What is your biggest fear about being in a committed relationship?

[Anonymous]

[D_Bone_Steak]

Doesn't everyone fear committing, which means sacrificing for, doing without other options for, working for... only to find out they never planned on meeting you half way?

They never planned on committing themselves to their end of the bargain. It was just a deal that works for them and once it's their turn to pull some weight... they're out. They can't sacrifice, they can do without other options, and they can't be asked to do any work for you... I mean yeah you workout everyday to stay fit, but they just can't be bothered and start putting on layers of fat like a bear getting ready for winter. They just really like getting attention and texting in a flirty way while they get pissed when you even think about doing the same.

The fear is reaching that point... where you realize you've committed to someone who promised to commit to you, and they just don't for fickle ass reasons. You weren't abusive, you gave them attention, you gave them space, you supported them, you didn't cheat/flirt with others, you worked and supplied more than your fair share of the money... and then you realize... it's just you maintaining this relationship, and if they win the lottery in any of those departments... they're leaving and going to take as much of what you two built together with them.

Oh... I'm being told that's just me. Obviously I'm just paranoid, possessive, jealous and insecure. I guess to view things better I just need more of this gaslighting while I'm in the dark.

My biggest fear is literally being the character I was just pretending to be as I was writing that. The sub 80IQ people won't understand and I don't expect them to... in fact they probably can't read enough to get this far. But at least a few of you will read this and know exactly what I'm talking about.

[ohsheeT]

Commitment means love. And you have to understand you have to love your self 100% before you can love anyone else. Most men dont understand what that even means.

So that means they fake having the confidence to do either

Commitment , you have to be one hundred percent into it to commit something anything

Most of us are committed but only so far. a certain percentage and then we run from it

Because we dont like it or its to hard its easier to start over. And fake a new relationship. And the same thing happens we only commit so far. And we do it again.

Commitment equals love. The good and the bad. Unconditionally

[avery58]

Perhaps the possibility of everything going to shit after a long term relationship. Humans aren't perfect and being in a relationship of many years or decades with someone can be very difficult. They could make mistakes, you could make mistakes. The worst scenario would be to get cheated on or left for someone else after 20+ years. Or divorcing after you already started a family with them. Choosing to love and trust someone is a very sensitive thing, you're exposing yourself to getting your heart broken.

[DishLady]

I have always had natural staying power… but see how guys are… I wonder if there’s one with staying power, who doesn’t contrary think there’s something better out there… Having been bitten in the ass by that mentality twice in my life I’ll say it’s something that weighs on my mind when a fellow sniffs around too long and seems serious… How serious can he be? 🤷🏻‍♀️

[AI Opinion]

As a relationship coach, my goal is to guide you through the maze of love and commitment. Fear, my friend, is just an emotion trying to protect us from the daunting unknown. 😅 Many people fear losing independence, getting hurt, or, heaven forbid, the dreaded ghosting. But remember, every relationship is a journey where you learn, grow, and maybe even lovebomb a little. Embrace the adventure, even if it's a bit scary at times! 💕

[Summeroflove]

The biggest fear is falling too fast for the wrong person and falling for a facade. This is why it’s important if things feel like they’re moving too fast to communicate and slow down.

Someone who both loves and respects you will communicate with you and respect your boundaries. They won’t try to push negatively or with a smile on their face. Sometimes gaslighting is done with a smile and what seems like kind words. “But I love you…. Bla bla bla” trying to convince you that you’re wrong.

Someone who respects you will communicate their feelings sure but also let you communicate yours without shutting them down. They may also play the victim “I thought you loved me and trusted me”

[Danielle93]

This is why it's not wise to commit if you're already infatuated and feeling the highs. That's not love. Whatever goes up must come down. They say getting married for the sole purpose of being head over heels with them (just out of feelings and romance) without even knowing if you're compatible with them is the wrong reason to make a lifetime commitment.

[Danielle93]

If you're falling to fast, find yourself fantasizing over them too much and think you'll love happily everafter that's not love.

[Summeroflove]

@Danielle93 agreed. A lot of people fall for the fantasy of another man/woman not for who they genuinely are.

This is why relationships where you already knew the person tend to last longer because you know them for who they really are.

People can also ignore seriously red flags because they’re too infatuated ESPECIALLY in cases where one person is RUSHING marriage.

[Summeroflove]

@Danielle93 a lot of people get married within a year of knowing someone I think it takes a few years to know if you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone.

There are exceptions to the rule… But those are exceptions there are people who immediately married and lasted happily. But that’s not always the case

[Summeroflove]

@Danielle93 but it’s also true someone can be a amazing person…. Not a narcissist or other dark personality BUT…. You don’t have much in common, your values are different, and you’re wanting different things out of a marriage or relationship.

That causes MAJOR issues later down the road when you’re married to one another. Let’s say a man doesn’t want a woman to stay home but she’s wanting to be a stay at home mom or vice versa. This is a issue…

If one person doesn’t think watching/reading porn is cheating but the other one does.

[Summeroflove]

@Danielle93 even things like someone wants a open relationship at some point and the other feels disgusted by the thought of it.

One persons very religious and the other goes to church and all…. But doesn’t believe the same way.

There are a million things that cause problems. Maybe the roles they play. Sexuality. Anything….

[Summeroflove]

@Danielle93 one person can be pro abortion and the other one strongly oppose

[Danielle93]

Indeed. It would be a total waste of time to realize you guys have no important goals and values in common. It's ok to have some differences (ex: likes in types of food or music, movies and trivial things) as long as they don't interfere with major aspects in the relationship. For instance I could never be with a religious man nor with one that believes in spanking kids with household objects. That would be deal-breakers for me.

[Summeroflove]

@Danielle93 you’re right and SOMETIMES differences complete a couple. For instance if one’s super introverted and the other is extraverted. They can really bring the best of both worlds out of one another.

But when it comes to things such as values, goals, what they want out of life, a marriage, etc. Down to whether or not someone what’s to have any kids, a few kids, one kid, have kids later down the road, etc.

[HawkPerception]

I fear them falling out of love with me and leaving me. I fear them cheating on me. I fear them not being physically attracted to me. I fear them not understanding me and who I am as a person. I fear them losing faith in me.

[Finchie40]

Having your heart shit on by someone that you thought loved you

[OneViewpoint]

That she does a Jekyll and Hyde transformation the minute she feels she has me locked down. Fun and flirty and sexy goes out the window and gets replaced by nights watching TV on the couch, no sex, and expanding body fat.

I truly believe that if you let a woman become complacent, 95% of them will take a man for granted and lose respect / any semblance of making an effort. So they need to constantly feel risk. The risk that a man can and will walk out on them. The risk that other women are waiting in the wings.

[Anonymous]

Getting cheated on. Being 100% honest if I walked in on my girlfriend getting fucked, I might commit a double murder suicide at that point. If I found out, she cheated on me but didn't see it I'd probably be able to keep my temper enough not to kill someone, but I'd definitely smack her around some for it and call her a filthy whore etc. I've never hit a woman before in my life even though there were a few times I felt I had the right to like a time I was being sexually harassed both verbally and physically by a 500 pound whore that wouldn't take no for an answer until we all left the bar. If I get cheated on though after everything I've been through and the amount of effort care and love I pour into people I care about I'd feel so betrayed I'd defiantly teach her a lesson about respect.

[Danielle93]

Honestly a girlfriend isn't worth getting so fixated on. If you guys don't even have kids, nor share assets nor public marital vows and it's just the dating stage, then she can be ditched and replace fast. A wife cheating (and kids involved) would suck even more. It wouldn't be just getting cheated on but a family destroyed, divorce process, division of assets, etc.. way more than just feelings invested. A girlfriend isn't a family. If one of you ever get into an accident, she can't make any medical decisions on your behalf.

[Anonymous]

I guess ending up in a toxic relationship and having to rebuild my confidence.

I’m 99.9% sure I wouldn’t end up in one based on the education I got from Health Class and the education I got from testimonials and red flag warnings to look for, also I would never isolate from my family at all since we are super close. Though that.1% can still catch me tripping.

I don’t want someone to hurt me in ways I couldn’t imagine because I wouldn’t wish it upon them or anyone else. I would show only love and would expect only love in return.

[Danielle93]

Getting my time wasted with someone that claims to love you but will leave right after the infatuation period ends. Too many people get addicted with wanting to feel the highs all the time and really think loving someone is feeling the sparks (butterflies in the stomach) for decades.

[TonyMetal___86]

That's where the fear is found, you will never know if this person truly loves you or not, as if he or she has an expiry date...

[Danielle93]

@TonyMetal___86
Indeed. There are so many people that really fooled themselves into thinking they love you when they're just highly infatuated/enamored with you. They confuse that for love.

[TonyMetal___86]

True👍🏻

[Anonymous]

Arguing without repairing that relationship. I see every relationship as both people working together to build a bridge. I grew up where I could barely communicate, it’s a long story, but I am taking communications classes now. Being ghosted is one thing, but expressing extreme emotions is another.

[aaron13547]

Forgetting where I stop and they start. Obviously the more time you spend around a person the more you both influence each other. My biggest fear is growing apart from the person I love instead of growing with them. Only thing certain in this world is that everything changes...

[DonaldDarko]

The usual stuff, being cheated on, the relationship won't work etc. But, more than that a fear of losing my identity. Of no longer being me but just some woman's husband. Now my identity is tangled up with hers. I don't want that, I want to be who I am, not just part of a couple.

[Atze1984]

im currently not in a relationship, but i can answer it regardless.

The biggest fear when you love someone is : " the fear of losing them" .
When another completes you, reassures you when you are down , loves you and supports you ( vice versa ofc) then that is the only fear there is.

You might think about cheating , leaving, getting stuck in work etc etc but its still just the basic fear of losing them ;-).

If you are lucky and the love is real... they might return and if changed... let them in and they will stay.

[sage2021]

Personally I don't have any fears of being committed to a man.
But I know it's a bit different and harder for a guy to commit to life in a home with the same woman for the rest of his life. Of course not every single guy feels that way but a lot of them do. They fear feel being suffocated, and I believe that is a real, deep seeded fear for some guys.
Most of us know that men are born hunters and love the chase. But if you're committed to one woman they might cheat.

[Ask105]

I work with tons of men as a first responder and tradesman all of us just want that movie wife and be married till death , its exhausting chasing a women maybe a party guy or a felon will all day or narcissistic guy , hunting is for food not for women and men killed other men for a girl and the girl picks the winner back in the day way back

[TonyMetal___86]

@sage2021 miss sage, you might be right about some men who have this case but what about the others who will be faithful forever and will love only their wives, but someday it turns out that the wife is the demon and she cheats or leaves, you know that you're someone very rare, so measuring women of these days like you is wrong, they lack of faith, morals and values!

[sage2021]

@TonyMetal___86
We all know that there are never any guarantees when it comes to love, marriage, and staying committed to the person.
I found an old greeting card from my first husband a while back when I was moving. He wrote "You're the best wife a guy could ever have, and I don't want to lose you EVER"!
But one day he did leave me and my son. No arguments because we always got along so well. Where were my clues that he was planning on leaving? There weren't any. He just left us one day.
When dating guys would chase but as soon as they got what they wanted (even after waiting for 7 months before giving in) I wouldn't ever hear from him again. Or they would call and we would date for a while but it always ended for some reason.
You're right- you know that you would be faithful and keep your promises, but she had other ideas and being faithful didn't seem to matter.
There never seems to be the definitive answer when it comes to love and commitment and forever!! It's a gamble. Period.

[TonyMetal___86]

Well said "GAMBLE", either you win or lose!

[Shiprex]

Fear of it ending perhaps but not getting into one. The point is to BUILD something from scratch together and not have everything given to either.

[Anonymous]

Not being loved back. A person can only give all that they have and a lot of times that's still not enough. I leave a piece of my heart with everyone I've ever cared about and I simply do not have enough left of it to spare anymore.

[Miristheiss]

No real big fears.

The caveat was there are very FEW people I would have committed to.

[Flower7]

That they will not be satisfied by the sex in the relationship, leading him to stray either physically or mentally.

[jshm2]

That they might not fit in the grave chosen for them...

Joking aside. You know you are in a committed relationship when there is little room for fear.

[EmmaMary]

If you have any fears at all, then you shouldn't really be in a committed relationship.

[Asker]

I think that's highly untrue. You can have fears about literally anything in life, it's more about how you choose or don't choose to overcome them that can push you forward or backward.

[EmmaMary]

Well obviously I can only speak for myself in saying that in all honesty I had No fears, or trepidations whatsoever in committing myself to what has been a most successful and happy marriage... Maybe this might have something to do with my extremely assertive and confident attitude.

[MysticDevice]

Kinda dumb but I'm afraid of committing to someone only to immediately meet the girl of my dreams and be unable to act on it.

[Asker]

Well, it's not a trap. You can walk away from a relationship by breaking up if you truly believe that you have found 'the one.'

[MysticDevice]

True. But I can't help imagining being on the other side of that

[SoccerPlayer99]

Getting married and the person I'm with not maintaining the standards they had for themselves when we first started dating. "Letting themselves go". Which is probably half or more of America at this point.

[LiamJHayden]

I have a broken picker. I am great at choosing and keeping friends, but terrible in picking romantic partners. Or perhaps I am just too selfish to want to share my life like that and self-sabotage.

[beenherebefore]

The fear that they might leave or it might not be forever.

[RavVid]

I don't have much fear of it at all. It is only marriage I am scared of.

[Danielle93]

That's why you need to do a vetting process during the dating stage. Anyone getting married just for sole purpose of falling in love (infatuation stage where see them as perfect and think that's love) and romance without knowing the person well and their flaws is in for a rude awakening once the infatuation period ends.

[RavVid]

@Danielle93 That is why you just don't sign the wedding certificate. It isn't that bad after that decision.

I put a lot of stock in a girl being genuinely nice because it is observable and verifiable and it is an umbrella of a number of good traits.

There are a whole lot of traits you'd like and ones you don't want. But it is hard to tick of all of them.

[Danielle93]

To save you all that trouble, wouldn't it be easy to simply seek women that never want marriage. I must say the numbers are fewer than those that want marriage (esp kids in a marriage) but they do exist, just not as common as men not intetested in marriage. Seek for that type of woman but be aware that she might have her own flaws too just like everyone else.

[RavVid]

@Danielle93 That's a point. I'll give it thought.

[roganlone]

A few things that you let your guard down and they cheat, they leave you for someone better, that they change and are not the same person you fell in love with,

[Ironco]

Like anyone else, I'd say the fear of the other person cheating. Then secondly, having the other person become bored and just calling it quits in a relationship.

[elizamichale1]

None at all... I m in one n I love it n enjoy it

[Ermmhey]

When was the last time you went on a date with him?

[elizamichale1]

@Ermmhey last month.. he often takes me out on dates same as before

[Anonymous]

Just not too into the idea of eating cookies & cream for the rest of my life... i mean, I love it now, but I like to mix it up even today! And a good banana split is where its at!

[worldscolide]

That I'm not good enough to take care of her right.

[Nerdvana]

Changing her mind and leaving for someone else.

[Babygirl_S]

Literally losing my virginity to a toxic lying cheating white of a man.

[TonyMetal___86]

Wait till marriage and pray that he will be the one!

[Babygirl_S]

@TonyMetal___86 a whore of a man is what I meant

[TonyMetal___86]

Yep i know, it's very hard to know the reality of a person or what's go on inside their heads, it takes time, A LOT OF TIME!

[Iron_Man]

there’s no fear. I just wanna have a great team and work together perfectly

[Anonymous]

I've never been in any kind of relationship.

[exitseven]

Getting dumped.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

They could rape me and no one would believe me

[dragoblack]

That i will never be considered enough for her

[Asker]

That's a big one. I've felt that before in one relationship where I literally felt the guy was way too good for me, but in the end, it caused me to step up and match that energy and be for him what he was for me.

[dragoblack]

I was thinking in more of, as she gets to know me she gets more and more degrading of me bacause she dislikes of who i am as a person. I know a lot of women look down on guy who play videogames and watch anime, because they think it is immature & childish, while thinking a man shouldn't easte their time on that and be seeking to always be constantly making more and more money... which is unrealistic in this economy, that just wants to keep the working class people poor and easily extorted, while lining their pockets with their constant record profits.

[Anonymous]

Being cheated on again like my ex did to me and constantly throwing it in my face

[Ask105]

i almost don’t believe they exist anymore

[bobalife]

Unfaithfulness and dishonesty

[Speaking_Frankly]

Finding out that it was a wasted effort.

[Nikki1989]

No fears whatsoever.

[MikeTheBartender]

Lack of free time

[pragatimonga]

It might end badly 💔

[MemeSupreme]

getting hurt

[Longshanks1968]

More abandonment and more betrayal

[linka_pat307]

Knowing it might end

[beefcakebradybatson]

Some broad's busting me up by rabbiting.

[stayorgo]

Don't even bother RUN

[mysteriousNicholas]

The pressure lol 😅

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

None.

[Pterodon]

I don’t have any

[Dongie]

Commitment. 🫩

[Jamie05rhs]

That she will leave.

[TonyMetal___86]

Divorce

[robocop666]

cheating

[jahaims]

Them dying

[Bklynbadboy12]

Getting hurt

[Slim57]

Cheated on