My best friend and son have feelings for each other and want to date. They asked for my blessing. I'm shocked and confused. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

My best friend (39 years) and my son (25 years) recently told me (44 years) that they have incredibly strong feelings for each other and want to be in a relationship. However, they said they deeply value their relationship with me and care about me a lot. Consequently, they wanted to let me know and ask for my blessing. I was shocked I couldn't give them a real answer at the time. I'm really trying to work through what I think about all this.

First of all, it's just plain weird. Not only is there a huge age gap, but she's my best friend and he's my son. Those are two people who just aren't supposed to go together romantically. The idea of them sleeping together just makes my skin crawl with how weird it is. Moreover, if things don't work out that might make things between all of us more complicated and difficult. Given the age gap, that may be likely. On the flip side, if they actually make it far enough into the relationship she's not going to want to wait for kids (which could be difficult for my son). This relationship may be a terrible idea.

Conversely, after giving it some thought, I can actually see why they'd be interested in each other. They're both physically attractive. They've always gotten along super well and it's always been clear they like each other a lot (I just thought it was as friends). Despite the age gap they do have a lot in common. My son is very mature for his age and my friend is honestly a bit immature (in a good way). Consequently, they're probably compatible maturity wise. They've also both got solid jobs and steady employment (so that won't be an issue). When I'm not feeling weirded out I can actually see why they'd be really compatible. Also, she's an incredible woman and he's a great guy. Maybe they would be great for each other (even if it's weird).

(a little more to read)

Updates

1 y

I guess I don't know where to go from here. Should I give them my blessing? Should I hold out? Should I tell them my concerns? Should I just congratulate them and keep my concerns to myself? What should I do?

[Biancam13]

I'm surprised that not many other answerers are weirded out by this. I'm really sorry OP, this must be a tough situation to be in right now, hope you're ok.

I would be EXTREMELY weirded out if my friend (who is my generation) was into my son (the next generation). Like that is my child, even if he's now an adult. Did your friend know him when he was much younger and underage? Like were they friends then? Or did you only become friends with her more recently? Because if it's the former then that would be very very weird and I would be defensive of my son honestly.

At the end of the day, you can't really stop them from doing what they want. They are both consenting adults and free to do what they want. But I do really feel for you OP. If you don't feel comfortable with it (you know in your gut how you feel) then tell them you're not comfortable.

And yes, I would tell them your concerns. Do it gently but don't hold back on telling them how you feel. They have put you in the middle of this, you have a right to say something to them.

[Asker]

My friend didn't meet him until he was 22. I'm still weirded out, but things would be way worse if she knew him when he was a kid (but she didn't).

It's true that I really don't feel comfortable in this. However, part of me kind of wants to learn to become more comfortable. Once I get passed it being so incredibly weird I can see why they'd be interested in each other. They do get along super well/like each other a lot, have a lot in common, and are generally fairly similar people (who could understand each other very well). I obviously can see this really not working out, but I can kind of see it working out really well too. Also, like you said, they're consenting adults so there's nothing

I truly do love both of them deeply. Even though this is crazy weird I really don't want this to hurt the relationship I have with either of them. Moreover, if this really is the best thing for them (despite being super weird) I really do want to get to a place where I genuinely am happy and supportive of them/their relationship. Also, like you said, they're consenting adults. Consequently, I can't stop their relationship even if I wanted to.

I just don't know how to get there because it's so freaking weird/gross. Do you have any idea what I can do in order to help my mindset change in order to get to that point (assuming this is a good thing for both of them)? Do you have any idea how I can best keep up the best relationship with both of them in the meantime (even though I'm still super weirded out/grossed out/bothered by their relationship)? Thanks!

[Finchie40]

That is definitely a hard situation to be in , but the reality of it is they are going to be together no matter what you say especially if they are having sex with each other they will continue to do so whether you want them to or not , I guess the best thing for you to do is to just support it even though you know in the back of
Your mind what the future between them holds , But the bottom line is let them experience that on their own and whatever happens happens , I agree with you that the situation is messed up but as long as they are both happy that’s all that really matters , if the relationship fails , which it more than likely will , that’s something they will have to deal with on their own and for you to say I told you so lol but at least it’s out of your hands and you know you will support your son no matter what happens , as for your best friend , friends come and go , if your best friend truly valued her friendship with you she wouldn’t be screwing your son , you don’t have to hate her but you can make it clear to her that you aren’t fully supportive of it but it’s her life and her decision , if it fails don’t come running to me, So the best thing for you to do is just stay out of it and watch it unfold in front of you with hopes maybe they can prove you wrong. As a parent myself , I try to guide my kids the best way I can , based off of my experiences in life and helping them try to choose the right paths but no matter what they will choose their own paths even though I don’t agree with some of the shit my kids do , i tell them I told
You so , but the reality of it I will always be there
For them no matter what dumb shit they do , all that matters to me is they are safe and happy

[Asker]

How do I honestly and sincerely support them/their relationship when I feel so massively weirded out (even disgusted) by this, somewhat doubt it'll work out, am worried this could be a mistake for them, and am worried that if the relationship doesn't work out it could affect the relationship we have with each other (perhaps even the relationship I have with each of them)?

At the same time, if their relationship does fail I don't want to tell them 'I told you so'. I'd want to be there for them and support/love them in whatever way I can. I'm just worried things wouldn't be able to go back to normal between all of us.
And as weirded out as I am I don't think that her being with my son means she values our friendship even less. In fact, she told me she really resisted her feelings for a long while because she was so concerned about how I'd feel (and I believe her). Even though I'm super weirded out by this I still know we deeply love each other as sisters would. That doesn't change in this situation (even though it's super weird/disgusting)

[Asker]

In all honesty my feelings on this are very complicated. Yes, I am super weirded out/disgusted by their relationship. Yes, I think there's a really high chance it won't work out. However, part of me honestly can see how it would possibly work out really well (even if I do feel super weird/gross about it). For one thing, they're both highly physically attractive (which I'm sure helps) They do get along super well. I've always known they've had a very strong personal connection with each other (I just thought it was a platonic friendship strong connection, not a romantic/sexual one). They both have a lot in common. They're both on the same page with wanting kids (which is often a huge dealbreaker in these sorts of relationships. However, she may want kids sooner than him, which still could be a problem). They're both incredible human beings.
Even though there's a huge part of me that's weirded out/grossed out over this, there's also a large part of me that really wants to get to the place where I can be happy, supportive, and optimistic about their relationship. Who knows, if I can get over being super weirded/grossed out by the thought of my best friend and son romantically/sexually being together then having my best friend (I love like a sister) become my daughter in law might actually be pretty awesome. A large part of me really hopes I can get to that point (and even hopes their relationship does work out super well for them, even if I do have very conflicting feelings about it)

[Asker]

Again, this is why I'm so confused about where I am about this, what I should say to them, and what I should do with their relationship moving forward. I'm so conflicted in so many ways. I'm trying to sort this out, which is why I'm looking for insights/advice from others regarding this (very confusing and stressful) situation

[Finchie40]

You are correct on everything you are saying , as a loving parent you want the best for your children but matters most is their happiness whether we agree with them or not , all that matters is they are happy together, and safe , that’s all we can really do for our children , between you and I your son is probably eventually going to lose attraction toward her when she starts hitting older age but again that is a 50/50 chance , if he truly loves her he will stand by her side , if not so be it life goes on , that was their choice and decision. so whether their relationship lasts or doesn’t last is something they will have to deal with when that time comes , Yes your friendship with her might come to an end because you will definitely take your sons side when shit hits the fan. I know you are weirded out and grossed out by the whole thing but look at the positives of it , you might get some grand babies out of it and at least your son is with a girl that you pretty much know over some girl that you have no clue about, so at least you can guide them in a positive way instead of a negative way , One thing about age is it really doesn’t matter , what matters in a relationship is the chemistry and connection , if they are happy being together then that’s all you can really ask for even if you don’t agree with it it , it out weighs the negatives. Again you have every right to feel the way you are feeling because you want the best for your child , but you got to remember he is an adult and he will make his own choices whether you agree with him or not on his decisions , So it’s best to try to accept it for what it is even though you are against it , I know it sucks , trust me my daughter is dating a boy that I know isn’t good for her I can tell her every negative thing about him but it’s still going to come down to her decision, so as a loving parent I will always be there for her even though I don’t agree with her decision, it’s a tough cookie to swallow

[Finchie40]

All we can do is pray for the best and hope they are making the right choices

[Asker]

He might loose attraction as she gets older, but she also keeps herself in incredible physical shape. Consequently, she'll likely loose her attractiveness a lot slower than most other women. Also, she's very physically attractive to begin with. Moreover, he'll be aging as well. I'm not saying it's guaranteed he won't loose attraction, but it's probably a lot less likely than in most age gap relationships.

Also, you say that the age gap doesn't matter so long as there's love, but you also said the relationship is a lot less likely to last long term he'll loose attraction largely due to the age gap. So why/how do you think age doesn't matter when you also think that's the case?

With that being said, do you know of anything I can do to keep our friendship going if it doesn't work out with them? I'm obviously going to love my son and still be his mom, but I still don't want to loose my best friend (who is like a sister).

Do you know how I can become less weirded out/grossed out by their relationship and become more hopeful/supportive/loving about it?

[Finchie40]

Again it’s 50/50 Chance like any relationship, but if he truly loves her then age won’t matter

[Asker]

But do you have any idea how I can become less weirded out/grossed out by their relationship and become more hopeful/supportive/loving about it?

[Finchie40]

There is always that chance that things won’t work out , I was just saying he might lose attraction toward her but to say for sure I can’t really put my finger on it , all I know is age doesn’t really matter when someone falls for someone, it’s not like we walk up to someone that we find attractive and say oh by the way how old are you lol the topic of age might come up later in the conversation but that isn’t going to make my not like a girl anymore because we have an age gap , As for your friendship with her , that’s something you are going
To have to decide on your own , me personally couldn’t imagine a best friend of mine going after my daughter , I would be so pissed off that they would even consider that shit , so my friendship with them definitely wouldn’t be the same , I would feel betrayed and backstabbed in a sense

[Finchie40]

You are always going to have that grossed out weirded out feeling in you , because it is fucked up beyond but somehow someway try to bury it and not let it bother You to much if you still want to continue your friendship , but it comes down to your decision and your feelings on how you want to handle it , maybe in time things will calm down to where you just accept it and don’t allow it to faze you anymore , but again who knows, I never been in this type of situation and can only imagine how messed up that would be , but I guess accepting it is better than fighting it , cuz fighting it would just be wasted energy

[DaveJord]

Because its your son, I would give him your blessing and hope he finds happiness. I would let it run its course and after they break up... dump the friend.

I did not read the whole post... words, words, words... too many words. But it seems fucked up of your freinds, but your son is 25 so he is grown. I would be honest with him...

I would say, " Son it is kind of weird to me, and I am not 100% comfortable about it, but you can understand that. Its not that she is 39, but its that she is friend and it awkward for me. At the same time all I want is for you to be happy, and if this makes you happy then I will support it."

Then just lay back and wait and see, what happens. She may truly make him happy and over time you will appreciate that about her. She may not in the long run and then you can hate the bitch. What you do not want to do is make it about you, because then both of them will blame you... and in doing that you might bond them close together... so make your self a none factor in the relationship.

[BlueScorpio]

Well their both of age, so the relationship would be legal. I can understand feeling awkward about and the age gap and her being uour friend. There's a chance kids my not come with this relationship since she's almost 40 and there's no way of telling if your son is ready for marriage and kids yet if that's what he wants I later on down the road. It's a pretty strange situation, I'm not sure how I would take if I was in your shoes. Blessing or not, they are adults and choose for themselves. Plus if things don't work out, there's a chance you might loose her as friend since your connected to your son. Seeing you would be to weird cause she'll run into him at some point... I don't know it's risk but will just have see how it goes.

[Avicenna]

You should only give them your blessing if you're comfortable with it and your friendship with her would survive their relationship not working out (in case it does not), because you don't want to lose that friendship.

Since they're compatible adults, their respective ages are a non-issue.

[Asker]

I'm not really comfortable with it. I'm super weirded/grossed out by it. However, I really do love them both. If this is really what's best for them I want to get to a place where I'm very comfortable and supportive of their relationship. Do you have any idea how I can do that?

[Asker]

I am concerned about our friendship lasting if the relationship doesn't work out. I don't think it would die, but it could get a lot more strained. Do you know what I could do to try to make sure our friendship is strained as little as possible if their relationship doesn't work out?

[Avicenna]

She's your best friend, so you should be open about your concerns with her. No one can allay them better than her. She may already have thought about the possible effects on your friendship.

[DaveJord]

All I can say about the relationship with your freind is that the freind had already made this choice for you. If the freind was as concerend about your freindship with her as you seem to be then this would not have happened. She made the choice to go with your son, so you got to make the same choice and go with your son no matter what happens.

You did not make this choice for yourself, they mad it for you. And of course your Son comes first and the friend already or should of known that. So he put your friendship on the line when she started screwing around with your son.

If the relationship works out over time then you see that you will reach a place where you will be able to deal with it... I mean think about your best friend could possible be your daughter in law some day. I mean I know it sounds weird now... but that could make the friendship stronger. But if it doesn't work out with your son, or she hurts him... well you know as well as I the friendship will not last. And that's not your Sons fault... he is 25 and she is 39... she knew that going in, that's the choice she made and you are not to blame for that. So yes, be honest about it with her, because your friendship is not dependent upon her relationship with the son. Thats what she did, not you and that it will take a little time for you to adjust... but if she is good to him and treats him right then you are 100% okay with it. Its a lie, but you will have to be 100% okay with it and in time you could be.

But then you tell here like you would tell any other women, if hurt him then its another story another and that has nothing to do with your friendship that how would be for any women.

[DaveJord]

Just make it clear to her, that if she ever places in situation where you have to choose between your son or her... she will lose. That's the choice she made... so she better be good to him.

[Summeroflove]

You can’t tell two adults what to do. Lol

[OlderAndWiser]

What are the consequences for you if you withhold your blessing for their relationship?

[Asker]

They may not date out of 'respect' for me. However, they may be upset about that. I'd also feel like the bad guy.
However, even if I said 'no' they very well may still date. They'd just feel really hurt that I didn't give them my blessing or support. Our relationships would still exist, but they'd be more strained. It might be hard for all 3 of us to be in the same room. I'd also feel bad/guilty about not supporting my son and best friend in their relationship.

However, I've also got a lot of issues with it so it's a lot more complicated than just that. I'm trying to mentally work through them/figure them out though.

[OlderAndWiser]

The bottom line is that it is probably going to happen anyway, as you say, so you can either be the bad guy or you can try to be supportive and accepting.

[OlderAndWiser]

And, yes, I do understand that it is a bit weird for you.

[Asker]

How do I honestly and sincerely give my blessing when I feel so massively weirded out (even disgusted) by this, somewhat doubt it'll work out, am worried this could be a mistake for them, and am worried that if the relationship doesn't work out it could affect the relationship we have with each other (perhaps even the relationship I have with each of them)?

[OlderAndWiser]

Have you discussed your concerns with both of them together?

[Charlesbrandonf]

My dear sweet Angel. It’s not in your hands. Just understand that. They don’t need you’re blessing if we are being straight. Even if your son is dating someone you see not compatible with. He don’t need your blessing. But in this case both are close to you and wants to let you know how they’re feeling for each other. Please be grateful that you know her well and your son fall in love with such an incredible woman. And know that this woman is safe hands and treat her accordingly.


Don’t be hard on yourself thinking what society things. Society/people always have something to think and talk. That’s less important.


What your son feels and what your friend feels should be highly highly important to you. You’re also not them to decide for them.


Don’t make it awkward for yourself thinking how they sleep together and make it awkward for them. Look at her as a woman, look at her as your sons girl and act accordingly. Look at her as your family.


Give them your blessing as quickly as possible and make sure to throw a party for taking time to respond. Tell them you couldn’t be happier for them. If you’re conditionally approving, there might be some friction. If ever anything to happen you don’t look at them in easy way. You don’t want that. So prepared yourself, be genuinely whole heartedly happy for them. Well you know both of them which is beyond good.


So don’t be a problem, be a solution.

[Anonymous]

I question why if she’s such an incredible woman as you say why hasn’t someone sweated her off her feet all this time? From a male’s perspective I’d be all over that, the thought of getting some from an older woman turns me on. Which actually I did when I was about his age from a woman your age. Even as a father is probably say get that son, but as far as a relationship as a father I’d think there’s numerous things wrong w her. As you pointed out she’s not going to want to wait to have kids, so that’s a red flag for me because at his age he still have plenty of time for that. I mean why doesn’t she have kids already? Or does she? I think if you ask yourself what if a friend came to me asking the very same question what would I tell my friend, you’ll get a lot of answers to this situation. As you said I’d things don’t go well it could mess things up between all three of you. Even if you disapproved more than likely he will probably get upset about it, even saying such things as you don’t like her, going behind your back. Either way they’re both adults. Would you be more weirded if it was a male friend who was interested in your daughter? If it doesn’t sit well w you I’d say no, but again that could backfire.

[RangerBlue22]

Well this is very bizarre. Most young men aren’t interested in older women. However there are some out there.

Anyway it really sucks you have to deal with this. Obviously it radically changes your relationship with both your son and best friend. But the silver lining is they approached you about it vs. messing around behind your back.

But they are both adults. You can’t tell them one way or another. However I am perplexed by your son tbh.

You need some time to yourself away from both to process this.

[PetiteBabe64]

If everyone on earth never went outside there comfort zone humans would of went extinct Long time ago Quit being a child. Facts matter not I’m afraid of seeing my son grow up so I will refuse the blessing. Give them your blessing he’s going grow up whether you believe it or not.
They’ve already slept together and deep down you know that. So Grow up and give them your blessing or be a crappy friend and a bad mom and tell your son that It’s immoral to Love and to be loved by another and Tell him you won’t give a blessing that goes against your morals and you would hate for him to love and to be loved.

[Anonymous]

Omg I’m sorry
I don’t know how much this relationship will last but I know that obviously this relationship some days is going to end.
Because the age gap is huge and when your son gets older that women will enter her 50s etc.
he won’t find her attractive anymore. I mean not to be rude I know your friend exercise and what not but still a women who’s in her 50s is in her 50s no matter how much she exercises etc.
I know some say between a men and women 15 years is ok. Well I agree but men age better not all ofc. And biologically when your som enters his late 30s he is not going to find her attractive.


Well they might have a kid. Because I can say this relationship will last 6-8 years/ if your son truly truly loves her: I think the ball is in your son. I mean he is fresh meat any 40 years old women would want him. So your friend might not even live him much but given the fact that your son likes her she is ready to accept it ofc

[Chazmatazz269]

That’s extremely creepy. You can’t stop them cuz they’re both adults, but i’d forbid it and never speak to my “friend” again. Even if she wasn’t grooming him before he came of age, she was probably thinking about it. I wouldn’t want that kind of creep in my life.

[Asker]

Firstly, she didn't even meet him until three years ago, so she didn't know him when he wasn't of age. Secondly, I really don't want to just destroy our friendship. I truly do love my friend. Even though this is super weird I think she genuinely has feelings for my son and has tried to go about this in a way that's as considerate towards my feelings as possible. In fact, if I ever get over how weird this is, I'd like to think I can get to the point where I'm happy for them if their relationship turns out well.

[Chazmatazz269]

I don’t understand how your “best friend” only recently met your 25-year old child. Was he previously not in your life? Is she a new friend?

[DJB72]

Firstly, 14 years isn't that much. I know several couples with a gap of 20 celebrating high (25 ) anniversaries.

Your problem is exactly that: your problem. If he'd brought a random girl home with a similar age gap you'd feel differently. The issue is she's your friend. Not the age gap.

If you "intervene" you lose. Stay neutral. It'll run its course if it's just physical.

[Asker]

It's about both the age gap and the fact she's my friend. If it was some other woman that same age it would be less weird/bothersome, but it would still be weird/bothersome to me

I'm pretty certain it's not just physical (although that very well may still be a major component). That doesn't automatically mean it's a good idea though.

[DJB72]

You're right. It's not automatically a good idea. But it's not automatically a bad one either.

The only question that matters is do you trust them? The fact they came to you shows you that your opinion matters to them and that they trust you.

One of my dearest friends is 16 years younger than me. Her parents are 17 years older than me. When I left England to get married she was 15. Now she's mid 30s, divorced with kids and I'm 50 and we were chatting a few days ago about just how close in age we actually are although it didn't seem it 20 years ago.

At some point your son is going to need you to comfort him. Don't do anything to alienate him now.

I'm 50. My mum is 80. I still need her. Your son is still going to need you in 30 years time.

Don't screw up your future relationship with him by freaking out now.

Confidentially, g@g is possibly not the ideal place to ask about this. Damned if I know where is, but there's a lot of assholes on here

[Asker]

I'm determined to still love and be there for both my son and my friend no matter what happens or how weird I think this is.

Also, I know GAG isn't the ideal place, but I thought I may as well give it a shot. Also, I can ask anonymously here

[RolandCuthbert]

I guess this is up to you. If they are really into each other and are in love, your blessing won't really matter. I think it is a matter of whether or not you want to risk alienating your son and friend because of your beliefs.

That's on you.

[SnowedIn]

Yes! Give them your blessing. There is no other answer that ends well. They are consenting adults of legal age and by what you've written, they sound like they're acting responsibly and thoughtfully to you. If the relationship fails, that's on them. But if you withhold your blessing they'll probably do it anyway and your relationship is damaged.

[DeltaRecon]

To be blunt. Your son being 25 probably wants someone to just fuck. Your friend probably wants the same thing and loves the attention from someone younger with energy.

let them go about it and just fuck like rabbits. At some point something may come out if it or they will just tire of each other and go their separate ways.

[dustybiker]

You’ve done your job. In the end he’s a grown man.

I’m going to guess without the blessing you’ll lose the friend regardless, which is a shame if she is good for him.

Yes, there is an age gap, but 25 is a mature mind capable of knowing what he is looking for by then.

Thinking more personally I wouldn’t want to miss out on a great match relationship myself.

[glennos89]

Your son is a grown man now. I understand its not the nicest thing that could happen to you but think about this...

Do you wanne be standing in the way of your son's happiness and prevent him being together with the woman he wants?

The way you describe their relationship they are fitting very well together so why wouldn't you be happy for the both of them?

[TheSpaceGnome]

14 years is a tad high in age gap, but 15 year gaps and under are common, its just usually the guy thats older. (personally I think higher than a 10 year gap is too much).

If they have everything in common, and genuinely love eachother, than you are better off approving of it than making your best friend and your son be miserable.

If they are nothing alike, and just find eachother physically appealing, then point that out.

[Asker]

As I said above, I can actually see why they'd be into each other (even though it's super weird). That doesn't mean it's a good idea though.

If this is what's best for them I really do want to get to the point where I'm not weirded out/grossed out by their relationship and am instead happy, supportive, and loving of their relationship. However, it's just so crazy weird/gross I don't know how to get there. Do you know what I could do to help myself get to the place where I'm happy/supportive/loving of their relationship instead of weirded out/grossed out?

[TheSpaceGnome]

It's one of those things you just stop thinking about after seeing people as a functional couple for a while.

Physical maturity finishes anywhere from 12 to 30 depending in the person's genetics, with around 16 to 22 being the most common to be completely done growing. As for mental maturity, thats a myth, one person's mature is another's childish, because people value different things and perspectives and this view interests, goals, and life stages differently.

[TheSpaceGnome]

But I wasn't refering to maturity, I was referring to hobbies and interests.

For example, if a woman didn't like challenging video games or couldn't draw or hated science or fiction, or she was religious, I'd never date her. This means about 0.001% of women my age or older are mental matches, and maybe about %5 of women in their late 20s match me. and maybe 10% of women in mid to early 20s.

I mention this because its not about maturity, its more about the generation and what hobbies any given percentage of that age group liked that generation. Often people don't fit with what most of their generation prefers.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Location also matters, if I went to certain other countries, matches my age would spike to about 20% of the female same age population.

[Makeushiver]

I would think that trying to stand in the way would alienate both your son and your friend. If i's something not likely to work out then let it run down on its own. Yooou could just wind up lienating both of them. I hope you friend is wise enough not to discuss sex with you about him.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Don't worry it's a bubble , once the sex gets involved in relationships and becomes routine all the realities and irritating qualities will show up eventually.

When they start spending more alone time they might not be same as they are now.

If on other other hand it works out still there is no problem.

[Twalli]

Give them your blessing and voice your concerns. At 39 your friend has 1-3 years that she can conceivably still give birth. So if she wants to procreate it has to happen soon. Yet, you don't need kids to have a fulfilling life. If they're both fine without having kids, there's nothing to worry about. My girlfriend is 36 and we don't want kids, so there's no clock for her.

[Asker]

Regardless, I know she REALLY wants kids. Consequently, if things work out and they get to that point I think my friend will want to get pregnant ASAP. That may be perfectly fine, but it also may rush things for my son

[Twalli]

She has to get pregnant ASAP, giving birth is incredibly rare in your 40s. Plus, when you hit menopause it's done. You can never give birth again.

[Jay3344]

I think that her being 39 makes her still young but kind of attractive because she older for your son. If they’re friends too, if he’s got no girls his own age that are giving him the same attention he’s going to take what he can get. I get what your feeling though, just saying as an objective/subjective observer.

[BJP21]

As long as they both understand the maturity difference, I see no issues. The thing I dont understand is why they're asking for your for a blessing? What they do in terms of their relationship (being blunt) has nothing to do with you. Unless you plan on being part of a threesome love triangle, you have no say.