Is your partner being insecure a turn-off for you?

[danii363]

Yes

No

[Quintessence]

Insecurity has so many faces, so it really depends on what you're talking about here.

For example, if they're self-conscious about their appearance and don't want to be photographed, I can totally understand that. If they have a big presentation for work/school and are lacking confidence in their public speaking skills, I'm there with all the ego-boosting pep-talk they need.

But, if they're distrustful of my loyalty and it starts turning into conversations like, "I don't want you hanging out with so-and-so", or going through my phone without asking permission, or constantly questioning my love for them, that, to me, ranks third--next to infidelity and physical abuse--on the top three biggest turn-offs in a relationship.

I've always had a firm view on this: if someone is insecure in their partner's dedication to them, they should not be in a relationship. Depending on the source of that insecurity, it could mean that this person is not right for them, or it could mean that they're not ready for a relationship in general.

[UnaKaizen]

depends how it manifests and whether they are aware or project it on me,

there are so many kinds.. so there no way i can just say its turn off. i think if they are mature about it and honest, then i can deal. if they get upset or scared and talk about it so i know whats going on, we are cool.

if they play games and project and scape goat and I don't know what is going on, then no it won't be ok.

[XRabbitHeartX]

Not a major turn off. Everyone has insecurities at times. As long as they are reasonable and dont harm the relationship or lead to unhealthy behaviors. Also if someone has insecurities they can and should work on it.

[God_of_Thunder]

It really depends on the extent of her insecurity.

Everyone has their ups and downs, so if she's feeling a little self concious once in a while, then I'm happy to reassure her.

If it's the same thing, day after day, then it would get tiring/annoying very quickly, and that would become an issue.

[Logorithim]

It's a turn-off because you spend a lot of time and effort avoiding things that wouldn't bother an ordinary person, but bothers her, simply because you want to avoid having to take the time to reassure her or even calm her down after her insecurities get triggered.

[chopper1977]

Hi, would you share some example that illustrate what you are describing?

[Logorithim]

@chopper1977: Sure, I can give you one. I once had a girlfriend who was completely insecure if I talked to any females, period. She made me give up my female friends at the outset of our relationship and would get angry if I talked to any, other than her family and friends. We once visited a friend of hers at another university and I happened talk to her friend's roommate about her computer. Big mistake. My girlfriend pouted and pitched a fit, which got everyone's attention, meaning I had to calm her down to get everyone's attention off of her. I was 20 at the time, and would handle such a person differently now, but you get the idea.

[chopper1977]

Oh wow, thanks for sharing.

[PrincessPie]

Yes, a little is okay, but really jealous and constantly insecure about our relationship would bother me.

[Pinay_ako]

Only when he gets really psycho insecure then it becomes a turn off. But a little insecurity is ok. I will even encourage him, praise him, admire him and let him know I am there for him.

[slatyb]

It depends. Everyone has insecurities, even the rich and famous. It's fine to have insecurities as long as you own them. Some people make their insecurity a problem for everyone around them. To reduce their sense of inferiority they tear down the people around them. That's toxic.

[Miristheiss]

It is a wide spectrum ranging from things that I find endearing, making me want to lift her up all the way to things I find annoying and a turn off. It would just depend on what the insecurity was, how it manifested itself, if it came up rarely or reared it's head every day. Too many variables apply to the broad term "insecurities".

[Jaximus-Lion]

No! it's not a turn off but it irritates me AF, it comes out of the sudden, don't understand why or what happen because women never tell what is going on in their mind and i bet it's like world war infinity up there, after 2 hours it's all gone !!! No matter how much i support my lady, no matter how much she have done , she doubt her self and that bugs the me ! for real.

[Cmasterson]

YES its really not attractive, like insecure in the relationship what i mean. If they're insecure about something about themselves thats not in my control but we can work on it. If they're insecure of me in the relationship then its something that isn't nice.

[beentheredonethat89]

Everyone has insecurities, it's not about turning the other half on though. In my experience, it's about taking what they see as flawed, and turn it into something they can be proud of. Compliment it, love it and most importantly accept their imperfections, because we've all got em.

[taleswapper]

The more effort I have to put into constant reassurance, the less I have for other things. If our whole relationship is about my constantly having to tell you you're NOT ugly, stupid, fat, or whatever you're insecure about, then you are wasting my time and yours.

[virginbish]

What If the insecurity is about not being sure how much you love them? Because you don't say it, or talk about other girls and compliment them and constantly express how amazing they are. But rarely get the same compliments... would that be considered insecurity, or would the fault be from the guy... who is instilling that insecurity?

[taleswapper]

@virginbish Blame-shifting like that presupposes she's not capable of maintaining her own mental health. That's exactly what I'm talking about. Unless and until a woman can manage her OWN mind in equilibrium, she has no business being in a romantic relationship.

[virginbish]

That's true... but I mean life isn't good to everyone. Some people carry lots of baggage, and they know they do... and communication helps them get a hold of their mental health but that really is a two partner job.
If a person tried their hardest to be with her, while knowing all of that about her beforehand... and knowing she has trust issues... should the guy he responsible and not get upset when she has trouble and needs a little hand with having a better outlook on relationships? I don't believe in romantic relationships... relationships are hard work, and little affection here and there are bonuses in my opinion.

[taleswapper]

@virginbish No. There's a difference between being supportive, and being an enabler. I'll happily do the one, but I refuse to do the other. It hurts everyone.

[rtlm368]

I had this one girlfriend , she was super hot awesome personality, very caring , she would do almost anything to help someone in. Need. But very possesive and got very jealous if any female would approach me for any reason. She would make accusations that she or I were flirting. it got old fast and ended our relationship quickly.

[trisa0918]

Slightly jealous may seem cute at times makes you feel wanted or desired.

But... Insecurities are a problem.
It means your relationship lacks that utmost trust factor... and i dont see how that can be a turn on ever.
If anything it is discouraging in a relationship.

[ThreeSheetsToTheWind]

It would depend. I've got my insecurities, we all do, so I can't categorically state that it would be a turn off because that would be hypocritical. On the other hand, there's nothing more exhausting than someone who needs constant reassurance.

I would hope that as a couple we could work on eachother's insecurities to keep them at bay, but if that didn't work I don't see it could last. It's all about how you keep them under control.

[Anonymous]

Depends..
Are they insecure like constantly talking about how ugly they are, not good enough, so forth? Yes.
But, insecure like they bring it up once and awhile, and want to talk about it, or need reassurance? No.

Everyone has their own insecurities. But, if they CONSTANTLY talk down on themselves, ask if they’re ugly 24/7 and shit, i can’t deal with that.

[PinkMichae]

Yes it's a turn off but i known him well enough to why it happens and do my best to make him feel that he doesn't have to be insecure with me. He does the same for me.

[9teen]

Depends. If it's more than me, yes. If it's a little i'd feel flattered because it's a vulnerable side he is showing me and no matter how confident someone is, there is always a little bit of insecurity.

[Tiffers2154]

Insecurity to the point of jealousy or getting mad at me if I don't respond to a text within 10 minutes when IM WORKING is actually a deal breaker for me. I'm too independent for that shit.

[SurfGod]

If my partner was insecure about anything, I would do my my best to assure them that there is nothing to worry about and that I will love them no matter what.

You don't put someone down whose already feeling bad about themselves...

[virginbish]

Sadly not many people get that

[Jonnyd31]

No not at all. Everyone is insecure about something in life. If it bothered me then i wouldn't be with that person. Its part of life and situations you and your partner should talk about regularly and therefore you would feel more comfortable and secure about what ever the issue may be

[qwert1234]

It's fine, but after several legit assurances that everything is fine, it gets annoying which in the long term becomes a turn off.

[PurpleTeardrops2]

I hate insecure men. No woman should entertain a man ridiculously insecure.

He will end up projecting his own insecurities onto her

A man with healthy, not arrogant, self esteem is the best.

[cherryphi82]

Very. I can't afford to be insecure. Why should they? It doesn't show love nor affection. It shows a certain neediness and passive-aggressive attempt to control.