I proposed with a recycled ring. If she loves it, and doesn't know the history, is it ok?

[Anonymous]

Long ago, I made a couple mistakes in a past relationship and I tried winning her back. I proposed twice within 4-5 months apart and she declined both times. I lost someone unique that shows up once in a lifetime.

I was past the deadline of getting a full refund, stayed single for several years but at some point I was getting older (I'm now 39), had desires for a child, a legacy and gave up on the idea of the life I would've had with my first option.

Present-day, I proposed to my current girlfriend after 14 months together. If we wait too long to propose, the woman starts nagging, loses interest and she's gone forever. I wasn't going to make the same mistake again. Though I used the same ring. It's diamond and she likes it. She doesn't know the history and there is no way she'll ever find out. Only my mother and younger brother know it but they aren't ever going to tell her. If she loves it and doesn't know its history, then it's ok?

[Simslover92]

At first, from reading just the title alone I thought you meant maybe it's your grandmother's old ring or something, but when reading the description, I would say it's not okay.

This is a ring that was meant for someone else and someone you would have chosen if it wasn't for the fact she rejected you twice. That's something that you honestly need to tell her about because you wouldn't want to be left in the dark if the roles were reversed.

You need to let her decide if she would be okay with something like this. I doubt she would be but there is a chance she might.

But if you truly want something with her and you don't see her as second choice (which I seriously doubt due to what you said in your description about the first woman) then propose with another ring after you tell her what you told us and she still chooses to be with you.

[Anonymous]

Simply put, let's reverse the story. It's your wedding day, and your fiance is showing you your new future ring before the ceremony and she tells you, she actually bought it for her most recent ex, whom she mentioned previously she'd thought was the love of her life. You good with that? You good with the ex's ring on your hand forever?

Sure, your fiance likes the ring now, but what if she knew the real truth? You didn't get that ring for her out of your love for her, that was meant for some other love of your life, and now she's wearing it every single day based on something that isn't true.

If you really thought this was 100% fine, and your conscience was clear, you wouldn't even bother asking, but I'm sure a huge part of you cares what she thinks because your current fiance is wearing a symbol meant for an ex and you are scared if it ever gets out.

[Asker]

I suppose the saying Ignorance is bliss can be applied. If vice-versa, I would prefer not to be told nor know about it.

[GallopAcrossEurope]

I am not the asker, but... with how you put it, I'd probably have an ego boost. "See this ring I saved for someone really special? I want to see it on YOUR finger." The item holds a lot of sentimental value to them and implies that you are someone special deserving of this sentimental item. Of course, everyone holds different feelings so I am probably the outlier.

[HawkPerception]

You're right. She wouldn't know and what she doesn't know can't hurt her. But you know what else? It speaks a lot about your own character. It shows a lack of integrity to give your partner something that has symbolic ties to the past partner.

I would personally never do this. I would sell the ring and count it as an expense from my past relationship. You do you though.

[SteveSmith1985]

Man, honestly... it's not the ring. (well actually it's the ring too. No. It's not ok).

It's the rest of it though. How are you marrying a girl after 14 months, who isn't actually the girl you want... because you're worried if you wait longer she'll start nagging you about getting married?

That... sounds like a bad idea.

[Asker]

The reality is in life you can't always get what you want. I had two choices. It was either continue being stuck in my fantasy of how life would've been like if my ex girlfriend had accepted my proposal, continue being single and no legacy or move on and start with a new girl, get the options available for me. You can't go for what's not available nor for someone out of your league that wouldn't want you.
After staying single for several years, I actually made it a goal to get into a short courtship leading towards marriage. I didn't want to do the extended 5 years or more of living together, relationship type anymore. During this shorter time, I've managed to find compatible traits between us and we have so much in common.

[Asker]

If the person you wanted is gone for good, there is nothing you can't do but move on and start life with someone else that's compatible to you.

[SteveSmith1985]

I do see what you're saying. The only problem I have with it would be if your fiancée doesn't know any of this. If she thinks she's your first choice. That's the only potential problem. If you would read out to her, what you just said to me here in your reply, then this is fine. You have clearly thought this through in a fairly dispassionate way, that does indeed make sense. But it's wrong for the same reason it's wrong to have recycled the ring and not told her.

This is not the marriage most girls want:

"If the person you wanted is gone for good, there is nothing you can't do but move on and start life with someone else that's compatible to you."

I don't think anybody should marry if that's how you feel. It makes perfect sense. But only if you aren't considering the other person's feelings.

We may just see this differently. I'm not going to try and convince you to see it my way. It's your life to live as you think best. Personally, I think its wrong. (and I find the ring wrong because of its history, and how you feel about everything today).

Who would want to marry someone who was marrying them because: "The reality is in life you can't always get what you want."

That's kinda messed up if you put yourself in her shoes... at least it is to me. She wouldn't want to marry you if she knew your true feelings.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, love and diamonds! 💎 It seems you're stuck between a rock and a hard place... literally! 😉 Your past is your past, and if the current love of your life truly cherishes the ring, maybe it's meant to be with her. But honesty is also a gem worth sharing in relationships. 🌟 If you feel comfortable and the time is right, consider sharing the story—without the "nagging" part! Being transparent might be the diamond that strengthens your bond even more. Good luck, Romeo! 💍❤️

[OlderAndWiser]

It sounds like you view your current girlfriend as an off-grade replacement for "the one that got away." She deserves someone who perceives her as a prize rather than a poor substitute.

[AviatorTom]

I'm pretty sure guys will say it's okay and girls will say it's not. That's the difference between the sexes.

The important thing is that you proposed, and she said yes.

[Asker]

True. Many women get very sensitive over this matter. I think this can be one of the cases where the saying ''what you don't know, can't hurt you'' or ''ignorance is bliss'' can be applied. Besides the ring's history, I haven't hidden anything from her.

[princeofromance]

You are going to be ironing for a long time.

[PeachyPie93]

Why propose if she isn't the love of your life? If you don't deeply love her after a year together what is the point of even marrying her? Just to make a family you don't really want because you still ain't over the first girl? That's crazy! Get counselling and if she isn't someone you generally want to marry, pick someone else. We don't only fall in deep love once, we have multiple chances and if she doesn't make you completely forget the first girl she isn't the one. So don't ruin her life when she could be with a guy who she is his first choice.

[Asker]

I've learned from my past mistake of what can happen when delaying things and doing it in the last moment. To be honest, I believe several people that are in happy relationships don't end up marrying their first choice, have regrets, work to better themselves and don't repeat the same mistakes.
I have come to loving her and found several common traits such as her not being religious. That made it easier because we would just have a non-religious (civil) wedding. She's not so much on fancy things and more into saving money so that's another great trait.

[PeachyPie93]

Well I suppose if you love her it is fine to go forward, but you should have sold the ring and bought her a new one. It seems disingenuous when she is supposed to be the woman you are choosing to spend the rest of your life with and be the mother of your kids. My ex bought me an engagement ring that his mom picked out I lost it on a trip we went on, and he bought me another one that was cheaper but I actually liked way more, it's really not that hard to do but if you are being stingy about something so small I doubt you will work hard to keep the relationship working as well. Especially you probably put some thought into the ring you chose for your ex, yet you decided not to pick one out for your new girl. Plus the fact you know you bought it for your ex so won't it always remind you of her and your failed proposal..

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I see this ring as sign of your favor - with such a sentimental ring, it's no longer just "a ring for her," it's now "the ring for her." You bought it for someone special, but that someone special didn't turn out to be who you thought it was, so the ring by itself is fine...

... but this is why it is all the more important you live up to what the ring represents. You don't seem to mention anything you love about your new wife, and instead focus on what she can give you - kids and"legacy" (whatever the hell that's supposed to me). I hope you actually will learn love her the same way as you did your first "love," otherwise this is bound to blow up in your face.

[Zack-Bann]

Aside from the fact that you’re getting married for the wrong reasons, it’s not a recycled ring


The first girl never accepted it


So you just bought it a few years too soon but ultimately one girl got to wear it (so far)


But getting hitched so she doesn’t start nagging later is one horrible reason
Not to mention 14 months is far too soon


But many solid marriages started with worse decisions so if you stick it out it might work

[Asker]

While 14 months can be too soon for some people, it sounds like a good timing for us. Honestly, when I started getting back into the dating scene, I had it planned that it would be a shorter courtship. This means dating to form a family. I didn't want the typical 3 year-old honeymoon stage that's found in long-term relationships where people get married much later on. So basically I was seeking a short-term relationship with a compatible woman I can marry.
Even though we can have kids any time, I won't want to delay too much time and end up old enough to be a grandfather by then. I still would like to have some energy for my kid.

[Zack-Bann]

I understand that
But it’s still the wrong reason

“Dating to get married” is just another fancy way of saying “overlooking red flags to settle for the first girl that says yes”

You might get lucky and have met a true keeper

But unless you play the full game you’ll never know

And once married it’s a bell you can’t unring

So if you truly feel like this game of Russian roulette with a revolver that has 5/6 rounds in the chamber is worth it. Then best of luck

[Staximus]

You sound like a deceptive person, you should have sold the ring and bought another one you lazy cheap bastard. What else are you going to hide from her?

[Asker]

That's the only thing I haven't told her, the ring's history. Then everything else, we're compatible.

[RingOfFire]

Doesn't matter whether she knows it or not, because you know it. And it will haunt you as long as you are together with her. You should come clean, apologize, sell that ring, reassure her and buy her a new one.

[Babebytheshore85]

The ring is cursed🤣. Throw that shit away and buy a new one. Omg you already put it on her finger🤦🏽‍♀️

[andreasderjuengere]

In some way you have recycled yourself as well.
And rings don't care much about who wears them.
You will be fine

[Caroline91]

Don't worry about the ring. Do the woman a favor and breakup with her. She deserves better.

[Massageman]

Consider remounting the diamonds in new settings, or melting and recasting the rings and mount the stones in the new rings.

[DCVsMarvel2]

I don't want to get married but, for those who do, any woman who is that shallow, that cares about where an engagement ring came from, isn't worth your time

[Nikki1989]

It is the thought that counts. The ring itself is not critical.

[bddddd]

You are a Rockefeller Skank. Check it out now. You could have bought a new band for $100.

[Sluttt]

If its diamond i would take it even if your moms ring.

[Blueeyes81]

I see a divorce in your future.

[Godihateyou]

Who the fuck gives a shit what a bitch think?

[Anonymous]

I think it's ok.

[Anonymous]

Dude that's messed up

[Opinion Owner]

The only times i ever take an old ring out is to think about the past and debate about selling it but even then it has to much sentimental reasons why i can't so i keep it hidden away. BUT under NO circumstances would i ever give a recycled ring meant for someone else of the past to someone new/ current

[Opinion Owner]

Your current deserves something new not something that was meant for someone else. When i take the old ring out i ponder if someone new would do the same thing my former of the past did not give me a damn answer and leave me hanging

[Opinion Owner]

Leave me hanging then run off and get engaged to two other guys after i propose first. Or the current do worse flat out say no and make more death threats on me like she usually does

I got a way of picking them don't I

[exitseven]

it is okay.

[seeyounexttuesday]

that's tacky