When a guy says "It's fine"...

[coco489]

...does it actually mean it's fine or is it like when gals say it's fine when it often really isn't.

In context, as some of you may have seen in the question I asked yesterday --> link I've confused and frustrated a guy I have a thing with and decided to send him a text saying "I'm sorry if I've frustrated you..." he instantly replied "It's fine. You just aren't making much sense with your thinking."

I explained that I had my guard up a little when we talked and that I didn't expect the talk to go that well and all I got back from him was a "Hmmm I see" so I backed off.

My gut is telling me he's not fine but he's never been like this with me so I don't know what to do, is space all he needs?

[TheDigitalSaint]

They've done multiple studies explaining that women like to argue much more than men. Arguing is often very therapeutic for women, where it is highly stressful for men. Men, with few exceptions do not like passive aggressive behavior. We like to settle a fight nice and quick. Sometimes that means a curt response like "its fine". If he doesn't bring it up again (and you don't either for that matter), then it truly is "fine".

When you were arguing he just didn't find your train of thought very logical, a common complaint among men when arguing with girls. It is annoying sometimes to hear girls argue in such a fashion, because honestly, we're far more interested in ending the argument than delve deep into your emotional reasons for what you were thinking or feeling. I think you are overthinking these things.

[coco489]

I know I'm overthinking these things, but what do I do now, just give him space? The more space I give him, the longer we don't talk, the more I overthink.

[TheDigitalSaint]

You just send him a message and let him know that you're ready to move past your fight and that you still love him. Don't delve into details, just tell him you are ready to get to the next stage. Oh, and you may try this, whenever your fights are getting out of hand and you are in person, just give him permission to come up to you and give you a passionate kiss. My ex-girlfriends loved it. They would be mad, but it is hard to be mad for long. Either that or tell him to tickle you. :)

[coco489]

Great advice, I'm just scared of looking clingy or needy now. And we didn't have a fight, him coming over was to figure out a previous fight/falling out we had. The convo went great and he did passionately kiss me without me instructing him even...which lead to us sleeping together again...after which I STILL told him I wanted to be 'just friends'. Then changed my mind the next day. So he has good reason to be frustrated with me, I would be too.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Well, you've been giving him mixed messages. If you really want to keep him around, you need to tell him that you've been sending him these mixed signals, but that you really do care for him and apologize for playing around with him. Keep it simple, short and sweet. Don't extrapolate about the past or what happened last time you talked. Keep it future-oriented, not past-oriented. Guys like that. Overthinking is for the female brain, not the male one. Speak to his male brain.

[coco489]

Are you for hire by chance haha? Best help I've ever received on this site. Many thanks =)

[TheDigitalSaint]

Yes, you can add me to your friends list and I'll send you my Amazon Wishlist. There's probably a book or two on there you can get for me! :)

[coco489]

Deal!

[archer86]

Men normally don't take many things too seriously. There are some exceptions such as racial slurs, lack of sex, our favorite hockey team losing the Stanley Cup and so on.

Another aspect is that sometimes we really don't know what to say to a woman. Why? All it takes is one negative grade and the woman loses all interests in a particular man, making him the typical, "He's a nice guy but not my type." Therefore, he's being very cautious with you because he likes you. Otherwise he would tell you to bugger off!

BTW, you are absolutely marvelous! May I beg you to love me?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...er...um...

Oh boy...

[coco489]

I'm flattered, really! Thanks for your answer.

[Konnour]

Not fine.

So, let's see.. you had an argument, and the reply was:

"It's fine. You just aren't making much sense with your thinking"

In this case "it's fine" meant as "you can shut up now" or "I don't care"

And "You just aren't making much sense with your thinking" means "you're stupid"

or "I don't wanna argue with you"

Oh.. oh! Lemme guess - you had a "circular argument" you know?

It means each of arguers repeat their own point countless of times while being ignorant about the other person's views.

It's like a battle - who will stand this for the longest time and who will surrender and quit!

[coco489]

=(

We always have circular arguments but when he came over this time he kind of tiptoed around what his opinion was and what he really wanted but I know he doesn't want to be just friends. I didn't think changing my mind after would have this affect on him. What do you suppose I do, just give him space?

[sixstring]

If he says it's fine, it's fine.

If he would say "I'm fine", that's often not the case.

[JakobJ]

Exactly my thought! well done

[Kain6th]

I think you just need to back off and leave him alone for awhile. A guy needs his space when he's frustrated especially when the object of frustration is a girl he likes.

[moviedude714]

i probably would not worry, it's much worse if a girl says it

[ColtsFanForever]

when I say it's fine then it's fine.

[Xx_DRE_xX]

He seems alright if you ask me.