Is it important that you have the right to inspect your significant other's phone whenever you like?

[msc545]

[lilBigPotato]

Feeling the need to "inspect" your partners phone means you don't trust them. A lack of trust is like poison for the relationship and will slowly kill it. Might as well break up right away 🤷‍♀️

[usernameobvious]

And it's also just plain odd / cringey / rude. After all - I don't need to see unless my wife or girlfriend shows me something on her phone like a funny GIF or something harmless like that, directions on Maps, etc 🗺️

[usernameobvious]

Selfie time even 🤳🏻

[msc545]

A man who trusts a woman to not fuck around with other men? He is kidding himself, and not in a good way.

[usernameobvious]

Usually sweethearts last 😈😋✝️ though sometimes I think some sweethearts are wolves in sheep's clothing 🐑 🐺

[NoDecision]

Not unless he gives me reason to. What good is a relationship if you can't trust each other?

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to decode relationship drama and teach healthy love without the toxic games. 😏

No, it’s not “important” to have the *right* to inspect their phone whenever you want. That’s control, not trust. But it *is* important that they’re open, not secretive, no sketchy hiding, no sudden phone-turning or weird password paranoia.

If you feel the urge to constantly check, that’s usually a red flag about the relationship itself, not just the phone.

[MikeTheBartender]

Amy looked through Brad's phone and found out he was hooking up with Travel Bud Jason 😲

[AviatorTom]

No, exactly the opposite. You have no right to inspect your SO's phone unless they explicitly give you the permission (not right) to do it.

Where do people get the idea that it's okay to violate another's privacy without permission?

And why do that? Unless you are weak and insecure, and untrusting of your partner?

[Rei13]

Of course, but it doesn’t mean you should. Phones are personal and that should be respected. The only time you should “inspect” it is if you have a legitimate reason to.

[objective_calendar]

"Inspecting" isn't a good sign usually. It signals a lack of trust in the relationship. You should be able to pick up each other's phones and use it if you want, but snooping through each other's stuff isn't it.

If someone has legitimate reason for being suspicious of their s/o, and communicating isn't working, I suppose then they can try these alternative methods to collect evidence and what not. But if this stems purely from someone's trust issues, like they are paranoid about being cheated on, they simply aren't ready for a relationship yet.

[MikeTheBartender]

I forgot to mention that, great point. Just the need to inspect the phone, indicate something is wrong. Or something was wrong. Good points.

[objective_calendar]

@MikeTheBartender Ty

[Purpleronnie]

That would be ridiculous.


Trust wouldn’t be proven by handing over your phone for inspection to your partner whenever it’s asked , it would be proven by consistently behaving In a way that makes the request un-necessary


Trust and privacy are not opposites. A partner can be completely faithful to the other and still not want their child phone inspected. A partner is entitled to honesty not unrestricted surveillance.


Put simply , if you have to ask for your partners phone , your relationship is almost definitely already doomed

[Screenwriter]

Everyone has the right to privacy. Conversations your SO has with other people about issues that they wish to be private are theirs. It's not YOUR phone. Just like it's not your diary.

Some people want to share everything. I'm not one of those people. It's up to you.

[Screenwriter]

And this is about a lack of trust and being nosey. Lack of self esteem... too many negatives associated with such actions.

[jshm2]

No. They can inspect whatever they like, as if you are daft enough to get caught with such low level tactics, then you deserve to.

Anything that will upset the wife gets done on the laptop, not the phone.

[mstbooblover]

Making, or considering it, a "right" to inspect your significant other's phone is a very bad idea, the more this kind of disposition would be proof of a lack of confidence in each other. Talking directly and calmly with each other is the best way to understand each other. I know it's not always easy, but checking behind the back on your partner can only lead to problems.

[Sirenboobzilla]

Absolutely not. I respect his privacy and he respects mine. I'm not asking to inspect his phone unless he gives me actual reason to suspect.

[msc545]

And what would be a reason for you to inspect a phone that doesn't belong to you and that really doesn't contain anything that is your business?

[Sirenboobzilla]

Behavior that would strongly suggest him being unfaithful. Suddenly becoming secretive and private with his calls/messages, sudden changes in his habits and attitudes, and lying.

[msc545]

What you're saying, I guess, is that he becomes suspect, correct?

[Sirenboobzilla]

I feel like we just ran a circle

[msc545]

Well, what you're implying is essentially a circle. Everything is fine unless he makes you suspicious in some fashion, in which case you want all good as foam. But looking at his phone means that you are then regarding him as suspicious, and the whole thing repeats.

[MikeTheBartender]

I have always said that if babe looked through my phone, I would be pissed but I would understand. I know how I was when I was a cheater.

However, looking through the phone now is a totally different world! Because you're not just finding out if the person cheats, you're literally reading their mind and that is super wrong.

So I guess my overall answer is no. It's not right to do it, but I understand when people do.

[choco-latte]

No, I think trust in a relationship it’s important. You shouldn’t just be assuming the worst or thinking your partner is a cheater. But if there is a real doubt then I would ask him if I could see his phone, and if he refuses then I would think he’s guilty.

[Staximus]

My friend was dating a married woman for 3 or 4 years. She had his name as some woman from work in her phone

[Staximus]

I think that if you have stuff to hide from somebody then you’re in the wrong relationship or shouldn’t even be in a relationship in the first place. Another friend never went through his wife’s phone. 9 years into their marriage later, they got new iPhones. Her phone or number automatically connected/synched the text messages to their Mac computer at home. His wife didn’t realize that and was complaining to her friend about how the next door neighbor kept cumming in her mouth, and about how the guy across the street wouldn’t have sex with her anymore because he didn’t want his wife to catch him. This was all showing up on the computer screen and my friend saw it, as well as his 9 year old son. He also found out she was working at a strip club behind his back. The point is you don’t even know somebody if you don’t one what’s in their phone

[Staximus]

If you don’t know what’s in their phone

[Staximus]

People that are married shouldn’t be keeping secrets from each other. Hiding what’s in your phone is keeping secrets

[msc545]

This is why, for many women, it's so important to buy and use a burner phone that their husbands don't know about.

[Staximus]

If two people are in a serious relationship, one shouldn’t hesitate if the other wants to use their phone to call somebody, look something up online, get directions, etc if they are out, at home, and one phone runs out of juice

[Zack-Bann]

I wouldn’t want to but I would find it weird if she was deliberately covering it so I don’t see

[InStrictConfidence]

If you don't trust your partner there is no base for a serious relationship.

[midnightmoon05]

Important? Not really. We are open and comfortable to pick up each others phones for anything. So we don’t think about it.
do we have the right? Yes. That’s part of being in a committed long term relationship is. Love, trust etc.

[LiamJHayden]

No. If I suspect she is messing then the trust is already gone. I just end it and move on.

[Anonymous]

just because you check their phone, it does not mean they can't be cheating on you. messages can be deleted. contacts can be re-named

[PeachyPie93]

I always found that strange to hide and have secrets from your partner. Fair enough its a new bg/girlfriend or something but anything long term I don't get the big deal of not having open access both ways unless they are up to something.

[AngryCarl3]

It shouldn't be. It sounds rather like an egregious invasion of privacy.

[usernameobvious]

Unless partners both agree to that in a relationship I'd find it weird, cringey or even just an invasion of / or something privacy

[slatyb]

Absolutely not. If you don't trust them, why did you marry them? You are still two separate people in a partnership.

[thegreenyogi]

No to me it wouldn't be not to mention it is a boundary I would never cross. How can we build trust if we didn't respect each others privacy?

[lightbulb27]

I'd think so. I don't, but it's open and as long as communicate there's no issue.

Don't do or say anything on the phone you wouldn't say to your wife.

[molonski2]

Absolutely 100 % NOT , what a complete invasion of one's rights..

And complete lack of trust.

[Miristheiss]

Any woman who thinks it is accetable to keep secrets and have private conversations with any man that texts/dms her isn't relationship worthy.

Checkmate.

[Anonymous]

No. And if i feel that way about her than there's something wrong with the trust in our relationship.

[WhitneySnow]

No. Privacy is important, both his and mine.

[WhitneySnow]

So is trust

[ProbablyClueless]

No, but I can certainly appreciate the symbolism.

[dragoblack]

Seems more like trust issues and insecurity to me. Too many cheating and lying exes causes that shite

[Iron_Man]

Absolutely there’s no secrets in marriage I used to let my former girlfriend use my phone all the time and I had no password. I expect the same out of my wife.

[Med_guy1978]

Privacy should be respected but I guess everything has a boundary?

[LC75LC71]

Not really if you trust them. I've always left my phones open since 2002.

[naowhat]

i never check his because he tells me everything but if i did ask him he'd let me

[MrChinaski]

It's coercive control.

[Kelly6]

@msc545 No I never do that

[msc545]

You may not do that, but others do.

[SeekerOfTruth007]

Lol. You don't have that right.

[Smileygirl2000]

Then there's no point of being with them.

[Smileygirl2000]

To check someone's phone means you don't trust them

[msc545]

It is not that simple. Almost every man who starts a relationship with an adult woman realizes that at some point, she's going to cheat. The only questions are when she is going to do it and how much it is going to cost him.

[Smileygirl2000]

@msc545 your mindset is very negative. Keep looking and ye shall find it.

[msc545]

So your position is that if you don't look for it, it doesn't exist? We actually have a name for that. It's called denial.

[Smileygirl2000]

@msc545 I'm saying because you're so wounded or brainwashed by red pill you're going to attract the negativity you keep putting out there. All women aren't created equal. And if you keep attracting cheaters it says a lot about you.

[msc545]

Red pill exists for a reason. It's not a fiction.

[Kingofkings1992]

@msc545 yes, it is exactly just that simple

[msc545]

@Kingofkings1992 thank you. I get a little annoyed with women trying to tell me what I should and shouldn't believe, considering they constantly lie to everyone they can.

[Cidknee]

Its wrong whatever the cost.

[Jamie05rhs]

I personally don't feel the need to do that.

[dudeinohio]

Not really

[Kingofkings1992]

No. I'm not the jealous/ insecure type

[FrodoSkywalker007]

Sketchy

[msc545]

So basically, demanding or expecting this kind of access suggests a lack of trust, no?

[FrodoSkywalker007]

Obviously

[msc545]

So if somebody really wants to keep secrets, they just go and get a burner phone with a different number and different address and keep that private.

[Pterodon]

No it isn’t