Search Results: should we break up boyfriend

I'm very conflicted undergoing social anxiety complex trauma and depression and anorexia nervosa. Im very down. The last time I was so down was with 16 when I landed in the ER. It is really bad right now. I tried to explain my boyfriend I don't have any energy for our relationship but he had a good childhood he never experienced depression. He will never understand my behaviour and my pain.

he just reciting John legends: all of me. But this isn't it. He told me I should give him a chance and not break things and I opened up about everything I'm going through that's why I wanted to end things bc I'm afraid I make him down too. But when my life sort out I want to relive our relationship again.

Today he said: "I'm afraid you will break up you was distance"

Why can't he understand that this the fcking reason of course I love him and tell him but also I just need time for my own. I can't be a lover right now. Love us not a medicine. But everyone tells me: it is your sickness that speaks. But even though. I hurt him with the way I am because I won't be pretending anything. I don't know what to do. He told me if I break up now or of I insisted in a breaking pause it would not last. But what makes him so sure about thst? I just wonders if that is something because he deep himself thinks this relationship would not last anyway or if this a stated fact?

So my dad saw me at his home 6 months back and hit my boyfriend coz he thought we both had sex and my dad said him to have sex with me after marrying me. Now after this, my boyfriend stopped having sex with me since 6 months, but we met outside. He cheated on me on weekends but never broke up with me - I saw his phone where he downloaded bumble and also when I asked him to show me his phone, he hid from me. He never used to hide anything like his phone or laptop from me before. But he always told me that he loves me, never cheated on me and waited for me at the station for 30 minutes just to meet me post work and he kept telling me that I should trust him blindly and not ask him to check his phone coz it hurts his integrity. I got one number while checking his phone and I asked her on WhatsApp. That girl showed me call logs of long conversation with him ( this time when I was sure of him ignoring me) she said that he was looking for casual sex for which she denied and blocked him. I confronted my boyfriend and asked him and he said me that he can't have sex with me so he asked her ( coz my dad hit him). I never denied him to have sex with me but he always denied me when I asked him for sex, saying he respects my dad and won't have sex with me before marriage. Since I was sexually deprived and frustrated, I cheated on him after the day he hid his phone from me. And I slept with 3 different guys. And I also told him that I love him and am monogamous. Right now he is in his hometown to fight for me for marriage and he always said me that I'm his long term girl. Since I also slept with guys hookups, I don't feel sad or guilty anymore. He said me we will court marry if his parents disagree our intercaste marraige. I may times told him to block me and he kept telling me that he finds me in other girls, he tried to but is unable to. I am also unable to go away from him but to satisfy my vagina, am sleeping with other guys coz my boyfriend will fuck me after we marry.