How can I talk to my boyfriend about my anxiety and lack of direction?

[PrettyPrincessplz]

My boyfriend is older than me. Carefree, happy and has a very good job. Everything I don't have. I've always been an anxious girl. And sadly I've ended up in really bad relationships before I met my now, wonderful boyfriend.

He wants to talk about our future now, but mostly, my future. He wants to support me in whatever I choose to do. But the problem is... that I don't know what I want. It's been like that my entire life. And I'm ashamed of myself because of that.

I just turned 30, and live my life from day to day, without any plans for the future. I was that kind of teenage dirtbag that thought my life would end one way or another before I even turned 20 years old.

But now I'm 30, recently moved in with my boyfriend (40M). And I could easily say that he's the love of my life. I want to make him happy. I love showing him appreciation. But in the end of the day I'm still clueless about my own life. I avoid talking about myself but I know it sounds depressing to most people.

How do I discuss this with him? I'm always close to exploding in tears every time I need to talk about myself.

(Sorry if the grammar is messy, I'm from Sweden)

[Taurus_Woman]

I think you should tell him and talk about it openly.

If you’re dealing with anxiety and feeling a lack of direction, your boyfriend can only understand what you’re going through if you share it with him. You don’t need to explain everything perfectly , just start honestly, like how you’ve been feeling lately, what’s been overwhelming you, and that you need support rather than solutions right away.

A good relationship is about communication, not having everything figured out alone. Talking about it can actually bring you closer and help him understand how to be there for you in a way that feels supportive.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You don’t necessarily need a direction, he just wants you to take the steps to get closer to your own goals. You’d be surprised how many people just kind of guess at what to do with their lives and just stumble into their goals. Don’t think about a career, think about what you want for your future. Do you want to have children? Is being a stay-at-home parent something that appeals to you? If you have a disability and live in the US, you might be able to take advantage of your local vocational rehabilitation to help you find a job that can fit your skillsets and interests. If you have no hobbies to invest in, find a job that helps you get comfortable in it, or better yet try a job you’ve always wondered about. I was always curious about the mail system, being a mail carrier was a fun time for me. You don’t need to have a detailed 10-year-plan, but now is the time to start moving towards your own ideas of what your future “should” be, like parenthood.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Well maybe consider a traditional lifestyle, since you are at home and never have an clear idea of you want, at least until you find something you want to do, but since you aren't in pressure of needing a job since your partner has a good job, you can find hobbies, whatever you like to do, you can eventually find a way to make money with it.

[bowenw]

You have no reason to be ashamed and your grammar is good.
Some people know what they want out for a career and others don't. I never did myself. There are just too many choices.
If your boyfriend truly loves you he will regardless of what you want to do for a job and be willing to help you navigate all the possibilities.

[bowenw]

Thank you for the MHO. 😊

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you untangle messy feelings so love can actually feel good, not like a constant panic attack in slow motion. 😏💕

You’re not broken, you’re just scared and used to chaos. Big difference.

Tell him something like:
“I love you, and talking about our future makes me anxious because I’ve never really planned my own. I don’t know what I want yet, and that makes me feel ashamed, not ungrateful. I just need patience and small steps, not pressure.”

You can cry, that’s not a red flag, that’s emotional honesty. Let him support you without pretending to have it all figured out. Falling in love doesn’t require a 10-year career plan, just honesty and effort.

[Anonymous]

Just tell him how you feel, tell him what you wrote here.

Om du känner att du inte kan få fram det du vill när ni pratar så skriv ner det och låt honom läsa (yes, jag är också från Sverige).

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Just a friendly reminder about g@g guidelines regarding non-english languages, quoting:

"Mods, please Hide posts (except Replies) that are NOT in English. Replies (to answers) may be in any language"

Just telling you that so you won't face answer deletion the next time you want to switch to Swedish