10 Signs that Tells Him, She is NOT the One!

[DaveJord]

1. Stress- If you feel stressed or anxious when you think about her.

I remember a time that I was traveling to see a woman, and the whole time down there I was thinking that this is not how it's supposed to feel.

If she brings more war than peace into your life, you feel you need to walk on eggshells around her in order to avoid arguments, she becomes more of a nuisance, instead of a ray of sunshine in your life... she isn't the one.

When she offers more problems than solutions, it's time to move on...she isn't the one!

2. It's Always About Her- Come on guys we all know this type of women, that swings her feeling around like a sledgehammer into every conversation.

If you are expressing your own feelings, and inevitable it always swings back to how you are making her feel and ends with you consoling her about how you made her feel, instead of how you feel... she isn't the one.

You deserve space in the relationship to feel the way you feel about things, without it being swung back at you like a sledgehammer. If you find yourself feeling increasingly shut out or off, in order to avoid it being turned around on you... she isn't the one!

3. Accountability- people are entitled to their own feelings, thoughts and opinions, but when they turn those feelings and thoughts into action, they have to take responsibility for their own actions.

I absolutely cannot tolerate a person who cannot admit fault or accept any responsibility for their own actions. These are the types of women that want to hold you accountable for all the things you say and do, but in reality, she is shifting all that accountability back on you. If this is happening more than a few times a week or month... she isn't the one!

4. Lacking in kindness- This is the women that feels she always speaks the truth, and if you can't handle it then there is something wrong with you. The issue is not that you have a problem with the way she feels or the point she is making, but in the way she is making it. Words matter, and they have meaning, if she is saying something in a way that makes you constantly feel less than you deserve... then she isn't the one.

If you are constantly saying you don't like the way she is talking to you, and she does not see the issue... then she not a kind person. She can speak the truth, but she has a responsibility to be kind, and if she lacks empathy for how she makes you feel... she isn't the one!

5. Appreciation- No matter what you do, it isn't good enough. This is the women that says things like, "I really appreciate the thought and intentions, but I really wish you could of did it this way, or that way." Well, if she truly appreciated what you did, then thank you is all she needed to say. If this is happening more often than not... she isn't the one.

6. Impulsive behaviors- This is the woman that can't resist the impulses of the moment. She can't detach from the emotions of the moment and reflect in a more logical way, without getting upset about your bringing her down. This could be the women that spends money freely, gets overly excited about simple things, or jumps from one thing to another on whims.... she isn't one!

I went on a date with a woman who invited me to Mexico on the first date. I thought that was crazy... but six weeks later I was in Mexico with her. We had a great trip, lots of fun... but it ended miserably. Dated another woman, every time we went somewhere on a trip, she absolutely fell in love with the location and wanted to move there. We went on a ski trip to Tahoe, she wanted to move to Tahoe, went to Montrey and she wanted to move to Montrey. I would indulge her fleeting fantasies, until the day came that she met a man with a house in Tahoe and that was the end of the relationship. People who display Impulsive behaviors, no matter how small or trivial are prone to making bad choices. If this is someone you know... then she isn't the one!

7. Keeps in contact with Exs- This is the person that dates people but ends up staying freinds with them. These are the types of people that have lots of Face Book Friends / Instagram Followers who are their friends, and they keep up with all of them. These are the types that meet a lot of people but can't ever really close the door on things. That are only committed to the fun times, and after the initial "getting to know you period" wants to move on. They stay freinds with them, because they appreciate the good times that freinds can have together, but they probably have issues fully committing on an emotional and intimate level.

If you are starting to feel that all her freinds are more important to her then your relationship... she isn't the one!

8. Lack of Respect- This is when you tell her you do not like that she is doing something, and she continues to do it without trying to compromise with you. She lacks respect for you as a person or the boundaries you are trying to set. She will only cause you stress and heart ache, if this is happening... then she is not the one!

9. High Maintenance- If you are working way harder than you feel you need to be working just to date her, then this is the type of women who expects you to chase her. This is the one that will make plans then change them on you, and then expect you to accommodate her. Has expensive tastes but expects you to pay all the time.

I dated more than one woman, that bragged about how excellent of a cook they were, but after weeks of dating I could not count on all my fingers and toes how many meals I cooked for her, but she never once cooked for me. If you're in this situation... then she isn't the one!

10. Speaks poorly about all her past relationship partners- This is the women that never has anything good to say about their past relationships. All they can say is how terrible all their ex-boyfriends were. Then they go into detail about all the things their ex-boyfriends did to them. If you find yourself sitting there thinking, why would this guy do that to this woman then you need to move on. It's only a matter of time until the real her comes out and you are the next horror story... she isn't the one.

I could go on with more and more... but 10 things is the right place to cut it off. The main point is that I was raised to be and man, how to act like man and to be proud of being a man. I was also taught, that a man should love and appreciate women, and that women would act like women, but we forgave them for that because we loved women, honor, cherish and want to care for and protect them. But the truth is that most women these days do not want that from men in general, until they find the one that they do want those things from. Then at some point they forget that in the end you are only a man. Not all women know how to treat a good man, or deserve a good man, and these are 10 ways you can figure out rather quickly if she is or is not the one!

[Guy13]

It starts and ends with Number One: Stress. 10, 7, and 3. all show up between First felt Stress through Crash and Burn Stress to can hear that name without Stress

[DaveJord]

LOL... you nailed it!!!

[Guy13]

Nah man, you nailed it together I hung my blocks at the tightly recognized nail hole Solid piece 😎

[DaveJord]

Thanks!

[tonamimargaux]

And vice versa. Well put though I agree 100%

[DaveJord]

100% it cuts both ways, everything I said as men would also apply to women. I wrote it form the male perspective because i am a man... and trying to write from a female perspective would be disingenuous.

[Rosexøxø]

I have no feelings for this.

People are complex. It was a good read.

I really agreed at 1.

As I reread things I felt the first lines or words from the numbers could be the truth and then the rest of it following could be a bit dappled.

I like the construct it’s hard to receive it fully with the way certain men have gone about treating women, and ofc women aren’t excused from being bratty.

I won’t go into much, and I’m restraining myself, but it really looks like there’s a lot of good learning points in this article.

I really just enjoyed the intellect and experience it took to write this.

I like how you’re also trying to break things down and help fellow brothers out. Some young rookies, and give them a better outlook on their venture.

Yeah, women could definitely value and make use of some of these as well, if not all of them.

I think I could.

I 100% agree at the stress point

I think I’m conflicted because personally I know I have encountered men who seemed not to consider me as much as I considered them?

Sometimes they let me consider them and just took the hand out and they’d let me be the one to make a place for myself in the conversation because they didn’t reciprocate and consider me back- if that makes any sense.

So despite that reality- this is good stuff. I don’t want men to be in toxic relationships, but I’m also hoping some of them and the toxic men (which are out there as well) will not use these to justify their poor behavior.

Yes man and woman be themselves, but we all should be growing.

I suppose some men and women don’t want their significant other to be the one who calls them out (that would be stressful) because they don’t want their S/O to be a mentor or coach but an equal or friend or just a lover explicitly.

So yeah, like I said earlier: People. Complex.

but this article WILL bring some understanding and keep a few grounded. It’s something good to work from and work with.

Great read sir, and thanks for taking the time to build this one and share it ☝️

🤜🤛

[DaveJord]

Thanks for the well written response. #1 stress is the main point for certain, all else after is more or less the factors thst contribute to the build up of stress or anxiety.

But there is always some degree of stress or anxiety within any relationship. The key is in identifying when it's turning into toxic patterns of behavior or causing you to act out in ways that makes you unhappy about yourself. This when boundaries need to be set, lines need to be draw.

Figuratively I set boundaries about 100 yards ahead of were I draw my lines.

For example I set boundaries on how aggressive someone speaks to me... name calling, cussing or passive aggression. But I draw a line at screaming, temper tantrums, throwing or beating things. Now they may violate my boundaries from time to time, but when it becomes a daily to every few days consistently over trial things... well it becomes a lot. Once they break down into a full temper tantrum, name calling, cussing or be littleing me... deal breaker.

[Rosexøxø]

Very INTERESTING and not to cause any awkwardness but

@coachTanthony I think this is a great take worth the review.

I know coach specializes in this, and he’s done really really well with it on this site,

And @DaveJord I really feel like this take can be considered for sharing it with a lot more people.

Despite a lot of controversies and public tensions ON THIS SITE, more than in the physical public, I think this can help people gain a better perspective and SELF RESPECT when encountering new relationships.

Not only self respect but this is definitely a great proposition on what to look out for.

Ideally I’d hope something can be materialized from this and I’m curious on what coach would think on some of the things shared here.

There was no mistake in this take being featured and I want to thank both of you for sharing these perspectives you have because not only are they generally positive, but they seem unbiased and helpful in balancing the harsh assumptions and blockages other people have in their lenses of men and women, when it comes to relationships.

I think this take can be applied not even in just romantic/ sexual relationships

But in other aspects of other relationships as well.

This just seemed like a great opportunity to thank you both and my attempts to try and solidify or applaud the contributions you both make.

Thanks 🙏

[coachTanthony]

Thanks for the shout out. @DaveJord nailed it on this one especially when it comes to stress. Just look at JLO and Ben Affleck that dude always looks stressed out lol.

[Rosexøxø]

@coachTanthony and yet she as ageless as Tom cruise 😂😭.

[Red-Blaze]

Personally all with you from one to five
One completely, you should feel coftruble to be at easy with them and just be true, even that that may take a little time and not be completely relevent on first date

But 6 are you saying no one should date me becouse I get really exsited on small things? is that really a problem? do you want to date a robot? I mean... I spend money pretty freely on creative works I see, but I earn that cash with hard work, and I do make sure my income is always much higher then my outcome

7 have to say also disagree
I got exs we ended on good terms, some where bad, but some we got to an understanding its not going to go beyond that, we still got shared intrest and all, but its never going to be sexual or anything again
Also honestly what really bother me on this one is that it turns from "her exs" to "she has friends", do you excpect the one to be friendless person that anyone she knows are pepope that are on "Hey how you doing? fine" terms?
Becouse it just how its starting to feel
And if her friends relashinship is more importent then your relashinship il agree, but not if there friends are more importent the your relashinship, it may just been the way you type it, but want to put that out there if not

8. That go both ways, some things may be really bane to someone, and at times you may need to comprimes to allow them that, as they will do the same for you
I dont think if something bother you a kittle they need to roll back on it for every case
Respect you and you respect them, and that at times something may be really importent for them even if it bothers you
Thats not saying they should not respect you, and they should give you the time to talk it over Nd get to an understanding

9 and 10 I am completely on agreement

[DaveJord]

@Red-Blaze Glad you read the post and responded... I never said one time that anything about you personally. So, when you respond with basically, that I am telling you that you can't do something... well, nothing in my post was directed at you. You just took it that way. If that is how you take it, then I consider that you do some self-reflection on that and ask yourself as to why you really feel that way?

What I am saying that when guys pick up on these types of behaviors and bring them forward for discussion, there is a good reason as to why the woman should take notice. But of course, it always cuts both ways, for the man and woman... but when we use phrases like it's a "you problem, and not a me problem", that's a sign as well that's not good. Because in a serious committed relationship, anything that the other person is doing that affects the other person is a problem that should be resolved in a productive way. When that discussion starts with someone saying it's not a me problem, that really shuts down the conversations and displays a lack of empathy.

[Red-Blaze]

@DaveJord I think something did not pass right.. I said that in your post one of your points of warning was "Impulsive behaviors- This is the woman that can't resist the impulses of the moment. She can't detach from the emotions of the moment and reflect in a more logical way, without getting upset about your bringing her down. This could be the women that spends money freely, gets overly excited about simple things, or jumps from one thing to another on whims... she isn't one!"
I mean some of that really describes me, did not say you mean to do it, just saying that is kind of me, excited from really small things some times, and honestly I don't think its a bad thing not for that, even that there can be way to make it bad, everything can be turned bad one way or other, and this seem a little odd to me to put it as a sign to to not date someone
I did not say you said I should do something, or not, I said that you recommend someone else should not date someone like me because I am a really existed person and may be some what implosive
Anyway may have just miss understand you on that or something, I don't know but from the read it just the feel I got on that one

[DaveJord]

@Red-Blaze Thanks for clarifying that to me... I appreciate it, and yes I misunderstood you.

So, any one thing by itself is not necessarily a bad thing in and of itself... so as you alluded to, there is a healthy level of everything. It only becomes an issue when you start to see these tendencies within other people affecting your relationship or you as an individual in ways that creates undue burden or stress on the relationships.

I love a woman with a lot of energy, general positive outlook and excitement about life. Thats not a bad thing in the least. It's when they start making life choices based upon the emotions of the moment. Impulse buying of things they cannot really afford or do not really need. This one example of something that leads into bigger problems later.

For example, I had a girlfriend that could not see a stray dog on the street and not try to rescue it. She would make me pull over and she would try to help the dog. That was very sweet and very kind, but eventually she had 12 dogs, and she was taking pay day loans in order to feed them all and pay rent. But she could not resist the impulse to save an animal at every turn. She could not see that it was becoming unhealthy behavior. In the end she values all those pets over the relationship.

There are many others, went on first date with a women and invites me to Mexico, because she says she was very good about reading people and she had a really good positive vibe about me. 6 weeks later I was in Mexico with her. Sounds pretty crazy right? But it happened on the first date I was invited to Mexico. It ended terribly, she was very impulsive and caused a lot of turmoil in the relationship, because when she wanted something, she wanted it now.

[Red-Blaze]

Ya sounds like that stuff is good examples of it going too far

[DaveJord]

Yeah, the Mexico trip women was crazy. But she was also a lot of fun, and I had a great time and really enjoyed the experience. But as far as long-time relationship when it wasn't going to work out. She would jump from one thing to the day, on a day by say bases almost.

But we would do a lot of fun stuff and have fun, but in between events or trips, she would be erratic.

[DaveJord]

The dog woman was supper sweet and kind, and I miss her. I really liked her good heart, kind nature and positive energy. But the money issues and lifestyle choices were too much for me. I pretty much knew in both cases pretty quick that was something not right, but I went with it because it was super fun. And honestly there is nothing wrong with that either, until it starts to impact you in other ways that creates undue stress on you.

[SpokenTruth]

Accurate though for me lacking few things such as, she's a atheist, she's into sorcery wickedness, she's a liar, she's a feminist, she wants to remove the patriarchy, she has rainbow colored hair, she has tattoos exotic piercings, she's masculine, she has a ill or cold attitude toward men and boys cold, she has taken gender studies, she claims men and boys are privileged women and girls are oppressed, she's materialistic.

[SpokenTruth]

Include also: She doesn't want children, she's for abortion, she claims the world is over populated, she has Marxist views, she believes in globalism, she believes in the climate change BS.

[DaveJord]

Yeah, those all come down to personal preference... yeah, I can't say I disagree... lol

[Nemesis2k7]

Climate change is not BS. Ignorance to a real problem is BS though

[inhua]

I agree with 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 8 and 9

4 I'm ok with as long as she's willing to take criticism back with the cold harsh truth as well. it can not be just one-sided

7 and 10 is a no go. never want deal with that.

[DaveJord]

In my experience those thst dish out cold hard truth rarely see at harsh or cold, and they can never take it as well as they give it.

I mean there's no substitute fir kindness... if they can draw those lines for themselves, then it seldom works any other way.

[Ms_Facesitter]

This is why I keep it short when people ask what we look for in a partner because the majority of us want the same thing and this mytake explains it very well.
But impulsive actions such as coming in to hug is okay right? :)

[DaveJord]

Absolutely hugs and even a kiss is not impulsive... its more about the extreme love bombing stuff.

[Ms_Facesitter]

Good! :)

[exitseven]

11) She puts no effort into the relationship. You find yourself planning the dates. If it is a long distance relationship you are always the one to travel to see her, hardly ever the other way around.

[DaveJord]

Yeah... she claims to be a great cook, but 20 meals later and you're the one that's either cooked or paid for everyone of them.

[exitseven]

Hahahaha

[Anonymous]

11. She meets you for a date but, first, her baby daddy comes to pick up their two kids so that she can be on the date. Then she tries to coerce you into helping her in a custody battle by posing as a character witness and makes you potentially perjure yourself by not allowing you to disclose your romantic relationship during testimony. Then she wins the custody case and cheats on you with one of your own friends and dumps you on Valentine’s Day because she doesn’t “feel special enough”

[DaveJord]

No fucking way!!! 😆 🤣 😂

[es20490446e]

This is why I'm currently learning how to discard quickly and unapologetically.

[DaveJord]

Yup, I had to start doing that myself. I used to give them the benefit of the doubt and try to work through it... but now days you just know when you know its not going to work.

[es20490446e]

I give the benefit of the doubt just once, and not more than that.

[LiamJHayden]

Great list. Most of them are deal breakers individually.

[DaveJord]

Yeah, they are... but most these things don't come out immediately, but once they do trust your gut.

[BrotherBane]

You forgot point number 11 - If she always feels the need to put the blame back on you or say "men do it as well" because she can't handle being the only one at fault.

[DaveJord]

I think that's displaying a lack of kindness, respect and appreciation (4, 5 and 8).

But what you specifically referring to is Gaslighting and Blame Shifting. These signs of narcissistic personalities or Border Line Pathological Behaviors.

Now lots people use Gaslighting and Blameshifting as forms of emotional manipulation, and it does not make them narcissistic or Pathological. But of course in the extreme examples it could be, but at end of the day it's something you should not tolerate.

Gaslighting and Blameshifting go hand in hand honestly.

Gaslighting is when someone projects negatively at you in a way to intentionally or unintentionally provoke and argument or anger response from you.

Then when you respond with agitation or anger, they blame you for getting or being agitated... Blameshifting.

By being able to except level control over you, by dicating the terms of your emotional state... they can then manipulate you into appeasing them is some way, by making you feel guilty or responsible for feeling so agitated, anger or frustrated... like it your fault and you need to be sorry. When in reality it was them projecting that frustration on you.

[BrotherBane]

Very well said.

[Anonymous]

For more information on signs that she's not 'The One' see this channel on Youtube;

https://www.youtube.com/@StrongSuccessfulMale

[Anonymous]

There is no girl in this entire world that doesn't have at least one of them.

[DaveJord]

Correct and there isn't a guy in the world who doesn't either. But there is healthy level of things, but there comes a point when you are trying to set boundaries that it crosses a line.

[Anonymous]

All of this is correct. The same women who cause these kinds of feelings in men wonder why no one wants them..

[loveslongnails]

Who needs ten? LOL Pick one or two and I'm done!

[DaveJord]

Lol... IKR! I say two or more then yeah not good, but it could any two of the ten.

[loveslongnails]

Not even two... some of them are deal breakers by themselves, like #3 or #4 .

[DaveJord]

Yeah you're right. 👍

[Europa789076]

For me being single is way better. I don't need all the drama, and stuff relationships entail, I haven't had a relationship in 3 decades since birth. I just come to accept it and live my life.

[Willoughby23]

She won’t let me eat her ass.

[Lovia029]

That’s really true

[DaveJord]

Thank you, of course everything I said could apply to women as easily as men... it cuts both ways.

[Jmmmfi4]

You forgot doesn't swallow