my boyfriend called me insecure, miserable and jealous because he's been hanging out with a girl he knows i don't like. Its not like i don't like her for no reason but this girl is known for flirting with guys with girlfriends and doing promiscuous. she's done it with one of my exes in the past. He's been teasing me for it and thinks im just jealous of her but he doesn't understand.
Am I being insecure?
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I think he can manage to hang out with female friends if he is loyal to you, all he has to do is to take his boyfriend responsibilities and just decline her attempts (if any) and not indulge in a too personal bond. Here you don't trust him to fulfill his role: either you think he is not capable of understanding when he should say "no" (even if he would) so maybe you think he is ingenuous, or you think he doesn't have good intentions on your regards and is willing to cheat on you. Both cases need a discussion about this because without trust you begin a path that leads to a breakup at some point.
If he has good intentions and he is sure of his awareness about flirting signs, I guess he would report to you all of her actions and words that go too far or that aim to manipulate him into caring about her, or something, and he would joke about that with you probably. This is what my partner would do and what I do already (I get hit on a lot), and we both trust each other. We just talk about it like a funny event during the day, like many others. I think he should be open the same way with you about this, so that you can monitor the situation too and, together, you can decide when something is not appropriate and that reveals her intentions, so that he should stop giving her some of his attention or time.
We can't know if your boyfriend has good intentions or not, what is sure here is that you don't trust him (rightfully or not) and he should understand the importance to preserve your trust too, and so, finding a compromise to hang out with her while keeping you reassured, by showing more alliance and commitment in the relationship. You should instead not behave mad otherwise he quickly learns that anything about her will trigger you and so he will not feel safe in sharing even innocuous details.
Well, you should communicate this with him and break up if he doesn't heed you. But at the same time, be prepared to do the same if your boyfriend asks you to do the same thing.
He's gaslighting you, at the very least.