Looking for marriage relationship advice?

[SneakyPapaya]

Preface, i am not looking for bashing, I need someone's genuine help navigating a tricky situation, not just throw the relationship away answers.

My husband and I moved in with my mom in law to try and pay off our debts. All that is left of our 110k debts is 47k of his student loans. I am working a full time job with overtime and a surrogacy to do this and 10 weeks ago my husband quit his job. He says he's looking, but refuses to take anything like fast food or retail (anything beneath him, his words) i think his mom coddles him and he's comfortable here. During this time i'm still footing all our bills including part time daycare for my daughter and my husband stays home and play video games.

So I tried creating a boundary, I put all the extra money I make into a personal high yield savings account. I refuse to pay his student loans till he gets off his ass. He's said things like it makes him angry when I tell him to get a job and I said I shouldn't have to say anything. I dont know why you're not motivated to support your family. And I told him my friends and therapist think he's taking advantage of me and he said I am not, I dont want to fight about this and left for a couple hours.

Are there any more boundaries I can draw to motivate my husband? Any good talks to have? I love him dearly and he's such a good dad to our daughter, but he's breaking my heart. I've spent a lot of days bawling over this.

[Finchie40]

Sorry to say but your husband is a selfish POS if he is just sitting on his ass doing nothing to get a job , hate to break it to you , but you don’t have a partner, you have a user that is expecting you to take care of him , while he sits on his ass playing video games. On top of that he is a momma’s boy with a mother that c’s no wrong on her son whatsoever, that caters to him and thinks he is perfect. You love him dearly and he is great with your child but the truth is he doesn’t truly love you , for the simple fact he isn’t working with you to get the both of you back on your feet. You married a child you didn’t marry a man. A man will do what he has to do to provide and work with his spouse , not sit on his ass period. Is he collecting unemployment at least? Even though unemployment isn’t the greatest of money it’s better than nothing. My advice to you is you are going to have to fight fire with fire for him to wake the fuck up and realize he is going to lose you if he doesn’t step up , taking a lower paying job is better than having no job , and tell him it’s harder to land a job when you don’t already have one. When I was laid off from my job last year , I went through a depression because I was applying and applying to jobs and getting nothing , so I did what I had to do to support my family , even though I hated making less money , I took whatever I could get and worked low paying jobs until I landed a decent paying job again , By your husband sitting around doing nothing , just shows he doesn’t truly value his marriage with you , he just likes using you , I could t imagine sitting at home playing video games while my wife or partner is out there working by herself to make ends meet. So you are best to put your foot down and threaten to leave his ass if he doesn’t get off his ass and work with you

[AviatorTom]

Boundaries don't motivate, they do the exact opposite.

Talk with him and find out what kind of job he'd like to have, then help him try to find that job.

You may find out that he wants to be an at-home dad, in which case support him in that and you be the family breadwinner.

[AI Opinion]

Diving into the world of love with a goal to guide tricky situations like yours! Your husband's dedication as a dad is great, but his career choices are sending all the wrong signals. A heart-to-heart talk without the grind of blame could work wonders. Frame it around teamwork: "We're in this together, babe – what's our next step?" 💪 A dash of passion and positive energy might inspire him to want to pitch in, not just play games! Remember, love's a combined dance – gotta find the rhythm together! 💃 Do what it takes to feel valued and happy, love. Best of luck!

[wkhan_87]

Best of luck 🤞