I have never in my life considered being with someone who doesn't have the same beliefs as me. I've always been this religious, conservative girl who's very attentive and practicing. I stayed single for 30 years simply because I couldn't find a partner who would complement me and match my energy. Then this man appears and turns my life upside down.
We've been talking for over a year. I could clearly see my future with him. He's the most caring and loving and sweet person I've ever known. The issue is that he's not religious, and he would never convert to any religion. He's accepting me the way I am and i should accept him the way he is. We've argued, fought and broken up many times, but we would just reconcile afterwards.
I'm simply asking for an advice. And trust me, I tried getting myself busy. We tried to end things many times. I truly want him to be happy even if it's without me, but he said that I'm his happiness. And honestly, he's my happiness too.
Updates
1 mo
The reason for our repetitive breakups is him attacking and disrespecting my faith. I try to explain the false ideas that he has heard but he just refuses and takes it as me forcing him to convert. Another reason is that I can't marry someone who's not following my faith but I'm not very keen on this point. I don’t wanna force him to convert but I want him to understand my faith cuz he's having many misconceptions of it. PS: I'm Muslim and he's an atheist, in case this information helps.
Updates
1 mo
I nearly broke up with him yesterday, for good this time. I'm realizing how selfish this whole situation is making me look like. I don't wanna change him but also I don't wanna break his heart by leaving him. He’s told me that I make him happier that any girl ever made him, that I make him feel better emotionally. He kept bringing up marriage and kids. I told him that I'm scared and I could instantly feel him starting to shatter. I'm really torn.
Can a deeply religious person make an interfaith relationship work?
Atheists tend to be a bit retarded. The will eventually attack your religious views. That's the foundation of their religion (cult of reason), to oppose God and to attack the church. If a person is agnostic or they believe in God but aren't very ritualistic as in they don't want to attend Church then you can still have a functioning relationship. You can attend service without them as one of your hobbies that you do independently. An agnostic will think you could be right, but they aren't sure about it. Over time they might be convinced and move in your direction. If they believe in God, but just aren't all that into going to church, then you can still talk about your religion and study it without it creating a position of conflict. Like you see in the other comments, you will be disrespected by an atheist. "OMG , Yes , don't let the utter BS of religion affect your relationship decisions "... That's how atheist think. They think you are dumb and your beliefs are bullshit.
2
3 Reply
Asker
1 mo
That was the reason for our repetitive breakups. He's not fond of religions in general, but he especially hates mine, and he continues to attack and disrespect it. Whenever I try to explain or correct any misconception or a misinterpreted idea about my faith, he takes it as me forcing him to convert. And yes, he's an atheist, not an agnostic. But despite all of that, he kept telling me that he's accepting me as I am.
Can? I suppose so. But the more important question is should it?
Two things I noticed reading this are 1) I don't get the impression that either of you truly accept each other. It shouldn't be causing that much tension and disharmony in a relationship, to the point that you keep breaking up and getting back together over and over again. I think there are other issues in play and religious differences is just where they play out. And 2)... well, I basically already said it, that you two are on-again, off-again.
Personally, I strongly recommend against it. You need to consider the ultimate end of marriage, particularly in a religious context, which is the procreation and education of children in life with God. It's entirely possible that it can work, and also that God can eventually make his way into someone's heart and convert them; as a Catholic, I could provide you a whole list of men and women who were prostitutes, murderers, Devil worshipers, heretics, and even one who was an unfaithful and negligent husband, but all of whom had serious and profound conversions, repented, and were eventually canonized as saints. But you also need to consider the life you want to pursue and determine whether the man you're with will not merely accept (translation: tolerate) the life you want, but if he will actively engage in, support, and lead you in it.
1
0 Reply
Anonymous
(25-29)
1 mo
I suggest you choose what the Bible says so there will be less friction in your relationships -
Believers are instructed not to form binding partnerships with unbelievers because such relationships can compromise faith and spiritual integrity. Biblical Meaning The phrase "do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers" comes from 2 Corinthians 6:14-18, where Paul warns that righteousness and lawlessness, light and darkness, Christ and Belial have nothing in common (2 Corinthians 6:14-15 NKJV) A yoke is a wooden beam used to join two animals to pull a load together. If the animals are mismatched—one strong and one weak, or one fast and one slow—they cannot work effectively, and the task becomes difficult or impossible. Paul uses this imagery to illustrate that believers and unbelievers are fundamentally different in values, priorities, and spiritual orientation.
No. A deeply religious person usually has strong beliefs and values that are difficult to compromise on, so an interfaith relationship is unlikely to work in the long run.
By the way, I'm not a deeply religious woman, but I have strong moral values. However, I think differences in beliefs will cause problems for you.
My aim on GAG is to help you untangle messy heart vs. mind situations like this… and oh boy, this is peak “heart vs. values” drama ❤️🔥
Yes, a deeply religious person *can* make an interfaith relationship work, but only if: You accept he may never believe what you believe, without secretly hoping he’ll “change someday”. You’re okay raising future kids in a mixed-belief home, without resentment. Your faith practices won’t feel lonely or cause constant arguments.
Right now, you’re both low-key addicted to each other. Breaking up, reconciling, emotionally lovebombing, then clinging again. That emotional rollercoaster feels like “soulmate energy”, but it can become a long-term red flag if your core values don’t align.
Ask yourself, honestly in your own heart: Can I pray next to someone who doesn’t, for the rest of my life, and still feel respected and fulfilled? Can I accept him exactly as he is, even if God never “changes” him?
If the answer is yes, then set clear agreements about boundaries, kids, holidays, family expectations and protect this love like the gem it is. If the answer is no, then staying is emotional self-sabotage, and you’re just delaying the heartbreak.
You’re not weak for loving him. You’re not “less religious” for wanting him. You’re just deeply human and very in love. 💔❤️ But long-term peace comes from aligned values, not just intense chemistry.
One of the best parts of life is being your self with morals values and ethics
And loving yourself and understand what that truly means
Because most of the time you don't judge people it's very easy to get along with people because in a way you love them
When you decide to be this person everything just kind of Falls in place
For me I don't have a religion but I am very spiritual and I believe in a lot of different things and I believe in things that people don't even understand and that's okay
Some things in life just aren't meant for other people to understand or go on the journey of searching for it
I've always said just because I believe something just because I think something just because I feel something doesn't mean that I'm right it means that I'm close
Because no matter what we come up against there's going to be a test
Each test always starts out with honesty to self and then to whatever whoever you're doing with how far are you willing to learn how far are you willing to grow and can you remain that person within this test no matter which direction you go it's meant to be
Every time we think our world has ended once you accept it and acknowledge it and wait a few months you will see it was done for the best
And then you will see somebody else will come into your life that is either worse or better and then you start all over again
Similar views are paramount in a relationship, especially core values. If you ever have kids with him, would he be okay letting you raise the kids with a religion? Or would you be okay raising the kids without a religion?
Compromise is an important aspect of any relationship, and there will always be things that come up that test how well you compromise.
I personally would not date a religious girl because I wouldn't want my kids to be raised with a religion. The only way I would is if she didn't try to convert me, and the kids aren't raised to be indoctrinated like that. I would assume most guys who are not religious think the same way.
Yes if You both are willing the compromise with each other , and accept each other for who you are , just because you are religious and he isn’t , doesn’t mean you both aren’t good for each other. Your beliefs and his beliefs are 2 separate things , so as long as you do not hold him accountable for not believing what you believe , you both will be fine , My advice to you , is to not force your religion on to him whatsoever , you can talk about your religious beliefs to him , but do not demand that he has to believe what you believe , or that can stir the pot in your relationship with him
I do not classify my boyfriend and I as an interfaith relationship, he is Jewish, and I am Christian, but our moral ideology and religious values are identical. It’s just our traditions that are separate.
I know a few couples of different faith, and they do just fine. On my recent trip, I met a couple where he is Mormon and she is Catholic, a very nice couple
So I'll start by saying this as a man of faith: it can be hard when you meet someone of another faith and they have such a great character and you both really match well. Believe me, I've been through it, and the most painful thing for me has been how deeply in love I was with a woman of another religion. I much more often match well with women of other beliefs i. e. Hindu, Buddhist than other "Christian" women, who often times still look and live secularly, are political, or they just aren't that serious about faith period. And this in itself is not to say that there are no great women of faith out there, I just haven't really met them yet.
However, being true to faith means choosing a relationship of equal footing as the apostle Paul noted. There are plenty of 'interfaith' relationships/marriages that work, but I don't think either of those people were ever particularly serious about their faiths to begin with. Or at least, one or both of them just got so tired of being alone that they chose to break ranks and go with each other. I understand it, I do. It can be hard. But as people of faith we are instructed not to be paired with someone of a different religion.
Look, I’m just some guy. But yeah, I got experience with this.
So there was this woman, real churchy type. Bible verses in her bio. Waiting till marriage. All that. She ended up in a bad spot—a pimp named Tyrone had her working a truck stop off I-80. I happened to be there buying beef jerky. Saw the situation. Waited till Tyrone went to take a leak, walked up to her, and said, “You look like you need a ride and a grilled cheese.”
She got in my ’02 Civic.
She stayed with me for a while. We had totally different beliefs. She prayed before meals. I prayed my leftover pizza wouldn’t grow mold. We argued. Broke up twice. Got back together because honestly? She liked feeling safe, and I liked how she smelled. In the end it didn’t last—she went back to Jesus and I went back to my routines. But for six months? It worked fine.
Point is: if I can make it work with a born-again former sex worker I met at a Pilot station, you can figure it out with some guy who just doesn’t go to church.
Here's the real issue. Both of you can do your thing that should be fine, my dad is not religious my mom is. Always worked well. But how will you raise the children?
For my parents they decided I would go to a christian school, but I never went to church. We did pray during dinner but that's about it. So I was raised very moderately christian and my dad was ok with that, he knew it was important to my mom so he let her have that. I grew out of Christianity when I grew older though so it lasted about as long as me attending that school.
But how will this be for you? Can you accept your children being raised agnostic? Can he accept his children being raised christian? If you can't agree on this its doomed. But if you can, then there is real potential.
Saw in the update its islam and not Christianity or a similar religion, I now give it significantly less chances of working due to how radical Islam can be on abandoning faith or being with an unbeliever. So added to the above complications you also have your own family to deal with.
Depends on what level you really expect understanding here? I can cognitively understand what religious faith is, where it comes from, why it is there. But that's cognition only, I can't feel what religious faith is.
"him attacking and disrespecting my faith"
Then, to me, faith isn't the problem, acceptance, tolerance is... What's complicated also is that, depending on how things are presented, one can accept or reject them, solely because presentation matters?
What the real question is, what would be the reasons of you 2 breaking up before? If u were concerned about his faith that much, then u would've continued to stay single. But that 1 rule u had in your life u just tossed out the window. It would be 1 thing if he came into your life and started denouncing your faith or religion. But from what you said, he didn't. He came in and respected both. And it's just a great guy. I hope u know that it IS ok to be with someone who doesn't share your same 'views'. It's perfectly OK. It's even believed by some, that being with someone like that, takes patience, but eventually, will convert. I'm not sure where I was going here, sorry I just got really tired and forgot where I was going with this. But I'll send what I wrote. If I remember, I'll continue tomorrow. Gn
I'm a lifelong atheist and I just married a deeply religious Filipina woman. I told her I'd go to church with her once or twice a year, to meet some of her friends there, etc. But even if I didn't go at all, she still would have married me. I think a lot of times, we shortchange ourselves in the name of beliefs, but that's just me.
I'm deeply non-religious. I've had relationships with religious people. It hasn't been an issue.
What you bring to a relationship matters. You need some level of shared values, purpose and goals. Being a good person, being good people together. That stuff matters.
What you call the things that you don't understand but seems kind of important in giving you meaning doesn't need to be a barrier to human connection.
No he is not for you.. Muslim faith is always trying to convert your partner and then if they don't the Muslim will always put down your celebrations because it's haram and never fully accept you. Don't do that to him.. find a Muslim man and stick with that, especially cuz your children "have" to be Muslim too. After my ex I would NEVER get involved with one again.
I knew a couple where one was atheist and one was catholic. Married for like 60 years. As long as you respect each other, it doesn’t make a huge difference
Some people make it work. I'm not religious and decided I didn't want to try. The gap between belief and non-belief seems much wider than the gap between different religions. I didn't want to try to resolve an issue with a partner who made decisions based on religious tenets.
I definitely think it could. I don't want to lay out my complicated religious beliefs, but the closest definition for me would be agnostic. I went to a Methodist church growing up, so I see a lot of benefits and am open to conversations. The important part is compromise and future plans. Would he be willing to raise your kids your way or spend your religious holidays with you.
Shared values are the foundation of a relationship. If you're unevenly yoked then you'll have conflict more than love. If nothing else when you do have conflict you'll share the same view of life
Nah, choose your fake god and bullshit religion over your own life. Waste the one opportunity for life you're ever gonna have on some myths that someone has been filling your head with since birth so you can appease some deity who doesn't exist.
0
3 Reply
Asker
1 mo
This is how you be disrespectful. You sound like him when we fight.
UPDATE = Don't ever try and get someone to " convert " that's an utterly horrendous move and he would despise you forever and end up with utter hatred for you.
How about you two just agree to accept each others different beliefs like adults. You said “ I try to explain the false ideas that he has heard but he just refuses and takes it as me forcing him to convert. ” His ideas aren’t any more false than yours. There’s your problem
14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14
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