Does your husband think he knows everything?

Question

Like, he's always the expert on every topic, even when he's clearly wrong? How do you handle a partner who acts like a 'know-it-all' without starting a fight?

abc3643 · Accepted Answer

OK, this is a good question... A very good question... and here's the answer and it applies to everyone.

In life, you are going to run into people in which you and they definitely disagree on something.
You may be 100% correct but that doesn't really matter.

So, you try an take this tack in interacting with them: Verbally create the situation in which you offer them the opportunity to prove to you that they are right.

In other words, instead of trying to prove you are right, you (perhaps silently) take the attitude of assuming you are wrong and then them prove themselves. If they are wrong, then they will be mistaken about something. Then, what you do is point out the inconsistency of what they are saying, but you do so in the form of a question. Basically, (I came to realize this in my 50s) you are using the Socratic Method of teaching which involves asking students questions which they must think about. The students then aren't so much taught, but teach themselves. So, if your are having a discussion with someone and they are trying to prove they are right but they make a mistake, as a question about the implications of that mistake. They may then realize, yes, that was a mistake after all.

I am sorry this is all very abstract and I can't exactly use the Socratic Method here myself, but maybe I can give an example.

Bob and Mary are having a discussion about gender. Bob strictly adheres to the conservative view of "There are only two genders." Mary realizes it's not that simple.

Bob: "There are only two genders."
Mary (at first): "Gender is more complex than your simple binary assumption."
... lots of back and forth... Mary now decides to take my approach.
Mary: OK Bob, then let's assume you are correct for the moment. Can you prove to me that there are two genders only?
Bob: Babies are born either with XY or XX sex chromosomes in their cells. If the baby has XY, then he's a boy. If the baby has XX, then she's a girl. That's it.
Mary: But what about people with birth defects? For instance, do you know the actress Linda Hunt? She was on NCIS: Los Angeles. She has Turner's Syndrome.
Bob: What's Turner's Syndrome.
Mary: People with Turner's Syndrome have "X0" as their sex chromosomes; that is, they only have a single X and no other sex chromosome. Those people are infertile.
Bob: But still female because of the X.
Mary: Yes... because of the X A person born with only a Y chromosome will be stillborn. But, my point is that she's an example of someone who is not an XY or an XX. There are other types of people also. For instance, someone born with XXY is a male born with Klinefelter Syndrome.
Bob: But the Y still signifies maleness. So, if there's a Y, he's male. If there's no Y, she's female.

OK, we've reached the important moment when Mary truly uses what I was saying... Mary knows about genetic chimeras but Bob, beholden to the binary gender view, obviously does not. Now, Mary can blurt out and dictate to Bob about chimeras, but that puts Bob on the defensive and feeling a bit ignorant at best. So, what Mary is going to do is give Bob a question or two...

Mary: What if someone is born with both?
Bob: What do you mean?
Mary: Well, suppose we have a person - let's call this person Terry - who is born with two sets of DNA. That happens quite often actually. In the womb, two fraternal twin embryos can be implanted so close together on the uterus that, as they grow, the embryos grow to the point that you have a fetus made from the DNA of the two embryos.
Bob: So?
Mary: What do you suppose would happen if one of those fraternal twins was male and the other was female? The fetus is going to have both XX cells from the girl and XY cells from the boy... What is the baby going to be when it's born?
Bob's not so sure...
Mary continues: I suppose it could be a hermaphrodite... born with both a penis and a vagina or some type... Are hermaphrodite's boys or girls, Bob?

By this point, Bob should be less secure in his binary gender believes. He cops out.
Bob: Look, there's always going to be exceptions but generally it's either XX or XY and that's it.
Mary: OK, I'll buy that, but these people do exist. But, I wonder and want to ask you... Back to that baby with the XX and XY, what do you think would happen with the brain was the girl's so to speak... it developed from the girl's XX cells... but the genitals were a penis and testicles having developed from the boy's XY cells. I guess the baby would be "male at birth" since it has a penis. He'll have a girl's brain. So, what do you think he's going to be like when he grows up?

How this argument ends depends on the nature of Bob and Mary, but especially Bob. The answer by the way is that the baby is likely going to have some LGBT issues... Possibly a homosexual (effeminate or not) or transgender M2F. Where and by how much the male (XY) and female (XX) cells spread during the gestation of a "dual-sex chimera" is going to govern all of this and that is most definitely NOT binary. The XX or XY DNA may dictate the genitalia and thus sex of the baby, but gender as in self-perception of one's sex and sexual orientation are traits that reside in the brain.

Mary, knowing this, could have also asked Bob questions like:
"How does a person know he or she is male or female?"
"How does a person know what their sexual orientation is?"
Bob probably doesn't know the answers, but Mary could point him the right direction.

But, once Bob realizes that things are a lot more complex and that problems could arise leading to all sorts of people, he may then abandon the binary gender position. But he needs to come to that himself and Mary throwing questions actually aimed at informing is a way for Bob to do that on his own.

=========
I am sorry if I am not very clear. I did this spontaneously and should be working right now.
I hope this helps.
Bottomline: Instead of convincing others of your position, help them convince themselves by questioning them so they eventually come to the same conclusions as you. Also, though, keep an open mind; you could be wrong too.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It's not always the husband.
Make use of their knowledge when it makes sense, and trust in your own council when you're confident you already have it covered.
Choose your battles but make it clear where you have it covered or just have an opposing chain of thought without trying to win an argument.

KtownSlapps · Accepted Answer

You gotta create scenarios where you have the opportunity to prove him wrong... this works even better if you're in public and when he realizes that he's wrong you need to raise your voice and say SEE... I TOLD YOU SO YOU F*CKING MORON!!! And Boom! A couple times doing that should chill his ass out.

bobalife · Accepted Answer

Might be narcissistic….

I understand it can be annoying and challenging for sure… But having calm, mature, and open conversation about respecting & attentive listening about each others different opinions will be a good start.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Ah, the classic "know-it-all" scenario! 🎭 My aim here on Girls Ask Guys is to sprinkle a bit of love and wit into the mix. So, you've got to tackle this with lovebombing and finesse! Try using humor to diffuse tension, and gently encourage the idea that it's totally fine to not know everything. Celebrate his knowledge but also highlight that even experts learn new things every day! Additionally, it's all about open communication and lots of love, but maintaining the peace and keeping things light-hearted! 💖✨

AviatorTom · Answer

We guys  are  experts on everything. 😉

brooker · Answer

If he acts like a "know-it-all," it’s tempting to push back, but I try to stay calm and avoid arguing. Sometimes, I just let him talk, then calmly share my thoughts when he’s open to it. Doesn’t always work, but it’s worth trying!

erikli · Answer

It’s frustrating when it feels like your partner thinks they know everything. I try to stay calm, not challenge him too hard, and share my point of view without turning it into an argument. Sometimes it’s better to let him have his moment, then talk it out later.

bornangel · Answer

Ugh, I totally get that! I try to stay calm and gently point out when he's off, but without being too confrontational. Sometimes, I just let him have his moment, and other times, I’ll ask him to explain so I can share my perspective. It’s all about balance!

nastyb · Answer

i can't ever imagine marrying a guy like that. imagine having to spend the rest of your life with a guy who is like that. I don't know how women deal with it, i can't

Nikki1989 · Answer

Well, he does know a little too much, but that comes from reading educational constantly.

LazerBean · Answer

No he does not. He is very intelligent, and knowledgeable in a wide variety of things. But he is not annoying, nor does he exaggerate what he knows.

EmmaMary · Answer

Whilst he is very good at most things, he's the first to admit when he doesn't know something and needs to ask or look it up somewhere.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

It seems you lack respect for your husband. He is probably tired of your cluelessness but he doesn't go to social media to get validation for his frustration.

bowenw · Answer

It's doubtful a person like that will ever change. Plan you exit strategy.

Anonymous · Answer

what is he wrong about that you're so certain he's wrong about?

filebadem · Answer

It's really hard to tolerate this but I don't fight because even fighting with him is impossible because he's not open to communication. I know it's not a good idea but I try to ignore it.

dovendyret · Answer

No I didn't marry a know it all. ☺️

slatyb · Answer

Seven little letters: D I V O R C E

RHK36 · Answer

Don't marry insufferable people

Anonymous · Answer

No he knows I know everything.

DtMe89 · Answer

Depends on how you want to handle it

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

He's probably right. He is the guy.

Does your husband think he knows everything?

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