Are good men rare to find?

Question

Like those who have emotional intelligence, loyal, and can communicate.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

No. They are all over. The problem is that they aren't above 6' tall, don't look like a Hemsworth, and don't make $200k per year. They are the average, "boring" guys that are invisible to most women.

The handsome, very successful, "exciting" guys are desired by the vast majority of women, so they have rosters of women, and have no need or desire to commit to any of them. But even when they tell women this up front, women still date them because they are desirable, convince themselves that he will change his mind and commit to her because she's "special" (just like all the others), and then she cries "abuse" when she finally accepts that she's never going to be loyal to her (even though she knew from the beginning that he was a player). The last step is that she blames ALL men as abusive and amoral when he never abused her and she knew she was choosing an amoral men and didn't care because he was hot.

Most women have men in their Friend Zone - a men who she knows likes her, and who has proven himself to be a good men - but she believes that she can do better. The RomComs say so and so do her friends - even though most are single and in the same cycle of ignoring the good men and picking the hot Chads that only use her for sex and replace her as soon as she becomes a hassle for him.

The way that story ends in almost every case is that she eventually ages out of being able to attract the Chads even with casual sex, and her Friend Zoned guy finally moved on, and she ends up alone and bitter.

You have an opportunity to do better, but it's going to require that you abandon the fantasy of landing a Chad (which none of your friends were able to do either) and pick a man based on his morals, values, and life goals instead of his Instagram clout. Instead, you can have a man who will devote the rest of his life to you.

You can't have both, because Chads don't have morals and don't make sacrifices - they've never had to, and have no reason to start. Chads trade their status for casual sex in short term arrangements that leave the woman with less value each time - that's what they have to offer. Average guys who have good morals and values (and not all of them do - you have to vet them - but this is the group of men where those attributes can be found) offer loyalty, hard work, leadership, and sacrifice in return for a long term commitment. You have to pick one or the other - there is no option for "both" or to mix and match.

Cormac995 · Accepted Answer

Not really, it's just a lot of those guys don't meet the ridiculous standards woman have. there's is an army of men of all ages that want to date and hate being single. Many men in that army are good honest guys bit woman set the same standards for men now that they had in the 80s and 90s but now, they don't want to meet any of their responsibilities and basically want a good-looking sugar daddy. Woman who can't find men are refusing to date on their level because the problem is not the lack of options it's the lack of options that meet womans standards.

Every 4 things she's a 10 so she shoots for a 10 then complain when they're chronically single when they normally have at least 3 men in their life who would say yes if she just let them out of the friend zone. Then here comes the best part. The guys that meet this description are almost always the ones they've put in the friendzone. Also, there's no such thing as a friendzone. Men and woman can only be friends if one of them is gay because sex will always eventually get in the way on at least one end of the friendship.

Also, part of why there are so few men that meet this description isn't even just about the economy. The men that are doing well aren't looking for American wives because American woman frankly suck compared to Irish, Norwegian, French, Ukrainian and Spanish woman. Their society has given women equal rights but unlike in America woman still hold a certain degree of tradition and respect for men.

American women see men as wallets they have to sleep with to get access to and marriage these days is a joke to woman frankly with no fault divorce and extremely biased divorce and custody courts. Marriage is basically like changing cloths now for a lot of woman. They just get bored and walk away robbing you on the way out.

1/3rd of Marriages end in divorce 70% of the time the woman is the one who asks for it so American men that are well off want European wives because they actually respect and value men and don't treat them like we're blessed to even be in their presence.

Greek_goddess_Iris · Accepted Answer

There are many good guys out in the world. If you can't find one, it's because you are looking for the full combo. In that case, yes, they are hard to find. Mostly, because they are already married - To unappreciative women who walk all over them, and they are too good-hearted to ask for a divorce. And those who are available are usually not that attractive, and sadly, society is very superficial.

"You first lust with your eyes before you love with your heart".

My father, even tho in my 30s, chopped me up and said, "Stop going for the good-looking ones and find yourself a good quality one". Give those sweet geeks a shot.

EmmaMary · Accepted Answer

@dailyfairy  As rare as hens teeth... However very, very fortunately I managed to meet and grabbed one of these extremely rare species all to myself... But that was thirteen years ago now... So there's a huge possibility that this species is now very sadlt extinct.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

My aim on Girls Ask Guys is to help you navigate love and relationships with a sprinkle of humor and insight. Good men are rare treasures, like finding a diamond in the desert! They do exist, but it might feel like they're a myth among a sea of ghosting and red flags. Keep your eyes peeled for a guy who values emotional intelligence, loyalty, and communication. They're out there, probably hiding behind their books or baking cookies! Keep the faith, stay awesome, and never settle for less than you deserve! 😉

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Not according to the characteristics you listed. Dudes like that are everywhere, all the time.
I think we all know that they’re competing with men who project genetic superiority and wealth though. Guys like that are rarer, and guys who have those two things and all the traits you listed are super rare. When you limit your potential mating pool to that last class of men, i’m sure it seems like “good men” are hard to find.
The truth of the matter is every woman has had at least one really good dude in her life for as long as she can remember. Most women have had many; maybe all at once or onesie, twosie at a time. For better or for worse, they have been overlooked repeatedly. But they are there. They are always there.

Summeroflove · Answer

No they’re not the same as there is a lot of good women as well. Though there is also unfortunately a lot of bad and a lot of bad that can pretend to be someone they’re not.

Compatible good people? That’s another story.

HawkPerception · Answer

About 35% of men are highly intelligent.  Approximately 60 - 80% of men are loyal depending on how you define the term. About 35% of men are estimated to be emotionally intelligent.

AviatorTom · Answer

Good men are not rare, we're mostly well done. 😐

Avicenna · Answer

What’s hard to find is the right person for you,, however defined

ODC2112 · Answer

The old myth of the “unfindable man.”
Many women (and this also applies to some men, though with different dynamics) desire a “passionate,” dominant, or exciting man, the kind who attracts immediate attention, but at the same time, they want this same man to show loyalty, sensitivity, and the ability to communicate only with them. In practice, there is a dissociation between the “rationally chosen” ideal partner and the man “emotionally desired.” The rational mind says, “I want someone dependable, loyal, and empathetic,” but emotional desire is captured by opposite traits: displayed confidence, freedom, a bit of unpredictability, social energy, and charm. The combination of these two worlds, wanting to oppose traits and expecting them to coexist solely within the personal relationship, creates tension and often leads to dismissing men who would actually be “better” in the long term because they do not trigger immediate desire.
This can appear as a kind of illusion of control: believing it is possible to have everything without compromise, that the “dangerous but attractive” man can magically transform into someone entirely dependable when he is with you. This also explains why many emotionally intelligent and loyal men are perceived as “boring” or “needy”: they do not trigger the adrenaline that unconscious desire seeks.
Here, it is not just an illusion of control but a dynamic tied to the ego and self-narrative: the woman perceives herself as “special,” unique, and capable of attracting the man she rationally recognizes rather than her values and of making him behave perfectly with her. It is interesting to note that this dynamic is inherently interpersonal and narcissistic, but not necessarily in a pathological sense: it is a way for the ego to maximize attraction and emotional security simultaneously, even though this “strategy” always leads to internal conflicts and disappointments.
Behind this hyper-egoic dynamic lies an emotionally immature attitude, similar to that of a little girl who feels special and expects the world to adapt to her desires; it is not a moral condemnation but a psychological residue in which the self remains at the center.
In practice, it is the combination of a childish desire for exclusivity and the illusion of control over the emotions of others.
I strongly recommend you consider therapy; I think it could really help.

sayan7 · Answer

You have mentioned three qualities  Loyal, emotionally intelligent and good communicator. I will additionally add a thing called "common interest/ values". Because there is something needed to talk about, for showing communication skills, feeling connected and matching vibes. How much  qualities  you would expect is directly  proportional  to  rarity . Men are more logical, so the number of  emotionally intelligent  men is low. Most men who are so busy in their career, have a very small friend circle, so they are lacking  communication skills. If a men is very  loyal  he will not get close to any random girl, and if he does not feels you close, why he would show these qualities to you. Suppose these all contradictory qualities are in one men , then the probability of finding a girl like you with same common interest as him, will be very low. So I think they are  RARE  . And that kinda person finding you is very rare.

TrimmedTip · Answer

Great men with emotional intelligence, loyalty, and strong communication skills aren’t necessarily *rare*—but they can be harder to spot in a crowd. They’re often quieter, more intentional, and less focused on broadcasting their worth.

The good news? They’re out there. You’ll often find them working on themselves, treating people kindly when no one’s watching, and building real connections—not just performing “good guy” vibes for attention.

So no, not rare. But like anything valuable, they take patience, self-awareness, and a good filter to find. Don’t lower your standards—just sharpen your radar. 💫

Alex_Bright · Answer

Yes, just as good women can be found.

You'll meet them when you are ready to see. Some of the most average looking people I know check all the boxes you mentioned, and have the best relationships I know. They are not looking to optimise who they can find, they are happy with each other and work on the relationship. If you go for exciting, you'll get some exiting disappointments.

While it is a search, and you do need to get out there, it is mostly a search from within, without getting too esoteric.

All the best,
Alex

DannyUk2017 · Answer

Men with emotional intelligence (are considered SIMPS) loyal (are considered STUPID), and communicative (are considered Talkative/Can't keep Their Mouth shut for One second). 😅, yes, They are out there... Just kidding, now on to the Serious matter... There are Good men out there but because we become a "walking wallet" or a "step daddy for some women we are scared shitless to "dive" in to a woman's life... These days is Rare to also find That Good Woman, that we can put the Trust in, as One day she's with us and the next day she becomes the "milf next door", and just the thought of that, makes us to take 1 step forward and 2 steps back...🤷‍♂️

Sal_Monella · Answer

Its the more anonymous men who possess that. First Responders, Middle grade military officers (Major, Lt Colonel and Bird Colonel) and technically skilled construction operators, HVAC in particular. Sure, there are some bad actors, but their professions demand excellence and honor.

Caution. None of us earn enough to shower you with the gifts and lifestyle you want. Being with us requires sacrifice, emotional intelligence, loyalty, and communication skills. It is YOU that must possess the qualities you want. We aren't looking for them. We just Pray to G0d Almighty she will have them.

You aren't finding us because your real standards prevent you from finding us. You want some sort of perfection and will never stop looking for it even after you marry; a reason why women file 80% of divorces. Modern, educated, white women must relearn what Trad Wives never forgot. The Beauty Of Good Enough.

Nikki1989 · Answer

It can be almost impossible. I will grab some popcorn while the anons attempt to shift the focus back to women because they can't face their shortcomings. Bless them.

Anonymous · Answer

What is the definition of a good man? Let’s start from here. A rare good man makes me think of a high-value man.

A high-value man means someone who has good game, good communication with women, and strong social, emotional, and humor skills.

Another characteristic is having money, status, and a wide network.

Another trait is being good-looking and tall musculun..

If this is what is meant by a good man, then yes, those who are high in these three core traits probably make up only about 1% to at most 5% of men in society.

Anonymous · Answer

I’m sure there’s a lot. But the problem is they’re not handsome, cute, don’t have money, so women don’t even look their way. They get friend zoned. As for emotional intelligence you know when I think about it, a big part of society doesn’t even listen or care about men’s feelings, their emotions. So how are men supposed to be emotionally intelligent when a majority of men weren’t even shown that by people in society? It always amazes me how men are the ones who are wrong if we don’t act or think the way you think we should act or think.

RavVid · Answer

Oh dear this brings back bad memories of when I was accused of lacking emotional intelligence and communication.

These are code words for, in order:-

* Doing what the girl wants you to do at all times. Anything else is low EQ.

* poor communication is any other the Yes dear. In particular 'No I am not' is poor communication.

Run from this guys.

Son_Goku59 · Answer

No. No they’re not at all. Apologies if I’m making assumptions but you probably have a certain archetype of man that you are looking for. That archetype is comprised of a wide array of traits and characteristics that you deem “good”. What happens next is that subconsciously, you have created a delusion in your mind to where the only men deemed as “good” are the men that fit into the attraction bracket (i. e., a man that checks all of your boxes of attraction). You now have a deluded interpretation of what a “good” man is and you completely disregard any man that doesn’t fit your criteria as a “good” man, thus is that why you don’t have a man now and why you’re asking this question in an online relationship forum today. Am I somewhere in the ballpark?

BadApple69 · Answer

Prince Charming is only a fairytale.
There are a lot of good men but no one is perfect. We have bad days as do you.
To keep a good guy good… you need perfect communications (not possible). Well, you need the best communications possible. Because it can’t be perfect there will be times when there is miscommunications…. Try to be understanding. Where nothing is perfect we can strive for good.
Remember, things can only be as good as we (two people together) make it.

OneViewpoint · Answer

So the criteria are... emotional intelligence, loyal, and can communicate.

As the comedian and genius George Carlin once said.

"Think about the average person. Half the population is dumber than that?"

George ain't wrong.

There's your answer. Yes, intelligent people with healthy mature personalities who can communicate well verbally and in writing are always going to be rare.

HighValue · Answer

Good men are not difficult to find, but women usually only want good men that are also 6' tall +, have an attractive face, deep voice, strong, make good money, etc. They'd rather have a very bad man that cheats, lies, and sometimes is abusive as long as he has those other traits too.

Vevv123 · Answer

I think everyone has good in them. As far as these qualities you mentioned, I can’t say how rare they are, but I think both genders can exhibit lack of these.

tzdc21 · Answer

No they aren't. Hard truth though is that 9/10 times it's the men you ladies deem as unattractive or uninteresting or boring and disregard. They're the ones you don't notice or pay attention to most times. And im not being bitter here, but its a brutal hard truth.

glennos89 · Answer

No not at all! There are plenty of great men out there but sadly for them you girls put them in the friendzone because they aren't exiting enough or boring. The problem really lies with the poor choices woman make when they pick their favored man to date.

I'm not trying to offend woman, neither am I sticking up for men. It's just the reality of how things are... the truth

Twalli · Answer

Not really. There is a fair number of us. Yet most of us aren't available because girls find us and keep us. So, it's mostly luck based that you'll find a single one.

Rides_Big_Guys · Answer

They’re almost gone. Men are growing up without fathers. Men are not teaching their little boys how to be guys.

Anonymous · Answer

It may seem like good men are uncommon, but that's because most of the good ones are already taken... by good women. Good women seem uncommon too, and for the same reason. Good people are drawn to each other. Lower quality people are also drawn to high quality people, but it tends to be unrequited, for obvious reasons.

If you want a genuinely good man, you'll have to be a genuinely good woman, and vice versa.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

They are exceptionally rare, unfortunately. The average man refuses to raise the standards of mediocrity that they’ve been allowed to meet for generations

lightbulb27 · Answer

no, I've seen quite a few, even many... some loyal to a fault.

It's just more a challenge to find the broken pieces of two that fit without hurting each other, they fit well so are complementary and enjoy being together.

Anonymous · Answer

They are hard to find, but I’m lucky enough to have found one (though I know the odds of us staying together forever at our age are not that high)

Flowersareawsome22 · Answer

Well the last good ones were the generation X men. All millennial guys are immature momma's men child. I try dating guys my own age they're all jerks in general.

Asmodeusss · Answer

Actually, there are many people like us, and I include myself in the category of “good people.” There are more people than you think, but some of us are not considered options because of our appearance. That's why some of us close our doors to love and focus on our job.

Pearl222 · Answer

Definitely. at least from my experience so far, this has been true, can’t speak for anyone else. That’s probably why it’s a highly valuable trait in a potential partner.

WhiteThought · Answer

What is loyalty? What is emotional intelligence? and he would have to communicate for you to be able to talk to him in the first place, so I don't even understand that one.

trumpetplayerforlife · Answer

No i feel like there are a lot of good men but it's hard to find the one who's right for you I've met a lot of good guys they just weren't the one

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Yes. And they're every bit as hard to find as their female equivalents!  Surrounding oneself with good people is an art form.

MemeSupreme · Answer

its hard to find good people but ESPECIALLY ones you got chemistry with

Bricealan · Answer

@dailyfairy Depends on where you are looking.

katiesmuff · Answer

Not really just open your eyes look, listen and watch how he is with others.

dustybiker2 · Answer

Yes. But not so rare you can't find them. They see usually taken though.

lorenzomichael · Answer

That’s a good question honestly I don’t think so. However I do believe a good woman that isn’t influenced by anything or anyone is hard to find, a woman that really truly is her own.

Nerdvana · Answer

There's lots of good men with emotional intelligence, loyal, and that can communicate. Were just not very good looking, that's why you don't see us.

WonderingManII · Answer

I feel, it depends on the community you are in. If you try looking online, chances are you will just meet jerks and ghosts.

Mrtcn01 · Answer

I m a good man.. but i can say loyalty is not my part. but i m always honest.. if i want to go other women i say before i go :D

genericname85 · Answer

good people are rare to find. as a result, logically good men are rare to find.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Not rare but not easy. Most people suck especially when you live with them so it's best not rush into a relationship or marriage.

zagor · Answer

Yes, but not nearly as hard to find as good women.

Staximus · Answer

There's no such thing as perfect but there is such thing as good enough

AngryCarl2 · Answer

Mae West famously said "A hard man is good to find." She was an early feminist.

qwerty2469 · Answer

No. They are easy to find. Women dont like, love, sleep with good men. They sleep with me. A narcissistic sociopath that hates them.

Steve-the-lion · Answer

Yes there are good men but a lot of them have given up because they feel the juice isn't worth the squeeze.

Anonymous · Answer

They are rare for some women to find, and not for others. Don't assume your inability to attract / keep a good man means other women can't.

Gaylordslav · Answer

Good men are undesirable get you a bad boy and have him become a Christian

dragoblack · Answer

Nope, just treated poorly, not seen as relationship material, or ignored.

DCVsMarvel2 · Answer

theyre usually right in front of your face, but you're too immature to realize it

TimothyLee00 · Answer

Not just good men, good women too unfortunately…

Slim57 · Answer

We're out here. Luckily I finally found someone to appreciate it.

snake3946 · Answer

they wouldn't be if most women didn't want a 6 of 6 like there idols

avery58 · Answer

Good people are rare to find

Miristheiss · Answer

Probably. So are good women.

chrissykerdock · Answer

not too many out there

slatyb · Answer

About as rare as good women.

Are good men rare to find?

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