Do you think people fall in love with who we are or with the version of us they imagine?

[Emmytexrex]

Well for me I think both what do you think

[hmmarketing]

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[OneViewpoint]

It depends on the person doing the falling in love.

Some people have a healthy adult personality and project less of their own fantasies onto a romantic partner. They don't expect or require perfection. They recognize and accept their own faults and imperfections so they don't ask for that in others. They can weight the good and bad and be satisfied with "really good".

Some have the Social IQ and Social Awareness of a tree stump and consequently some bizarre expectations of the object of their affection while living up to none of those expectations themselves. And then there are the Sociopaths and Narcissists who are clinically mentally ill with severe personality disorders.

[Emmytexrex]

What a nice explanation

[thebiz]

I think it depends on the person but I think personally I tend to fall in love with my fantasies about someone. It's happened too many times that based off of a surface level of knowledge about them I imagine so many romantic scenarios and personality traits of theirs, only to actually get to know them more and become disappointed quickly.

[beenherebefore]

It depends. Women often like to portrait themselves a certain way and not the true version of who they are if a Man is not aware of it he might fall for the version of who he imagines her to be and then when she shows her true colors he gets disappointed.

[Emmytexrex]

some men do this too have you heard this old saying you won't know someone well until you live with them

[beenherebefore]

Absolutely!

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the classic "who are you really in love with" conundrum! Love can be a wild mix, like a perfect cocktail. Often, people fall for both the real you and their idealized version of you. It's pretty normal for someone to get swept away by who they envision you to be. Just watch out for those pesky lovebombing situations or any red flags! But in a healthy relationship, both versions merge, and love blossoms. Keep it real, and let the pieces fall where they may! 🌟💞

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

All cases possible?

I can think of some people being blessed (and cursed) with imagination, those would be at risk to fall in love with what they want to see. I've been there.

I can think of some people scrutinizing so much that they would have a very pragmatic look at their romantic interest.

I can think of some people striking, or trying to strike a balance between the tyranny of their ideals and the subjective reality of what someone is.

I'm interested in girls subscribing to the third category, they feel much safer to be with, for me 🙂

[ManOnFire]

I think most people unfortunately fall in love with the version of someone they imagine - hence the term "fantasies" when talking about relationships, while very few people actually fall in love with who the person is and like who they are.

Really great question by the way

[Emmytexrex]

Yh thanks

[Texasgal95]

If they truly love you, they love you as you come and y’all work together to become better people you should make bring out the best in somebody not the worst and you shouldn’t do anything that makes them feel like they have to change unless it’s a bad habit that needs to be changed

[DeeDeeDeVour]

That line "love at first sight" applies, initially, at the same equivalent of falling in love with the version they'd imagined.

While together, they'll each/both realize sooner or later if they'll fall out of love or genuinely fall in love with each other.

[Nikki1989]

When we first meet someone, we inevitably project our hopes, desires, and ideals onto them. We see what we want to see, often filling in the blanks with positive assumptions, if that makes sense.

[Emmytexrex]

It starts with curiousity, intrigue and then imagination

[Emmytexrex]

Then feeling

[WonderingManII]

We fall in love with the person we think we know. That could be fake or it could be reality. I think the fault of that is on the person you fall in love with. An honest person would want you to get to know them for who they really are. A dishonest or coward person, tries to mask over who they really are, out of fear that once you know, you might not want them.

[NathanDavis]

idealization leads to infatuation... what you call a "crush"

love is different... love is truly and genuine, when it really happens

[Emmytexrex]

Yh i agree with what you said

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

I do not agree, idealisation leads to love as well. If looking at love without judging it 😎

[NathanDavis]

@Maybe_Maybe_not but to idealize is to judge... and more often than not, wrong and inaccurately so the result is idolization and that's not ideal

a more true love and worth too, has to be real

the key word here being "imagine" we imagine in our own, while love should be a thing of two, back and forth... not just us in our heads with our... ideas

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

As I said, I come from a point of view where love does not need efficiency or morals to exist. As I'm considering love as a feeling, not as a result 🙂

[NathanDavis]

@Maybe_Maybe_not right... the same as cheating on someone is not seen as morally wrong, by the majority of French people

perspectives are one of the most interesting things... ever

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

ohhhhh watch out with such analogies and generalizations haha

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

I wouldn't say that my perspective about love is popular in France, or if it is I'm not aware. Though it's probably much more popular among psychologists

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

because it's a reflex in this environment, to approach things with judgements left at the entrance, to separate morality from feelings, in order to understand better what's really going in what we call "a mind"

[NathanDavis]

@Maybe_Maybe_not at the end of the day, I think that a better love... or, do we really get to feel with someone has to be trialed by both, and never just on our own

to me... falling, in love... is not the same as falling in love

and I definitely like to after a true love, forged in fire... and not the idealized one which is brewed in the depths of our mind

[Anonymous]

the version of us that they imagine, why do you think everyone always tries to change their partner and end up just breaking up because the only person who can change is the one who actually wants to change, themselves.

[Emmytexrex]

Hmmm you are hitting a point there

[genericname85]

You can never possibly know who someone "really" is. All we have is the idea of someone that we formed. It can never be more than that.

[Emmytexrex]

Hmmm ok I know we can know someone but we can't know them fully like people change

[genericname85]

The better your idea of someone matches who they really are, the more likely you'll stay together in a relationship but it won't ever be 100%

[avery58]

I try to be as transparent as possible so that whoever loves me or is in my life is doing so because they actually like me, virtues and flaws.

[Brittanyrunner06]

I think a lot of it depends on if they’re in it for serious reasons, or shallow ones.

[Didemio]

The person who can find and take the person that her imagine is highly lucky.

[alli-112]

The latter shifting into the former ideally.

[thegreenyogi]

I think this really depends on the person in question.

[RavVid]

With the version we present. Otherwise the birth rate would take another plunge downwards.

[Babygirl_S]

Depends on whether we’ve met or not. Someone unknown being loved is only the masterpiece created by my imagination

[SotiCoto]

Latter, generally. Though it depends how much of the real thing they're exposed to and how well they favour it.

[msc545]

Nobody really knows who they are, or who anyone else really is.

[Flower7]

The version that is imagined.

[Anonymous]

I don't know, no girl ever fallen in love with me.

All of my loves were unrequited :(

[WhitneySnow]

Most people idealize their loved ones

[TheSpaceGnome]

Both happen to people frequently.

[TheoreticallyGreat]

Both. Who you are, and who one day you may be