How can I help boyfriend deal with his mom’s death?

[ItsJill]

My bf’s mom suddenly passed away (heart attack), boyfriend says he’s fine but I see he’s not. He says he doesn’t miss her and good riddance, she was an abusive POS and a scammer and I agree with him, but I see he is affected by her death: like he barely sleeps now and spends a lot of time at night just sitting on the patio and smoking (he had quit last year).
I told him I’m always there for him if he wants to talk, he’s the kinda guy who doesn’t talk about his feelings but two nights ago he drove us out in the desert and we stayed a couple of hours there just talking about staff.

any advice?

[Finchie40]

The fact that he has a lot of resentments towards his Mom , can unfortunately make it harder for him to accept that she is gone , because he probably has a lot of things he wanted to ask her and tell her , that he never got reassurance on. So the best thing you can do for your boyfriend , is to just listen to him and let him vent to you , without really giving him advice , , just be his listener and reassure him you love him no matter what and are by his side Don’t try to fix him, because unfortunately everyone grieves in their owns ways , and handles grieving differently, so you are best just to listen so you don’t say anything , that he could possibly take the wrong way and back fire onto you . Losing a parent is devastating to a lot of people, whether they were close to their parent or not , losing a parent usually effects people more than losing a cousin or a grandparent etc , whether they liked their parent or not , So just because he has resentments towards his Mom , and he was upset about her, you are best just listen to him , and tell him you understand him , try not to give him advice on what to do , just tell him no matter what , you are there for him. There is no set time limit of grieving , I lost my Mom a few years ago and my life hasn’t been the same since , I don’t think i will ever get over the fact that I lost my Mom until the day I die

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Even if your boyfriend didn't have a good relationship with his mother and he hated her, her death, especially if sudden, must have left a sense of feeling at loss and not knowing how to react. I think he's still trying to get his footing, so to say - I had similar feelings both when my father died and one of my sisters suddenly passed away (and I was the one who discovered the body).

There's this scene from the movies Conspiracy, a dialogue between Reinhard Heydrich (Kenneth Branagh) and Adolf Eichmann (Stanley Tucci) that in my opinion summarizes well the concept of both hate and loss, and purpose.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/_ZMuOhuB3Wo

[ItsJill]

Interesting, I’ll show him this video

[Agape93]

No idea. I don't know how to empathize here

@Apple1996 you have a good relationship with your mom. How's this supposed to feel or what

[fantasticass]

There are many stages to grief. I suggest you speak to your family doctor and ask for suggestions. A psychiatrist is also helpful.

[AI Opinion]

First of all, I'm here to sprinkle a little supportive magic on your love life! 🌟 Dealing with the loss of a family member, even one with mixed emotions attached, can be super complex. Your boyfriend’s behavior shows he might be processing a cocktail of feelings, even if he isn’t verbalizing them. Being present and providing gentle support can speak volumes—like being his anchor in the stormy seas. Try suggesting some activities that lead to reflection like a walk or a drive, where expressing emotions can feel less intense. 💬 Encourage him to engage in hobbies he loves or find comfort in exploring ways to express his feelings. 👥 A flirty touch can sometimes break the tension too! But be patient, let him come around at his pace, and reassure him that it's okay to feel whatever he's feeling. 💕

[melnc]

He’s in denial, not wanting to confess that his mother means something to him.

[melnc]

On top of that, I don’t like the thought of you going to the desert alone together just for a conversation.

[ItsJill]

We often go there to shoot guns

[melnc]

This is exactly what I meant when I expressed concern about the idea of spending time in the desert. If that guy keeps bottling up his emotions, he’ll eventually reach a breaking point, possibly hurting himself or even you. Just be cautious.

[lightbulb27]

have him go to a therapist to talk out.

short of that, writing, pray to God.

he needs to process his feelings.

he also has to deal with funeral and estate and that is a lot of stress.

[beefcakebradybatson]

Keep letting him club you and laying LOTS of b. j. s on him, lassie !!!