What is a good way to tell if you're feeling lonely, or genuinely attracted to someone?

[Rkbleezy]

Reply with some examples or thoughts on how you can tell when you like someone because you're lonely, or because you're genuinely attracted to them!

[Price511]

Feelings of loneliness and love of somebody depends on where your feelings are at. This is kinda an oversimplification but it has helped me greatly.


If the core of the feelings is how you want to feel, as in how you crave some form of affection, or how you want to feel this way or that via other people, then that’s a feeling of loneliness. Focusing on an inward problem by an external solution isn’t exactly a good thing, especially when it comes to love. You don’t need someone else to live your best life, but I would be lying if I didn’t say it helps most people. Try to find a love for yourself and being comfortable with yourself before you walk into it.


If your feelings are directed towards a certain person, then it’s love. How they twirl and dance, how they sing, how they sparkle with the stars in their eyes, how they smile at you and your heart melts, how they go on and on about this obscure thing that makes them happy and you’d love to listen for hours and hours; that, that is love for someone.


And it’s a wonderful feeling.

[DaveJord]

Well if your truly lonely, then one would think the most attractive quality a person can possess is companionship.

I have done a lot of online dating... one of things that attract me the most to a women is her willingness to put out the effort to engage in the process. Her ability and willingness to be emotionally and physically present. I don't mean just sex, but in the time she contributes to present.

Lust is lust... it burns hot and flames out quick. But if have some who's willing to be present within your life... that's very important. That foundation you can build on.

[bubblegunnn]

If i geninely atrracted with someone, it depends on other situation.

If i never talk to him, i won't tell him, i rather be his secret admirer. Cuz i dont want him to think that im a creep by approaching him then say i attracted to him.
If i talk w him but didn't feel connection, aka just basic talk, i won't tell him as well, but i do simple sign as reply his chat quickly and always talk w him as long as he still reply.. if the convo ends, i rather be silent, and wait him to text me again.. and i would not initiate the convo cuz i dont want him to think that im bugging him and dont want him to say on his mind like "ugh.. not her again!"
If i talk w him but we have connection, like we've been through lots emotions and deep talk from a-z, i tell him that i attracted him, not 'lonely' way.. i prolly say i have a crush on him if my genuinely attracted feeling is rising..

[Jamie05rhs]

I don't think your strategy is going to work. You're too guarded. You're putting up too many barriers. You're never going to establish a connection with him like that.

[katestar]

Okay. But if he doesn't want to complicate his life with his feelings for me. What am I supposed to do about it?

[bubblegunnn]

Because im a girl not a guy.. its hard to me to tell i like him if we r not that close and barely have connection. I just dont want him to think that im a creep

[bubblegunnn]

If im at ur position, i would step backwards cuz i know our things is never gonna work out kate

[katestar]

You think that I'm a stalker. Well. I'm not. I wanted to catch up with him and talk to him. That's all.

[bubblegunnn]

Did i say u r a stalker?
Then talk w him without expecting he gonna like u back

[katestar]

But I might have feelings for my former crush. But it's going to be a complicated thing.

[bubblegunnn]

If u know u might have feeling for him BUT u know he doesn't want to complicate his life a about u.. then what for? Its useless anyway.. its not gonna work.. u better find the worth and valuable guy to share feelings with

[katestar]

But I'm in love with him. I've been in love with him since I was 14. And people were thinking about it

[bubblegunnn]

U ready to get hurt?

[bubblegunnn]

U can't push someone's feeling towards u tho.. if they doesn't like u what could u say? Nothing..

[katestar]

What are you talking about?

[bubblegunnn]

*sigh.. ma'am read our conversation slowly okay.. its not confusing

[katestar]

Bring on the pain. Because I can take it

[bubblegunnn]

Sure then go ahead confess ur feeling to him.. what could i say is goodluck tho 🫂

[katestar]

Dm me

[bubblegunnn]

U dm me.. i couldnt dm u cuz u set only people who follow u to dm u

[katestar]

You're giving me some good advice about how I feel

[bubblegunnn]

I just tryna help

[katestar]

Oh. Okay

[Rkbleezy]

@katestar A lot of people want to jump in to talking about the idea of "being friends" or " I'm attracted to you". And they are both hard ways to actually bring about any growth. They are both internal thoughts that aren't really conversational pieces. What would be better is to just talk to the guy, spend time talking about the little stuff. The things he likes, dislikes, how his job is going, games he plays, etc. This will bring a sense of trust in to the mix that will allow you both to start feeling more comfortable. And gives you an avenue to bring up going out with some friends. Sometimes people don't want to be alone with another person right away for many many personal reasons. It is safer to try to invite him to a group bowling event or if you are bold enough and feel like things have really been going well then ask to go out to eat to chat more. Instead of making your thoughts about friendship and companionship be the conversation piece. Think of ways to make them into actions or events where friendship and companionship can happen and you will see a much better result.

[katestar]

You think so?

[Jamie05rhs]

That's good advice, @Rkbleezy.

[katestar]

With who?

[Anonymous]

If you're lonely, you are going to be overlooking certain things that you might not if you were secure and not desperate to find someone.

[Opinion Owner]

Perfect example is this girl I know (she's in Brazil, a friend of a friend). Her mom died, she felt extreme depression and guilt over not being the best daughter. Her father remarried quickly and so she was left to essentially fend for herself. So she's just been clinging to whatever guy, and the one she's with literally slaps her to the point of leaving marks. Any non-lonely, non-depressed person would NOT stay with a guy like that.

[Rkbleezy]

Agreed, but it is very hard to get out of a situation like that. I hope she can find the strength to get help and get out of that. Thank you for sharing.

[Opinion Owner]

I really hope so too. The problem with abusers is that they brainwash victims into staying...
You are welcome.

[DribbleGodCurt]

Yeah that's true and i feel bad for your friend.

[Guy13]

You stay very busy and see if desire wanes.

[Avicenna]

There can be overlap between both of them, but you should automatically know if you're genuinely attracted

[CrazyGirl2]

I donn’t think the two are related. I could be in a relationship and still feel lonely, or conversely I could not be in a relationship yet feel totally fulfilled. Getting into a relationship to relieve feelings of loneliness could be incredibly dangerous. One should work on their social issues prior to getting in a relationship. If you get into a relationship to ease loneliness, and soon thereafter find a best friend who fills that hole in your life that was causing your loneliness, what then happens to the partner you just got to fall in love with you?

[Sanamina]

Then work on becoming whole by yourself first.

What I mean is... if you are lonely... it means u dont even enjoy your own company... which means u want another person to become a part of your life to distract u from the fact that u dont enjoy your own company...

However if you enjoyed your own company then ull become more picky and become a better judge of who u want to spend your valuable time.

Your "base" level is the level of satisfaction with yourself u are at now.

Any relationship that elevates that base level ull happily get into

Any relationship that doesn't elevate it or even brings it down is not worth getting into

And your bases level is gonna keep changing over the years

The more interesting a person u become the more ull enjoy your own company and the more people will want to hangout with you and the pickier ull become with who u let in because now having fun alone is ur base level.

[CallmeTheKnight]

Lonely is when you have moments where you think about spending intimate time alone with someone special and at the same time you think about what can be when you start to feel an attraction to someone.
Genuine affection is built with frequent thoughts and a pleasant feeling when you see them, talk with them, and spend time with them. You want to do more and more with this person. You imagine this person telling you they love you. You want to be with this person, but you're hesitant because of the possibility of rejection.

[Anonymous]

I have a boyfriend but I feel lonely in the relationship. I live alone while all girls live together with their boyfriend. Daily I’m alone. I go to the market or buy things for my home, all women are next to a man shopping & im alone shopping. while girls r hanging out with bfs family on weekend or a bfa fmaily barbcue, I’m alone at home. I’m attracted to boyfriend but extremely lonely. Even get depressed. I don't know how you can tell if your lonely or attracted. I don't know if it’s all in your face expression, I have no idea. I’m the type of girl who has gotten NO from men her entire life since she was 13. That’s y it pisses me off when people easily say go find new guy as if it’s a toy you can change or buy. You can’t lovesomeone the next day love the random new guy u met.

[Anonymous]

I'm kinda wanting to know this to because i have an instance of this, sorta kinda not really maybe.

This girl "friend" and i do stress those quotes greatly, of mine, i gave her money for her dog, because it's really sick and needs an ultrasound and an mri. after i told her this, she "asked me out" or im not sure cause while it sounds like she did, she also SUPPOSEDLY has a boyfriend, im not sure. if she did ask me out, then why would she do that, knowing she has a boyfriend. but, if she doesn't have a boyfriend, now it leads me to believe that she thinks i was trying to "buy" a date from her. When i wasn't. I was just trying to do it out of a good heart. besides, it ain't like i paid for the procedure, she still needs quite a bit, i was just helping out a bit

so, did i buy a date from her, whether she has a boyfriend or not?

[Rkbleezy]

She could just want to take you out to eat to repay you for helping with her dog. This doesn't mean anything physical could happen but that she just wants to return the kindness by spending time with you.

[RavVid]

If you are just lonely you are happy if a girl is talking to you.

If you are genuinely attracted then you get hard.

of course if a girl is talking to you after a while you will get hard.

So it can be confused. But I think in the second case you get hard sooner than the first case.

[anonanonanonomys]

Have a list of your standards, relationship or otherwise. Lots of things can cloud your judgement so in moments of doubt refer to the list of things you need in reality

[Mangospacho]

Time is the best indicator. You can’t really tell until at least a month has gone by. If you are genuinely attracted to one person and not just trying to avoid being lonely, then meeting new people won’t have any affect on your feelings. If you just jump from person to person then you are just self medicating the loneliness.

[MCheetah]

How much bullsh*t will you tolerate from her. "Any at all" means you're just lonely/desperate. If you're a guy who can keep your dignity and self-respect though, then it's probably genuine.

[Dnice1]

Well say you someone and you just look at them like i wish I had someone like them to cuddle with but when you look and someone and feel love and genuinely attracted to them then you know the difference.

[OddBeMe]

Unless you’re a robot you should have access to your feelings.


Usually the question is how do you tell if it’s just loneliness or actual love?

[katestar]

Actual love

[Rkbleezy]

Yes but feelings are extremely hard to understand. For instance having an anxiety attack has the same indications as thinking you like someone. For example, Getting anxious, sweating, heart facing, shallow breathing. There are many similarities between symptoms for healthy and unhealthy emotional states. So then how could you determine which is which? If we inherently knew, then we wouldn't have top question it ever, and nobody would be clueless.

[Rkbleezy]

heart racing* not facing lol

[katestar]

Even my former crush?

[DancingQueen16]

A way I knew I was attracted to my now boyfriend was my heartbeat started speeding up every time I saw him 💓

[Jamie05rhs]

Ask yourself this question: "Would I want to be with her every day for the rest of my life?"
If the answer is yes, then you are actually attracted to her.

[katestar]

What about me? I've been attracted to my former crush since I was 14

[Jamie05rhs]

@katestar Yes. We know that you are attracted to him. That is a fact.

The problem is that he also needs to be attracted to you.

[katestar]

Seriously?

[Jamie05rhs]

Yes.

[katestar]

How will he do that?

[Jamie05rhs]

That is in Cupid's hands. Nothing either one of you can do about it.

[katestar]

Cupid's hands? What are you talking about?

[katestar]

Dm me

[Jamie05rhs]

Cupid controls who falls in love with whom. We mere humans are only pawns in his game.

[katestar]

Seriously? If cupid shot a arrow at me and my former crush. What makes us. Me and him?

[Jamie05rhs]

Yeah; basically.

[katestar]

Really?

[Nikki1989]

If you are truly lonely, you are more likely to feel attracted to more people. Stay busy and see how you feel.

[loveslongnails]

Spend a lot of time with them. If you get bored or lose interest, you were just lonely.

[innerman]

Blue Litmus paper___DATING & happy
Red Litmus paper___SINGLE & lonely

[jimmy2]

If you are attracted you will want to be next to her
If you are lonely you will say life sucks 💘

[katestar]

I'm attracted to my former crush

[katestar]

I'm attracted to my former crush.