I know my boyfriend is not over his ex from 10 years ago. They broke up over bad circumstance, not because they chose to. Before we started dating he confided that she "was the love of his life" and that it was hard because there was never any closure. I asked if she came knocking on the door would he take her back, he said no, because of her situation. Of course, I dismissed it as the past. We were only acquaintances at the time so it really didn't carry much weight. After we started dating I was blindsided by the fact that they still talk and "I love you, I love you too" were a regular part of their dialogue. I knew my insecurity would make that difficult to accept, but he begged me to stay. Later I found out it was only about 4mos prior to our dating that he tracked her down and even considered moving to where she lives (another state) to be near her. Again, I thought this was old news! Then I found out he had sent her money, he says before we started dating, and she said she couldn't pay him back and he said don't worry about it, consider it a gift. I saw he had texted her re entities and looked through the text, not secretly, right in front of him. I was very upset and after, we broke up, his point of view was that I had no right to tell him who he could talk to especially since we had only been dating 2mos. We got back together and that subject is now very taboo. I checked his phone, secretly this time, I found out he sent her money again, he doesn't know I know. And again yesterday, I found, 2days ago he texted her to ask if she "remembered that day" which she replied she did...obviously some special memory. So, obviously, he has not let go of his attachment to or his romanticized image of her and what they had. She is not an option, but she keeps a hold on him by needing him, reminiscing about "the good old days" and how much she misses him, loves him and how he is still handsome. Will he ever be able to fully love me? He says he is mine, that he is with me and so is his heart. He is sweet, caring, considerate, thoughtful, affectionate and even tells me he loves me when he thinks I am sleeping, although never straight forward. He treats me well and is never disrespectful. I am happy when I am with him, but this weighs on my heart because I do love him. I truly believe he is trying, but I can definitely feel that something is missing. If I am patient will it come or am I wasting my time fighting for a heart that will never be mine?
I forgot to mention, even though it has been a long time, I am the first relationship since her. I know his heart is torn. Our relationship is new, that one has history. Ours is here and now, that one is far away and in the past. I know he is not over her, and it has recently been rekindled (just before we started dating), but what I need to know from you men is, can he let go and love someone new?
I know it seems the issue is that he is hung up on her. Thank you all for your concerns, but I am a very strong confident woman, I can handle that he has a past and still has emotional attachment to it. I am not asking him to chose her or me. I do not want to force a choice. I am hoping it will come naturally. So, I guess what I am actually asking is, have any of you found that a new love was strong enough to free your heart of a past love that is that strong or will I forever be in her shadow?