Search Results: how can i forgive

We’ve been married for over 8 years. I haven’t been the best husband all these years. I’ve gotten violent and verbally abuse at times. She’s been verbally abuse as well. You can say we’ve been toxic towards each other this whole time. She recently came to me saying she wasn’t in love anymore and wanted to separate. I couldn’t believe it, so I looked into our phone records. Found out she’s been seeing someone from work for the last 3 months. I forgave her because I still love her. She says she doesn’t want to work things out and wants to leave to her moms. I don’t want to give up on our marriage so I’ve changed my attitude and been doing nice things for her to win her back but she only get angry when I do. She also hasn’t apologized for her affair. Says she isn’t ready yet. So confused. We still live together and get a long. Sleeping in separate rooms. Asked her if she wants me to let her go. She said she’s confused is probably just used too me.

Me (29M) and my fiancé (29F) have been dating for 3 years and been engaged for a little over 6 months. We have wedding plans for July. About a year into our relationship she cheated on me with her ex boyfriend. She told me about it and I told her I could forgive her for it if she stopped talking to him and let him go. Our relationship was great after that and we were both very happy, we got then got engaged after dating for about 2.5 years Anyways about 5 months ago I saw a notification pop up on her phone and it was from him. Turns out that they had been talking daily for who knows how long. We got into a big fight at the time and I told her that I did not want him hanging out in the background of our relationship and she agreed. Then a couple months later I heard his voice on a Snapchat message she was listening to and that turned into another fight, insisted to me that their relationship is just platonic and she’s not trying to get with them. She said she can’t go without talking to him and didn’t see what the problem was as long as they weren’t hanging out. I was not happy about it but agreed that as long as they weren’t hanging out I was ok with it. These last two months have been increasingly hard for us and I feel that there is always tension between us. Intimacy between us has pretty much become non existent. Multiple times the subject of her ex boyfriend has been brought up and caused us to fight. I don’t know that I can marry her knowing that he is still in the picture. Anytime I try to talk with her about working on our relationship she completo shuts down and gives me very little input. I’ve tried so hard to be ok with it but the reality of the situation is that I’m not because I feel that she is still emotionally invested in him and holding out giving emotion to me in our relationship. I just can’t rationally understand why she would want to maintain 24/7 contact with him texting and snap chatting every day when we are supposed to be getting married.