How do you know if you’re not ready for a relationship and it’s only loneliness speaking?

[Anonymous]

I really wanna get into a relationship, given that I’ve never been in one and crave the experience so much. Simultaneously, I find flirting creepy and never seem to catch on to it. I jump from one crush to another once my infatuation with them wears off, with no remorse.

[Finchie40]

It doesn’t sound like you are ready for a relationship at all , because a relationship takes 2 people choosing each other on a steady basis, through the good times and the bad times. So if you want that relationship to survive, and for love to continue to grow between you both , that’s how it works , so the fact that you are losing interest fast and jumping right to another , you aren’t a good relationship person whatsoever, it would be a matter of time before you end up breaking his heart or end up cheating on him when you get bored of him So you are best to stay single and maybe go seek some counseling to figure out why you are the way you are

[FictionalCharacter]

I used to crave for a relationship when I was lonely years ago. But since I’ve gotten a job in retail, I was more socially active. That I have been on a couple of dates and chatted with guys on dating apps.

But from all these social interactions, it started to wear me out. It was mentally draining, due to guilt tripping, people pleasing, and criticism.

It opened my eyes that men were not treating me how I want to be treated. Which was love, tenderness, comfort and respect. So I finally thought that I want to feel love how I want. That I would spend thousands of dollars on spa treatments, plastic surgery and clothes. All these from my hard working money. Without any guy to criticize me and guilt trip me. And it feels good!!!

I know I’m not ready for a relationship, because I’m not to guys standards and expectations of what they are looking for in a girl. That I only know how I want to be loved and safe.

[Vevv123]

I think someone that’s not ready for a relationship is someone who doesn’t take anyone seriously and is just in it for the beginning phase, “the butterflies” or lustful reasons. So if you do want a serious relationship because you want a family and you are looking for a meaningful connection than you are ready for a relationship, you just have to keep in mind that relationships are more than just the good, they come with difficulties as well, so as long if you have the mentality of building something strong than you’re ready.

[RavVid]

OK. Well a relationship should not just be a fun thing to do this week :)

The point of a relationship is that it is entered into as ongoing and enduring. That is kinda the crunch point - are you willing to make and stick to a commitment like that or will you bounce from one infatuation to another?

There is nothing particularly wrong at your cohort age to go though meet & break up cycles but in that process the expectation is you determine what type of person best suits you and become willing to bond & commit.

You might be ready now but really only you can judged how willing you are to bond & commit.

[RavVid]

Thanks for a MHO. I hope you feel more clarified from the various answers

[AI Opinion]

Guess who's here to sprinkle some love magic? 🪄 Sounds like you're dealing with a classic case of loneliness whispering sweet nothings in your ear. But hey, recognizing that is already a win! Feeling butterflies for someone and then moving on quickly could mean you're more in love with the idea of love. And that’s perfectly normal! Flirting feeling creepy might be your heart’s way of telling you to hold off. Maybe indulge in some self-love and enjoy flying solo until your heart's ready to tango with another! 🌟👌

[OlderAndWiser]

Perhaps you need to have an intensely honest discussion with yourself about why you find the process "creepy" and whether that is merely serving as an excuse to not do something that you at least claim that you want to do.

[Asker]

I don't know it doesn’t feel genuine and I feel disgusted if I’m the one doing it. I find most flirting tactics overtly sexual

[OlderAndWiser]

Does the idea of having sex bother you? If so, you need to stay away from dating and relationships unless and until you get that resolved. Almost every person in our culture, men and women, expect that dating and relationships will lead to a sexual relationship.

[Asker]

I am not against sex as a whole, therefore, no the idea of sex doesn’t bother me at all. But I want sex to be amongst one of the things that make up my relationship, not the center of it all. Flirting is mostly sexual for some reasons which is what makes it feel so superficial to me

[OlderAndWiser]

All men will not begin a conversation by asking you about your favorite position. Maybe you are finding guys in the wrong places.

[jennifer_bloom]

I stayed single to avoid pregnancy because I had some trauma as a child that lowered my pain tolerance so I might have the pain tolerance of a 4 year old child, even though I am an adult.

[jennifer_bloom]

My epileptic seizures to damage to the prefrontal cortex of my brain so that I have a lower pain tolerance than the average person.

[Bitter_Sweet94]

You can feel it in the way you think.

If you’re looking for someone just to fill silence, distract you, or make you feel less empty, that’s loneliness talking.

When you’re actually ready, the feeling is different.

You’re not searching for a “fix,” you’re looking for a connection.

You want to share your life, not escape it.

If the idea of being alone feels unbearable, you’re not ready.

If being alone feels fine but the right person would be a good addition, then you are.

[236color]

"A relationship" can be defined many ways. Everything from someone I talk to at lunch, to someone I live with and have sex with, or anything in between. Some more casual, low stakes relationships most people can handle, a coffee date, a movie, maybe going out with a group of friends. Generally most more serious relationships start with one of those lower risk situations and escalate as you get to know each other better. Start deliberately doing the low risk stuff, without overthinking it into 30 years of marriage with 5 grandkids. Just look at it as "Did I enjoy talking to X at the coffee shop?" Then decide the next step from there. I think maybe the pain you are experiencing is due to wanting to skip too many necessary steps.

[Ferngully2000]

I know what you mean about the infatuation stage, I think as humans we can definitely be addicted to the lustful exciting stage and then everything after that can seem a bit flat.

I’d say probably you haven’t found the right person (cliche I know), but maybe you’re not ready. I tend to find it really happens when you least expect it and when you are not looking for it and then one day you will just click with someone and the infatuation stage may fade but will be replaced with something for enduring rather than flat.

[Screenwriter]

Seems you're still in the "jumping" and "crush" stage, doesn't it? If you still find this entertaining, then I'd say you aren't really into developing a relationship. Crushes are usually one way. Relationships mean you're invested in knowing the other person and seeing where that knowledge goes.

When that's the feeling you have, then you might be signaling yourself it's relationship time. Good luck.

[Asker]

I mean idek. Cuz the thought of developing something with someone itself doesn’t scare me. It’s just that I fear rejection so bad that anything that even remotely signals it, scares me away. I mean I tried approaching most of these crushes but when I sensed that they were not interested, immediately, I just backed off.

[Screenwriter]

Well that seems rational, doesn't it? You sensed they weren't interested, so you backed off.

But remember this. There will be rejection. Rejection doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It simply means that person doesn't feel you're correct for them. There are many people out there to choose from, meet, investigate. Most of them will not be potential SOs.

Think of this as the process you have to go through, not "rejection" per se. You simply don't "fit." You might find some friends this way. There are positives about not meeting mates. But relax about it.

If you remain uptight that can be a turnoff to people. You might need some self-esteem work with a counselor. Consider this. Good luck with developing more confidence.

[EzraIsShy76028]

I guess the telltale would be if you're happy with yourself when you're single.

If you're unhappy with yourself then getting into a relationship isn't gonna magically solve all your problems. Heck even if it's a good relationship you might end up spoiling it because you hate yourself and doubt the other person could truly love a worthless person like you. So you need to be a confident person.

[aquamarine321]

You can never be truly ready for a relationship because whosoever you date may think the same and you’re dating someone who may be opposite to you which will cause problems in the future and depending on these problems can either make or brake your relationship, plus i believe you’re anxious to date someone especially being a female, there’s much to say in such a limited space

[TsundereMatrix]

Based on what you said it sounds like you are not ready for a relationship just yet and you’re just lonely. Honestly I’m in the same boat. I think you will know you’re ready once you meet that one person that just clicks with you.

[Nikki1989]

You are seeking experience, but you should be seeking quality experience. As you can see from many comments on here (blue anons), many men are far from quality.

[Crankor]

Id ask why do you cringe from flirting? What are you associating it with?

In general, your ready when you are ready and understand what being in a relationship means

[Asker]

I don't know why but it’s the feeling that it gives me, which is icky and weird

[Crankor]

Could be maybe because you never saw your parents flirt or be romantic to each other? Or maybe you saw something that freaked you out growing up that you now associate with it?

[Asker]

yeah cuz they love fighting each other more than flirting. it can also be inexperience i think

[YasinTR]

A relationship is like a gamble. You either win or lose. You need to take risks. You must be courageous and observant.

[Anonymous]

I would think it'd be pretty obvious. You're trying to fill an empty hole. You're not OK being alone. If it's not loneliness speaking you just like being around them. You don't NEED to be around them.

[Asker]

but then how do i get rid of this stupid loneliness? cuz yeah i'm probably not even ready for a relationship but then nothing else seem to fill the void? i have been to therapy before but it didn't help

[Opinion Owner]

You're probably not going to listen to it. But the best way to feel fullfilled is to help someone. Go out and volunteer. Helping another human being is the best way to fix this.

[Asker]

I did volunteering before. Yes it feels less lonely in the moment but it never went away

[Danny_dan92]

When you’ve had enough relationship experience. You’ll know

[Asker]

sorry but what does that even mean

[Danny_dan92]

Because when you’re young you have less experience in life overall. I used to be a hopeless romantic and wanted to be in a relationship no matter what. Little did I know, me wanting to be in one so bad resulted in me being in shitty relationships.

As a result I reached a point where I now know when a woman is worth my time and effort. Otherwise I stay single. The same logic applies to women who get experience

[Asker]

oh yeah you're right. i feel like most people had been in the same place as me before, at least once, when they were just as inexperienced.

[Danny_dan92]

I for one, was

[RxR0954]

I’d say if i feel like i am craving a relationship to feel better.

[Staximus]

Flirting doesn't have to be overtly sexual like 2 people acting like they want to go straight to the bedroom

[TonyMetal___86]

Loneliness has nothing to do with having a real relationship because you can be lonely without being ready for a relationship or vice versa

[SoccerPlayer99]

Sounds like you have some untreated "trauma" from earlier in life that you need to be self aware enough to work on for your future partner.

[loveslongnails]

That's a perfect description of "not being ready".

[Anonymous]

I think Love doctor Brad explained it quite well.

[Anonymous]

Men love bad girls because they are easy to fuck.

[Anonymous]

So you're a sociopath with no actually feelings

[Asker]

Ain’t no way you just pathologized me like that with zero concrete evidence

[Opinion Owner]

Umm your own words "I jump from one crush to another once my infatuation with them wears off, with no remorse" no remorse=psychopathic behavior psychopathic tendencies
"I find flirting creepy and never seem to catch on to it" again psychopathic tendencies with possible aspergers autism

[Asker]

fella you don't know me and have never interacted with me before so that's a very bold and rude assumption, please check with yourself on that you weirdo. Based on a few sentences you think you got me all figured out? you think you can diagnose me with some serious psychological issues? are you a psychologist? or even a therapist, at all? where did you get your psychology degree? cuz you need to go back into training asap!!

[Opinion Owner]

Actually i do have a psychology degree graduated back in '06

[Asker]

And you need to go back into training again cuz it ain’t helping🤣 isn’t it principle to never make snap and precarious diagnosis?

[Eve996]

I have never felt lonely in my life

[Jmmmfi4]

Sorta sounds like me