going on he said I'm angry I'm so mad he goes she doesn't remember that I was right there when she was doing things to you and making you suffer and making you pay and I hate her for it can I had a choice to make right there I could have went either direction and I said hey wait a minute time out first of all that was a long time ago second of all that was between me and her not you was she wrong for doing what she did I feel she was but that's neither here nor there I'm not going to talk about her I don't want to talk about her because don't you hate her for everything she did to you I said hate is a pretty strong word but let's just look at it like this those days are over I don't want to bring it back into my life I don't care it happened but you cannot treat your mom the way you're treating her call her the names that you're calling her because of what she did to me that's between us and only us I thank you for caring and understanding and he said can you tell me everything that happened and I said yes when you turn 18 I told you this a hundred times I said if you want to know it if you need to know right now you go to your aunt and uncle and your grandparents her family and ask them they're not going to lie to you I don't think but I don't want to tell you until you're 18 but I don't want to tell you because it's my word and only my word and I'd rather you hear it from other people before you hear from me so that's what he did and that made him hate her even more because they told the truth

Now I could have said your mom's a f****** b**** and blah blah blah blah blah for what reason because I was angry or did I stop think about it and want to use this as a teaching moment to teach him who and how to be when things in his relationships didn't go right I did not want him to be like his mother and I did not want him to hear me bad mouth his mother because that's who he would become so I had to stop and think which not really because that's just who I am and I've been that way since he was born because I know in his mind what was happening and he's going to be that person who he sees me act like bottom line so I gave him nothing but the best to grab from and to use as an experience to treat his girlfriends his wife whoever the right way

Garud · Accepted Answer

Is men's view of women largely formed by what they see at home - yes. But they also see women in their school, girls of their age, and how women close to them treat them, then there is the net and you can see millions of women on the net and media houses demonising men for bogus reasons. Then you learn women-centric laws, society favours women first and government policies are only for women.
But then you grow up, mature emotionally look for good people around you and stay away from negative influences

mandyfire98 · Accepted Answer

These days it's mostly what they see online and on social media. You have young men early early on that get on the internet and social media and immediately are hit with redpill, incel, women are all bad, women are all goldiggers and cheaters and then they fall into that line of thinking based on seeing it on tiktok and twitter and YouTube.

Most have never even been in a relationship.

Apple1996 · Accepted Answer

It use to be that way but more recently it's shifting to online/outside influences rather than what they see in the home

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

First up, cheers to you for navigating through those challenging times and finding understanding and love! 💪 It's common for early experiences at home to shape our views, sometimes even making us wary of potential lovebombing or ghosting later in life. However, as you rightly pointed out, not everyone fits those early molds. You’ve shown that with time, therapy, and healthy relationships, mindsets can shift positively. Falling in love with the right person, like your wife, proves that trusting and honest relationships do exist. Keep embracing that positive outlook! 😊

OlderAndWiser · Answer

It is understandable that a boy of 16 years old, or even 19 years old, has very little experience with women other than their mother, so their opinions of women are mostly based on childhood experiences with sisters, mother, and grandmothers. Those experiences play a much smaller role once a guy is 25-30 and has experiences with other women.

Unit1 · Answer

My case is different. When i was like 16-17 years old at the high school there were 25+ year old men, that have arrived at the school with their cars to pick up some 15-16 year old girls, giving them flowers, red wine, chocolate, gifts and an overdose of obviously oversweetened compliments to win their way into the girls private body parts. Its been so obvious and they gave in to it, believing their Prince charming has come.

How did this shape my view of women?

Gold diggers

of course. What else?

Shaking it off takes much longer than it should.

BobbieBoy666 · Answer

Yes, children learn gender-appropriate behaviors by observing their parents, and these behaviors can shape their views of gender. Children develop cognitive schemas for gender based on their observations, which include the behaviors and traits associated with being a boy or girl. These schemas can then guide children's selection of activities and environments that fit with their gender schema.
For example, a study found that fathers' contribution to stereotypically feminine housework predicted sons' involvement in the same type of work in adulthood.

HighValue · Answer

No, it has more to do with their real life experiences with women an, but also what they have seen friends and family members have to deal with because of women. How women behave online affects it too, but not as much as statistics do because statistics show the majority of women's behavior as a group. That includes things such as voting for liberal/immoral policies, high divorce, stealing men's kids, making false accusations, high promiscuity rates among women, etc.

Anonymous · Answer

to some degree yes but the sample size would be too small

most women in my family are great. can't say the same for those outside my family

by being extremely observant you can recognize patterns in differences between women of different cultures and commonality that exists biologically and I'm not just talking about physical strength

Chillguy53 · Answer

I think some girls are good people, and i hope there's a girl out there who i can make my future wife. I hope my future wife is not ran through and i hope my future wife has slept with less than 15 guys in her whole life.

Most woman are sucking any cock they see and most women fuck any guy, an average girl at 20 sleeps with thousands of guys.

Its very hard to find a girl these days thats wife material. All they wanna do is get fucked by thousands of guys in a day.

Nikki1989 · Answer

I think it is more to do with the utter garbage they see posted online by other men. It can be a blind leading the blind kind of situation.

ICanSmellTheCosmos · Answer

I had a great mother and grandmother for rolemodels of how good women should act.

In contrast, my experiences with other women (especially of my generation and younger) have largely been negative, which has mostly turned me off to associating with women where not necessary.

So, yeah, I started from a good place but lost faith / respect.

strateguy632 · Answer

Not me, my ma was horrible but i assumed women are different from her.  Usualy in public scool we see gals and that forms "view of women by it largely shaped".

Joshydavid25 · Answer

I think it may start off that way, and then as experience happens it shifts to those instead.. It talk more easily with women though because I also grew up in a matriarchal household with virtually no male figure..

LazerBean · Answer

Yes, I think people are very greatly influenced by what they see growing up, not just when it comes to men or women.

DrPepper12 · Answer

My view of women no. I had lots of others to observe and I was angry & resentful about my mother's cerebral palsy anyway.

Unfortunately my view of marriage was shaped by them and I'm still recovering.

molonski2 · Answer

Its a massive influence in both the positive and the negative , its the major influence factor , young boys , look for that leadership.

MemeSupreme · Answer

well the term "mommy issues" does exist lol

Anonymous · Answer

Reading your questions sound like u have a very happy loving relationship... sorry you had to go through all that with ur mom and ur sis. Ur sis was a victim too imho

ArrowheadSW · Answer

I'm sure that is a large part of it. That, and porn, now a days.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Originally, yes, then men begin to accumulate their own experience and opinions of women.

nik0102 · Answer

All people, no mater gender or race or whatever, are shaped by their childhood

Lottydotty · Answer

Yeah just the surrounding types of anyone influence your assumptions

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

Nope it's mostly what they see online

MannMitAntworten · Answer

No. Personal interactions as adults.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Absolutely, without a doubt.

LiamJHayden · Answer

And by other personal experience.

In_Trance · Answer

It's more shaped by mass media than anything else

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

Usually, though my mother wasn't buxom.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

Not necessarily

Are men's view of women largely shaped by what they see at home growing up?

Most Helpful Opinions

AI Opinion

What Girls & Guys Said

Gold diggers