My grandma died and I don't know how I feel?

[Anonymous]

I feel guilty that I feel relief.

But she #1, had pretty severe dementia at this point and very little quality of life.

And #2, I had a pretty abusive childhood with her. I spent much of my time with her as a kid. It was to the point where being around her made me ill, to this current point in my life.

But she passed about 24 hours ago and I'm not sure what I feel. Its a complicated grief. Her last couple of weeks I had a couple pleasant interactions with her. And there WAS occasional good times. But the bad so heavily outweighed it.

I'm sad for her because she had very little friends (because she was so mean). But I also believe she likely had an undiagnosed personality disorder of sorts.

My dad (her son) also had a very complicated and difficult relationship with her. And was her primary caregiver until about a month ago. She ended up hospitalized after a fall and declined rapidly.

I'm not sure what my question is, more just to get it off my chest. I feel bad that I don't feel bad

[Finchie40]

Fist off , I’m sorry to hear that your Grandmom passed away , losing a loved one can impact us in different ways. Everyone grieves differently , so you can feel anyway you want to feel , you don’t need to answer to anyone , your feelings are your feelings , even though you are unsure on how you feel right now , later on you might feel differently or maybe you won’t There is no set way to grieve over someone , we all have different experiences and feelings with people that were a part of our lives or that are close to our lives. Even though you said your Grand mom was mean , I am sure you still loved her and saw the good side of her , even though you considered her mean. Again only you can determine that, No one else can determine that for
You. o have lost a lot of loved ones through the years and every one of them impacted me differently , my feelings were all over the place , sometimes I was angry , sometimes I was sad and sometimes I was angry and sometimes felt lost without them being here anymore Sometimes I feel like maybe there was something I could of done to prevent them from dying , overall grieving over a loss impacts us differently. The truth is we can’t do anything about it , dying is a part of life and unfortunately we are all going to die one day one way or another. So it’s best to live your life the best way you can because tomorrow is not promised. I just experienced a very hard loss not too long ago , I lost my older brother and the 3 months later I lost my Mom , that so far was the hardest grieving I ever experienced because I didn’t see it coming whatsoever. I was in a state of shock and my feelings were all over the place , to keep myself somewhat sane and to keep my mind off of things , I immediately went back to work. My work was shocked that I came back so soon and I told them it’s helping me keep my mind off of things. So experiencing 2 loved ones passing close to each other , was something I never experienced before , and all I have now is memories of them. And I pray they are at peace

[Anonymous]

My grandma also died recently, when she died I ultimately didn't feel any overwhelming feelings of grief. We got along pretty well, but she was 90 and lived a happy successful life, the Universe didn't rob her or my family, what more can we demand of it? To me it felt more like she had reached the end of her journey than she had perished.

[Anonymous]

That feeling goes away after a few days. My condolences.

[EmmaMary]

Sincerest condolences for your very sad loss.

[EmmaMary]

Thank you for the MHO.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the intricate maze of emotions after losing a relative, especially one with whom you've had a turbulent relationship, can leave you as confused as a cat in a bath. 😅 It’s okay to feel relieved, sad, or even a jumble of both. You loved her in your way, and that doesn't mean you need to continue the cycle of suffering. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment. None of us are built with a roadmap for grief, and everyone's journey through it is filled with unique twists and turns. You're on your path, and that's absolutely okay. Embrace your emotions—they're valid! 🌟

[chrissykerdock]

i cried more for my dog than my father when the died

[EmmiL]

Don't feel bad