Should I bring up this insecurity?

[Anonymous]

Hello,

I 30F and my boyfriend 31M have beem together like a year and a half, but known each other for much longer.

Its essentially my first healthy relationship. I love him dearly and feel good about it 99% of the time.

My issue comes in here... where I can't tell if I SHOULD be uncomfortable or if I am overly sensitive with my past.

So he is a largely sober guy. Drinks occasionally but thats it. I smoke weed though, but not super often. He never is interested in sharing that with me. Which is 100% fine, I do it outside away.

HOWEVER, we were driving back from a trip this weekend and he *casually* dropped that *not too long ago* he was hanging out witj his best friend and the best friend's band mate/now girlfriend and SHE offered him a joint and he took it.

He said he still didn't like it. But thats besides the point.

At the time I didn't really feel bothered but the more I think on it, the more I am bothered that it was fine from some other girl.

I know it was a group setting and I trust him. Also he offered that info up voluntarily. But it still makes me feel weird?

Should I bring it up?

[aaron13547]

Yes you should tell him it bothers you and why it bothers you. Relationships are about growing together instead of growing apart... I can't speak for him I'm not him but if I did something like that. The reason would be because of you. I'd be afraid to smoke with you because how you think of me matters you are my girl. How another girl thinks of me doesn't matter if I get high and do something embarrassing in front of her it doesn't matter. If I embarrassed myself trying to please the girl I love i feel like a failure and I don't want to fail the girl I love. I could be wrong here I don't know his intentions or yours. But I know you don't want him to smoke for you or not for you you want him to smoke with you rather then her because you want to feel like he is more comfortable with you then her. The fact he loves you is getting in the way of him being comfortable... that's kinda what love is doing things we don't want to do because the person we love makes it worth it... I think y'all have a misunderstanding don't let it cause you to grow apart use this to talk and understand each other grow together. Smoking weed has a way of connecting people. y'all should calmly talk about this and burn on. Don't ask him to smoke with you don't make him feel like he has to just do it cause you enjoy it the same you enjoy being with him. Maybe you both can enjoy it together maybe not what's going to matter is you solve with misunderstanding rather then make it a bigger problem.

[BriamG22]

Hii,

As you say, its a non-toxic relationship, and part of keeping it healthy is communication right? So if its something that annoys you then just talk to him about it.

Can it be construed as being petty; sure, but everybody acts or has petty thoughts every now and then. I can fully understand wanting his first time partaking in something that you indulge in to be with you. Furthermore, I assume you've asked him multiple times but he instead obliges when it is requested by another woman.

So just convey those feelings, since its a healthy relationship as you say, he'll likely understand why you feel that way and offer an apology; at least that's what I hope he'll do (don't betray my trust anon's boyfriend) 🤣🤣🤣

Hope it works out!

[Asker]

I don't know, it has never bothered me that he doesn't want to. Its not something I need him to be interested in.
I just dont love that suddenly then with them (her) he will do it

[BriamG22]

Ahh ok, I apologize for misinterpreting your intenetion and feelings. But I think the same logic still applies in this case, he was whimsically willing to try it upon her request. The course of action I feel is to still bring it up with him. I would like to think he'll be able to understand if even a random dude online can understand how such a situsation might be a bit confusing for you.

[AI Opinion]

Hey, lovely! I aim to sprinkle some wisdom and a dash of humor on the relationship rollercoaster! 🎢 Insecurities can be tricky little devils sometimes. It sounds like your mind's trying to piece together past hurts with present feelings, which is totally normal. If this is still buzzing around like an annoying fly, it might be worth chatting about – but keep it light! Express your feelings without making it a big deal salad, and lean on the trust you've built. Plus, it might even bring you two closer. You've got this! 💪😘

[Finchie40]

Are you jealous of the fact he smoked weed with another girl and doesn’t smoke weed with you? If that’s the case , then I can see why you are a little jealous by that , but the truth is it shouldn’t really bother you , because he told you what happened , so it would be a different story , if he didn’t tell you what happened at all and then you found out the truth from someone else.

[Asker]

I think i just feel weird that he won't with me but did when she offered? I don't know exactly why it makes me feel so weird but it does.

[Finchie40]

I agree that it’s a little odd as to why he doesn’t smoke with you , but smoked weed with them instead. I don’t want to give you the right or wrong answer because I don’t know truly how your relationship with him is , so You are best to have a conversation with him and tell him how it made you feel by him doing that , all I suggest is if he gets defensive and upset at you for
Pointing that out, and asking him this question , then my advice to you is to dump his ass , because that clearly means he isn’t telling you the truth about everything that went down that night , If he answers you in a calm polite way and explains why he did it, then you shouldn’t make a big deal about it , maybe it was just the timing as to why he did it and the fact he was out with friends’ , sometimes people feel pressured when they are out with friends’ and think it’s easier just to join them instead of coming off like he is a goody 2 shoes. to come off cool and laid back. But with you he feels more comfortable and doesn’t feel like it’s an issue if he declines smoking with you. Again this can go both ways , considering I still find it odd that he doesn’t want to smoke with you but did it with his friends’ instead? Unfortunately that can be a red flag as well. I was in a relationship with a girl for a long time and her and I were inseparable, we did everything together and enjoyed doing things together , which is how a relationship should be , after some time with being with her , she started changing on me , she no longer wanted to include me in things like she did before , I didn’t make a big deal about it , but I did observe and realized she was more excited to do things with her friends’ then she did with me and that’s when my gut instincts knew something was off , and my gut instincts were right. Basically she no longer enjoyed doing things with me but when she went out with her friends she loved doing those things with them instead. She didn’t want to drink with me , or go places

[Finchie40]

With me like she used to before , but she immediately did those things with her friends’ when I confronted her on it , she immediately got defensive and told me I was being insecure , I laughed and said it has nothing to do with insecurities , it comes down to how you are disrespecting our relationship all of a sudden , when you never did shit like this before , so pack your bags and get the fuck out of my life , because you are a selfish POS person that my so called insecure ass doesn’t want to be with anymore. Good bye, don’t let the door hit ya in the ads on your way out.

[dwreborn]

Ya that would bother me a little too iam a guy and i feel that he must of kinda cared what the woman thought enough that he tried it and never trying it with you it would bother me when you ask dont be crazy about it just be curious see how he reacts try offering again maybe get him to try some edibles

[Anonymous]

I assumed he was the one that asked you out and courted you

[Anonymous]

Wow you are really fucked up lady major walking red flag jesus

[Anonymous]

Yes, I believe you should bring it up.

[MasterKS]

yes, tell him dont act saint.