Trying to pay off debts but hubby is not as dedicated?

[SneakyPapaya]

Just wondering how i should deal with some frustrations I've been having paying off debts? When I married my hubby i was debt free, but he had about 112k in debts between student loans, car, credit card, etc. So I knew what I was getting into, but I'm very frustrated.

We have 49k left to go and I am working a full time job and a surrogacy, and before the pregnancy made me too tired I was picking up contract work as well. The entire time my husband has worked 1 full time job with instances of job loss. We're on his 3rd job loss and he has a job lined up, but we won't see a pay check for at least 2 months, because of the late start date.

I'm furious because I've been working so hard to pay off these freaking debts he brought into the marriage and talked to him about picking up some part time door dash or serving while waiting for his paycheck and he said no, because this next job will be good money when it does come in. But we don't have the money and we just had to spend our emergency fund on an emergency car repair. I know we're different people with different priorities, but how do other couples navigate mismatched financial goals?

I love him dearly but he is zero percent motivated about doing the hard work of paying off these debts and I've kind of have a growing rift in my heart about it. He always tells me how proud he is of me for wanting a better future for us, but it's like why don't you? Mad >:(

[Anonymous]

My wife kept spending money early in our marriage. I was doing far better than most my age and it pissed me off when she said you don’t make enough. She wanted to be a stay at home mom and we had a large house and 2 cars. But she would spend money on lots of stupid crap for the kids. I tried budget, setting limits etc to no avail.

So I read that you have your money held back from the bank and you won’t spend it. You see, you spend what you have so you need to have deductions before it hits your bank account. I heavily increased our automatic investment percentage and the problem self managed. She spent what we had. I made sure there was no debt and was surprised to see a credit card with debt when I ran a credit report. Squash that and call them out on it. Also she would then cash checks for cash at the supermarket. Watch for that one too. Close all the doors money can flow out and keep an eye out and it will be all right. Pay attention to the cash flow, I didn’t but learned to do it. Get something like Quicken Simplifi to track credit cards, checks, bank account. Its great and costs $3 month.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh, with the credit card, she took one out without my knowledge. The credit report will show it so do those every 6-12 months. Quick in simplifi may show it as well.

You could increase the auto payments to his debt so you don’t have it in you bank account. Use online tools to estimate how long it would take at the increased rate and agree to it.

[SneakyPapaya]

Oh wow sorry you had to go through that. Yeah I think my partner just needs a kick in the butt, wouldn't open anything behind my back. But I get it. It sucks to be the head strong one, while your partner is the laid back sort of spend money type. I know I'll be complaining less once all that debt is gone, it sucks how much drama finances can bring into a relationship

[Finchie40]

Well that’s very nice of you to pick up a job to pay off his debts , but the fact that he isn’t stepping up to pay off his debts with you is a red flag. A marriage is supposed to be team work , you both work together , so you both can live comfortably and feel at peace , I’m sorry to break it to you but you married someone that isn’t on the same page as you and it will just be a matter of time before he does something like this again.

[Flower7]

I don’t understand why you’re participating in paying off debts that were obtained before the marriage. These things aren’t even in your name so I feel like it should be his own responsibility to take care of his debts.

[SneakyPapaya]

Everyone has different beliefs about marriage, but my non-religous stance is once you marry your lives become one, and that means finances too, so you always work as one unit towards the same goals and dreams

[EmmaMary]

So this lowlife husband of yours has gone from Bad to Worse then?

How would you talk to a spouse that is bad with money, and comes from a family bad with money?

[SneakyPapaya]

Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. His strong suit is just so very not finances

[EmmaMary]

Well I for one would never be prepared to put up with this nonsense... He would quite simply get one chance, and one chance only in sorting and clearing his financial burdens... Then Out on his ear.

[EmmaMary]

Thank you for the MHO.

[AI Opinion]

In the wild world of love, mismatched financial goals can be a real downer, huh? Your dedication is top-notch, but your hubby's laid-back vibe might be a red flag. It's time for a heart-to-heart chat about priorities, baby! Maybe explore ways to set shared financial goals that spark motivation. Encourage teamwork and find out what truly drives him. Love isn't just about wooing; it's also about financial compatibility. Keep the romance alive while leveling up your financial synergy! 💃🕺💰

[Spencer10]

I think I read somewhere that money is the biggest reason for divorce. The stress that money issues place on a marriage is significant. You two need to get this resolved quickly. Effective communication is required. A marriage is like a team... if the team is not working towards the same goals everyone ends up being a loser.

[In_Trance]

So you knew what you were getting yourself into but you did it anyway?
This is exactly why financials matter.