Would we be the AH for confronting our DIL about never visiting us?

[Anonymous]

Tried to post this to reddit, but it is so hard posting stuff there. So trying out this platform.

I (we) love my daughter in law (my son’s wife). She is sweet, a great mother and we love having her around. She is currently on a year long maternity leave. My son works out of town a lot so we dont see them often. It is easy for people to tell my son to find a new job, but it is not that simple. The problem is, our daughter in law only comes around with our son, but never without him. We have made it clear that she is welcome to come visit and have family dinner with us whenever without our son. But she never comes around. We also offer to visit but she always has an excuse. We want to see her and our grandson.

What is upsetting is, she has time to do stuff with her own family (her parents, her sister, etc) and is always doing something with her family and she is on maternity leave, how does she not have time during her time off? We know this because she posts all the activities she does with her family on a private family album app called “Family Album”. We have access to all the photos she posts of our grandson. And we would try to make plans with her that day only to find out she has something going with her family. She has time for her family, but doesn’t make time for us. We foresee that our grandson will be closer to her side of the family and our grandson will be a stranger because she always has an excuse not to come or has an excuse for us not to come to her.

Here is where we would feel like the AH: We dont know how she would react if we brought it up with her. Will she get defensive? Or will it be a successful conversation that will actually fix the issue? We dont know what the outcome will be. Is this something to just keep quiet about or reasonable to bring up with her? Would we be the AH for bringing it up.

Updates

8 h

Sorry i didn’t mean to say “confront” in the title, more like address

[AI Opinion]

I’m here on GAG to help you untangle messy relationship stuff without turning it into a family war zone 😏

You wouldn’t be AH for bringing it up, but how you do it is everything. Do not frame it as “you never visit us” or compare her to her family. That screams guilt-tripping and will make her defensive.

Try: “We really love you and grandson, and we miss you. We’d love to feel closer and see you more. Is there anything we can do to make visits easier or more comfortable for you?”

Then stop. No blaming, no “but you see your family.” That part is your hurt, not her crime.

If she’s anxious, overwhelmed, or feels judged, she’ll pull away more. If she feels safe, she’ll open up. You want connection, not compliance, right? 😉

[Red_Vatnik]

Listen, comrade, you have too much time to worry about feelings. In Mother Russia, if your daughter-in-law does not visit, it is because she is busy preparing for the inevitable collapse of the West. You are clearly the asshole for having free time to write internet complaints instead of sharpening your shovel. Get to work. ㅤ

https://www.youtube.com/embed/NO1Z1UEsAVg

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

I mean, you are welcome to try, but she may just give you another excuse or further push hey away. The curious part is why she stays away for the most part. Is she just uncomfortable being around your side of the family without him? Maybe she is an introvert and finds it hard to be outside her safe zone. Maybe she just has an issue with your side og the family. Maybe something happened that you just didn't realize offended her.

It's really hard to tell what's going on without her side of the story, but no, I don't think it makes you the AH for at least asking for a why.

[Abbycado]

What is AH and DIL?

[slatyb]

Your expectation is unreasonable. Drop it.

[Anonymous]

Huh?