My boyfriend won't stop talking to other girls, what do I do?

[lucinda89]

My boyfriend and I currently live with my mom and have been together for 5 years. It's had a lot of ups and downs but we have been through a lot. I believe our relationship would be so much better if he could just stop talking to other girls. A couple of years ago he began to talk to a girl that he met through friends. I found out that they were meeting together when he would drop me off at school (according to his text messages) as well as he would compliment her calling her "beautiful" and just plain old hitting on her. I asked him to stop and finally months later it seemed to have. Now I seem to have come across double the problem. First- He has many text messages in which he is complimenting other girls, hitting on them and meeting with them, girls I don't know because they're not saved to his phone. He even goes on this online dating through his phone in which he talks dirty to girls and as always compliments and meets with. At first I did let him know that I was hurt, but I also noticed that he talked himself up a lot, saying things such as "I'm in English class", "I've got a lot of homework", but he doesn't even go to school. So I told him I was sorry for neglecting him (College courses are crazy!) Anyway he apologized and I thought it stopped. But sure enough next time I checked his phone he hadn't. Now months later I find myself here where the second problem comes in. He is talking to that same girl again, asking her out, how her day is, yada-yada. I do realize that I shouldn't be going through his phone, but I keep hoping I won't find anything, but I do. There is no trust in our relationship. He is constantly accusing me of cheating, at work school, anywhere. He also says that I "put it in his head" to do such things. But like I tell him, no matter how many times he "puts it in my head" I won't subject myself to such behavior because I can't live with that guilt on my conscious and won't do that to him. Now every time that I find him doing this I just don't bring it up. If I do I cry and he just pulls out of the conversation and sometimes he apologizes. What should I do? How do I tell him to stop? Will he ever stop? It's difficult for me to just say I am done with this relationship because I love him. I need him a lot and he needs me. He doesn't have a real stable home because his mom doesn't want him to live with her. (Please don't label him a 'loser' based off of that and instead answer honestly) Thank you.

[HappyHrt101]

Okay...I don't know how old you are...or how old he is...but I'm guessing fairly young. You are in college and he isn't? And right now he is living with you and your mom...lot's to say here...

1. You two have been together for five years...I can see why you would like for the relationship to continue.

2. You are in school, sounds like you have goals, and a supportive family. He does not have much positive going for him...his self esteem is probably at an all time low!

3. Because you are young and have been together so long...its kinda normal for people to be curious...but it's not okay that he is doing god knows what behind your back...its mean, hurtful and disrespectful...he is lying to you.

So...I think that you need to confront him...but that sounds abrasive. You need to tell him that you know everything and that it needs to stop or you two need to end the relationship for a while until he figures out what he wants with you and in life. I would encourage him to do something constructive with his life...help him apply to college or a tech school...find a better job...anything is a good start. Good news, he's young, nothing is ever too late. If you two decide to end the relationship for the time being...I would encourage you to stay friends and maybe offer for him to stay with you and your mom for a "little while" and/or pay some rent to rent a room...even if its only like $250 or whatever your mother decides. That way you aren't giving him the "boot" with no place to go. I mean he is practically like family at this point, right? However, he is going to have to branch out on his own also. I would advise couple counseling but you two are far too young for that! And you are still working on your lives! I don't think he is going to change in the near future. I'm sorry and I wish you both the very best, however you choose to handle it...

[aly-marie]

I think you need to break up with him too. I mean you've already tried talking to him about it, and it didn't work. He doesn't appreciate you.

Honestly, there are too many other people in the world and not enough time for you to have to put up with that. I know it's hard to walk away from 5 years, I really do. But your happiness is what matters; you need to find someone who will live to make you happy. Anything less is just not worth your time, don't try to talk yourself into settling.

You say he needs you, but he isn't acting like it, and if he wants to go do his own thing, by all means kick him out the door and let him do whatever he wants. It's not your responsibility to take care of him when he doesn't appreciate it. I promise you you're strong enough to walk away and find someone better. It's hard but it's worth it.

[timetowaste]

I don't know how you've put up with it for so long. I wouldn't be able to take that and I'd be out of there asap. 5 years is a long time and a lot of investment, but you're being disrespected and flat out betrayed. I know you wouldn't like to think he's actually cheated on you, but I'd bet my whole bank account that he has. Him accusing you of cheating actually just screams that he's guilty. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if I were you I'd leave. It'd take some time to heal, but when you're in a better place I think you'd be thankful for the decision.

[derek206]

first I will say the relationship which you both started was based on what,bcos it matters a lot ,since you are been into a relationship try to sit him down tell him how you feel when he does such things to you.may him know you love him and you are not eady to loose him to anyone of such.pls be patient cos dis may take tym before he change.hope dis will help ...

[likelyOK]

No he won't, leave. These other girls probably don't even know about you.

[Anonymous]

You've told him how it made you feel and it only got worse. Just break up with him. Or give him a taste of his own medicine.