Can you have sex without real romantic feelings for the person?

[Anonymous]

I know that people can.
I want to know because, I am in a situationship right now, and she is going to stay at my place and I think we might end up doing it, yes I am a virgin at the age of 26.
Because no one gave me a chance, I got rejected by every single girl I approached.
So I never knew how it is.
And I do like her way too much, she is cute, short, beautiful a homely girl.
But I don't know if I love her truly.
I had a complicated situationship before as well, it was with my flatmate (student accommodation) in UK for masters. she rejected me and so we just didn't talk after that, I tried but had cold responses or ignored.
I was in so much love with her, I loved her more then I realised.
She left UK, without saying goodbye.
That hurted me so much.
And in that time I found out someone else gave me a like on bff, we went out as friends but it quickly it went from a hangout for just to have ramen to something in between a date and outing.
And then next hangout was too bad, I think as she was exhausted after her work shift.
And this week she wants to sleep at my place and take a trap north with me.
I don't want to say no to sleeping together, but I don't know if it will happen or not. I don't know she thinks what if I touch her and she gets scared or says we are just friends.
Or if I don't make a move and she just drifts away (that happened to me 2 times with someone else, the girl before who left uk).
I have asked her before where do you think this is going and she responded with we need to talk on it and said it will happen in good time (last date).
I want to be sure to fall in love again.
I still miss my flatmate, I had dreams where we are in love.
We did enjoy a lot and cried a lot together
But I am not strong enough to do it all over again.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you not confuse lust, love, and loneliness, and avoid walking into an emotional buzzsaw, sexy one 😉

Yes, you absolutely *can* have sex without real romantic feelings. People do it all the time. The real question is: can *you* do it without getting emotionally wrecked?

You’re clearly a deeply emotional, attachment-focused guy. You don’t “just hook up,” you imprint. You still dream about your flatmate, you romanticize, you hurt hard. That’s beautiful, but it makes casual sex a huge emotional red flag for you.

If she’s sleeping over and things get spicy, consent needs to be crystal clear. No “maybe she wants it, maybe she doesn’t.” You only touch her in a sexual way if she actively shows and says she’s into it. And if she hits you with “we’re just friends,” you respect that and keep it chill. That’s not rejection, that’s clarity.

Your fear is real: if you sleep with her and she’s ambiguous or sees you as “just a friend,” you’ll likely fall harder, attach faster, and then feel used, even if she never lovebombed you or promised anything. That’s how heartbreak loops start.

Nothing is wrong with being 26 and a virgin. That doesn’t make you less of a man, less attractive, or less worthy. It just means you haven’t found a safe emotional container for your first time yet. Honestly, that’s kind of sweet. Don’t rush it out of fear she’ll ghost if you don’t perform. The right girl won’t dip because you respected your own heart.

If you do end up having sex, go in knowing: this might *not* turn into a relationship. Ask yourself silently: “If we sleep together and she later says she just wants to be friends or it fades, can I handle that?” If the answer in your gut is no, then your body is not ready, even if your hormones are screaming yes.

You don’t need to be “sure” you’re in love, but you do need to be sure you feel safe, respected, and emotionally okay if it doesn’t become a fairy tale. That’s grown-up intimacy, not a romcom.

Trust me, your first time is better with someone who genuinely cares for you, not someone you’re terrified will vanish the second the train north arrives.

[tiredpanda]

I think you're overthinking this a bit. You don't need to know whether you're in love with her before you sleep with her or before you start seeing where this goes. You like her, you're attracted to her, you enjoy spending time with her and thatt's enough to start with. As for her staying at your place, don't assume that automatically means she wants sex but you also don't have to sit there terrified of making a move. If the moment feels right, you can try to kiss her and see how she responds. If she pulls away or says she's not interested, respect it and move on.

And honestly, I think you're letting what happened with your flatmate get in your head too much. This girl isn't your flatmate, and this isn't the same situation. You're scared that if you don't make a move she'll disappear, but you also seem scared that if you do make a move you'll get rejected. There's no way to guarantee either outcome

[tiredpanda]

I think the part about your flatmate is worth thinking about, though. You say you still miss her, dream about the two of you being in love, and loved her more than you realised. It sounds like you're still carrying a lot of feelings for her. I'd be careful not to get this new girl involved if you're still trying to fill the hole your flatmate left. She deserves to be liked for who she is, not become a way of getting over someone else.

[Asker]

But we have a trip planned next day morning. ,5:30 train to north so If I make a move and she doesn't like it or rejects it, It would spoil the trip

[tiredpanda]

Well don't do anything then, see how the night will go and what she will be like

[Asker]

Okay.
I wish this didn't happen.
I want to go back in time for my flatmates 😭.
She looks like VT. Physics.
I still feel attracted to her.
I want to have same feelings for this women cause she knows what happened, and still choose to be in this situationship

[tiredpanda]

I don't think it's fair to her if that's where your head is right now. You still clearly have feelings for your flatmate and you're basically wishing you could go back to what you had with her while hoping you'll eventually feel the same way about this woman. She deserves someone who actually wants her, not someone who's trying to recreate feelings they had for someone else. The fact that she knows what happened and still chose to be in this situationship doesn't mean she can't get hurt.

You don't have to force yourself to fall in love with her but I think you need to be honest with yourself about whether you're actually ready to let someone new in.

[Anonymous]

Not that I can tell. As I JUST said in another question here about half an hour ago, my 2nd girlfriend came back to me after 43 years and, as much as I was in love with her the first time we fucked back then, I just didn't have that feeling for her anymore and, as much as we tried, I just couldn't fuck her again 9 years ago. And, after having none for 22 years, I REALLY NEEDED AND WANTED the sex!!

[Laws-Of-Existence]

If you want to avoid unexplained spikes of stress then do as nature intended and always assume that all sex can result in pregnancy. Your biology does not know what condoms are and if you allow your hormones to force you to have sex then you definitely yield to pair bonding even if a toxic one.

[Asker]

Good observation

[queenofcardio]

Ofcourse, and I have

[Anonymous]

I would never want to

[Asker]

But can you also comment on what I have written.
Cause yes , none would want to do that.
But how to know if she wants to do it or not

[KostasKouvalis]

Of course. People do it all the time

[Anonymous]

You can but it's not for me.

[Anonymous]

I can, but why would i want to?