Do you believe your childhood dynamics with your parents shape the way you love or choose partners as an adult?

Question

I say this because I did notice that my upbringing had an impact on my past relationship and the way I reacted to certain things in my relationship. What do you think?

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

Yes I believe that. My mom and step dad would fight when we would got to bed at night. ( bro& sister) I would listen. When I wasv10 they Divorced. When I was 16 1/6 I moved out
The first night I realized I didn't know anything

I got a girlfriend and I was scared. I didn't know how to love her. So from that day forward. I made it a priority to find Myself.
From 5 to 10 years old, my stepdad used to be me with a buntil I was black-and-blue.

The last day that he hit me. I stood still. With tears just rolling off my face and I told him you can't hurt me that you love me. One minute and then baby until i'm black and blue the next that's not love

So from that day that I moved out to this day. I'm searching to become the list.
At love at relationships. Anything to do with 2 people.

I have 2 kids. I never once had to raise my voice. Never once put my hand on them. If they did something wrong I didn't take anything away from them. I didn't put them on restriction. What I did Wasn't very few words told them what they did wrong and then gave them more responsibility...

They are beautiful young My son is a fireman therapeutic. My daughter is still in college and we can talk about anything I mean anything

So yes my parents had a big in put to how I love My real mom and dad got divorced when I was one. I always wondered who I was when I met my real dad.
I realized what I didn't want to be. And I do not mean that in a bad way When you more or less , raise yourself You must have a good Foundation and no right from rome And then be one hundred percent honest with yourself no matter what you're doing Truth is the truth You cannot sugar coat anything You have to be real no matter how painful it is or how beautiful it is. And with all the above I learned My parents many other parents people friends They had it all wrong. Love is unconditional. I'm mean with everybody. You make eye contact with if you can do that That's the starting point of understanding love and committing to it with a smile.

DJB72 · Accepted Answer

There's plenty of research been done that shows how a father treats a mother is usually how a son treats his future wife and what a daughter is prepared to accept from a husband and vice versa.

Simslover92 · Accepted Answer

I definitely think so. I think I have anxious/avoidant attachment styles because of mostly (which I've been working on in therapy to become more secure) because of how my mom was treated in her marriages before she found a great guy in the last one. My mom was abused and cheated on by my dad. She left him when I was only 3 and I'm glad she did because it probably would have gotten much worse. I actually witnessed the abuse. That can scar you as a kid.

Then there was her second husband, who wasn't abusive but he did mistreat her, was an alcoholic and cheated as well.

So seeing that growing up, makes you develop anxious and avoidant tendencies. With my ex, I was mostly anxious because he wasn't very romantic and didn't show me the proper way to be loved for the most part. He was a good guy but just didn't really show love in the way that I wanted and needed. But throughout the relationship I self-sabotaged. I would constantly ask for reassurance and that's something that I shouldn't of had to ask for.

The way the new guy treats me is totally different. He is very expressive about how he feels about me. I don't have to question it and it scares me. Now I'm leaning towards the avoidant tendencies because I feel like I don't deserve this kind of love.

And all of this sort of stems from my childhood I think and seeing my mom in very toxic marriages. I guess it's ingrained in me to feel that I should be treated like how my ex treated me. While there was love there, he ultimately gave me lots of doubts and it shouldn't be that way. You should just know.

With the new guy, I know without a shadow of a doubt he cares and loves me. It's something I have to get used to. Showering me with love and affection is so new to me. It's so scary but its ultimately what I need and wanted.

midnightmoon05 · Accepted Answer

In my case, it seems like I was born with an outgoing personality. My older sister is very shy. We are raised from the same environment with the same parents but I am the odd ball who is outgoing and fearless. She is the opposite.
they teased that I was always taking care of her.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Absolutely, our childhood dynamics can be like a romantic blueprint for our adult relationships! The way we interacted with our parents often sets the stage for how we communicate, trust, and connect with partners. Think of it as relationship training wheels we sometimes need help unlearning. So, don't be surprised if you fall for that familiar vibe or find yourself reenacting those old family dramas. 🤷‍♂️ Just remember, awareness is key. If you spot those pesky patterns, you can always change the script and pen your own love story. 💕

WhiteThought · Answer

Of course. It can definitely influence how you select your partners later in life. Ultimately, you have complete control over that. I wasn't really leaning in any particular direction growing up, due to my parents. I was allowed to just be me, for the most part.

My grandparents, however, completely different story. For a very long time, they would want me to marry someone of my own race, so I believed I had to when I was a kid. But I realized I had a strong attraction to black women, so it was entirely possible for me not to do what they wanted. I eventually told them and they got over it.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

Having had an overwhelmingly positive childhood and parental interaction … about the only influence my upbringing had on my relationship character preference is ‘she’ too is happy, bright, reliable, and upbeat. Granted I grew up with girls like that as well who happen to also be attractive so that may have contributed to my preferences more than any influence my parents had upon me as far as my relationship preferences go. I had an equally overwhelmingly positive experience with girls growing up as well. Adulthood has been a mixed bag of mostly unreliable individuals.

exitseven · Answer

Yes, I came from a very dysfunctional family and my parents divorced when I was in high school. I never really knew what a real family was like. Before i got married the only serious relationship i ever had was a long distance thing that was almost like no relationship at all. I was pretty much on my own for my whole life so when I got married I was not used to having to be responsible for somebody else or having to answer to another person. It caused a lot of friction at first.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

Yeah for sure.. I have always been craving the love and attention my parents never gave me. I kind of feel I am unworthy of love so I got used to not feeling it from anyone. I basically gave up because I know I am this way.

MemeSupreme · Answer

oh 100% and it's random too bc not everyone reacts to those dynamics the same

i have been REALLY working on how i treat relationships and rewiring how i see things bc my childhood fucked all that up lol

Joshydavid25 · Answer

Of course.. I grew up with being married, and not just dating just to date, and no sex before marriage driven deep into my brain.. And so, that made get attached easily to any woman that shows any decent amount interest in me.. All that stuff I learned is good, I was mostly around single, older women.. So the didn't really help to cultivate how to go about pursuing and holding down a good relationship..

insatiable_curiosity · Answer

Absolutely. It took me quite a while (and a bit of therapy) to realize this. We often pick up traits from our past relationships even if we're not consciously aware of their impacts.

Lottydotty · Answer

Kinda and then I compared with everyone else I saw too. there's only been one relationship I've see that didn't look stuck or exhausted constantly at best and losing their minds as years go by. Thus I've never found true need to date or sex it up. It all seems dull at best in the end with yes some highlights.

alice55 · Answer

It usually does, my parents relationship were traditional and I prefer those, they also go married very young at 20 and met at 16

Bricealan · Answer

@7phoenix7 Absolutely, they do, and they certainly shaped my life and views of marriage and family (Negatively)

VoyeurGuy · Answer

Absolutely. That is the reason I chose to never get married or have children.

sage2021 · Answer

I did everything in my power to ignore my parents relationship and made sure to have a healthy relationship with my first husband which would have not ended up I divorce if he would have reenlisted in the U. S. Navy. A man without a plan!🙄

Agape93 · Answer

Only thing would be I know how not to treat people you claim to love

Godihateyou · Answer

I don't know. My father was a yin yang type of dude. He was verry masculine but he was a hippy. He was a single father. My mother being a drunk mess. He loved her until the day he died and would not let me bad mouth her when I grew up and knew her for what she was. She was a garbage woman and mother and I don't know what he saw in her.

abc3643 · Answer

Yes. And the older I get, this has become more and more obvious that this is common for all humans.

clampfan101 · Answer

Yes. One of many reasons being a good parent is so very important.

genericname85 · Answer

Absolutely. Like one example that is very reliable to proof this is

Hellfireandcandy · Answer

100% I know that my dad being distant/withholding affection has shaped my relationships with guys

AydenHazor · Answer

I think a lot of our childhood shapes much of what we do in our adult life, including romantic relationships. The key is to come to understand that and learn to take the good for good and view the bad as something to avoid

conanbdetective · Answer

As far as choosing partners, yes in terms of how you choose the traits and values you'd love to find in a partner.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

I n e v i t a b l y.  Ineluctably, inescapably and unavoidably.

Shiprex · Answer

I think it shapes it to a degree as you see how adults relate to each other and what things are good and bad.

serious · Answer

Yes to a great extent it does shape our thought process as we grow up into adults.

itsannalee · Answer

Yep, that’s why not everyone deserves to be a parent.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

yes 100% I believe that. In what way did it effect you past relationships

Anonymous · Answer

I don't think so, whatever girl I wanted... it was always an unrequited love.

MikeTheBartender · Answer

I think it plays a part, but not a huge part.

Massageman · Answer

That is one of the most critical components of one's future mental growth, yes.

jahaims · Answer

Your childhood interactions effect your adult behavior

foreverathiest8 · Answer

I absolutely agree. My Dad spoiled my mom in some ways so I always want to be spoiled and wined and dined. :)

Valdemort · Answer

Certainly does. Definitely has. 🥲

Kelly6 · Answer

@7phoenix7 my childhood dynamic with my parents made me opposite.

Brooke02 · Answer

It doesn’t hurt plus it teaches what to accept and what not to.

Professor-college · Answer

Yes. That's how you consider normal behavior by comparing what you had at home

Sluttt · Answer

You can blame all the bad things happen to you to someone or just live your own life

WonderingManII · Answer

Of course it does! And not only that...

Stevepro68 · Answer

There is no doubt that it does

Nikki1989 · Answer

Nope, not at all.

MrChinaski · Answer

Yes, I do believe that.

Babebytheshore85 · Answer

Yes, it can either make or break you.

Makeushiver · Answer

I think it's unavoidable

DrPepper12 · Answer

Nothing to refute. It's true!

Staximus · Answer

Very much so for most people

Panthero80 · Answer

I believe it plays a role.

tylrswftversion · Answer

yeees

WhitneySnow · Answer

Definitely.

Miah06 · Answer

Fashoo

mfused411 · Answer

Yess

Anonymous · Answer

I agree

Do you believe your childhood dynamics with your parents shape the way you love or choose partners as an adult?

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Does the type of relationship we have with our parents affect our romantic relationships?

Do you believe your childhood dynamics with your parents shape the way you love or choose partners as an adult?

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Does the type of relationship we have with our parents affect our romantic relationships?

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