Search Results: he always gets back in touch

So Im in my freshman year of college and I met this guy who i befriended with that we also hungout everyday whether alone or with friends. So, within the three months of fall semester, him and I got really close. Im not one who likes when people invade my space or touch me but I was comfortable with him. We always would talk in groups about how we're both not ready to date and how the timing for dating people is important. Basically during these we were ignoring how each of us felt or possibly felt. I often made the mistake of starting the conversation because that was how i truly felt at the time so i would forget that he could possibly like me and he would just agree.

So we were friends, he would hold my hand as a joke and laugh but eventually it stopped being like a joke and he just held it and he would often brush my hair back behind my ear and always like to be near and subtlety touch me or always felt the need to be in my space. There was a time where we were waiting for our friend since she had a late class in the evening so him and i sat on the bench and talked for a bit and when i looked over to him he was giving me these eyes and leaned in for a kiss and i was stunned but then my friend walked and saw us asking what we were doing.

A month later i saw on his snapchat story that a bee was flying around him and I replied to his story saying, "They love you." and then he proceeded to respond saying that he loved me. This is my first time ever being told I love you so i pretended i didn't see it and talked about something else. I was scared that he was just joking around again. The whole time this situationship was happening I was unsure of how I felt about him since he definitely didn't fit my boyfriend standards since he was quite selfish and immature which is the complete opposite of what I look for in a man. I dont talk to him anymore since we got into an argument, he told me he loved me but left when things got bad, is it possible he liked me that way?

I tend to find a lot of people irritating therefore avoid them. I think people can tell when I don’t want them around me.. I hate it when strangers come into my personal space, touch me or if I can smell their bad breath or hygiene issues. I think I have more of an issue with this than most people do.
I also don’t see much point in talking to someone unless I can get something out of them or I really enjoy their company like I find them interesting etc. Whenever I’ve had friends, I’ve noticed I drink too much at the pub and completely dominate the conversations, I like the attention all on me.
I always feel sort of numb, bored or maybe depressed. but I also ruminate and stress very easily, leading me to feel like I have to control situations or avoid them. If I have to work in group activities at university, I zone out and can’t concentrate because I find it overwhelming and don’t see the point of contributing unless I’m the leader however I’d still much rather sit back and do nothing or just do what I’m told to do etc. I used to get very good grades at school without much effort… now I’m struggling and scraping by with passes at uni because of poor time management and having random special interests distracting me.

I also feel the need to be somehow better than others.. this is why I like being a musician… a lot of the people on my uni course can’t play their instruments that well and I feel superior to them because of that.. however I feel upset if they do better than me in assessments. I also get massive anxiety if I feel like I won’t perform well, but if I know my parts well I get a bit egotistical … even as a kid I loved the attention from performing and playing instruments. I also love getting positive attention from lecturers and even seduced one and had sex with them to sort of “test” if I could win him over, but at the same time I was also very infatuated with him for no logical reason at all. I think I wanted to see how far he would go with me.