I've been lying about my faith in God because my boyfriend is a believer and I'm scared if he knew, he'd look at me completely differently. Help?

Question

I still believe god exists but Im basically just indifferent about it now and it has been this way for a while. anyway my boyfriend is a strong believer and when he talks about it, I lie and pretend that I completely agree with every word he says. I pretend that I worship, too. he goes to church and goes to worship concerts. he's always wanted me to go with him but it hasn't happened yet. he knows im from a christian family. I always tell him im looking forward to going with him but every time he goes I make excuses. anyway im scared that if he knows about how I truly feel about these (which is nothing), he'd look at me completely differently. im pretty sure about it. I love him so much and I dont wanna lose him. he's mentioned before that he includes me in his prayers and asked once if I pray for him too. I told him that I do, when in fact I dont pray at all.

Dutchgirl97 · Accepted Answer

Listen, maybe God put you in eachothers lives for a reason. Be honest with him PLEASE. He won't be ashamed of you. He won't think differently. Im a Christian and I've dated people like you. I just let them ask me questions and make them feel comfortable and free of judgment. Since he has the Holy Spirit- he will most likely do the same.

God still loves you no matter where you are at in faith. Hard to believe? Well believe it. God has never been ashamed of you. God has never looked down on you. God has favor on you and knows your heart and loves you for it- even the not so good parts. God has already forgiven you. For everything that has been, is, and is to come. You just have to accept that gift. No matter how "unworthy" you may feel of it.

I feel like God is reaching out to you. he's put somthing in your heart to make you want to be honest with him and your boyfriend. Ask questions. Dont even be afraid to challenge some things. God knows how to answer them and is not intimated by any of your questions. Good luck girl ❤ you have a wonderful opportunity coming you way.

liburnia · Accepted Answer

If you believe God exists, why don't you give him a chance? He may be knocking on your door waiting for you to open them. Your boyfriend and your love for him may be the perfect opportunity for that. Join him in church... if you're indifferent about it it shouldn't be a problem. Listen the Word with open heart... maybe you'll like what you hear. You have always time to tell your boyfriend that you have at least tried. If he loves you as much as he says he does he'll be ok with it. I wish you all the best

Rab1901 · Answer

There's no justifying your behavior. This is so unfair for your boyfriend. I think a lot of young girls think this is okay because you think this will help to keep a good guy and the good guy also won't be devastated from hearing the news. This is called rationalization. You are trying to justify your behavior because their are positives, but I assure you that the negatives heavily outweigh the positives. This is like a woman lying about the number of partners she slept with and saying it's because of the pressure that men put on women, but would you want your man to lie about how much money he makes or what kind of career he has because of the pressure that women put on men? I'd say your situation is even worse than the examples that I gave since it seems like he lives by his faith from the moment he wakes up to when he goes to bed everyday.

I do believe that you recognize what you're doing is wrong, and that's why you're asking this question. My advice is to be completely honest with your boyfriend. Will he break up with you? Maybe. A large difference in beliefs is always tricky. If it were me, I would at least be disappointed in you and lose trust but I'd feel that you're trying to make things right. If he's as cool as you portray him to be, and you express genuinely that you're sorry and that you won't deceive him again, then I think he would at least appreciate that you told him sooner than later and he might be flattered that you love him so much but don't be surprised if he does not trust you in the same way. You'll have to consistently work to earn that trust again.

Please be more honest with your life from now on. It will be beneficial for you and everyone around you.

pinkcactus484 · Answer

I can see why you've been lying about this. He is the love of your life and you want to be with him so, so much. I can really see the depths of your love for him in your post.

And sometimes, loving someone means that we have to do hard things. I think that you need to be open with him about your lack of commitment to faith. Yes, he might leave you, but isn't that better than him being in love with some false version of you? And if you truly love him, why would you want to lie to him just to make sure that you both stay together.

Also, if you have children together, things might become more difficult. He might want to raise children to be more active Christians than you are. This could lead to arguments and him finding out about your feelings about faith anyway.

The final option is just to put more time into your faith and seek to further develop your relationship with God. But even so, you should tell him about your feelings. It might also help if you tell someone older as well, like your parents or someone at church. Be honest with God as well.

Wishing you the best!!!

btbc92 · Answer

Look, the only way you can help yourself in this situation is to leave this relationship. if you know that you have no real desire to serve God, don't pretend. Why you lying and pretending you're only hurting yourself more and you're going to hurt him in the end. Because what you're doing is not love. It's selfishness. You only doing it because you want to be accepted by this person instead of actually going to church for yourself, pray to God for yourself, worship for yourself. It's not about religion. This is about a relationship as I'm sure you know. because I will warn you exactly what will happen if you don't. Somebldy who does have discernment will tell him themselves. God will reveal that all pm his own. And then you're going to have a problem. he had the right to decide who he want and don't want in his life. this is why you date somebody Who You're compatible with. Not somebody who wants to play Church, not serious about their faith, etc. Don't keep committing fraud with a person. Anything hidden eventually comes to light when you do stuff like that. Not in a relationship. Worse in a marriage. Tell him the truth.

zayn7232 · Answer

I understand your situation.. As I have been in this type situation..
It's okay that you have different beliefs..
I know lying to your boyfriend is wrong but u have a reason to do so... You will not willing lie to your boyfriend.. You are doing this because you are afraid that you will lose him and you love him very much..
U know after sometime he will eventually question you on this thing and that time you will not have any answer... Then he will get to know that all this time you were lying to him.. And that will break his heart..
Then you cannot do anything to make up..
So it would be better that if you tell him the truth because love is a very powerful thing and can change person like anything..
Tell him why you did this all and make him understand... Tell him that you love him and cannot afford to lose you.. That's why you lied..
I know it is difficult and that time he will be angry but I do know one thing very well that is every thing will be okay..
After some time he will forgive you and accept for whom you are..
Because you yourself confessed it instead of lying more and getting caught for it..
He will surely understand and chill you won't lose him... As I told you before love is a very powerful thing..
Good luck

Sweetener_ · Answer

He would definitely look at you different.
2 Corinthians 6:14 (KJV) Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

As a Christian he can't be unequally yoked with an unbeliever.
Since he's strong in his faith, God will definitely reveal to him that you're being fake, because His name will not be mocked.

My advice to you would be to do this.
If you really love your boyfriend, tell him the truth, and ask him for guidance, and to help you figure out the truth about his religion. Don't pretend to worship or to be a Christian you're digging yourself in a deeper hole, God doesn't need actors.
Matthew 7:16-21 (KJV) Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.
A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.
Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.
Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.

Tell your boyfriend to help you get closer to God. If you really love your boyfriend then that's what you have to do, you can't keep faking forever.

Daniela1982 · Answer

Well being a liar is not a good way to start a relationship. He is going to find out sooner or later and it will hurt him more then than if you told him now. He has a right to date/marry someone who shares his faith in God. If you are not that one then best to fess up and take what ever he decides to do, which may include breaking up with you. Living a lie is not the way to go in this case.

DMH0102 · Answer

If you told me you didn't have faith, I would have told you to be honest with your boyfriend. Religion is such a big thing for him, I think he would have been very hurt if he discovered you lied to him.
But since you already believe in God, you should try and get closer to God. At the end of the day, your relationship with your boyfriend seems to be pretty strong so the problem is related to how much of the religion you both practice. Worship reflects faith. Try to grow your faith and you'll naturally want to worship God more.

MissDawn7961 · Answer

I am a Christian and I know God exists and he does care about us and our lives as well ! however , you need to come clean with your boyfriend about your belief in God and so forth ! if you do not tell him your feelings about God and he finds out through some one else how you feel , then he may decide that since you do not go to church and talk to God the way you said you do then he may end it with you ! for your man does not need a lying woman in his life ! you need to tell your man all about God and you before you loose your man to a more honest woman ! thanks

EABsTUQ · Answer

From a exChristian to a ex Christian I know for a fact god exist. Although I wouldn't call it god and sadly Religions have it all wrong. If he is a stronger believer and talks about it and studies then you're gonna have to tell him. Or you can go to church with him and fake it till your make it. But know your self worth. You can find a guy just as good who is better fitted for you. And know if you stay with him and pretend to be what you are not you are missing out on finding your truth and the truth.

OfDeath · Answer

Well I'm on your side in this. When it comes to something like god, whether you choose to believe it or not is second to how much you allow it consume your life. It sounds to me like he is a sort of fanatic of god. Similar to someone with an unhealthy admiration for Madonna or Drake or somebody like that.

Keeping your distance the way you are is a good strategy. What I would suggest is to seduce him into other activities. I don't mean sex, I mean just anything which keeps you busy but is productive for your relationship and mental well being. Go for nature walks together, go to markets, go ice skating, go to the beach, go to museums, concerts, cinema. Stimulating things. Plan them with him ahead on days you know there's a christian rock convention or whatever.
I agree you should keep your indifference a secret from him. It's not a bad secret or anything, it's for his own benefit in a way.

_SOARER · Answer

You need to pray
Just pray and ask God for guidance

You dont need to go to concerts and things like that. But you should at least believe in God.

Stop lying and be honest with him. If he believes in Christ, he will forgive you for it ❤❤❤
Tell him you want to believe but have trouble now. Everyone goes through it

laurieluvsit · Answer

You want him to love you for who you really are, not who you want him to think that you are, that is not fare to either you or him.

Do not waste another minute making your true identity known to him or you will be looking for even bigger heartache for both of you down the road.

I've been lying about my faith in God because my boyfriend is a believer and I'm scared if he knew, he'd look at me completely differently. Help?

BlueScorpio · Answer

Then you need to find someone who has the same beliefs. If he wants a woman that's true believer and into his beliefs like he is, then you have to understand that, respect it and let him go. Trying to force yourself to stay with someone you really don't mix with isn't going to work in the long run, and eventually he's going to figure it out. So you need to be upfront and honest and prepare for whatever happens.

abc3643 · Answer

You mean your ex-boyfriend because, long-run, that's exactly what is going to happen: You will break-up.

Save everyone the time and emotion and break-up with him telling him the truth about who you are and that you 1) cannot go on lying to him and living a lie to be with him and 2) that he should be someone more aligned with his beliefs.

Pete671 · Answer

This sounds like not a good basis for a relationship, saying you agree with him is not fair to either of you,,,
The point of prayer is that you never tell anyone you are praying for them, I mean why do that? it's just self-aggrandisement imho, asking someone else to pray for you just as unhelpful,,,
He sounds completely obsessed to me, if you're not on the same wavelength religion wise, imho you need to think about what possible future you might have together,,,

SenseiSeptred · Answer

Tell him that the way that you breathe is your way of praying to God and need to transform it into breathing Aether since that is known as the air of the divine even when the dictionary mentions Aether as the air on Mount Olympus. So it is not that hard to figure out from that description needless to say.

Soremain · Answer

I think the bigger problem is that you lied about it than the fact that you are not believer like him. But who knows maybe he understands and doesn't mind. But I think you should tell him asap. It's not nice to date someone who fakes who they are.

Anonymous · Answer

You'd be surprised at just how many mainstream Christians feel the same way. They believe in God, but the feeling that something just isn't right with the Bible eats at them. I was one of them.

I'm still a Christian, but I see the Bible in a completely different way now. When that "still, small voice" tells you something isn't quite right, it's best to listen.

slatyb · Answer

Don't keep secrets. It's exhausting. and it will destroy your relationship. If you can't trust your partner to listen and accept you as you are, it's time for a new partner.

TheSimonymous · Answer

You shouldn't lie to your boyfriend about that at all. Tell him that your faith went away and that you're not such a strong believer as he is. He should understand that and guide you back on becoming a believer ;)

I've been lying about my faith in God because my boyfriend is a believer and I'm scared if he knew, he'd look at me completely differently. Help?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said