After nearly 2 weeks of taking a "break", boyfriend is still undecided on what to do - advice?

[Anonymous]

Almost 2 weeks ago, he requested to take a short break so we could think without having each other around. I agreed and asked for how long. He said just a couple days. He told me he wouldn't be messing with other girls during this time because that wasn't what this was about.

He reached out to me after a week and just had a casual "just to talk" conversation. He didn't mention anything about us really. He just wanted to know how I had been and what had been going on. He just told me that his life had been busy/hectic, so he had not had time to think about anything pertaining to us/the break. I was a little irritated by that because surely, you should know after a week. But I was understanding and left it go.

I've maintained my loyalty completely. I have not acted single, have not been looking at or talking to other guys, etc. I truly took my space to THINK. And I personally have come to a decision. I feel it's best for us to stay together and use this break as a learning experience and a way to become stronger as a couple. I don't think a break up is right or necessary.

I know he has a say too obviously, and not knowing where he stands really bothers me. Especially after this long. Anytime I've broken up with someone, I've done it quickly and straight forward. I have not lagged. I have not told them we could take a break and see. I've just straight told them it was done and to get their stuff/leave. Most of my stuff is still at his place and he's made no mention of it or wanting me to get it. I hope he has been loyal too and not acting single. That was not what we agreed upon.

I'm still hoping he will agree to end the break and continue the relationship, but I'm really scared he is going to choose a break up (which would be weird in my opinion).

I really don't know what to do now. I gave him space. I've been patient. But I need an answer. don't deserve to just be kept in the dark "on hold".

Updates

1 mo

He ended the conversation by telling me if I needed anything to reach out. I told him he could reach out anytime as well. He didn't act mad or anything when we talked, and I was expecting an answer then. So, I was a bit disappointed when I didn't get one. He should definitely know what he wants by now. I don't want things to end because our relationship is good and strong. Other people even picked up on how much we love and care for one another. I was surprised when he mentioned a break

Updates

1 mo

I would have thought if he wanted to break up, he'd have told me to get my stuff by now. We stayed together, so naturally everything I own pretty much is over there. He has never mentioned my belongings or wanting them gone. I chose to be the one to leave during the break. He had offered to be the one to go, but I opted to. I just don't get this at all. I just really miss him a lot and miss "us". We were building such a good life - expecting a baby and everything.

[StarWarGirl]

I don't know why such things like having a break came in your relationship. Sometimes it happens when there is lots of fights are going on recently or sometimes it comes when someone feels like suffocating kind, sometimes for some people it becomes hard to accept the monogamy or sometimes they need to concentrate on their work their goals more. Etc. This kind having a break situation can be come in two kinds situation when there is love but still they are feeling like somewhat suffocating or there is someone who already deciding to break up I don't know what is your situation.

Taking a break is not the solution it would end up in nothing. In my opinion you must force him to think over this that what is problem and you must discuss. In every relationship there comes a stage where sometimes we do feel like full it doesn't mean we need to break up or love has got ended but that time we need to discuss why it is so what could be done. If someone can't survive this stage then he can never hold onto any relationship. Because it will come.

In my opinion I think you both should take long free time like take a full 24 hours day and night tell him to give you a full day to you. And you both spend your time with eachother. You can't confront him directly with this serious question in fixed time so you need a full day. First try to make an environment where you both could be ready to have serious discussion then ask him what is the reason why he is feeling to have break is it that he is having doubts over your relationship and future, is it that he feels like there is something wrong? Is it he is missing something, what's bothering him? Is it that you are not enough for him? Why this break? Why this space? Are you being disturbance for him in something or he doesn't want you anymore? Ask him and confront him with the all the possibilities you could think of. If he isn't ready to tell in his own words at least you make him to force yes or no or to explain. And if still he ignores still he isn't ready to give you answer still he avoid the discussion then give him ultimatum. But you need to discuss.

If he gives any answer then you both could discuss over it and can find solution. This situation is very normal in any relationship but it depends on couples, who are strong to face it wise to discuss over it and find solutions and determined to love forever that relationship survives and one who avoid discuss, cowardly ignore discussion and believe that breakup is solutions of everything they always end up into break up and break-up only can't hold into one relationship entire life.

[StarWarGirl]

Seeing his responses and reaction it seems like he is already thinking about break up and now he is just trying to see how is it going to affect you that's why he is just trying to make this break up gradual kind so it couldn't be tough for you (in his opinion).

[Asker]

That's what bothers me. We didn't fight often and if we did have a disagreement, we handled it quickly and maturely without issue. Before this "break" thing, we were very good. Loving, happy... even other people commented on what a great couple we were and how nice it was we had each finally found GOOD partners. That's why I was rather shocked by the behavior. I think something else was going on with him, something he did not tell me. I even asked about that before I left to give him space and he didn't really answer it. I just feel this was a very odd change and surely something had to be bothering him. He couldn't just stop loving me and lose feelings like that, so quickly.

[StarWarGirl]

I have seen your replies over other comments. And if its all are true what you are telling then only one possibility is that he is stressed over something maybe stressed over the new responsibilities what's coming ahead that's it. Most of men tend to not share their problems their stress with their partners because they consider it as "less manly" to get seen as weak. That's why they just keep them upto themselves only. But this is also not good for them to be left alone as because of these most of males suffers from mental problems. But they deal with it all alone which is not good for them. Yes it was ok to give them some space for some time but not forever it's not good to extend it like this.

In this case also you need to sit and talk. Make a good environment where he could feel free kind. Like go on some dates or go somewhere like river side to have some good alone time together where you both could feel fresh a little bit and talk to him. Try to convince him that he needs not to stress out this much you are there you both would tackle the situation whatever it will be. Tell him that he is not alone. Make him feel less lonely. Encourage him to discuss his problem his stress with you as it won't make him any less manly but it's totally OK to feel this way we are human. And don't forget to tell him that "you do trust him".

[StarWarGirl]

Also don't forget to tell him that how his this kind behaviour is making you feel insecure worried and lonely and you don't want to feel your this important phase of pregnancy feeling alone like this but "you do need him".

[StarWarGirl]

Hope this would make him realise what he is doing and how it is affecting you. He may improve his behaviour towards you afterwards realising what's happening.

[Asker]

I agree. We definitely need to talk. Everything I've said in other comments is true. Our good relationship is what shocked me so much with this "break news". It shocked me and hurt me, but I was still respectful of the request.

Yes, it was ok for me to be patient and give him his alone time. But you are right - that alone time CANNOT be forever. Something has to be done.

I understand men have a much different way of handling their emotions and feelings than women do. I know men are reluctant to share and don't want to be viewed as "feminine" or "weak". I understand if he is feeling scared or alone. I don't want him to ever feel alone though. We had always agreed that together, we could overcome any obstacle that came our way. Any hardships would be easier as long as we had one another. I still believe that fully. I believe that we have what it takes.

Whatever is going on in his world, I want to help him and love him through it. I want him to know that I do need him and so does the baby. Being together is the best decision of course. I just don't see where our relationship could possibly be unrepairable. Nothing I can recall points to that, especially with how well we handled any disagreement before. We did VERY well at that.

I hope this is just a hiccup of fear and uncertainty and it changes soon. I hope he will make the right choice and choose to end the break and reconcile.

[StarWarGirl]

All the best !!♥️😊

[Asker]

Thank you so much! I am really hoping it works out, he comes to his senses and we can stay together.

[Finfin1981]

You deserve better than this. He’s being incredibly immature and selfish. I imagine you are incredibly hurt right now. I believe you need to push the issue too and agree with abc opinion. ‘You’ve had your space and that’s your reason but this is my reality and I’m in no man’s land.. if you don’t want to continue in the relationship that’s fine I do love you and will be sorry for it to end but I need to make plans do move on if you are unsure’ you deserve to be someone’s priority! Good luck x

[Asker]

Thank you. Yes, I am really hurt by this. It makes me really sad he's doing this. Like I'm totally in the dark and have no idea what he is thinking or what he is going to decide. That really sucks. It's like emotional abuse to a degree. I'm being toyed with and I know I don't deserve that. I really don't want the relationship to end. Before 2 weeks ago, it was amazing. Best boyfriend I had ever had by far. Very loving, affectionate, caring, attentive. It was great and we were both happy. Now everything is just... all screwy. It definitely hurts more not even knowing what he's planning to do. I definitely deserve clarity and honesty.

[Finfin1981]

I agree it’s emotional abuse … I suspect he’s not doing it on purpose.. he’s just very immature. I understand it hurts but you have to take your power back as he’s not making you feel safe she and secure and you deserve to be with someone who makes you feel those things. It will wreck your self esteem if you don’t address it as right now he has all the power do you see? ‘I’ve no idea what he is going to decide’ no not good enough.. you only have so much time in life and you need to make yourself available for someone who won’t do this yo you. Right now this guy has nothing to offer you.. do you see that? I honestly think you need to address it and let him know this behaviour isn’t good enough for you
You could say something like ‘look if you get your act together and I’m still single further down the line maybe we can talk but I can’t make any promises she right now this isn’t right for me… ‘

[Finfin1981]

How long were you together?

[abc3643]

I am not a fan of ultimatums but you need to issue one, just do so diplomatically.

First, you don't have to state this to him, but I want you to think about what I am about to write to give you some perspective...

Think about him as being your employee for a bit. You've "hired" him to be your boyfriend. In the real world, when you have a job, you either have to produce or you are let go. Furthermore, in the real world, companies may give you personal time but they don't give you unlimited personal time; you need to get your shit together and come back to work.

Well, right now, he's not fulfilling his duties as boyfriend. He's having his "personal time", but you, as his "employer" needs to remind him that the personal time is running out so he either has to start producing or he'll be let go by you and you'll "hire" a new boyfriend.

So, we need to diplomatically craft an ultimatum for your scenario. Something that lets him know he has to come to a decision or you will decide for him...

Something like this:

"John (or whatever his name is), I understand that you need a break to think things through, but the rest of us need to move on in our lives. So, you need to decide what you want and soon. If you don't make a decision soon, then I am going to assume that you do not want us to continue as a couple and I am going to move on."

Understand my advice?

[Asker]

This was actually a very good perspective. Thank you.

[abc3643]

@asker "Expecting a baby and everything..."
THIS is why you get married BEFORE having a baby!

[abc3643]

I mean... I just don't understand why young people are not getting it.
You get married before having a baby because then you are making a legal and official commitment to each other. If he can't commit to you why would you think he'd commit to a baby?

Marriage shows each person that their partner is a functional adult willing to make adult decisions with commitments AND taking responsibility for their actions. THIS is why you get married before becoming a parent.

[lightbulb27]

Yea been through that… married now. Went theough it before that too.


The easiest thing to do is avoid which is what he did… and no wonder… solving this ‘stuff’ like soing a physics phd… until it isn't so hard.


The problems are solvable. Be nice if there was a process to do so. If he wants to talk to a guy, lmk.


Its not that hard once ya figure out the root issues, what the attraction is, if you are going the same direction and can work together effecticely and the key needs are in synch. Until then… the fesar and doubt take hold and nothing gets down or easier to walk away than make changes.


Such as it is…

[Asker]

I strongly feel that we can overcome this. I feel that it is not worth throwing everything away and ending things. I think we should end the break and just talk about things, then continue our relationship. I definitely do not want to break up. I just don't think that is the right choice. We can talk it out and become stronger as a couple because of it.

We didn't fight often before this and if we did have a disagreement, we handled it quickly and maturely without issue. Before this "break" thing, we were very good. Loving, happy... even other people commented on what a great couple we were and how nice it was we had each finally found GOOD partners. That's why I was rather shocked by the behavior. I think something else was going on with him, something he did not tell me. I even asked about that before I left to give him space and he didn't really answer it. I just feel this was a very odd change and surely something had to be bothering him. He couldn't just stop loving me and lose feelings like that, so quickly.

We are also expecting our first child together. I am sure he's been having a lot of feelings with that, especially as the due date inches closer. The pregnancy was indeed planned. We had talked about it and came to the agreement that we were ready to that next step. We agreed our love and relationship was strong and healthy enough to make that next step. I understand being scared. It is the first child for us both. I have had my own fears and worries about it. Now with this "break", I have even MORE fears. I fear I will have to go through the rest of my pregnancy alone. I fear I will have to bring the baby into a broken home from day one. We never wanted that. We agreed to raise our child together, under the same roof.

[lightbulb27]

Id wonder what triggered him. Maybe something a guy friend said… like he feels trapped. Hard to say but have to talk as he's afraid ir ashamed

[Asker]

I agree something had to have happened. I don't know what, but something certainly happened. I hope to get answers soon and I hope we can reconcile.

[coachTanthony]

Imagine taking a break when you’re married it just doesn’t happen or should happen so why is taking a break now acceptable? Either we fix the relationship whatever the issue is or we take a permanent break. Can’t do this nonsense in marriage should allow it now.

[Asker]

That's what we always agreed on beforehand. We didn't fight a lot, but when a disagreement did come up, we were great at resolving it. We each apologized, talked it out and it was resolved quickly. I don't see why this is any different. Why do we need a "break to think"? Why aren't we just talking like we would any other time? All the love and feelings just "changed" that suddenly? I fail to see that.

[Asker]

I'm also pregnant with his child (it was planned - we had both discussed it heavily and agreed our love and relationship was strong enough and healthy enough to involve a child). It is the first child for each of us. I think maybe he's starting to have those "first time dad jitters". Like he's freaking out about how much things are going to change here soon. I think deep down, he probably does want to stay with me and be a real family, but he's scared. I understand that and have had my own fears... trust me. I've had plenty of worries. And now with this "break", I have even MORE worries. Am I going to finish my pregnancy alone? Am I going to be a single mom? Is this child going to be born into a broken home from the start? That was definitely not in our plans. We were happy to raise our child under ONE roof, together. I fear that'll change now.

[coachTanthony]

Well I wish you the best of luck. I do hope it works out for ya.

[Asker]

Thank you. I really hope it does too. I hope he makes the right decision and stays with me instead of ripping our family apart.

[lightbulb27]

Important details! I agree w your analysis… i mean no offense… but he's not a mature man yet. When he gets there he wint run so fast. There is a reason for being married and all that… i won't poind that drum… but it is a barrier to run when you cannot. So yes he has some emotions mixed up post reality. What his fears are need addressed. Probably ok but takes work … and tghis just one stepping stone in life

[lightbulb27]

Meant to post that above but all the same.

[coachTanthony]

@lightbulb27 No worries all good!

[ohsheeT]

When you care and love someone.
You work through it together.
When a guy's says he wants a break it's because 9 out of 10 times he found something new..
But he doesn't know how it's going to work out

So he will keep you around... Until he knows for sure if the girls going to work out basically if she likes him.

Now just because I said this it doesn't mean that it's true but the odds are it can be it could be..

. 2 weeks is quite a while. Without him figuring something out if he was on the up and up

[Asker]

I agree with working things out. And before now, that is exactly what we did. We'd talk, apologize and get things resolved within a few hours. We didn't ask for space or a "break". We made sure to work things out.

I don't really know about the whole "finding someone new" thing because he specifically told me he wouldn't be messing with other girls because this wasn't what that was about.

But yes, 2 weeks is a really long time to "decide".

[Vermillion30]

Every time I had someone say they wanted a break or my friends it Ended.

[Haraklus]

Do you know the reason for him asking for a break? It sounds like he is probably having some kind of internal conflict that's pretty strong and difficult for him to resolve on his own.

[Asker]

@Haraklus All he told me was that he needed time alone to think about things. He had never done that before, but I still respected it.

[Pinay_ako]

You deserve someone who is sure of you 100%. He can’t just leave you hanging and come back whenever he wants. Don’t be treated like an option or a just in case girl. Break it off completely.

[Asker]

The uncertainty is really hurtful. I don't see how he can still be "unsure". You're either in or you're not. We are expecting our first child together, so that just adds to my hurt. The pregnancy was 100% planned. We had talked about it and agreed that we were ready for that next step. We agreed our love and relationship was strong and healthy enough to handle this next step. We were very happy once we got the positive test result. We were looking forward to the new life we were building and experiencing this new chapter of parenthood.

I think he may be feeling afraid now as we inch closer to the due date. This is totally understandable. I have had my own fears too. And now, with this "break", I have even more fears. I'm now afraid I will have to go through the rest of my pregnancy alone. I fear I will be bringing the child into a broken home from day one. We agreed to raise our child together, under the same roof. Now I fear that we will not have that and our child will grow up in a broken home. We agreed to have this baby for a reason. It hurts me that he'd be so willing to just walk away from me and the life we were building.

Me and him had a great relationship before this "break". We had a lot of love for one another and it showed. Other people even recognized this just by being around us. A lot of people told us how good we were together and how happy they were that we had each finally found a good partner. We were happy together and so excited for the new changes with having a baby.

[blueonblack22]

I hate to say this but chances are he wants to break up with you but he’s deeply conflicted about it.

Good chance it really isn’t a you problem but a him problem. He’s knows it and feels like complete sh*t about it. He wants to let you down with gentle hands.

Anyway I would keep your distance and let him collect his thoughts. Even if he does want to get back together I would be wary moving forward.

This is really unfortunate and sad. But whatever happens just realize it’s likely something completely out of your control.

[Asker]

I do feel there is SOMETHING up with him personally. The day before the break request, he was so angry and crabby. Like REALLY angry. Even when I asked what was wrong, there was no response. I knew something happened that he didn't mention. I don't want us to break up. I want to be there and support him. We always agreed to do that. I don't see why we aren't just talking things out and figuring out how to move forward together.

I think he may be afraid too because I'm pregnant. It was planned, we both wanted it and were really happy when we found out. But, as it gets closer to time to have the baby, I think he's maybe feeling a bit freaked out. Scared. Worried. I get that and I've certainly had my own fears, trust me. Neither of us have kids, so this is the first for us both. We were very careful in making the decision to have a kid. We talked a lot and both went over what we felt about that. We came to the agreement that our love, relationship, etc. was strong enough and healthy enough to bring a child into the mix, so we began trying. To our pleasant surprise, we had no issues conceiving and soon received a positive test which made us happy as ever.

[blueonblack22]

Whether he stays with you or not his entire world is going to change becoming a father. I can see why he’s freaking out about it.

Give him his space while he processes what’s going on. I hope he makes the right choice and stays with you. But if he doesn’t then you being calm (and it sounds like you have been incredibly patient) is going to help your relationship moving forward. You will still need to interact with him one way or another given the child is on the way.

I don’t know his full story or yours. But I really hope he MANS UP given the responsibility on the way. It wasn’t like it was a surprise it was planned. But now it’s become real it’s rocking his world. But again he has responsibility to his child one way or another.

Sorry he reacted this way. I can give him some space given the shock to his system. But he can’t stay there forever.

[Asker]

Thank you very much. I agree with everything you said. This was a planned, agreed upon decision. It was something we talked about and did not take lightly. This is his child too and he WILL be held responsible no matter what. He can't run from that or change that.

I really hope he mans up and does the right thing too. Staying together is definitely the best decision. It wouldn't make a lot of sense to just throw everything away, but I know it's up to him to decide what he wants to do. I understand being scared about becoming a parent. I've had plenty of freak outs too. I've had a few issues with this pregnancy (thankfully, nothing serious and the baby is fine), but I never ran. I communicated with him, I leaned on him for support. I never ran away or avoided anything. I wanted to include him and inform him the whole way. We had always agreed we were a team, and to me, we still are.

I've been being very patient, even though it had been incredibly hard and it's been killing me inside. Imagining having to go through the rest of my pregnancy alone sucks. Imagining bringing my child into a broken home from day one sucks. I understand becoming a dad is emotional and scary, but so is becoming a mom. And when the dad is doing THIS, it makes your journey so much more difficult.

I'm willing to forgive everything. I'm willing to end the break and move forward with our relationship. I'm willing to put this behind it and use it as a learning experience to make us stronger as a couple going forward. I just need him to man up, be mature and stop this nonsense.

[blueonblack22]

From the information you have provided it appears you have handled this is best as you can. And I repeat that is a HIM problem not a YOU problem. But now a child is involved it incredibly more complicated.

He personally needs advice from a wiser/older peer or professional advice. I am not sure if was raised in a spiritual family but church/synagogue/mosque would be the exact place he needs to be to approach this.

One of the most insidious impacts of our modern digital society is it has repeatedly encouraged both men and women to indulge their own feelings above those of their partner, spouses and even their own children. It’s destroying faith based communities and families. And it’s impacting people whether they realize it or not.

Anyway from whatever happens just remember you did your point. It’s not like you broke with him and/or made a rash decision what to do about the pregnancy. You did your part. And I can understand your fear, anger and frustration. But you can’t control other peoples decisions even if they are extremely unfair or selfish.

I would pray that this guy processes whatever he is doing and think about the LONG TERM impacts of his decisions. It’s one thing if you have a moment of fear/doubt and step away to process it out. Quite another if you make lifelong decision based on that fear and doubt.

But again the ball is in his court. One way or another he will be responsible for his child whether it’s child support or ideally he stays with you to be a devoted parent.

[Asker]

Thank you. I agree with what you're saying.

I am hoping he's talking to his one friend who is soon to be married and has his own child. I hope that friend can maybe reason with him and guide him and show him that he belongs with me and the baby and should not be running off like this.

The long term is what I've been thinking about. That is why in my opinion, it is best to just end this stupid "break" and reconcile our relationship. Use this as an opportunity to grow together and become stronger as a couple going forward. Continue planning for our little one and just be together. Long term, that is the best, most ideal situation here hands down.

The question is will he see that? Will he finally wake up, realize he's making things worse vs. better and decide to do the right thing and be there for me and the baby and keep us a family? Or will he still continue to be selfish and choose to walk away from everything we have and have created and rip our family apart? I hope he will make the right decision and realize it is best to stay together. But time will tell.

I've been praying daily about this. Praying for guidance and praying for him to come to his senses and do that right thing.

[blueonblack22]

You are justified to feel that way. I agree that would be the best long term outcome.

But no matter what happens you have to accept the fact that it is impossible to control what’s going on in someone else’s mind and the decisions thereof. That doesn’t mean it’s “okay” for someone else to make selfish and harmful decisions. Of course it isn’t. But if he ends up making the wrong choice just remind yourself there was nothing you can do or could have done to change that. You have to accept that decision (even if it’s wrong) and then work with what you got.

I know that’s much easier said than done. But I wasted a great deal of my life and mental energy wanting closure from one person in particular years ago. I felt like it was owed to me. In a just world it would be.

But I can’t control her decisions. Logically I always understood that but emotionally I didn’t want to for a very long time. It wasn’t until very recently I finally came to peace with that.

I don’t want to speak too soon. But I’m just preparing you for the outcome that might happen. Just keep the course with what you can control.

Best of luck. Also huge congrats on becoming a mother.

[Asker]

Thank you.

This child will always be one of my absolute biggest blessings. I am so happy I was able to conceive without issue and have had a healthy pregnancy thus far. The issues I've had were not too serious and did not effect the baby's health. So I am very grateful for that. I know that I will be a good mom, with or without him.

I understand I have to be ready for either outcome. I think that's where my sadness is coming from. Just imagining a break up as a possibility is horrible. I know I can't control other people or their decisions. I can only hope and pray he will make the right choice long-term and see that there really isn't a good reason for us to separate.

Whatever he decides, he needs to just decide already instead of leaving me in limbo like this.

[blueonblack22]

I would get as much morale support from family and friends as possible. They are likely going to hate on him but don’t pull the trigger too soon. I do not want to give you a false expectation that all will go well but I also don’t want you to be blindsided if they don’t. Either way at the very least he will have to pay child support but I understand how not really you care about.

I also commend and respect you for keeping the baby. Many people nowadays would take the easy way out. But you are doing the right thing.

Last but not least I hope this incident doesn’t leave you with deep seated bitterness towards men. If things don’t work out with him then you will have some justifiable anger. He knew full well what he was getting into from the beginning too. It’s not like you recklessly hooked up with some random dbag and magically expected him to stick around. I can completely understand your heartbreak and anger. I’m personally pissed off and disgusted this guy because he makes other decent and responsible men look bad. But it might be too early to judge.

Anyway I know you are on pins and needles right now. I have empathy for the situation you are experiencing.. But let him come back to you and do your best not reach out to him (unless you absolutely have to). I’m
hoping the away time will set his mind straight. 2 weeks might of have been enough for him.

[blueonblack22]

*might have not been enough.

[midnightmoon05]

Good luck waiting around. You are not important to him. That’s why he treats you this way.
my advice? Depends how the whole relationship was like before the break…if both are often not working as a team… their is no happiness but selfishness…

if both were loving and respectful of each other… the break won’t have happened… make sense?

so in essence you know what you should do…but your heart doesn’t want to let go…as he continues to string you along in his selfish way.

[Asker]

That's the kicker. Before this "break", it was absolutely wonderful. We agreed we were the best partner we had each had. Others agreed with that too. People told us both often how good we were together and how happy they were that we had each finally found good partners. Even RIGHT before he asked for "space", it was normal. He had told me he loved me that morning and everything. But then he got mad about something. Like something REALLY set him off bad. He was more angry than I had ever seen. I asked about what was going on, but he didn't say anything. We ended up having our own disagreement after. It was likely fueled by all that angry and the bad attitude that came on without warning.

When we had disagreements before, we always handled things. We would apologize for our individual roles, talk things out and resolve things. We never, ever let things linger and we never "took breaks or space". We had a really good relationship and others could see that just by spending time with us. Saying I love you happened multiple times a day with us. We cared for one another through some hard times (death, serious illness in the family, etc.). We viewed ourselves as a true team.

I am also pregnant. This was planned. We each talked about this openly and we came to the decision that we were ready for this next step. We agreed our relationship and love was healthy and strong enough for this next step. We were very happy when we got the positive test. We were looking forward to the new life we were building. I think maybe he might be getting "jitters" as we get closer to the due date. This is the first child for us both. I've had plenty of my own fears, trust me. And now, I have NEW fears. I fear I will be going through the rest of my pregnancy alone. I fear I will be bringing this child into a broken home from day one. We agreed to raise our child together, under the same roof. I fear that'll change now and he won't want to stay with me.

[didichi]

Take a break basically means the person doesn’t know what they want and it leads towards a breakup. There shouldn’t be a break, a healthy relationship would fix it right away. If he’s unsure after 2 weeks (which to me is a long break) could mean he’s talking to someone behind your back and waiting to see if it will work out, but he wants to keep you on the side if it doesn’t. You did say in one of you comments that he told you he won’t talk to other girl. Yeah I wouldn’t believe that, a girl that’s his type randomly appears while you are both on a “break” best believe he’s gonna talk to her. I honestly would end the relationship if he doesn’t decide on what he wants, don’t waste you’re time on stuff like this. It’s not worth it at all.

[Asker]

He never gave me any reason not to trust him before, so I wanted to also give him the benefit of the doubt now and not believe he'd be messing around during the break. I agree about "breaks" not happening. That should never be the "answer". And before this, it never was for us. We would never do that. We would never even think of something like that.

While we did not have many disagreements, anytime we WOULD have one, we handled it quickly. We never let things linger or drag out. We would apologize for our individual roles, talk things out and have everything settled within a few hours. We had made that agreement when we first got together - we would communicate. We would not yell and scream. We would not give up and end things over stupid stuff. We agreed a break up would only be initiated in really serious cases... like cheating or abusive situations. None of that ever happened with us.

Our relationship was great before this. We were very loving to one another. We took care of one another. We were happy with one another. Others also noticed this in us. We got comments all the time about how good we were together. Family members on both sides told us how happy they were we had each found GOOD partners for once.

We are expecting our first child together (it was 100% planned and talked about) as well, so that makes this so much worse. I now fear having to go through the rest of my pregnancy alone. I fear bringing the baby into a broken home from day one. We had agreed to raise our child together, under the same roof.

[bobalife]

Sorry everyone is stereotyping the break with discouragement, but I’d say give him time to recollect his thoughts and feelings. I’m surprise you didn’t ask why he wanted that break initially? It’s usually due to many reasons of uncertainty/problems and if it’s the right relationship for us. I say this because I’ve asked for a break before and it’s primarily to figure out what this relationship means to us, if we wanna continue, and how are we like without them for the short amount of time. Other than that I guess it can be the other reasons others had mentioned. When two weeks come, you can stay firm on inquiring that decision though. I’m sorry it is tough and can be hurtful esp when you don’t know what’s going on when you felt like you guys had a strong relationship.

[Asker]

We are expecting our first child together as well. This is the first child for us both. I feel he may be starting to get cold feet and be afraid of the responsibility with that. The pregnancy was planned and agreed upon, but I know becoming a parent is hard and emotional. I just really hope he will come to his senses and agree to reconcile/stay together as a family. I don't believe our relationship is worth throwing away.

We didn't fight often and whenever we did have a disagreement, we resolved it quickly. During our time apart, I've definitely had a lot of time to think and miss all the little things about us/him. I am missing him a lot and really wanting him back. I hope he is having those same feelings of emptiness than I am and is not liking my absence either.

[bobalife]

Awwws, I really hope so too…🥺❤️ I’d feel sad as well and can’t imagine how tough it is while being pregnant… wish you all the best ❤️ keep us updated on his decision but at the mean time take care of you and your baby

[Asker]

It has made things so much more difficult. I'm so afraid I'll be going through the rest of my pregnancy alone... and worse, bringing my child into a broken home from day one. I am so upset. I was sick recently too and had to go through that alone too which sucked. I've been trying to keep the negative thoughts away as much as possible. I've been trying to stay patient and remain hopeful that he will indeed come to his senses and agree to reconcile as we should. But I just don't know. All this uncertainty. This entire 2 weeks alone. It hurts. It has given me a lot of perspective and I miss "us" and him sooo freaking much =/ I have had time to really pay attention to the tiniest things. I miss so much stuff you wouldn't really think of. I hope he is feeling the same and my absence has impacted him too. I hope it's enough to make him come back and reconcile.

[bobalife]

It’s okay to miss him and cherish what you had more. Let’s not jump to conclusions. I understand it can make you have a lot of anxiety, but take this time to care for your well-being. If he does end up wanting to break up, you can ask why and how to co-parent. But I really do hope this is just a hiccup and you guys will be able to overcome it ❤️

[DizzyDesii]

Im hopeful for you but after my own experiences I don't know what the outcome will be for y'all. I dont agree with breaks but my boyfriend takes a break from me on Friday nights. I think its fcked up but i suck it up because we’re around eachother every night except that. I just think breaks are an excuse for people to run rather than communicate. I hope y'all stated serious boundaries during this break so that he's not out flirting or what not. I hope you get what you want in staying together but it sucks if he's not putting in equal effort… i would know

[Asker]

He had told me he wasn't going to be out messing with other girls during this time because that wasn't what it was about, so I hope he's staying true to that and not flirting and acting single. That wasn't what we agreed on. I hope we are able to stay together too, but we definitely need to avoid this bit of running from communication in the future.

[Asker]

We are also expecting our first child together, so that just makes this so much worse. The pregnancy was indeed planned and discussed. We talked about it and agreed we were ready to take that next step. We agreed our relationship and our love was healthy and strong enough to handle this next step. We were happy about beginning this new chapter and the new life of being parents. I understand if he's feeling freaked out as we get closer to the due date. I know it's a big change. I've had plenty of my own worries, trust me. It's the first child for both of us, so it's a learning experience and new to us both. But WE agreed to it. WE agreed we were ready. WE agreed to go through this as a TEAM. What's going on now then? Thanks to this "break", I'm now having even more worries. I'm worried I'll be going through the rest of my pregnancy alone. I'm worried I'll be bringing this baby into a broken home from day one (when we agreed to raise our child together, under the same roof). I worry he will initiate a break up and just ditch me. I fail to see how that can be the case. Before this "break", we had a very good relationship. It was built on love, trust and support. We had the same views. It was going very well and we were just preparing for our baby. So this "break" really cut me deep. If you loved me like you always claimed and the feelings were real, how did they just change and disappear? How are you just icing me out and leaving me in the dark like this?

[DizzyDesii]

Im so sorry about that but i’ve been there. Thats why I've always prepared to be a single mom no matter what bullshit the guy spews about being around. My “pregnancy” turned out to be a false alarm tho but it showed his true colors

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

im in the same shoes since today

so i send you hugs and wish you the best

and tell you what:stop giving men power to control your happiness and stop being there for him. they dont fucking value shit. never.

he called his ex "babe" twice in my presence by phone, the ex who ruined his life and put him to jail

[Asker]

I am so sorry you're in the same position. Hugs right back at you and also all the best to you.
Now, my boyfriend did not do that. He never contacted exes or anything and has not went to jail. His behavior was actually weird. Very sudden shift. Before, if we had any sort of disagreement (which didn't happen often), we handled things quickly. We resolved things in a fair manner without yelling. We never took "breaks" or "space". I was really put off by that change, but I've been trying hard to stay patient.

We are also currently expecting our first baby together. This was something we planned. We had talked about it together openly and came to the agreement that we were ready for that next step. We agreed that our love and relationship was strong enough and healthy enough for it. It was something we were both very happy by. We were really looking forward to our new life together, as parents.

I am SO afraid that he is going to initiate an actual break up and I am going to have to go through the rest of my pregnancy alone... and then, even worse, bring the baby into a broken home from day one. We had agreed to raise our child together, under the same roof. With how loving we were together, I fail to see how the feelings and love could just change and disappear like this.

[Anonymous]

You need to discuss your needs and desires with him, you are as important in the relation as him, your desire to end the break is just as important as his desire to continue it, this needs to be discussed

[Asker]

I know it does. I'm just afraid to talk to him because I don't want to bother him. And I'm also afraid he'll be telling me he wants to initiate an actual break up instead of ending the break and continuing the relationship.

[Opinion Owner]

That is very scary, I’ve been in similar situations, you gotta be strong and get what you want though!

[Asker]

I think it's even harder on me because we are currently expecting our first child together. This is the first child for us both and yes, it was very planned. We talked about it openly and heavily. We agreed we were ready for that next step. We agreed our love and relationship was strong and healthy enough for that next step. We were very happy when we received the positive test and we had been greatly looking forward to building our new life as parents.

I understand becoming a parent is so emotional and scary. I know pregnancy has a lot of ups and downs too. I've had some issues with this pregnancy (but nothing serious thankfully!). I have had plenty of my own fears. And now, thanks to this "break", I have a host of new fears. I now fear I will have to go through the rest of my pregnancy alone. I fear I will be bringing the baby into a broken home from day one. We had agreed to raise our child together, under the same roof. Now, I fear he is going to want to initiate an actual break up and rip apart our growing family.

I understand if he is freaking out. I understand becoming a dad is just as scary and exciting as becoming a mom. I want him to know I understand and don't judge him for being afraid. Fear is natural. But I also want him to know that we can do anything together, just as we always told each other. We can overcome anything. We will be good parents. We can work through this together.

[Asker]

I hope like hell I'm wrong about him wanting to initiate a full break up. I really hope he decides to just end the break and reconcile. I don't see any reason for us to throw everything away and end things. I know the decision is his, and I greatly fear what that decision will be. It hurts me a lot. I really miss him and "us". We had such a good relationship before this "break" situation. We were very loving and happy. We didn't fight often, but if we did have a disagreement, it was handled quickly. It hurts me so much that all this just... changed. If he loved me so much and had such deep feelings for me, how on earth did all that just change?

[Opinion Owner]

Ok I gotta start off with this, you deserve better and this is not fair to you

The way you describe your relationship sounds like my dream relationship, I want a family some day and I want it with someone who I truly get along with, but I would NEVER do what your boyfriend did, EVER, and ESPECIALLY not while she’s pregnant

To me the time the woman is pregnant is sacred and you have to sacrifice everything for her comfort and to show her as much love as she needs to be shown, and he basically just abandoned you “temporarily”

This was not kind to you, and you should confront him, this is SERIOUSLY uncool especially since the baby was planned!!

Does his family know he initiated a break? If it was my son I’d be pissed, I’d think I taught him better

Lastly even if you do break up I’m sure some man out there will see the value in you as a woman that your boyfriend has failed to see, you seem great, so never feel negatively about yourself because of what your boyfriend did

[Asker]

Thank you. It was my dream relationship too. I was very happy and according to him, he was too. We told each other how we were so glad to finally have a good partner and others had said that too. Family and friends told us both how they were happy we had each finally found a good partner. He told me that I was by far the best he had ever had and was so thankful to have me. We handled disagreements (and no, we did not fight often) maturely and had them resolved quickly. It was good.

I do not understand how that love and those feelings could possibly just disappear. We BOTH agreed to have the baby. We talked about it. We discussed it. WE agreed WE were ready. It was by no means a surprise or accident. It was 100% discussed and planned and we were in the process of starting our new journey together.

I know ONE family member at least is aware and was not thrilled. I have no idea what he has chosen to tell other family or friends. That bothers me too. He shouldn't be telling them we broke up. We didn't yet. He said this was a BREAK to think. A break is not an official break up. All of my stuff is still at our place. I'm just not staying there currently.

We had also agreed NOT to involve outsiders (friends, family, etc.) in our disagreements when they popped up. So him going around talking to his friends (he talked to a couple of them the night before he wanted a "break" and he told me when he called me last that he had been around at least one of them again) is not cool either. I understand spending time with friends to unwind, but if he is talking about US, especially negatively, that's wrong. I'm not doing that. I'm trying my best to just wait this out and be strong for myself and the baby. It's very difficult and I truly loved him (and still do). Not to mention I treated him like an absolute king. Not knowing what OTHERS know is also a bother to me. I'd hate for him to be lying.

[Asker]

I really want to trust that he is staying loyal (he told me he wouldn't be messing with other girls during this time) and not lying about things. But how can I be sure? This behavior is totally unacceptable, especially during pregnancy.

We had agreed to go through all the ups and downs of pregnancy and parenthood together as a team. We had always agreed we would face ANY obstacle together because we were stronger together and could do anything as long as we had each other. I still believe in that fully. I hope he does too.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah you are an amazing woman, a lot of guys wish they had someone like you in their lives, someone that would motivate them to work hard for and protect just by simply being theirs, and it makes me so sad that this guy basically took you for granted

You say you agreed not to bring others into your relationship troubles, well two things: one he already did, two you are on a break, so does that rule even apply still? Perhaps it is time to call his parents or siblings and explain what’s going on, AFTER you try talking to him about it… you need your side of the story to get out, a real man doesn’t abandon their pregnant girlfriend

Now I have some theories of why he wanted a break

It’s because he might want to try experiencing being single before the kid is born, which means he could be meeting with other women, he already proved he is capable of lying because he said the break would be 2 days but now it’s been quite awhile! This means you need to decide whether or not it’s worth taking him back, and also realize that this could change the way you see him

Also he might be looking for relief from the stress, escaping the situation, but this doesn’t make much sense because the reality is you are still pregnant with his kid, and that would make him a weak male because he is not strong enough to be there for you… it could also be a soft transition into a real break up, which honestly might not be the worst thing for you, because I sincerely think you deserve a better man, and I’m sure if you find someone that really loves you they’ll accept the pregnancy or the baby (depending on what time you meet him at) as their own, but it might be best to try to fix things so it doesn’t come to that, he might be regretting the break, who knows?

Either way you need to talk to him

Also what exactly did he say to his friends about the break?

[Asker]

I thank you for your kind words and agree with what you've said.

He definitely told me he wouldn't be messing with other girls during this time, but as you said - he's already went back on his word, so how can I be sure about that?

It is likely he is just freaking out and wanting to "enjoy" being single before the baby arrives, but how could he even "enjoy" that? We were happy in our relationship before I got pregnant. He had no desire to be single again. So, how could he be happy on his own and not miss me or "us"? That wouldn't make a lot of sense with how we were before this "break". I've definitely missed "us" and him a lot. All the little things you don't think about really come to the surface and you realize more than ever how much you want to be with that person you're now forced to be without.

We had agreed to go through the pregnancy and parenthood journey together, as a team. He agreed to be patient and understanding with me as far as my personal changes go with my body, hormones, etc. He is not holding up his end of the deal right now. Instead of standing by me, he's ran off and added A TON of unnecessary stress to my life. That's not good for me or the baby and is totally unfair.

I don't know what was fully said. That was not shared in great detail, so I have no idea. I'm hoping they've been having some "guy talk" and maybe they will even try to encourage him to do the right thing and stop running from me.

[Opinion Owner]

No problem I’m here for you 😀

No you can never be sure and honestly if you even want to take him back I would make sure he gets tested if I were you, even if he denies cheating, it will send a message and keep both you and the baby safe

Yeah some people end up being very disappointing, I’ve been disappointed by people I thought loved me too, it happens and you have to be strong and accept that it’s not you, it’s them

The stress he caused you is unjust, he should prioritize you and the baby and realize he has to work extra hard to be a protector right now, but he is failing miserably on that front

Yes it is normal to experience hormonal and body changes during a pregnancy, I personally look forward to seeing my future girlfriend/wife grow with our baby, I hope that’s not weird to say, but also I know women sometimes lose their sex drive during pregnancy or can no longer make love for the safety of themselves and the baby, and the man just has to be patient and control himself, that’s part of how it works! It’s not the woman’s fault

What kind of guy friends does he have? Are they players? The men a guy has as friends says a lot about him, so keep that in mind

Lastly I want to just say there is no good excuse for taking a break from your pregnant girlfriend that you planned the pregnancy with, not a single good excuse! This is not your fault, this is 100% on him, and honestly he should be worried because this is a good time for a better man to swoop you away lol if I secretly loved a woman and she was in your situation I would give her an opportunity to seriously be with someone better than the guy who is undecided

[Asker]

Thanks a lot for everything. You've made me feel better and realize it's not my fault and I'm still valuable, even if he is blind and not seeing that now.

The funny part is the pregnancy had been ok as far as sex. We were still able to have sex without risking harm to the baby. My issues were thankfully not anything to impact the baby seriously and I overcame them. He used to rub my growing bump all the time and just be excited to find out all the updates each new week brought.

I understand being afraid and nervous. But this is no time to run or chicken out. This is a time where I need him by my side more than ever. We both made the agreement and decision to have this baby. We agreed to stay with one another and travel this new journey together. He is definitely not holding up his end of the deal at all and that makes me sad.

There is only one guy friend of his I really don't like. He is one he did talk to the night before the break occurred. It worries me what they discussed. This one very well could negatively influence him. He has no kids and is not the "settle down" type. He has a lot of very bad habits too. Even my boyfriend agreed with this and had actually stopped seeing him much due to it. The other friend he's seen twice that I know of is actually better. He is married, has a baby, is a good dad and is planning to marry his girlfriend soon. I hope he will be able to positively influence my boyfriend, talk him through the fears he may be having with the baby and just reassure him that we should stay together. Either way, NO ONE should really be influencing him to go or stay. He should make his own choice. We always agreed we wouldn't let outsiders influence us (if someone ever said we should break up for example, we wouldn't have reacted very well). We said we were together because we chose to be. He always told me if he didn't want to be with me, he wouldn't be.

[Asker]

I agree there is no good reason for this at all. It's really sad he's choosing to abandon me and his unborn child. Even if he agrees to stay as a co-parent, that isn't good. There's really no reason for us to separate. We had a very good, strong relationship before this... so I fail to see how he could possibly consider choosing a break up. I fail to see how he could not miss me and all the things we used to do. Surely he's thinking of my absence and feeling the impact of that. And surely it would have an impact. How could it not? We lived together. We had a routine we followed for the work week as well as weekends. We did all kinds of stuff together. We had inside jokes. We had a lot of fun together. So you're just going to be cool with just... leaving? Just saying screw it and walking away from everything we had and everything we've created? WOW. True love is NOT about that.

I know I've been missing the littlest things. Him wanting to see my bump and see how much it's showing. Him rubbing my stomach and wanting to talk to the baby. Being told I love you several times a day. Being told how beautiful I am (even when I'd be puking with morning sickness he'd still say it lol). I miss just being WITH him. Having him to come home to. Doing "boring stuff" like watching TV together. Sleeping next to and waking up next to him. Going places with him. Showing each other cute baby stuff we found. Just... everything. It's like everything was just ripped away from me in an instant and I hate it.

[Asker]

Ultimately, I am willing to forgive him for this. I am willing to use this as a learning experience and as an opportunity to grow stronger as a couple going forward.

I just want him to do the right thing. Man up, mature and realize that he does NOT have any business acting like this. He is a soon-to-be father. He has a whole new slew of responsibilities. Right now, he is not living up to his role as a man or a father. I want him to realize what he's throwing away. How good of a woman I really am and how STUPID he'll be if he does decide to break up with me. I want him to think long and hard about what will happen when I'm "single" too. Can he really watch me with another guy? Can he really handle having another man helping to raise his child? Can he really handle all that? If those thoughts make him mad or offend him, he best be waking up and making changes ASAP.

[Opinion Owner]

You’re welcome! I like talking to you on here :) I’m just very sorry for your situation

Well that sounds like a perfect pregnancy, how could he walk away from that? I’m actually jealous of what he had lol

I agree! He needs to man up and show bravery, not hide and be a coward, he needs to be strong, he agreed to this!

It might be a good idea to reach out to the guy friend who you approve of who has a girlfriend and is a good role model for your boyfriend, he could give you some insight into what’s going on behind the scenes, I think at this point you need to involve others to fight for what’s yours, prioritize the babies future, not your ideals, though yes no one should be influencing him, I agree

He needs to go back to the way he was with you, anything less than a loving father and partner is unacceptable in my opinion

Aww that’s so sweet, I want that so bad, I don’t understand why he’d try to escape that, even temporarily

It’s good you’re willing to forgive him! But like I said make him get tested because you don’t know what he did, you don’t want him to make you or the baby sick, but yes ideally you should get back together

Yeah it’d make me sick to think that the woman I love wouldn’t be with me long term, I could accept dating and marrying someone who is a single mom but I’d want to grow together as a couple in the long term and spend our lives together! If talking and influencing doesn’t work maybe he’ll get jealous and want you back but that’s like the nuclear option, and you’d need to find a guy willing to help with that

[Asker]

I like talking to you too!

That is exactly why all this was so shocking to me. Our relationship was so good. Everything just exploded in an instant. Yes, I would definitely want him tested for me and the baby's safety! You just can't be sure! We were both clean before, so it needs to stay that way!

I don't have that guy friend's number, but I should have the girlfriend's. The only issue is him and this guy really are like brothers... so the friend may stay quiet due to "bro code" stuff. I just want answers. I want to help him. I want to do what it takes to get us back together where we belong.

I have feared that greatly too. If we do break up, it will be AWFUL trying to find a new man. A man who will love not only me, but my child. A man who will be a good father figure and not hurt my child. There are so many weirdos out there. Being a single mom was always one of my biggest fears in life. It changes everything. Dating can suck enough as it is, but when you have a child, it's so much worse and harder. You have to really screen people big time. How can you be sure you can trust this man with your child? You need a good man to accept you and your child as a package deal. And what kind of women would HE be bringing around the child? I'd much rather we stay together where the child doesn't have a bunch of "parent figures" and just has mom and dad.

I would not know where to find a guy willing to help with that if I need to take that approach. I hope it doesn't come down to that and he just comes to his senses and wants to reconcile as we should.

[Opinion Owner]

Aww thank you :) you’re a very sweet lady!

It’s so good that you’re prioritizing the babies safety! Yes he did something immature and it affected you a lot

Well maybe contacting the guy friends girlfriend might be the best option, and when it comes to the bro code, in this situation he might actually see his friend making a huge mistake and might take active measures to prevent that, you never know, if my friend was making a mistake I’d try to help him even if that meant I’d get involved, ultimately you need to hold your friends accountable otherwise you’re just an enabler

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah some guys are weird, if you date as a single mom look out for creeps, and also if you want to attract a man as a single mom you need to make your own life really good and show you have a lot going for you, which should be pretty easy! Also as a single mom it might be a dating filter, there’s plenty of men who will date someone without planning on being serious, but as a single mom you’re automatically more serious and guys know you won’t want to waste time, and when you find a guy who accepts your kid as his own you know he loves you a lot, in a way it’s even a little more romantic that you come as a package because the guy can show more acceptance for you and things get a lot more serious a lot faster… I am a single guy but I wouldn’t be opposed to dating a single mom personally, I’d just have to love her and accept that things will be serious right away, that when we move in it’s already as a family unit, you know what I mean? Also as a single mom you show you have experience so you have a better wifey resume 😂 you can raise kids! So there’s some benefits!!

Yeah I think maybe you’d just need to already know someone who cares for you enough to do that, I would personally help you if I could but I don’t know you and we probably live far apart, but yeah I think it’d be fun to pretend to be together and I’m sure maybe there would be some guys who care about you that would be willing to help, and maybe if things don’t work with the actual dad the new guy might want to turn pretending into something real ahaha you never know!!!

[Asker]

I agree it would be fun to test that. Just seeing another guy around "his turf" may be enough to get him jealous enough to see his mistake, but who knows. I just don't really have a ton of guy friends that are single unfortunately. We had a lot of COUPLES friends and would do couples things a lot (we had something really fun planned with one of those couples for July).

I see how being a single mom has its benefits. I mean like you said - I'm showing I'm wife material because I already have a kid. I know how to hold up a house, raise a kid, etc. I'm already responsible and bringing a lot to the table. I would just hate to bring a weirdo around or worse, think I have a good guy, then have it not work out. Then a break up effects me AND the kid. There's so much to think about in that regard.

Yeah I have no idea where you're from, so I appreciate that offer just the same lol

[Opinion Owner]

I know I get jealous and it makes me want to give waaaaay more attention to whoever I’m seeing, it makes me get protective over her too, and in this situation it might trigger him and make him fight for you! But again it might scare him off too, that’s why I say it’s the nuclear option! It introduces a lot of chaos lmao what were your July plans with your couple friends?

Yeah that really sucks about breaking up with the guy if things don’t work out, and your boyfriend proves guys can suck that way, I personally hate breakups and would rather work things out, especially when I’m seriously invested in a relationship! And it sucks for the guy too, like imagine dating a single mom for 7 years and you’re always there for her kid and then she breaks up with you, you lose them both and just have to accept that you’re out of their lives

Ahaha I’m from Canada so there’s a low likelihood you’re from here, but I appreciate you appreciating the offer!

[sadstrawberry]

I think he has already cheated on you. Why don't you check his phone. Try to move out and also block him out of your life. Date someone to marry. We all need love in the first place. Don't make him use you for sex. He was on a break. Did you give you any reason on why he wanna be on break? That's toxic itself. He would have wanted to date or fuck another girl that's why. To lower his guilt. Like one at a time. So leave him.

[Asker]

I can't check his phone NOW because we aren't staying in the same place. I left and am staying somewhere else. I gave him his space he requested. He hasn't asked me to get any of my belongings or anything. He never gave me any reason to believe he was unfaithful. I had been on his phone before (with permission) and never found anything suspicious.

For the break, we had a disagreement and he decided the day after that he wanted a break/space. It was an odd reason to me because we had never done that before. Anytime we'd have a disagreement (which wasn't often), we wouldn't take a break or space apart. We'd stay under the same roof, give each other a little time, then talk about things, apologize and have it resolved within a few hours. We'd NEVER let it linger. So, no... I did not want or agree to the "break", but he definitely wanted space to think, so I respected it and left.

He told me he wasn't going to be going around f*cking other girls, so not to think that way. This break was only supposed to be a few days... not weeks. So I'm not very happy being strung along.

[sadstrawberry]

You never know, checked this emails? Is he using dating apps?

[ZackBan]

Relationships sometimes flame out. It doesn't have to end with cheating or betrayal for it to end.

And it's hard to tell someone you once loved that you no longer feel like this is going anywhere.

You deserve to know but I think you already do. He's mentally done

[MysteriousDarkness]

You should let him know how the break is making you feel and that he needs to make a decision. Tell him either you want to be with me and show it or we are done.

[Asker]

I'm thinking about writing a letter about this. A really honest letter. It may help, I don't know. I'm jsut really sad and don't understand how his love for me and feelings could just... change.

[Alwayreckles93]

I am very sorry I seriously I could tell you that he is loves you. Bet likeit has been said before better bebhurt by the truth then living comterble with a lie. You could be the most beautiful woman with the perfect body with wealth guys dont careif they have super sexy model he dont love he dont love you.

[Anonymous]

start walking around with another guy and he will figure out what to do fast

[Asker]

That sounds funny, but also petty. I just don't know if I could do that.

[dustybiker2]

Easy question.

Why would you want to be with someone who is undecided? Take control and find someone who wants to be with you.

[Staximus]

A woman should never let a guy they don't live with get them pregnant.

[Staximus]

Tell him "I'm pregnant, the time for breaks is long past". Time for him to man up and accept responsibility, and not be a bitch boy.

[Asker]

We did live together. That's why I said I left. He had told me I could stay at our place and he'd go temporarily, but I opted to go instead. That's why he still has like ALL my stuff too. All at our place we shared. Yet he isn't mentioning me picking them up.

Yes, I agree now that we have a baby coming, these games are not necessary. I get being scared. It's the first kid for both of us. I admit I've had my own worries. I've had some issues during this pregnancy (NOTHING serious thankful and baby is ok!), but I've leaned on him for support. I haven't wanted to run off like this and I never would. I wanted him included in everything and he wanted to be too. Instead of running from responsibility, I wanted to include him, inform him and experience things TOGETHER.

Now, thanks to all this "break drama", I have more fears. I fear I will be left alone. I fear I'll go through the rest of my pregnancy alone. I fear I'm going to be a single mom and bring my baby into a broken home from day one. I don't see how he could go from loving me so deeply and having all these feelings... to just icing me out, avoiding communication and just all around being incredibly immature.

I totally get that parenthood is a lot to handle. It's new for me too. We planned this though. This was not an accident. We talked about it and we agreed we both wanted it and were ready. We agreed while there would be ups and downs, we'd go through it all together and be patient with one another. I fail to see what is going on now then.

[MrDaveAPSI]

Give it time. Find something to do, while you're waiting

[Asker]

I've been being patient. I haven't bothered him. I've been just taking care of myself and our baby. I've been trying not to let my mind go too far into the "dark zone" of negativity, but it's hard. I fear him wanting to just break up. I'd much rather us end the "break" and continue our relationship. But I have no idea what he is going to decide.

[MrDaveAPSI]

I know

[Drumlin2001]

Why give him so much power. Why not make the call and end it, or at least give him a deadline

[Haraklus]

Do you really want a man who is so undecided about you? Wouldn't you rather have a man who knows decisively, that he wants you?