Search Results: am i not pretty enough

I don’t have OCD, I have moderate anxiety & think I developed this habit due to trauma. I’ve had pretty bad experiences in the workplace as a result of my social/generalized anxiety, along with just straight up bad luck from 2012-2018 ish (a cluster of just crappy/odd experiences back to back). Again, nothing life threatening but enough to make me miserable and now wary. I just started a new job & am so worried I will have the bad experience I did back in my early-mid twenties post college in 2019. It was my first real gig & felt so overwhelmed from all aspects from mgmt/coworkers/my performance etc, worried that will happen again.

After that role, my longest job was at another school that I worked at for almost two years & that was a better experience compared to my last role, different stressors but wasn’t as uneasy. I proved myself at that role it seemed & feel more equipped to handle myself professionally when it comes to communication/being more “knowledgeable” since I have experience (or so I hope). Even though years passed by, I’m still so worried I’ll have bad work experiences again & I don’t think it’ll ever go away. That’s why when I feel really uneasy, if something I’m doing unrelated feels too hasty, I try to be careful & expect this mindset will transpire when I’m at work. Or I might count to 3 if too many random unrelated things are going on/I second guess something & hope that will result in things not going back to the chaos that my life once felt like.

Or back to that period of bad luck years ago, if certain annoying things happen to me back to back 2-3+ times, can be minor inconveniences like issue with Amazon delivery etc, I feel like I’m spiraling & hyperventilate/assume my life will be like that shitty period again.

It’s like a superstition & I don’t take it seriously but wonder if anyone relates.