Why is this man that I am seeing so fixated on how different our upbringings were and our lifestyles?

[Anonymous]

I really like this guy.. but I feel like what he is doing right now is sabotaging any kind of growth in this relationship.

I had a good childhood. I grew up in a middle class home, got along with my siblings, my parents had stable regular jobs, and my parents have and still had a solid marriage. Pretty basic. We werent rich or poor. He grew up in an unstable household with an abusive dad, and some abusive siblings. They grew up on food stamps, and section 8. I never ever looked down upon him for that of course. If anything, I give him reassurance telling him how great of a man he turned out to be.

Another subject that makes us different, is that I am a city girl and he is a country boy. I am artsy, and love to explore downtown. I love the diversity, and culture. He is from a small town, and he loves to fish and hunt. I never degrade his interests. In fact, I told him I would like to go fishing with him. He doesn't mention my interests at all. I would tell him the places I would live to take him that he might like!

He has come to where I lived before, so I wanted to know that I am interested in his life too by driving up to where he lives a couple times to show him that I care. I then told him I would love to show him more of the city and he says no.

We will have conversations that don't even relate to these matters, but he will bring it up. By that I mean our different upbringings, and different lifestyles. I feel like him focusing on that is ignorant and stunts the growth of us forming a great relationship. He keeps saying I need a city boy and I get upset but don't want to show him. I have calmy addressed this issue of him being so fixated on our differences. He goes quiet and a little defensive. "Stereotypes are a thing." I like him for him. I don't like it when he does this.. I wish he would just see me as me. I think I am going to give up but it sucks.. I wish he was open minded and reciprocated. It takes two.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, love can be such a wild ride, right? 🎢 It sounds like this guy could be dealing with a bit of an identity tug-of-war! When someone's upbringing is vastly different, it can be hard to let go of that as a defining trait. He seems genuinely caught up on the stereotypes and differences, maybe because he's struggling to feel fully accepted in a world he’s not used to. Just because you’re artsy and he’s all about fishing doesn’t mean you can’t hook a beautiful connection! 🎣 Keep the convo flirty and light; focus on what unites you two rather than divides. And remember, if someone isn't respecting or reciprocating your interests, it's their loss! You, gal, deserve a partner who appreciates the whole gorgeous package you are. 😘 Keep your chin up!

[SteveSmith1985]

I think what you're feeling here makes perfect sense. It's a shame that he wasn't willing to talk to you about this when you tried. That's really the only solution. Bring this to his attention and talk it through.

The only thing I can think of, would be to do it in writing. If you're about to give up anyway, you might as well make one last attempt to get him to hear you. Writing has a few advantages.

First, he will read it. All of it. You will get to say everything, without being interrupted or sidetracked, by something he says.

Second, if you give him something written, you don't have to be next to him while he reads it. There is no getting defensive, because it's him and his thoughts alone. It forces him to at least hear you out.

You could (should) literally let him read what you wrote here. Copy and paste it, but I don't see why you should change a single word you wrote here.

It would just be a shame for this seemingly promising relationship to end, because this guy wasn't able to hear you. What you're saying makes sense. I am sure that he can't know how you feel this completely. There is no sense in giving up, without letting him read what you wrote here.

It's worth a try. Then you know you've done all you can, and it just isn't going to work. Just a suggestion. Do whatever you feel is best.

🙂

[Asker]

Thank you!

[SteveSmith1985]

you're welcome!

[BadApple69]

Ok you won’t like what I have to say but here it goes…. You called him ignorant for dwelling on your different up bringing….
A question for you…. Let’s say you both hit it off perfectly, where are you living? City or the country?
What he is concerned about is legit.


I am currently dating a girl from the city and I’m from the country myself. I love the girl but she would never move where I am and I wouldn’t move to NYC.
We know our relationship will never go anywhere but we enjoy our time together.
So his concerns are valid…. You calling him ignorant is a clue to me that you don’t respect him and don’t care about his concerns.