Is your partner being insecure a turn-off for you?

Question

Quintessence · Accepted Answer

Insecurity has so many faces, so it really depends on what you're talking about here.

For example, if they're self-conscious about their appearance and don't want to be photographed, I can totally understand that. If they have a big presentation for work/school and are lacking confidence in their public speaking skills, I'm there with all the ego-boosting pep-talk they need.

But, if they're distrustful of my loyalty and it starts turning into conversations like, "I don't want you hanging out with so-and-so", or going through my phone without asking permission, or constantly questioning my love for them, that, to me, ranks third--next to infidelity and physical abuse--on the top three biggest turn-offs in a relationship.

I've always had a firm view on this: if someone is insecure in their partner's dedication to them, they should not be in a relationship. Depending on the source of that insecurity, it could mean that this person is not right for them, or it could mean that they're not ready for a relationship in general.

UnaKaizen · Accepted Answer

depends how it manifests and whether they are aware or project it on me,

there are so many kinds.. so there no way i can just say its turn off. i think if they are mature about it and honest, then i can deal. if they get upset or scared and talk about it so i know whats going on, we are cool.

if they play games and project and scape goat and I don't know what is going on, then no it won't be ok.

XRabbitHeartX · Accepted Answer

Not a major turn off. Everyone has insecurities at times. As long as they are reasonable and dont harm the relationship or lead to unhealthy behaviors. Also if someone has insecurities they can and should work on it.

God_of_Thunder · Accepted Answer

It really depends on the extent of her insecurity.

Everyone has their ups and downs, so if she's feeling a little self concious once in a while, then I'm happy to reassure her.

If it's the same thing, day after day, then it would get tiring/annoying very quickly, and that would become an issue.

Logorithim · Accepted Answer

It's a turn-off because you spend a lot of time and effort avoiding things that wouldn't bother an ordinary person, but bothers her, simply because you want to avoid having to take the time to reassure her or even calm her down after her insecurities get triggered.

PrincessPie · Answer

Yes, a little is okay, but really jealous and constantly insecure about our relationship would bother me.

Pinay_ako · Answer

Only when he gets really psycho insecure then it becomes a turn off. But a little insecurity is ok. I will even encourage him, praise him, admire him and let him know I am there for him.

Miristheiss · Answer

It is a wide spectrum ranging from things that I find endearing, making me want to lift her up all the way to things I find annoying and a turn off. It would just depend on what the insecurity was, how it manifested itself, if it came up rarely or reared it's head every day. Too many variables apply to the broad term "insecurities".

slatyb · Answer

It depends. Everyone has insecurities, even the rich and famous. It's fine to have insecurities as long as you own them. Some people make their insecurity a problem for everyone around them. To reduce their sense of inferiority they tear down the people around them. That's toxic.

Jaximus-Lion · Answer

No! it's not a turn off but it irritates me AF, it comes out of the sudden, don't understand why or what happen because women never tell what is going on in their mind and i bet it's like world war infinity up there, after 2 hours it's all gone !!! No matter how much i support my lady, no matter how much she have done , she doubt her self and that bugs the me ! for real.

Cmasterson · Answer

YES its really not attractive, like insecure in the relationship what i mean. If they're insecure about something about themselves thats not in my control but we can work on it. If they're insecure of me in the relationship then its something that isn't nice.

beentheredonethat89 · Answer

Everyone has insecurities, it's not about turning the other half on though. In my experience, it's about taking what they see as flawed, and turn it into something they can be proud of. Compliment it, love it and most importantly accept their imperfections, because we've all got em.

taleswapper · Answer

The more effort I have to put into constant reassurance, the less I have for other things. If our whole relationship is about my constantly having to tell you you're NOT ugly, stupid, fat, or whatever you're insecure about, then you are wasting my time and yours.

rtlm368 · Answer

I had this one girlfriend , she was super hot awesome personality, very caring , she would do almost anything to help someone in. Need. But very possesive and got very jealous if any female would approach me for any reason. She would make accusations that she or I were flirting. it got old fast and ended our relationship quickly.

trisa0918 · Answer

Slightly jealous may seem cute at times makes you feel wanted or desired.

But... Insecurities are a problem.
It means your relationship lacks that utmost trust factor... and i dont see how that can be a turn on ever.
If anything it is discouraging in a relationship.

ThreeSheetsToTheWind · Answer

It would depend. I've got my insecurities, we all do, so I can't categorically state that it would be a turn off because that would be hypocritical. On the other hand, there's nothing more exhausting than someone who needs constant reassurance.

I would hope that as a couple we could work on eachother's insecurities to keep them at bay, but if that didn't work I don't see it could last. It's all about how you keep them under control.

Anonymous · Answer

Depends..
Are they insecure like constantly talking about how ugly they are, not good enough, so forth? Yes.
But, insecure like they bring it up once and awhile, and want to talk about it, or need reassurance? No.

Everyone has their own insecurities. But, if they CONSTANTLY talk down on themselves, ask if they’re ugly 24/7 and shit, i can’t deal with that.

PinkMichae · Answer

Yes it's a turn off but i known him well enough to why it happens and do my best to make him feel that he doesn't have to be insecure with me. He does the same for me.

9teen · Answer

Depends. If it's more than me, yes. If it's a little i'd feel flattered because it's a vulnerable side he is showing me and no matter how confident someone is, there is always a little bit of insecurity.

Tiffers2154 · Answer

Insecurity to the point of jealousy or getting mad at me if I don't respond to a text within 10 minutes when IM WORKING is actually a deal breaker for me. I'm too independent for that shit.

SurfGod · Answer

If my partner was insecure about anything, I would do my my best to assure them that there is nothing to worry about and that I will love them no matter what.

You don't put someone down whose already feeling bad about themselves...

Jonnyd31 · Answer

No not at all. Everyone is insecure about something in life. If it bothered me then i wouldn't be with that person. Its part of life and situations you and your partner should talk about regularly and therefore you would feel more comfortable and secure about what ever the issue may be

qwert1234 · Answer

It's fine, but after several legit assurances that everything is fine, it gets annoying which in the long term becomes a turn off.

PurpleTeardrops2 · Answer

I hate insecure men. No woman should entertain a man ridiculously insecure.  He will end up projecting his own insecurities onto her A man with healthy, not arrogant, self esteem is the best.

cherryphi82 · Answer

Very. I can't afford to be insecure. Why should they? It doesn't show love nor affection. It shows a certain neediness and passive-aggressive attempt to control.

RandomShowerThoughts · Answer

Everyone has insecurities, it's natural. I don't think it's a turn off. And it would be hypocrite since I'm insecure too.

Justacatlady · Answer

If it is to a large degree then yes. If it is only a small amount or one particular area then no, I think everyone has some of these.

ShortCircuit · Answer

In all honesty, it has never bothered me as much as it seems to bother everyone else. I'm legitimately indifferent.

badgalg · Answer

Tbh I generally don't like clingy, people that are insecure for no reason. Like it's ok if there a reason. But if I have to constantly reassure you I'm out

wolfguy · Answer

It shows they care about me. It shows they really do enjoy being with me. and i like the like reminder she really likes me.

spartan55 · Answer

Everyone is insecure about something, like others have said. It's about having the maturity to deal with it without driving your partner away.

DollFace0612 · Answer

I don't know why anyone would be attracted to insecurity. If you don't think you are worth my time you probably aren't.

NearlyNapping · Answer

It's a huge turnoff. I seriously don't want to deal with that kind of thing. Depending on how insecure she is, it could easily be a deal breaker.

Finchie40 · Answer

It depends on what it is about , sometimes insecurity can be cute, everyone has some type of insecurity so I don't see it really being a turn off

HereIbe · Answer

Not if she is trusting. I prefer confident and rebellious or insecure and trusting. The worst is insecure and rebellious--that's a passive-aggressive child. Confident and trusting takes a lot of work to live up to.

joker91 · Answer

I think it's more of a turnoff for heterosexual women in regards to men. Insecurity doesn't fit the whole masculine model

jeremythedrummer · Answer

I like it when i can boost my partner's self-confidence. I wanna help her. We all have our own insecurities that need other people to address.

GingerGuy · Answer

Depends how insecure. It can be if too much for sure. Confidence isn't just what women like in guys, we like it in you as well.

effyourfeelings · Answer

It depends on what he's insecure about and how he acts as a result of being insecure

Astoriana · Answer

There is very little else that is a bigger dealbreaker for me.

Pamina · Answer

To a certain (low) degree it can be cute, but anything beyond that is problematic.

MMarina · Answer

You wouldn't imagine the kind of dysfunctions it breeds...

MsLoli · Answer

It's sad, and I want to change it, but it isn't a turn-off.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Nope , i can handle a girl whose got insecurities and  it's not a turn off cause i have my own insecurities.

boggboss · Answer

Yes it's not a deal breaker but many hard problems can arise in a relationship due to them

motownplayer2000 · Answer

Yeah a bit. I understand that's everyone has flaws and things they need to work on.. but if your not actively trying to fix those flaws... Then it's a huge turn off.

grossgirl19 · Answer

If its only once in a while or about small stuff not at all, i even think its cute. But if they are insecure abouy everything all the time then it would be a bit bothersom

1nittol3arn · Answer

Everyone has some insecurities to some degree. Some more than others. It depends if it holds up the relationship. Or how much negative impact it has on the relationship.

AquaBoo · Answer

Shyness. I can deal with that. Extreme insecurity... I don't know about that.

outsidecurve · Answer

My current girlfriend is insecure. Makes me feel like I'm dating a child sometimes.

GinaTina · Answer

He knows that I wouldn't give him a reason to be insecure

pooper89 · Answer

It's definitely a turnoff. But depends on what he's being insecure about.

wackyjacky001 · Answer

I'd hate any insecurities and I'd probably blame myself but I'd rather break up with someone than become a social outcast

OmgItsJoe123 · Answer

Depends on the insecurity... not gonna get turned off each and every time my girlfriend gets insecure.

LoloWaye · Answer

If it's to the point where they're affecting me then yeah, it's a problem.

ryancg · Answer

Yes, huge turn-off. It goes hand in hand with neediness.

j-squiggz · Answer

No but it's definitely not a turn on, it's just part of being human

TheChocolateWriter · Answer

I must be really hideous because I am really insecure.

JamesCowell · Answer

It’s not a deal breaker but it becomes annoying, especially if it constantly brought up in conversations e. g. do you like me? Like yeah we’re together so...

Thanos777 · Answer

Being slightly insecure is fine, as long as you can reassure him/her that everything is fine. The ones that are highly insecure have problems of their own and you need to stay away.

Anonymous · Answer

If they can't love and trust themselves how can I expect them to love and trust me?

Anonymous · Answer

It's natural but not to the point when I couldn't hang out with my friends or even wear skirts ever

Anonymous · Answer

It's okay to an extent. If it's turning our relationship into an unhealthy one, that's a turn off.

Anonymous · Answer

If my partner was insecure, he would NOT be my partner!

GreatnessBack · Answer

Sometimes, especially when it's for things I think are fine.

Is your partner being insecure a turn-off for you?

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