What is this behavoir? Anyone recognize it?

[Noredcarpet]

Long story short my dad cheated on my mom, ended things with the other woman. What I know is that he got protective as in trying to be close by with us, and I have not thought about it why he was like that back then, til now. I am sorr of in an echo of a situation when I can not say 100% if my partner has cheated or not (he says he can't believe I can think that and that it hurts him) with an unstable girl. I have niticed he, like my dad, tries to stay close by. Wanting to show up and stay with me, or close by me, when he hasn't been acting like it before. The echo goes on as in my dads other woman was unstable too (so was he) threaten suicide where I feel history repeat itself with my partners "friend". I know I must be triggered by my past as too as soon as this girl broke through I reacted not only of the present, but with my dads history. I too had this fear that my partner would loose judgement ever since I learned he struggled mentally as that too has been my experiences in the past (with 2 exes). Just like my dad my partner is too goodlooking but just because of that haven't had what some may think an easy life, background. The scale tips over to some projecting their own ideas, not being nice. Just like my dad I know he got some looks of admiration (looks were fine, no boundaries crossed).

Anyways, it puzzles me why both my dad and partner now act this way? It must have puzzled my mom too. It is as if you suddenly got this tender careful but persistent bodyquard around you. Why?

(If there are those of you sick of my problemo I get it, so no need to make remarks about it then)

[miana]

My boyfriend had the same issue with not being able to trust women after his ex cheated and was abusive, and I had my mother cheat on my father after knowing she was the most loyal women on the planet for my entire life, and then they always play the suicidal game when the partner wants to leave, or when they get the consequences of their actions, and then to keep the person around through start over giving, and playing the nice guy so that they don't lose the person in their life, cause they want the best of both worlds. Now unfortunately this behavior sticks with the ones around you, be it their kids, be it their partners, and it's pain, and wariness that gets carried on, which is probably what they call generational trauma, and it was something I never understood with how my boyfriend would see his ex in everything I do, no matter how innocent, or he'd be jealous, our overthink, and I would do the exact same thing, I'd question everyone action of his, to the point of where I told him I don't like change, I overthink, so does he, and when change happens it would be nice to tell wn overthinker why, as to not fill in the gaps with our own messed up overthinking thoughts, that never ends well, cause it does hurt you, and your partner, and your relationship.

Yes it hurts go open up, and it's scary stuff, but you did choose your partner, and it's rather all in or nothing, you give them the benefit if the doubt, and risk getting hurt, or you risk your entire relationship, and trust, and all of that so that your heart stays safe, which remember, a bird can't learn to fly when it's still stuck in its cage, and your parents trauma should not affect you having a healthy life, and an amazing relationship, neither should anyone's issues.

Although my partner has a friend exactly like that, and I made him keep his distance from her, cause yes your partner might be loyal as ever, but that does not stop people like that from trying, cause they are always around, and should not be given an opening, it's toxic, and threatening, and causes strain on your emotional well-being, and your relationship. Maybe have that discussion with him instead, about setting boundaries with his friend, and if he can't then you clearly know what's what.

Goodluck✨️.

[Noredcarpet]

Thank you so much, and for sharing your as well as your boyfriends issues, interesting. I recognize a great deal. I hope things are better now for you both.

When my partner first started showing up like this I thought Oh, no, he's jealous again as this is what he would do in his past but then always with a rigid (shutting everything and everyone out, only wanting to be with me) or I could tell by the look in his eyes he was sentimental, worried, anxious, pleading even if not ssying anything about it but him I suppose trying to pass as normal. But this how he's been now I haven't seen before.

I have even thought if he is trying to somehow protect me from her but I think that is unrealistic and only an echo from my past (surreal when learning my dad had to take to legal enforcement to keep the woman out. Today it proberbly amongst other things goes under the name of stalking, but back in those days I doubt the word was even invented).

My partner has admirable and adorable qualities about him, no matter where we stand I think I will always be sble to say that about him, but I seriously am wrecking my brain how he could have let this happen now after everything. Had I been acting like him in my past or present, not recognizing when someone tries something I too would have chaos, drama all over the place.

I think by now he gets on his own, I hope, that it was a bad idea to let her in like that. I totally understand why ypu had to tell your boyfriend to distance himself. I recognize everything you write and am with you 100%.

I think if my partner had a normal background with people acting normal he would be like any other normal good suburban partner and family man. He would respond to the girls behavoir as a normal guy would do with normal boundaries. Or if he had learned anything from his past recognize a threat and foreseen a likely future consequence of it.

[miana]

Yes exactly, I feel people who were abused or hurt in the past don't really know that there's better, and they still feel that even though the other person is the worst of the worst, that they're still there, and they can't lose them, cause they get used to that behavior, they make excuses for that behavior, and then what looks to them as backing their people up, and being there for that person looks to the partner as toxic, and crossing boundaries, because everyone in the picture knows what's going on, but the sad part is the toxic friend or family member always plays innocent, and the person that's used to it always defends them, or accepts their behavior because of the attachment, and not knowing any better, because they genuinely feel this person can change, or are so used to the bad that they see it as normal, where you as the partner see the bad, and somehow can't grasp that someone could do that, play innocent, and your partner would still not see anything wrong with it, and that's when the fights happen, because you don't feel seen, and your partner can't understand why you're making a fuss out of absolutely nothing according to them.

The thing is horrible people take advantage of the most nicest, soft hearted, and forgiving people, and they make that person feel like if they don't forgive all their terrible actions then unfortunately they will leave, or unfortunately they become bad people for not accepting the bad persons behavior. And then they become gaslit, and never get rid of that person, and have hope that one day that person might change, cause they really don't see that this person is intentionally toxic, and just is a bad person, not just a bad thing done, cause unfortunately you get people like that, that just grow up bad, that just come from a toxic environment, that want to hurt, and destroy, and you as a partner can't do much or it becomes an argument, cause your partner knows no better, even If it's good.

[miana]

Honestly it sucks, but you either choose to deal with it, or you move on, it all depends on how much you're willing to accept, and how much you wanna be with the person, because it's a long road, and one where you just have to deal with the fact that your partner is good, and will never see the wrong in someone intentionally being a bad person, because that's how he was manipulated into being, and that trauma will always be there, and there's never going to be a right answer to any of it, I personally still don't have an answer to it.

[Noredcarpet]

Yes, precisely so, you just nailed what I've seen in dysfuctional families, and I have felt alone before observing this as it is not something I've felt people know, talk about. One such family being my dads first family and now whats been going on with my partners. If i compare them with my moms first family I realize now thats where I was taught love, kindness, loyalty, boundaries, my mom never afraid to speak up when she witnessed or became part of an injustice. I could tell how out of place she felt with my dads and me too feeling what she felt, the dysfuctional.

It has puzzled me why its always me identifying, being effected, reacting/stating something wrong while my partner let it pass, but now I know. Its been difficult to lead him, step by step. I don't want him to feel like a school boy. At the same time I have been afraid to loose him. But I had to say and do to be true to myself.

[Noredcarpet]

One pattern I spot in a chaos girl in his/our past as well as now why he is not reacting like he should is that he is too quick in responding instead of taking that notion, ok something is off, breath, then when ready to respond to it like he should. He didn't flirt back but he was still welcoming her shit and that was a mixed message right there that would keep her going.

[Noredcarpet]

Just like he would state with the chaos girls before he stated with this last one that he has never and will never be into her like that. That he always loved, loves me. That he felt he was only showing the latest compassion for her but I too can be compassionate but not like that. I think he has hyper empathy and it makes him vulnerable to manipulation of these chaos girls and somehow I end up looking like the villain for making it so big, but it is big even if I know there are others having it way worse, knowing cheating for sure, sleeping with someone else.

[miana]

Honestly it's a kind of frustrating situation to be in, cause you wanna believe the I love yous, but you can't understand why the person can't put your comfort above another person no matter what the reason is, no matter the empathy, and niceness that they have, and why they would rather hurt you with their toxic friendships, and cross your boundaries than the friends boundaries, and then see absolutely nothing wrong with any of it, it's quite sad actually, and yes you don't wanna treat the person like a school boy, but what else is there to do? Cause screaming doesn't work, saying it nice goes on deaf ears, there's never a perfect way of stopping this either than either fighting for your relationship by making it clear that you don't like what's happening over and over again even if you come off as the wicked witch of the west, and the so called friend as the Saint,

Cause it's either that, or simply leaving if it hurts too much, which isn't ideal, and hurtful, because then you lose your partner and the useless person gets what they want from your partner.

It's truly unfortunate really, and a tough situation to be in.

[Noredcarpet]

Thanks you again so much for your support knowledge and understanding 😀
The thing is once I am done reacting he comes through as incidents play on that are now obvious to anyone as someone like that will step up the game more. He will then say now he gets it and I was right al along and he's sorry and all that. He will limit or cut off what ever toxic relationship he's had. I think part of why he can to me come across as indifferent later on to them is what I've learned how children get from growing up in a dysfunctional family. I'm left feeling as if I don't know if he takes those steps on his own which was my hope from the beginning or of it is part show for him or else not only me but others will think there's something wrong with him and he'll be shut out, he'll become an embarrasment and so now he's trying to get back in to the club but he will never be like the rest of us? My guards are still up because I do feel like they are still playing. She hasn't I'm sure been dealing with him getting too harsh with her at least not yet, and he thinks him telling me he has never had feelings for her or will, and if they are to meet out there it is something out of his control and he will keep it civil, short, if anything, that it's enough and something we can live with.

[Noredcarpet]

I have noticed with him as of lately he shuts of other (innocent) women too in a way that's not OK with me. Like the other day this woman was calling for his attention, help with something and he was closest by than I was. He turned his back on her and walked my way. I had stoped to turn around thinking he would help her, and when I asked what was wrong he said something down the line that he didn't know if he could trust her. Before I got there she had managed it anyways, she had been innocent all along. I told him something like I don't recognize him.

[miana]

Yeah I've also been through the pattern of my partner doing something not cause he seems to find a problem nor understand a problem with the situation, but because I said something about it, or because he wants to avoid the arguing, which I feel is the same thing happening with you, where there's this avoidment issue, which is why he is just avoiding any women now, be it innocent women or not, because when I asked my boyfriend to stop with that one friend , then he wanted to cut game night with all his friends out instead, they go to these extremes to either prove a point to themselves or to us.

But I do have a question, what are you doing about all of this If I may ask?

[Noredcarpet]

Ah yes then you know, yes, good question lol what am I doing? I think I'm going back and forth with it all, have not processed everything. It was different when it was his relations with family as there was support there too from others and himself starting to recognize the signs, etc. I thought we could leave it behind us. I have left the past incidents with the chaos girl masking as friend too behind thinking something like it would never happen again. I am trying to understand at this point his connection with her but removing my own feelings. She is like him, only worse as in going too fast, quick, their kind of anxiety so really the bond is then ta defect or at one time a coping mechanism, the anxiety being the proof something is wrong.

[Noredcarpet]

He swears he was only trying to help her as he recognize she was worse and what not to keep doing or else she will get way worse. There has been times when other girls has asked him for advice, leaned on him and times when he has stood up for lets say a friend of mine. Those times I haven't mind, the opposite in fact and felt proud of him. No jealousy involved. No girl crossing a boundary. He keeps on trying to stay close to me now, do things for me. We are suppose to go through this period and then I am suppose to give my answer if to stay or for us to split. He says he will never leave me and can only hope I will stay when this is all over.

[Noredcarpet]

I feel at least I am getting a better understanding now of his past love life and why these chaos girls keep reappearing, him recognizing both his chaotic parent and him taking on early on a codependent role. Why I found him to be too much emotionally involved with her. I have to give him at least credit for not in any texts I've found that he is flirtatious, he is overly empathic. He says to him it was not obvious she was flirting and he said he could not imagine that as she too has talked to him about her partner. He says he wants help, to improve himself so this doesn't happen again. I have days or hours when I think us splitting up and when I think or hope in the future we got this. I try to keep myself busy too with other things, etc, to not go there with thoughts of her.

[miana]

I mean I get why you would try and understand the situation, and also keep yourself busy with other stuff, but would that really work in the long run? Just putting up with stuff and then him saying how he wants to better himself but keeps going back to old patterns? Like would it not be nice to just not have to deal with other women, and other friends, and him not being able to let go of past trauma and habits? Cause either than saying he wants to be better, has he been trying? Have you been feeling comfortable with all of this? Or genuinely happy with all of this?

[Noredcarpet]

He is trying with therapy and wants us to go all into this. Yes I too have thought about the bad he has given me with his arrival in my life and the Journey we've been on. He is still blue and sensitive at times, and I for one was ready to start a new chapter thinking now he's mentally improved, now this thing with his family is dealt with... it is so typical too that once we had so much to look forward, made plans over the holidays sort of like a reward, new beginning, for us to connect more, this happens with that girl. I don't want to go there but I have thought about if it was out of envy or the holidays in itself that made her worse, act out like that. If the first option then that is a manipulative move on her part. I just want a normal life with a normal partner, lol. It is as if u sit in a waiting room waiting for him to come out from the doctors. I know it takes time, efforts, but yes, Im tired of it in one way, another Im thinking we have come so far and if I leave now I won't know if he has succeided in beating this thing.

[miana]

Well I'm pretty sure you will make it work and find a way somehow, you have come very far and you can't give up now.

Because I can here that you care about your partner, and love your partner, or these things would not have been bothering you as much as they do.

Don't let the other women win, nor the people that gave him the bad habits, help him, and be there, and hopefully you get the man of your dreams, or at least what you signed up for at first. It's tough but definitely worth it. Plus you did say he has other amazing qualities. And one day it could all go back to normal, with the right amount of boundaries.

Goodluck💜

[Noredcarpet]

Thank you really. I will try to be more positive. I feel bad too for saying I want a normal life and a normal guy, knowing he did not chose the troubles with his first family, and it was all going to catch up on him one day. I know he is not his disease and I know he has evolved. I suppose I thought the thing with his family etc were the big obsticles, I didn't think yet another chaos girl would show up. I get now why his past love life was the way it was, as well as my own, only he has escaped me bringing in some chaos boy in the picture if there was one. In his past once he did react he had a huge reaction, rejection I suppose the moment he thought by his standard a girl had taken things too far. He cut her off and the group she came with. We had just gotten together, official, but still so new that I think it created waves, as in the chaos girl thinking now or never.

[Noredcarpet]

One evening now long ago he started talking about other girls ask in him saying he thought I was rare, and he sounded so bitter about these other girls. I thought then he was exaggerating or having over all trusting issue, or not having seen his own part in it. When he was talking it was almost to himself. Now I realize if such a girl was chaos from the start or got that way, that this is why to me it sounded strange he had such a view on girls, but of cource it was girls I now reckon was his type only he had not fully come to terms why, his own doing. I thought before when I had a strong reaction and him running after ne etc that this was chaos but to him I realize in one way it's nothing because he normally don't see me that way. He always says Im the love of his life, true or not. Yes, I hope if possible somehow the future looks bright, thank you

[miana]

No I also feel that where they feel they cannot do any better and they go for the most toxic women and when they do find a good one it's like magical to them, and they tell you how bad the other women was because they are not used to good, but that is also when they self sabotage the good things they have for the bad things that they are used to.

You do deserve normal in your life and hopefully one day he can give that to you.

[Noredcarpet]

Thank you very much, he used to have jealousy issue about me that I did not know where that came from but then it was a lot about him feeling his chaos parent, the whole dynamic and me doing my own thing not wanting part of that, that he was going to loose me over it, and too his ex was on the rebound and he was the second choice to my understanding how he explained it. He would build an entire system , a form of protection cycle to try to beat his jealousy of loosing me, and that too was too difficult for him. I think he was very much torn apart to chose the chaos parent and not me, but I never did that to him, the chaos parent did. It is hard to grasp why he would go through all that and not love me. But he has stood up, let go, pushed away chaos ex, girls before but says he can't with me. He says he see me as his best friend and everything and that she and the others were nothing. That he was not into them why he did not take that seriously. That he was used to their games but not thinking he would look bad too

[Noredcarpet]

I've read through again what he gave me the first time around, at once, without him having the time to prepare to delete what ever, and when I've read through it now, more calm, I can see that he is trying to finish the texts as in him thinking he helped her enough but he says too he did not think it was the time or place to be too harsh on her as he was afraid of her mental state. He said too everything happened so fast and he suppose they were both stressed out. He kept saying she chose him to bond with but that he didn't think it was anything romantic. He has gotten more jealous of me lately but trying to hide it in a way, first complimenting me but then its as if he gets scared and then looks for reasurement. I do what I am suppose to do when this comes up but my hope was it was gone for good. he's not angry or anything. This type of jealousy can be hard to explain for outsiders as I agree I too was one of them going hell no, as in me thinking its dangerous or Im in danger. But I've never been with him. Its sort of a different kind.
I can see my own pattern as in me chosing and them too chosing me, very empathic people. One maybe don't think there is a downside to it but it is when they are too kind to others who are not kind in return. I too had to learn some lessons the hard way and coukd have bitten my tounge for not saying straight away what I felt, but I learned.

Sorry to go on like this, lol, heart (can't find one where I write so have to spell it).

[miana]

Nah you can go on lol it's okay.

You can message me or rant on here when you feel like it, to maybe get certain things of your chest.

He just sounds very broken and comes with a lot of baggage from what it sounds like, his been with the most toxic people in his life and he has been hurt a lot. All of that comes with not knowing where to set boundaries, not knowing who to keep and who to let go, because that behavior is normal to him and cause he has lost so many people already, that he feels he can't lose anymore and because he probably feels that nobody else was there for him so if he's there for the so called friends and women and family, such as his parents then they'd be there for him. Which is why he takes so well with you, because you're there for him. You're hanging in quite well though and you're making the best out of your relationship with him. He just needs someone there, someone to for once choose him. It seems like that's also something you want, also just not to end up like your parents. Which is truly just as much my fear with cheating parents and broken homes. It becomes your worst fear having your partner do that to you and then the overthinking starts and the putting your insecurities onto them with the lack of trust and the lack of seeing that not all people have bad intentions.

[Noredcarpet]

Thank you so much, I agree with you. I''m so sorry of what you have been through. That's so sweet of you

I now get the feeling better of the description of emotional cheating as I did feel the threat of that with her, first time I've felt it like that. He says he's never talked to her about us, me, in a way that's not appropriate. That he's doing what he's doing to get better, help, to stay with me.

I've been told he has reduced capacity to read off signs, genetic or because of past traumas from first family, so everything that happen in the past is not just in my trigger head, but it gets in the way. Were a bad combo that way.

With her there is not a word or action coming through anymore. he's asked for help on how to deal with her. He swears he's never been interested in pursuing a friendship with her, he wasn't ready for any of this to happen and didn't see it coming. She got too sick when she crossed that line, but she's doing better but now 99% they're apart. I do ask at times if they've met over there and he answers. There is nothing of a suspiscious nature coming through other areas.

Thank you again for letting me get all this off my chest.

[Noredcarpet]

Adding when I asked him why he then accepted her as a friend he says everyone did this, he was only trying to be nice to everyone, he was only trying to help. He still swears nothing inappropriate went on but he did think few things she did was strange but not romantic but then again he knew she wasn't mentally cleared off either so he didn't bother with it too much.

[miana]

It's honestly the same with my partner and his friend, no matter what the friends do, the excuse is they don't know any better or they need someone to be around them, and the partner being the nice guy normally does it which I truly just don't understand, why do they have to do it, doesn't the women have anyone better to go to?

What's his reasoning for not being able to cut ties with this person if he can stay 99% away then why not a 100% if it's affecting your relationship?

[Noredcarpet]

God, yeah, that is bad if your boyfriend don't get that the friendship is effecting his relationship with you to this degree, and it is not just your problem, it is his too, it's yours together to find a solution to it.
I know why I had this strong reaction is too because of his past, that I know this is how his past love life has been, that is the woman needing some kind of help, real or manipulative and he takes on the role, dive in, but sooner or later, too late for my taste but never mind that, he will get the picture and finish it off somehow or be finished off with but as this has happened when he talks about it it is as if that's ok too, that throughout it all he don't take it so seriously even with all the drama, heartbreak. He just says then he wouldn't have met me had it work in his past and he wants me. It's unfortunately not 100% as it is a group thing. They took her off as she got too sick, when she instead as a last scene reached out to him like that. I don't know what it is but I've seen at times other women and men too doing this thing of resting themselves on to him, asking him for advice, listening but then he's not frantic or too intense as with her, but solid. I've learned more about emotional cheating, how it all starts and evolves too. To me it has come too that I do not trust that he will react on my time which is a problem as a woman then knows she has stepped over a boundary and does it to my face, that it is disrespect from her, and unwillingly from him too if he does not get it before, if he is innocent.

[Noredcarpet]

From my understanding, this is new to me, the traditional way of looking at it is that What it comes down to is basically that no man or woman who are partners should have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex that is replacing in a way their partner. This because it interferes with their connection on good and bad days, the quality is not the same nor looks more dim for the future. I before thought it was only a threat, disrespect act, if she or they had something else in mind than friendship but there is friendship in a romantic relationship as well or should be. It is really up to both individuals in the relationship separetely to decide, if it is effecting one it of cource effecting both.

[Noredcarpet]

Because of our history and the troubles he has had it is all unfortunately that he on one hand has reduced capacity to recognize social signs, more potential manipulation, me on the other spectrum of it has a senitivity in general to spot things. We are now working out a plan. I am not considered being jealous for no reason so that being out of the picture it is not about me crossing healthy boundaries.

[Noredcarpet]

He reminds me in some ways of my mom so without thinking too much of it I have communicated with him as with her. Difference is that she would instantly accept my truth when I said it and respect that. With him he would take defense. The new plan is that as I discover something off, threatening to confide in him straight away, for him to change his attitude when I do. Follow me on my Journey. If he discover something tell me. The way it has been with us is that I withdraw which effect him badly, get anxiety worse from it. I know too I have sensitivity so I am used to collect proof before or if to speak up. Used to waiting for others to get it. I hold what ever I feel on the inside to myself. My mom knew when I did speak it was important and she dropped everything. Even if it was not her truth, she had missed something, she respected me. He needs to do the same. But there were times when I did not feel it was the time to say something not safe or sure and she felt that badly. She needed my voice, it was her way to connect. If I said I needed to think about something not about her she would get more calm. So really both he and I need to change our old ways. I hope we can.

[Noredcarpet]

Just want to add that he has corrected me as in saying they are part of the same group as before, they are not, she is sort of pn the sidd. This is all an isolated environment where I can not enter so I can't see what their chemistry is like, if she does have a secret agenda beside the reason they should be there, interact. When it's been the case with our past I see a lot of things are passing by. It is a situation where he struggle to get my perspective how I've felt about her, and the girl before while he ironically fights ocd, jealousy (anxiety) and would suspect anyone anything. He would not I am sure accept it had it been him in my shoes. So it's reduced cognitive empathy adding difficulty understanding things from my perspective. Autism? Or autism alike? He is so different from his chaotic parent but I suppose it don't mean he could not have gotten something genetic passed on. Because this older generation has slipped through not getting the proper diagnosis its only when they are hit with anxiety depression that are treated but it don't mean they got something else under the surface. So it's sad really they struggle like this. He feels he has nothing to gain from such a diagnose as he has adapted areas in his life to fit him more than that he gets why then he has felt different at times. It's important too I suppose with the new generation where this comes up as well.

[Noredcarpet]

Sorry, I rush when I write at times, made errors but I hope you understand.
I hope your boyfriend will get this from your perspective, and u too will work out a solution. I have regained trust in my partner before but told him this is the last time he puts me through something like this, it's really now or never, this can't happen again. With her it could be innocent depending on her mental state, what she got so she may not know, think she's crossing the line, but it could too be planned, manipulative. Either way I am not going to be exposed to it to any degree and told him if so it is really over this time, I need to put my own mental state, my boundaries before him, or her, or if some other girl come along like this. I have to be responsible for me. He needs to get, your boyfriend needs to get how serious this is. I get, accept framed type of interactions, relationships with the opposite gender, and how chemistry works but everyone being in a romantic relationship need to handle these things with care.

[miana]

No don't stress I understand you perfectly well, no need to apologize for the typing lol.

You've mentioned that you withdraw from him or the situation when things get hard, or when you're not okay with something. Honestly I've done the same and usually my boyfriend as well gets anxious and asks me not to. The question is what happens when you don't withdraw? You come of ad crazy for your thoughts, you get gaslit into believing that it's nothing major, or you don't get anything resolved, you just get an argument and you feel even worse off. Honestly everyone expects the perfect response to a not so perfect situation unfortunately and I feel if the other person isn't willing to reason and see your point of view and not make excuses but try to be better and reassure you then they don't deserve you to not withdraw and choose peace for yourself. Cause If you don't choose your peace then nobody else is going to do it for you. Like you said your mother takes the time to listen because when you do talk then it's serious and actually affecting you, why can't your boyfriend do that and then it won't lead to screaming and arguing and distance and anxiety. As much as your boyfriend doesn't see the women as wrong or him being too invested as wrong, like you said had you done the same with someone else he would not like it. Because emotional cheating does exist, and if someone or something, even if innocent makes your partner uncomfortable then it's a threat to your relationship and your boyfriend should not he entertaining it, or learn to set boundaries.

[miana]

Because he does need to take your feelings into consideration and make you the priority and not everyone else or then he might as well go and be with them. And also like you said he might not have those feelings of cheating , or see anything wrong with it, he might see it as normal and innocent, and you're not questioning his feelings but you are questioning the other person's feelings and you never know who to trust anymore, because people are manipulative out there, so why risk your relationship for that or leave it until it's too late.

[WhitneySnow]

Make up for the guilt he’s feeling

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the complex dance of love and behavior! 😉 It sounds like your partner may be feeling the weight of potential suspicion and is now trying to mend the situation with attentive behavior. Often, when someone feels guilty or misunderstood, they adopt this "bodyguard" vibe to show they care and want to protect the relationship. It can also be fear-driven, not wanting to lose you to misunderstandings or past echoes. Keep communication open and gentle; it helps to unravel these emotional knots. Love is tricky but worth it! ❤️