Do guys ever happily move on and then return to their baby mama?

[Contumacious]

My ex and I were friends with benefits before I got pregnant. We moved in together and things were never perfect. We used to party together and once I got pregnant I completely changed my life. He continued to drink and get high all the time saying he would cut back once the baby came. I spent countless nights up crying till 3 am wondering when he would come home. He would always say he didn't hear his phone. The baby came and he cut back to 3 or 4 times a week. He would still stay out late and I'd be crying only know I had a baby too. He would say that I was sleeping so he didn't need to be home. Then we got I to a fight. He choked me. I called the cops. He got arrested. We were trying to fix things living apart. It would be good then bad then good then bad. I was concerned about a girl he worked with. Well sure enough as soon as we call it quits he's with her. He says she makes him happy. Is it possible for us to ever work things out? I know if we tried it would work. I feel like if it wasn't for this girl we would have worked it out. We are 27. His new girlfriend is 20! I'm so devastated. I want to fix things but he's just moved on so fast! Any hope stories?I feel like he is going to be just what I wanted for my family for her. She has a five year old who she doesn't see on the weekends. So I dunno. I'm sure people think I'm nuts for wanting him back. But I feel like it could be different.

Updates

+1 y

Also after we broke up I noticed something on his penis. Told him to go to the dr. Told the girlfriend I thought he had warts ( which he didn't tell her before sleeping with her because he was in denial) and turns out he has warts. So he didn't tell her, slept with her, and then found out he had them. She's still with him. I got tested and I'm negative for hpv and have no warts. It's amazing that she doesn't care that he put her at risk for an std without telling her.

Updates

+1 y

One more update... He changed my brakes about a week ago. Told me all these hope filled things like he hasn't given up on us as a family, who knows what the future holds, blah blah. We kissed and flirted. Then 2 days later said he didn't remember saying those things and we would never be together again. He has moved in and doesn't want me. Well why say those things? He wasn't trying to get laid. We just kissed. Could he be confused and just trying to make sure he doesn't miss something?

[FutterwackenMcSappin]

Ditch the motherf***er. If he's a problem for you then he's going to be a problem for her. It doesn't matter what age she is. This guy is an a**hole of the worst caliber.

He doesn't want to take care of his OWN CHILD. What makes you think he's going to treat her any different? And you say she's 20 and has a five year old?!? That means she's a bigger idiot than you are! She is not better off. Does it sound like she has made good life choices? 20 with a five year old? She's in for it worse than you will be IF you try to get back with him.

And let's talk about that for a second. Never try to get back with an Ex. Especially if he is exuding (obviously showing) the exact same behavior with a someone else. The EXACT same behavior. It doesn't matter to him. She is just ANOTHER somebody. A different somebody. And she WILL be in your shoes in what, a year or two? Only with TWO children and NO him. He'll go on to the next one, thinking he's a pimp because he has more than one woman who will let him in for a little while to take care of him.

He will not come back to you because he cares. He will come back to you because you are FAMILIAR to him and YOU will accept him back because he is familiar to you. Not because you need him; no. But because he is what you know. And everyone will go with a known factor before an unknown factor, if given a choice. They'll make the wrong choice because they are lonely and he or she is telling you exactly what you want to hear so they can stay...for a while or at least until you get on their selfish nerves.

So, drop his ass like a hot rock and move on. Trust me. You'll feel better when you're not worrying about: Where he is, Who he's with (which is not you), When will he be back? I mean who wants to put up with sh*t like that?!? All the time!

I'm sorry. That's worry I don't need. Not when I can find someone who will pick up when I call and is happy to hear from me. A relationship partner who cares has NO problem answering questions. A relationship partner who cares doesn't make up lame ass excuses or feels a need to make excuses. And doesn't get mad when you ask.

Drop his ass, get to the gym to trim that gut, neck, those arms and saddle bags (thighs). Tighten that butt and bust up! Then post some pics and move on.

The pimp has prophesied and spoken!

- Love, peace & hair grease! -

[Contumacious]

Wow these are things I need to hear! Thank you! I just feel like he is so happy now and he is going to be perfect with her because he says how happy she makes him. But I really do need to understand that he is still the same. He didn't just change for her overnight

[Contumacious]

So you don't think he will be a different man for her and her kid? From the way he talks he really likes her and wants to marry her (his words). It's only been a couple months. I hope his true colors come out and he is the same with her as he was with me. But I just feel lik they will live happily ever after since they are so perfect now.

[FutterwackenMcSappin]

A couple of months is not enough time to get to know anyone. He thinks because he's been through it with you already that it's going to be easy because he THINKS he knows how to deal.

WRONG.

And as far as what he tells you...What else would you say to someone who used to like you and then saw through your crap and decided it was better to let your sorry ass go? Of course he's gonna tell you the sun is shinning on his side of street. That's because you can't (and shouldn't want to) know how..

[FutterwackenMcSappin]

...they are really doing. He wants you to feel like he's doing good without you so that when things start to go bad (and they will) he can come crying to you, knowing you'll listen. Because by then you'll have gone without the "dillznick" for so long you'll be more than willing to be the "other woman" just to be able to say to your friends that she never really took him from you in the first place.

It's a classic pimp move. It's classic because it works. Always has with weak women...

[FutterwackenMcSappin]

...always will.

[stubbsy]

If he can't respect you as his childs mother, he never will, so there's no chance of the two of you working, move on and get someone worthy of your talents,x

[CrystalMinds]

If he didn't change during the pregnancy, not when the baby came AND he physically mistreated you? I'm sorry to say but even if you want it, think of the influence he'll be on your baby. Think of what's best for your baby now, and him in his/her life isn't a good thing.

He didn't change, he choked you, he got arrested, seriously, ditch him! I know he moved on, but you need to do the same. He's an a**hole who doesn't give a sh*t, so it seems to me.

Sorry if I'm being hard on you, but you need to see that you deserve SO much better! Really!

If he's with her, she'll have her hands full on him when he shows his true colors ;)

You'll have less problems with him out of your life. Seriously, you don't need him.

Think of what's best for you and your baby now.

[Contumacious]

I know it's crazy for me to want him back. I think I miss the idea of my family more than his bull crap. As I said to another answer. I just feel like he is going to be this perfect guy for her. Like he will do what I wanted him to do for me and his son. I know that they drink and smoke pot together which I wouldn't do with him after I got prego because I grew up. So now he has someone to party with, someone to sleep with and no responsibility. He still sees our son when I go to work.

[CrystalMinds]

He might be the perfect guy for her, until he hits her or abuses her too. Like once he was the perfect guy for you. Could be that you miss the thought of a family more than him. Just enjoy your baby for now. I think he/she'd rather have you two being alone and "happy" than miserable with him in your life.

[stubbsy]

Couldnt agree more with this answer, your only feeling like this because you don't want her to have what you deserve, but remember, he didn't give you what you deserved, and he won't give this other girl anything different to what he showed you, she will see him for what he is in time as you did, but you have the chance to move on, she doesn't yet, she has to go throuhe crap before realising he is poison, go get a worthy mate for your child, he/she will thank you for doing so, good luck,x

[Pain903]

I think you are nuts for wanting him back, move on to better men. No real man will ever choke you, especially if you were pregnant. Move on and forget, that's what my son's mother did